My Butterfly

Chapter Twenty-Five The Note

I stared into the steering wheel for a few moments before grabbing the note from the passenger’s seat. Then, I climbed out from behind the wheel and gently closed the door behind me.

The parking lot was full of cars. It was three thirty in the afternoon. I made my way over the gravel and to the pavement and planted my eyes on the track up the hill. I could tell that there were people up there, but I couldn’t make anyone out.

“Whoa,” I suddenly heard a voice come from behind me.

I stopped as a guy with shorts and a cutoff tee shirt breezed past me, brushing my shoulder.

“Sorry,” I said.

“No problem, buddy,” he said, continuing his jog up the hill.

“Uh, hey,” I called out after him.

The guy stopped and looked back at me.

“I don’t want to mess up your, uh, running…,” I started.

He laughed before I could say anything else.

“It’s fine. I wish more people would stop me,” he said. “I could use the breaks.”

I hesitated, as my mouth lifted into a grin.

“I was just wondering if the whole team was practicing up there right now,” I said.

He took a second.

“Should be,” he said. “It’s Monday. We’re usually all here toward the beginning of the week. It only gets pretty thin toward the end.”

“Aah,” I said, nodding my head.

He started to turn but hesitated.

“You need help finding someone?” he asked.

“Uh, no,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s okay. Thanks though.”

“No problem,” he said.

I watched him turn again and trot up the hill and eventually disappear onto the track.

The note in my hand was getting crumpled and sweaty. I tried to smooth out its wrinkles as I continued my trek up the hill to a set of tall, metal gates.

I reached the entrance about a minute later. The gates were open, so I walked in. And a few steps later, I stopped at a shorter fence that looked as if it wrapped all the way around the track.

I quickly scanned the whole place first. I was looking for a blonde with those little shorts she always wore. But there were so many people in one, small area, and they all seemed to be wearing the same, little shorts.

My eyes eventually got stuck on the grassy field inside the track. There was a guy there throwing a long spear. I watched as the spear left his hands and landed in a spot in the grass almost a hundred yards away from him. Then, my gaze ventured to my right, and I spotted a girl catapulting herself high into the air and over a bar. The thought of being that high in the air on top of that narrow of a stick made me cringe.

I quickly forced my eyes away from the high bar then and scanned the rest of the track until I stumbled onto her. There she was, at the far end of the field. She was stretching. She looked beautiful. Maybe she would come to dinner with me tonight. Maybe she’d even ask me to stay. I smiled and let go of an excited breath. Then, I gripped the note tighter in my hand and stepped even closer to the fence. But I kept my eyes planted on her. She was wearing her little shorts and a tee shirt with the university’s mascot on it. And she looked as if she was talking to someone behind a big mat, but I couldn’t tell who it was. She was smiling, though, and it made me smile wider.

I watched her for a few more seconds. Then, someone stood up from behind the mat. It kind of looked like the guy I had just run into. He was wearing the same shorts and tee shirt, and he had that blondish, reddish hair. My eyes followed him as he walked closer to Julia. She must have been talking to him — and she was still talking to him. I felt my smile start to fade.

I narrowed my eyes and watched as Julia stood up too. She played with her hair for a second and then positioned it on top of her head again. Her playing with her hair forced a grin back to my face.

I watched then as she walked over to the fence nearest to her and pulled something out of it, while I nervously tapped the note in my hand with my thumb and thought about what to do next.

Eventually, my eyes left Jules and went to the note. I stared at it for a second. Then, I forced it open and read over its words one more time:

I finished reading the last, few words. Then, I folded the note, tightly clutched it inside my sweaty palm and looked up.

Jules was talking to that guy again. I hesitated as my head instinctively tilted to the side.

The guy who she had said she was dating a while ago, did she say he was on the track team? Could she still be dating him? I narrowed my eyes and focused my attention on the guy. He was smiling — at Julia. I shifted my weight to my other leg and gripped the fence in front of me. I watched as he took a step closer to Julia. My fingers clutched the fence tighter. He was still smiling, but now, he was suspiciously looking around. What was he doing? I narrowed my eyes even more, praying that it would help me to see into his plan. It didn’t work.

My stare followed him as he took one more, quick glance around the track. And then he moved in, attacking Julia on the lips. My body stiffened, and my breaths stopped. Hit him, Jules. Hit him.

I let go of the fence and started quickly around its perimeter toward Jules. But I only got several yards before I stopped. She didn’t look angry. In fact, she was smiling. She was acting as if him kissing her were normal, as if it were just another day or something. My heart plummeted to the ground at my feet as I squeezed the note in my hand. And suddenly, the earth started spinning. I grabbed hold of the fence again and allowed my eyelids to fall over my eyes for several moments. And when the earth had finally stopped careening and had come to a halt again, I opened my eyes. But now, I felt as if I were in some kind of weird vacuum, though it appeared as if nothing around me had changed. Everything seemed the same. Everyone looked normal — each person doing the same thing he or she had been doing before the earth had spun out of control. In fact, each figure looked as if it belonged exactly where it was. I was the one who didn’t belong. My eyes fell back onto Jules. She was laughing. I took in a deep breath and held it in my chest for as long as I could. Then, I cautiously let it slip past my lips. I was the one who didn’t belong.

And in the next moment, I found the note again in my hand and quickly shoved it into my back pocket. Then, I turned and made a beeline for the parking lot. At the same time, I battled back the mist in my eyes, which worsened with each stride.