Raccoon Racketeer

Chapter Twelve

My deal with the sometimes downright devilish raccoon made, I opened the front door wide and invited him to join us inside.

“I’ve never been so insulted in all my life,” Octo-Cat grumbled, apparently having overhead our entire conversation from the other side of the blocked pet door. “And don’t you know better than to make an open-ended bargain with a crook?”

Pringle bared his teeth. “You know, I used to like you,” he spat at the cat. “Idolize you, even. Pffft. Pathetic.”

“Oh, and now you don’t? I’m so hurt,” my cat snarked right back. These two were pretty well-matched when it came to conversational gymnastics. It was a shame the only thing they wanted to do was fight each other rather than work together.

I had to do something to get everyone back on track. Perhaps asking nicely would do the trick?

“Guys, that’s enough,” I said with a stern look. “Like it or not, we need to work together on this one. I need you to put your differences aside and recognize that we’re all on the same team here.”

“At least one of you has a bit of sense,” Pringle said, shooting a dirty look toward Octo-Cat. Sigh.

Much to my surprise and delight, the tabby stayed quiet. His wildly flicking tail belied his true feelings, though.

I offered him an appreciative smile before moving forward with the plan. “Let’s get started in the attic. Pringle, can you show me the hiding place you mentioned the other night? The one in the baseboards?”

He nodded and gave me the thumbs up sign. I swear he was becoming more human by the day. “Sure. I’ll meet you up there,” he said.

“Um, can’t we just go up together?” I stood and pointed toward the stairs. “I mean, it’s just up there.”

He raised both eyebrows and shot me a goofy grin. “We could, but I prefer to use my private entrance. Remember, I’m VIP, honey. Very Important Pringle.”

“Gag me on my own hairball,” Octo-Cat grumbled. I wouldn’t just owe Pringle after this. I was starting to think my cat would deserve a medal for his restraint in dealing with the obnoxious forest animal.

“Fine,” I said even though I was already beyond irritated. I opened the front door for the raccoon so that he could sashay his way outside, then grabbed a folding chair from the storage closet and marched upstairs to the guest room where I’d found Nan Marie Kondo-ing the other day.

“Let me help you,” I told the tabby in light of the nasty spill he’d taken last time we were up here.

“Don’t insult me.” He jumped onto the chair, wiggled his butt, and leaped through the hatch flawlessly.

I followed shortly after, also using the chair to help me gain an adequate amount of leverage before pulling myself up by my throbbing arms.

Once I was seated securely on the attic floor, I glanced around the space, surprised by the high ceilings—although I probably shouldn’t have been given the general grandeur of the estate. Even in the rarely visited space, the floors were made of elegant hardwood, and the walls had been decorated in a pretty green, textured wallpaper. One hexagonal window sat within the far wall, casting a steady beam of light into the space.

Pringle was already there waiting for us. “Took you long enough.”

“Show us the hiding place,” I commanded, no longer worried about being courteous with the sarcastic, self-important under-porch dweller. We just needed to get on with business.

He nodded and walked around the edge of the room before stopping in the corner farthest from the window. “Here,” he said, pointing.

I dropped to my knees and pulled at the edge of the wood trim, but it remained firmly wedged in place.

“It’s push, champ. Not pull,” Pringle explained, giving it a swift karate kick. Sure enough, the mahogany trim collapsed to reveal a dark hole.

I gulped down my nerves and reached my hand into the mysterious space.

Nothing.

“I already cleaned it out,” the raccoon revealed. “Nothing left. Not in there at least.”

“Then what are we even doing up here?” Octo-Cat demanded with a huff. It was only then I realized he was pacing the length of the room.

“Look.” Pringle pointed toward a stack of cardboard boxes nearby. “There are some new things here since I last searched.”

“Nan’s Marie Kondo-ing,” I whispered. “She wasn’t just throwing things out. She was hiding them here, too.”

Pringle rubbed his hands together in excitement. “Oooh, fun. Let’s go see what new secrets we can find.”

I opened each of the three boxes and set them side by side on the floor. Pringle immediately dove into the biggest one while I decided to start with the smallest.

“It’s times like this I think it might be nice to have fingers, even though they look so… yuck.” Octo-Cat shuddered at the thought, then stalked over to lie in the sunbeam coming from the window, leaving us to do all the snooping.

The first box I tried held a delicate collection of Christmas ornaments, all lovingly kept. Not one thing even remotely suspicious.

I moved to the next box and found Nan’s favorite summer looks tucked away for safe keeping now that it was getting cold. Also nothing that helped with our search into the hidden past.

“What have you found?” I asked Pringle when I realized he still hadn’t emerged from the giant box.

“Huh? What?” He popped his head over the cardboard flap with a sheepish grin. One of Nan’s silk patterned scarves had been tied over his ears, and several pieces of costume jewelry lay against his furry chest. “Oh, nothing about the case. Just a small part of my P.I. fee.”

Octo-Cat sighed heavily but remained blessedly quiet.

“No, no more stealing,” I hissed, feeling a bit like an animal myself. The more human they became, the less like a person I felt myself. “Put it all back.”

“You’re no fun. You know that?” The dejected raccoon at least followed orders without arguing my instructions any further. He made sad, disparaging noises as he removed each piece of glittering finery.

“Okay, well. That didn’t exactly help anything,” I said once I was sure every last item had been returned to the boxes from which they came.

We each exited through the floor hatch and stood together in the guest room discussing next steps.

“What about Nan’s room?” Octo-Cat suggested. “Should we search there?”

Pringle clapped and did a happy little jump. “Oh, yes, yes, yes. Let’s do that!”

Normally, I’d hate to invade my nan’s privacy, but desperate times and all that… and I was very, very desperate to finally learn the truth that had eluded me since long before I’d even been born. “Let’s give it a try,” I acquiesced.

We marched in a single-file line down the hall toward Nan’s bedroom, but when I reached the door, it was still locked up tight.

“Want me to break in?” Pringle offered, making grippy-grabby gestures with his hands. I wondered, not for the first time, whether I’d be able to find a vet to prescribe my raccoon neighbor a daily dose of Ritalin for his obvious ADHD. Mmm, probably not.

“I shouldn’t have any problem jimmying the lock on the window,” he continued, bouncing on all four legs now.

“No,” I said, feeling both guilty and disappointed in equal measures. “Nan will be back eventually. Let me try to talk to her first. Maybe she’s had enough time to cool down. Maybe tonight she’ll be ready to talk.”

“Hey, now wait just a minute here!” Pringle cried in distress. “Even if that happens, you still owe me my payment. Remember, I’m a legitimate business animal now, and we made an unbreakable deal when you hired me earlier today.”

“That’s it. I’ve had enough,” Octo-Cat said, heading upstairs toward our tower bedroom, and I had to agree with him there. So much time in the raccoon’s company had me feeling like I’d just run three marathons back-to-back… but with my patience instead of my muscles.

“I’ll come get you when we’re ready for the next steps,” I told him as I guided him back outside. As soon as he exited the house, I shut the door tight and took a deep breath.

Oh, Nan. Please put me out of my misery. All you need to do is talk to me, and we can put an end to all of this.