Full Tilt

34

New York City

Kate made her way through the crush at Penn Station.

She’d become accustomed to the subway, the urine-scented platforms, the whoosh of foul, inbound air, crowds jostling at the doors, the smells of perfume and the body odor. She was relieved to find a seat. Within seconds, her car was crammed to capacity.

As her train thundered from the station she took out her phone and read stories on Rampart by the Associated Press, Reuters and Bloomberg. Then she read the story she’d filed and was satisfied that Newslead’s reporting was strongest.

We’re still ahead of the competition.

When Kate finished reading, she gazed out her window into the rolling darkness. As tunnel lights flashed by and her car rocked, she grappled with the turmoil broiling inside her.

Twelve more victims.

She could no longer fend off the facts and fears that crept from the darkest fringes to crush her.

Twelve more victims. Surely, Vanessa’s among the dead.

It’s over. Carl Nelson, or whoever he was, had won. The rhythmic clacking of the train hammered it home. Her hope, if it ever really lived, was dead. Her dream of seeing her sister again had slipped away…the way Vanessa’s hand had slipped from hers twenty years ago in the icy mountain river.

Kate shut her eyes.

Tears rolled down her face as the train’s steel wheels grinded against steel tracks creating a high-pitched scream.

On the way to her building, Kate picked up a pizza, then collected Grace from Nancy’s apartment.

“I saw the latest news.” Nancy had lowered her voice to Kate when Grace was down the hall, out of earshot. “It’s terrible. How much worse can it get?”

Kate shrugged.

At home Grace bit into her pizza and, between chews, told Kate about a new boy at school who was annoying all the girls. But Kate’s attention had drifted. Being with her daughter, Kate felt spears of sunshine piercing her battle-weary heart and tried desperately to hang on to the moment.

“Mom, are you listening?”

“Sorry, sweetie.”

“I said his name is Devon and all he wants to do is kiss you. Yech!”

After their supper Kate went through the motions of their evening routine, cleaning up, then homework for Grace before any computer or TV time. All the while Kate was unable to emerge from the numbness that had filled her. Once she got Grace to bed, she dimmed the lights, opened a bottle of wine and tuned her TV to news channels.

As she listened to commentators and watched footage of the Rampart scene over and over, she became enveloped with loss and the bitter realization that she’d been a fool to dream she’d find Vanessa. For a time she’d convinced herself that she was not only on the trail to the truth about what had happened to Vanessa, but closer to finding her alive and well.

I believed with all my heart I’d have my sister back. Kate continued to watch the white-suited forensic experts conducting their work on what was a killing field.

Twelve more victims.

Her phone rang.

“Kate, it’s Nancy.”

“Hey.”

“I’ve been watching the news coverage and I’m worried about you. Are you okay?”

“No, to be honest, not really.”

“I’ll be right over.”

Maybe it was her nursing background but upon arriving, Nancy seemed to know what to do. She turned Kate’s TV off, turned the lights up, put away the wine and made tea.

“All the fight’s gone out of you, Kate.”

She struggled to explain to Nancy how she’d felt defeated in the face of the cruel reality that the monster she was pursuing had killed fifteen people.

“It’s like the earth shifted under my feet.”

Nancy thought for a moment before she took Kate’s hands in hers.

“You listen to me.” Nancy stared hard into her eyes. “You’re not going to curl into a ball and give up. You’re going to pull through this. I guarantee it.”

“You guarantee it?”

“Look back on your life. You’ve faced every hardship I can think of and you’ve endured. You have a right to the truth and there’s no way you’re going to let this creep stop you. It’s not in your DNA, Kate. Do you hear me?”

Nancy squeezed Kate’s hands hard.

“Do you hear me?”

Before she realized it Kate was nodding slowly and her concentration went to a file folder on the table nearby and a photo of Nelson.

“You know I’m right, Kate.”

Kate continued nodding, bigger nods with more confidence. Yes, Nancy is right. Kate’s eyes were welded to Carl Nelson’s. No way are you going to get away with this, you evil son of a bitch. If my sister’s dead, or I can’t find her, then I’ll find you.