Quicksand

EIGHTEEN

SHE STOOD WATCHING FROM the porch as Joe's car drove up the road three hours later.

He looked exhausted, she thought as he got out of the car. Why not? It had been almost thirty-six hours since either one of them had gotten any sleep.

"You shouldn't have stayed up. I would have woken you." He came up the steps. "I know what's important."

"I didn't want to go to bed." She tensed. "Tell me."

"No Bonnie. They're still searching the island, but they brought over some instruments from Jacksonville and there don't appear to be any buried bone fragments." He took her in his arms and buried his face in her hair. "God, I'm sorry."

"Me too," she whispered.

"And Bonnie's favorite song? We found a story in a Macon, Georgia, paper about Bonnie that mentioned it."

"And Kistle could have read it and remembered." Her arms slid around him. He was warm and hard and blessedly comforting. She could feel the tears welling, but she blinked them back. "But I think I was expecting it. When I saw Kistle's expression when he started backing away from telling me where Bonnie was buried, I was afraid that he'd been lying to me about everything." Her voice was muffled against him. "God, it's going to be hard to keep on searching after this, Joe."

"Then don't do it."

She shook her head. "Kistle wasn't the only name Montalvo gave me. There were two others."

"And you're already thinking about the next man on the list. I knew it would be like this. I don't know if I can-" He was rocking her in an agony of pain. "It was too bad this time, Eve. It almost killed you. And part of me died a little too. I can't care about Bonnie. I'm sorry but that's the way it is. I'm not sure I can watch you go through- I feel you stiffening against me. Don't do that."

She hadn't known she had been pushing him away. It was instinctive rejection because of the panic his words were bringing. "I can't help it." She kissed him and then stepped back. It was the last thing she wanted to do. She wanted to stay in his arms, convince him to stay forever. She couldn't do it. She didn't know how many times she'd unconsciously tried to sway him, keep him close. It wasn't fair to him. If she was hurting him, then she should stand aside. "And I can't help you with this, Joe." She added unsteadily, "It's got to be your decision." She moved toward the kitchen. "But don't make it exhausted and on edge. We'll talk about it tomorrow. I've made a pot of coffee. Let's just sit and talk and then go to bed." She poured coffee into a mug. "I made it decaf, but I don't think it would make a difference. We'll both sleep."

He nodded. "I saw that Montalvo's camp was gone when I drove in."

"Yes, he dropped Miguel off at the hospital and broke it down himself."

Joe looked down at his coffee. "He came up to tell you about it?"

"Yes, and to tell me how grateful he was that you'd saved his life."

"I should have let that alligator eat the bastard."

She smiled. "He also told me that you hadn't done it willingly."

"Damn straight."

"But he said it didn't matter and he was going to make himself your new best friend."

"What an ass." He took a drink of his coffee. "We've identified fifteen of the victims so far. We'll try to find case reports on the others, but we may be asking your help for a couple of them."

She nodded. "Though I might be able to ask Megan if she remembered any of the names of her voices. It could help."

"We'll take any help we can get." He gazed across the table at her. "Even Megan Blair's."

"You believed her, Joe. Maybe you didn't want to believe her, but you did."

"I believed her." He grimaced. "That doesn't mean I'd believe her on another case. I'd step very carefully."

"I wouldn't expect anything else of you." She looked away from him. "But at least you're willing to accept that everything isn't exactly as it might seem to you. That's a small breakthrough."

"I don't know what I'd accept or not accept. My good sense is telling me that I shouldn't believe any of this. As I said, once I have time to analyze, she'd probably have a hard time convincing me."

"I doubt if it will come up. I don't think Megan's going to be involved in any other cases anytime soon. This one could have killed her if you hadn't kept her warm on the way back to the dock. She was in severe shock."

"What else could I do?" He downed the rest of his coffee. "Shower and then bed. Coming?"

Conversation over coffee, shower, bed; the familiar routines that made up their lives. She could sense the edge of darkness in him that could cut them apart, but he wasn't letting it surface. Not yet. So hold those beloved routines close. There was no guessing how long they would exist.

She smiled and got to her feet. "Always."

JOE WAS ASLEEP WITHIN minutes after he had hit the bed, but Eve lay awake. She should be as exhausted as Joe and she supposed she was. But the memories and sadness wouldn't go away. Memories and the worry about what was to come.

Joe would leave her. Perhaps not this week or this month, but it would happen. He couldn't stand the thought of continuing the search for Bonnie and she couldn't bear not to do it.

I can't care about Bonnie. I'm sorry but that's the way it is. I'm not sure I can watch you go through-

She could understand his pain, but she couldn't help him. The only thing she could do was wait and try to prepare herself for what was to come.

Her cell phone vibrated on the nightstand and she grabbed it to keep it from waking Joe.

Jane.

She slipped out of bed and left the bedroom before she answered.

"Hi, Jane, how angry are you?" she asked when she picked up.

"Not angry at all. Hurt. You know you shouldn't have lied to me."

"Yes," she said wearily. "It seemed the only thing to do at the time. I couldn't stand the thought of dragging you into that horror too."

"Why not? It's where I belong if you're there. Joe said Bonnie's body wasn't found."

"Not yet."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you're hurting."

"I'll be okay."

"How about Joe? He didn't sound very good when he called."

"It's difficult for him."

"I can see it." She paused. "When I was a little girl, I had to fight to keep from disliking Bonnie."

"Jane."

"Oh, I wasn't jealous. You gave me all you could. But she was a stranger to me and she was the one thing we couldn't share. And I was like Joe. I didn't like you being hurt."

"You never told me."

"I didn't want to hurt you. The only reason I'm telling you now is to make sure you realize what Joe is feeling."

"I understand. We'll get through it."

"Yes, you will. I got through it and now I'm fine with the way you feel about Bonnie. But I can't see your face to tell if you're trying not to worry me. Sometimes I hate telephones." She added crisply, "But I'll be able to see you soon. I'm in New York between planes. I'm arriving in Atlanta in a couple hours. Will you meet me?"

"Jane, why didn't you stay in-"

"Because you're my family and I'm going to be with you. Now can you meet me?"

"Of course."

"Delta 231. I love you. 'Bye." She hung up.

Eve pressed the disconnect. The conversation had been disturbing. In her heart she had known that Jane had felt that Eve had not loved her as she did Bonnie, but Jane had always denied it. Now it was out in the open and they would have to face it. Yet Eve wasn't feeling apprehensive. It was almost a relief, and she and Jane were so close now that they could deal with anything.

Lord, it would be good to have Jane home. Just the sound of her voice made Eve feel more cheerful. She quietly opened the bedroom door and moved toward the bathroom to start dressing.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" JOE asked sleepily as she came out of the bathroom. He rose up on one elbow. "It's still dark outside."

"Go back to sleep." Eve bent and gave him a quick kiss. "I'm going to the airport to pick up Jane. She called me from New York where she's making a connection."

"I thought I'd convinced her to stay in Paris." He yawned. "She probably hopped the next plane."

"More than likely. She wasn't pleased that we'd lied to her."

"I lied to her. You didn't."

"It's the same thing."

"Is it?"

She smiled. "Oh, yes. United we stand…" She brushed her lips across his forehead. "I should be back in a couple hours. I'll stop at Dunkin' Donuts and get a supply of sinful sweets for breakfast. Maybe they'll be a mellowing influence on Jane." She headed for the door. "Though that's a tough one. Jane is definitely not mellow."

"Like you," Joe said. "And donuts never fazed you, Eve."

"Maybe I'll develop a liking for them. You're right, I could use a little mellowing too." She waved her hand and was gone.

Joe slowly lay back down as he heard the front door shut behind her.

Mellow. Eve didn't understand the concept of mellow. She was storm-driven, with flashes of humor and affection that filtered through the clouds.

And he didn't know how long he could survive living in the center of that storm. He would destroy himself and he could destroy Eve. She'd had tragedy enough in her life and she didn't need to deal with the bitterness and fury that was tearing him apart. She would never give up her search for Bonnie and he could never feel anything but frustration and despair whenever he thought of Eve's child. The bitterness would grow and eventually it would make him walk away from her. But not before he might have hurt her beyond healing.

Don't think about it. Eve was with him now and for a little while there would be peace. That would change, the search would start again. He'd decide then whether he'd try one more time.

He closed his eyes. Try to sleep. In a few hours Eve and Jane would be back and he needed to pull himself together so that Eve wouldn't know this conflict was so near the surface. He didn't want to hurt her before he had to do it…

OPEN.

"No!"

Megan sat upright in bed, her heart beating so hard she thought it would jump from her chest. She swung her legs to the floor.

"What is it?" Phillip had opened her bedroom door and was frowning with concern. "You called out." He turned on the light and moved toward the bed. "And you're crying."

"Am I?" Megan wiped her cheeks on the back of her hands. "Just a nightmare. I'm sorry I bothered you, Phillip."

"You didn't bother me." He dragged the easy chair up to the bed. "And it's natural that you'd be upset. It's the first night home after that god-awful experience. What were you dreaming about?" He paused. "The island?"

"Not exactly." She drew a deep breath. "It was… strange. It was the voices." She got out of bed. "I'm going to get a glass of water." She held up her hand when he started to speak. "No hot chocolate. Water. Just give me a minute. I'll be right back."

She drank a full glass of water and then leaned against the vanity and took deep breaths. She would have to go back to Phillip soon, but she needed this moment to herself.

Open.

Hear.

See.

Pushing.

Open.

Voices.

Just lingering words from the voices in the nightmare. But they were words she couldn't remember hearing from the voices of the children on the island.

Yet she had a panicky feeling that she should remember them.

Hear.

See.

Open.

She wiped her face with a cool washcloth. She had to get back to Phillip before he became any more concerned.

He was frowning when she came back and slipped into bed. "I feel better. Go on to bed, Phillip."

"Soon." He leaned back in the chair. "You've had nightmares about voices before, but I don't remember you getting this upset. You're usually… sad."

"This was different."

"You said that about the shock trauma you went through this time. Is this a residual effect?"

"Go back to bed, Phillip."

"Nope." He smiled. "You wouldn't let me go to the island, but I'll be darned if I'll be closed out of helping with the fallout. You're uneasy and we're going to talk it out."

"I'm not uneasy. Well, maybe I am. But it doesn't make any sense. The Listening was terrible, but everything could have been worse if that damn Pandora had kicked in. It didn't. I didn't hurt Eve. There's no reason for me to-"

"What were the voices saying?"

"Hear. See. Open." She ran her hand through her hair. "They kept pushing. I wouldn't answer and they wouldn't give up. I fought and fought, but they kept pushing. Couldn't they tell I wasn't with them any longer?"

He frowned, puzzled. "Then where were you?"

"What?" Then she realized what she had said. "I don't know where I was. I just wasn't- Oh, my God."

Phillip leaned forward. "What is it?"

"That was the time when I was unconscious." Panic was rising within her. "I didn't remember when I came out of it. But that was why I wouldn't come back. I was struggling, fighting, and they kept coming at me."

"The children?"

"Yes, the children. I thought Listening was only echoes. Maybe it is. But those echoes wanted to be heard. They couldn't reach me. They couldn't make me open my mind and listen to them. So they kept pushing and pushing."

"It's over, Megan," Phillip said gently. "And all that's left is a nightmare. We can get through those together."

He was right. Of course he was right.

No, he wasn't.

Dear God.

"You don't understand," she whispered. "Even though I was unconscious I was upset. I was fighting. I was struggling for my life and sanity."

"What are you saying?"

"Pandora. Facilitation. I was probably more emotioncharged while I was unconscious than I am sometimes when I'm awake. You know emotion is always the key. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit." She jumped out of bed and grabbed her cell phone from the bedside table. "I've got to call Eve Duncan."

"She's safe, Megan. Nothing happened to her all the time she was with you at the hospital. No sign of a release of latent talent."

"We don't know that for certain. All the rules are screwy, since I was in an emotional state while I was in shock. That's not supposed to happen. How do I know how much of this facilitation crap I was radiating while I was unconscious? It could have been less but steady. Would that cause an extended delay in any latent talent to show itself?"

"Or dilute it completely."

"I'm not that lucky." She found Eve's number in her cell phone. "I've got to warn her."

"It's the middle of the night."

"Then she can stay up and worry along with me."

Hear. See. Open.

"I still think that you have nothing to worry about. Calm down. You'll scare her."

"Yes, I will." She pushed Eve's number. "But she has to know. It's my fault. I should have figured it out before. I can't let her face it blind. Maybe she can help…"

THE CLOCK ON JOE'S NIGHT STAND read 5:20 A.M.

Eve and Jane should be coming home anytime now with donuts in hand. He might as well have coffee ready for them. He wasn't sleeping anyway. He got out of bed and slipped into his robe. The morning was cool, although by noon it would be stifling hot even here on the lake.

The dawn was just starting to break and the hall was dim. He started the coffee and set out cups and creamer.

See.

Hear.

Open.

Joe froze. What the hell? The words had come into his mind out of the blue. No sense. No connection. Lord, he must really be tired.

He went out on the porch to wait for Eve and Jane. He strolled over to the railing and looked out at the lake. Sunset and sunrise were always the most beautiful here. How many hundreds of times over the years had he and Eve come out here to watch the dawn unfurl its brilliance? It was a memory that was so poignant that it-

See.

Hear.

Open.

What on earth was happening to-?

"Hello, Joe."

He whirled toward the porch swing.

A little girl was curled up on the swing. "I've wanted to come to see you so many times, but I couldn't do it. I'm so happy I can do it now."

In the dimness of the porch she was only a blur, but she couldn't be over seven or eight. The nearest house was miles away. How had she gotten here? "Who are you?" he asked. "You shouldn't be here. Where's your family?"

"Coming. But I hope you're my family too, Joe. You closed me out for so long, but something… happened. You're open to me now."

Hear. See. Open.

"Yes, that's right, Joe."

"No, it's not right. None of this is right. You should go home. Your parents must be worrying."

She shook her head. "You know that won't happen. You know who I am."

"The hell I do." The dawn rays were gradually banishing the pool of darkness surrounding the swing, touching the little girl's curly red hair and small face with light. He couldn't take his eyes off her. This was crazy. Yet he didn't feel crazy. He felt a weird sense of… peace. "Who are you?"

"It's going to be all right, Joe. I promise you."

"Who are you?"

The sunlight was now surrounding her as had the darkness before, revealing the Bugs Bunny T-shirt she was wearing.

"Why, Joe." Her luminous smile lit her face and reached out to touch him, embrace him, enfold him in love. "I'm Bonnie."