Full Steam Ahead, Felix

9. Read All About It

Penguin Books. It is perhaps the most famous publisher in the world; its logo of a black-and-white bird on an orange oval background instantly equated with literary quality. Since launching in 1935, the publisher’s authors have included such heavyweights as George Orwell, D. H. Lawrence and even the Brontë sisters themselves. In February 2017, the latest author to join its stable of world-class writers became none other than Felix the railway cat.

The news that Felix was to publish her life story (so far) was met with equal parts amusement, surprise and satisfaction among the team at Huddersfield station. She had become such a successful social-media celebrity that in many ways it seemed a natural next step; for Angie Hunte, for example, it was nothing less than Felix deserved. For others, however, the idea that a whole book could be written about a single cat – and that people might want to read it – was mind-boggling. Team leader Geoff, a dry-humoured, straight-talking chap who found the cat’s celebrity astonishing, found that his eyes rolled so far back in his head that it was touch-and-go whether they might ever return.

Yet in her five short years on the planet, Felix had certainly had an awful lot of adventures. Her biography charted her journey from confused kitten to senior pest controller, describing how the little cat had learned her trade and learned to love life on the railway. At first rather scared of the trains and the far-flung platforms, she gradually built up her courage until the entire station became her playground. More than anything, the book revealed how this very special cat had captured people’s hearts as she rose to international acclaim.

Angie and the team – who all contributed to the book by telling their stories of Felix – were delighted with the end result, believing it captured life at the station with plenty of Felix flair. But although the team enthusiastically embraced the idea of their pest controller becoming a published author, there was no guarantee that her fans would feel the same. Clicking ‘like’ for free on Facebook and checking Felix’s posts was one thing, but to dedicate money and time to buying and reading her life story? Well, it was a different kind of commitment to the station cat.

Regardless of the end result, the team at TPE wanted to celebrate the extraordinary achievement of their colleague. On the eve of publication, not yet knowing how the book would go down, an intimate launch party was held in the first-class lounge at the station. It was a bit of a thank you for everyone who had been involved in Felix’s rise to fame. The platform teams had never signed up to being Felix’s personal secretaries but, since she had become famous, communicating with her fans had become all in a day’s work. TPE wanted to say thank you for making all this possible.

Mark Allan, Felix’s Facebook manager, was one of those who came along, mingling with new team leader Dan, station manager Andy Croughan, Jack Kempf from the communications team and Andrew McClements, a former team leader at Huddersfield and the person who had promoted Felix in the first place, launching her to worldwide fame. He now worked at TPE’s head office, but he had never forgotten the cat who had helped to get him there.

Finger food from the Head of Steam was served to all the guests, along with flutes of paw-secco so that everyone could toast Felix’s new book. In keeping with all literary launch parties, copies of the book were there too, with Felix looking terribly regal and smart on the cover. There were also speeches – many speeches – to celebrate the station cat. Perhaps the most significant of these came from Leo Goodwin, TPE’s top dog, its illustrious managing director. (Felix, for once shying away from the spotlight, modestly made no comment on her own success that night.) Leo recorded a video for the team for this very special event.

‘Hello everyone, I’m sorry I can’t be with you all this evening,’ he began on film, as though the mini-movie was the acceptance speech of an absent Oscar winner. (In truth, of course, an invite to the launch party was nearly as hot a ticket as that Hollywood ceremony.) ‘I just wanted to say a few words and to thank you all for your hard work. No one expected Felix’s rise to fame and I know it hasn’t always been easy. Whether you’ve contributed to the book or press stories, posted for Felix on social media, or introduced Felix to one of her thousands of fans, you’ve all taken the time, often your own time, to help keep her story going.

‘I think all of us have at times laughed off Felix’s new celebrity status, but she has become a very important part of TPE and we’ve been able to use the publicity to help a lot of people. She’s now raised thousands of pounds for charity, and will continue to raise even more through this book for Prostate Cancer UK [all royalties from the book were being donated to this worthy cause].

‘The social-media accounts also truly brighten people’s days,’ Leo went on, ‘and hopefully by being our senior pest controller at Huddersfield she brightens yours, too. I hope you all enjoy this evening and thank you again for everything you have done to make this possible.’

The team were eagerly letting their hair down now that their shifts were over, so after a hearty round of applause it was bottoms up on the champagne flutes as they toasted Felix.

As any author soon discovers, writing a book and launching it is only the first step of the publication journey. The next day, Felix learned that lesson first-hand, as she was booked for a very important commitment. At 7.35 a.m., she was due to appear on live national TV (something she had never done before) as she kicked off the publicity campaign.

The whole idea of a live interview rather set the cat among the pigeons, so to speak, as Huddersfield was a busy working station. Its automated announcements broadcast regularly on its tannoy; its train services rolled in unstoppable as tides. The idea of Felix – feisty Felix! – participating in a live TV interview while all this hustle and bustle was going on was enough to give her PR team multiple migraines. And it wasn’t as if they were starting with a low-profile programme to ease themselves into the campaign. Oh no. Felix would be making her live TV debut on ITV’s flagship breakfast programme, Good Morning Britain, which broadcast to a million viewers each morning.

The media appearance, therefore, was weeks in the planning. The studio in London was constantly on the phone. It had been decided that Andrew McClements – who had, after all, been responsible for Felix’s rise to fame – would appear alongside Felix on national telly to help her promote her book, and he was given some top tips by the TV execs on their dos and don’ts for live interviews (these included: don’t look at the camera directly and – whatever you do – do not swear …). The interview had to be scheduled promptly and the programme makers knew that they had to stick to that schedule, despite the likely disruptions of live TV, as a minute or two either side might see Felix’s big moment rudely interrupted by a loud locomotive barrelling down the tracks. As for the unknown impact of the dozens of commuters who’d be out and about at that hour – and no doubt interested to see what was going on – well, everyone would just have to hope for the best …

Of course, at the centre of it all was Felix. The night before, as he checked on her in the back office, Andrew McClements apologised to her. For there would be no night shift for the station cat that evening, as was her usual routine: she had to be kept in overnight to ensure that she was ready to purr-mote her book to the nation the next day. Felix did not seem too impressed by the change in schedule, but in the end she gave in to the temptation of an indoor snooze.

On 24 February 2017, Felix woke to find that the station was bustling with even more activity than it usually was on a busy working day. There were a few unfamiliar black-shirted workers scurrying about with boxes of books; these were staff from the local Huddersfield Waterstones, who had come in to sell books. There was also a large film crew lugging huge, heavy cameras and a funny-looking fluffy grey microphone, plus the suited TV presenter who’d be conducting the interview. Andrew was also there, but as he no longer worked at Huddersfield even his presence was now out of the ordinary. Felix blinked around her with her big green eyes, as if to suss out why there was such a commotion.

Andrew soon picked her up for her starring role onscreen. Though he and Felix didn’t see each other much any more, his new job at HQ still required him to come to the Hub at Huddersfield fairly frequently and he always made a point of seeking Felix out for a friendly chat. Consequently, Felix had not forgotten him and now allowed him to lift her up without a squeak of protest. She soon settled down in his arms, lying horizontally in them and facing front out, so that the cameras would have a great shot of her. Though Andrew felt pretty petrified about the task that lay ahead, Felix seemed to take it all in her stride.

Walking out on to platform one, however, Felix started to tense up. Things were very different out there and the pest controller, used to patrolling her patch, sniffed warily. In front of her beloved bike racks was now a long table covered over with a cloth, on which the Waterstones team had stacked up several piles of books – all ready for a ‘signing session’ after the interview. Alongside it, colourful star-shaped helium balloons in red, gold and blue danced busily in the early-morning breeze, attracting many commuters, who came over to see what on earth was going on.

Also out on the platform, and waiting for them, was the brown-haired presenter with his fluffy grey mic. Andrew and Felix walked over for a quick chat before the show went live. He explained that he needed to film some establishing shots with them before the live interview – such as Andrew and Felix walking together down the platform – and that he also wanted to have a quick rehearsal of the interview before the cameras rolled for real. Andrew nodded, nerves growing.

Felix, on the other hand, lay comfortably in Andrew’s arms, her tail flicking thoughtfully and her keen green eyes drinking everything in. In particular, she was fascinated by the fluffy mic that the presenter held tightly. In some ways, given its luscious thick grey pelt, it looked rather like a moggy itself – albeit, disturbingly, one without any features. This meant it couldn’t stare back at Felix, and the station cat was intrigued by that. It seemed to give her the upper paw. She watched it with the same undivided attention that she had once given to the fat tabby cat at Jean’s – and she was determined not to be outwitted again.

Andrew and the presenter continued to conduct their last-minute checks, having a ‘dry run’ of the interview before the real thing. Consequently, the fluffy microphone was soon thrust towards Andrew and Felix as the cameras recorded, but did not broadcast the exchange.

The presenter asked a question and Andrew opened his mouth to answer, his eyes fixed on the interviewer. Felix, however, was not listening to her former colleague. Instead, she narrowed her eyes as the cat-like mic came swiftly towards her. It was an attack, in Felix’s mind, an invasion of her space, and with a triumphant, gloating purr from the very back of her throat, she grabbed at it. As Andrew looked on in horror, she batted it briskly, first with one paw and then with the other, until she had pinned that expensive mic between her claws with determined efficiency. Even afterwards, she continued to crow about her catch with joyful pride – and the microphone, naturally, recorded every exultant purr. As the professional piece of kit had the same audio clarity that one might expect in a top-notch recording studio, she sounded rather as though she was an expert jazz crooner, singing sultrily about the one who didn’t get away.

And that microphone truly didn’t get away. Once he had got over the immediate shock, Andrew – and the presenter – chuckled heartily, but they quickly realised that Felix wasn’t joking. As the presenter tried to pull his microphone away from Felix, she pulled back with all her might, digging in deeper with her super-strong claws. He pulled and she pulled, and she pulled and he pulled, in a terrific tug-of-war that Felix was absolutely determined to win. And she did … She held on so tightly that, in the end, she disconnected that microphone from its amp! The presenter was left holding the disconnected wire, while Felix took home the main prize of her fluffy foe. She looked as proud as punch.

Well, what a to-do! And although, eventually, Andrew successfully persuaded Felix and the mic to part ways, the incident couldn’t help but pile on the pressure for the live broadcast. For what if Felix cut the sound when they were live to the nation? What would happen then?

Andrew’s mouth felt dry as dust. Encased in his smart navy suit jacket, his shoulders tensed up, even as he held the cat. He cuddled Felix as tightly as he dared, stroking her to calm himself as much as her. It wasn’t really helping …

The presenter turned towards him with focused intent, as the orange digits on the platform display boards moved inexorably onwards, bringing them ever closer to the appointed hour.

‘We’ll be live in just a moment,’ he said.

Then the cameraman spoke up too, already putting his hand out behind the camera, his fingers silently counting down the seconds. ‘Going live in five, four …’ His fingers continued the countdown, even as Andrew heard the digits in his head. I hope this works, he thought desperately. I really hope Felix behaves …

Three, two, one.

A glowing red light on the camera switched ON.