Satisfaction Guaranteed

Chapter 13

“I didn’t say you were, but after last night…you’ve got to admit the sex between us can get out of hand pretty damn easily.”

“I didn’t notice it getting out of hand, but then I wasn’t inside your brain, so maybe I just didn’t see our time together the same way you did.” He had seen that amazing experience as the result of a woman who had gone too long without sex?

Humiliated color scorched her cheeks. Because in one sense, he was right. She’s spent so long fantasizing about him that when he’d touched her, when he’d let her touch him…she’d lost touch with reality and found a whole new one. Only, she’d thought he had, too, at least to an extent.

“All I’m saying is that tonight would be a bad time for a sexual marathon,” he said with exaggerated patience.

She deliberately widened her eyes. “Did I offer to engage in one?”

He sighed, sounding exasperated. “No.”

She hugged herself tighter, fighting to hold in the embarrassment and anger that he could see her in that light. “Go running.”

“I don’t think we are done talking.”

“I get your message loud and clear. Don’t worry. Beyond that, this conversation has no further productive value.”

He looked like he might argue, but he didn’t. He turned on his heel and left the hotel room with quick precision.

She stared at the closed door for a long time, trying to grapple with this newly recognized element to having sex with Ethan. He denied thinking she was sex-starved, but what else would he call it? She’d thought that the intensity at least had been mutual, but he made it sound like he’d been reacting to her neediness. That was just so mortifying.

She was not needy. She was horny for him. There was a difference, but apparently he didn’t see it that way. She felt hollow inside, sick with embarrassment that he’d seen her acting out her fantasies with him in that light. She’d been so moved that he hadn’t made fun of her desires, that he’d catered to them, but now that all felt tainted.

It was bad enough knowing she didn’t have anywhere near the experience of his usual bedmates, but to discover he saw her as some sort of closet nymphomaniac was the absolute pits. How could she sleep in that bed with him knowing he thought that way about her? If she accidentally touched him in the night, he’d assume it was some kind of come-on.

The door slammed open and Ethan stormed back into the room, his expression stormy. She gasped, but didn’t get a chance to say a word before his hands gripped her shoulders and his mouth slammed down on hers.

She started to shove him away, but he wrapped her up close and kissed her until they were both breathing hard.

He lifted his head, his green eyes fixed to hers. “I do not think you are sex-starved. Last night was intense. Too intense for the safety of our mission and that came from both of us. You turn me on, baby. In ways no other woman has in a long time. I can’t afford to be sidetracked right now and neither can you.”

“So, no more sex?”

“No more mind-blowing, soul-destroying sex. We’ve got to keep it light.”

“Light. Right. Got it.” But no sex sounded easier than keeping it light. She didn’t know how to turn off her emotions, but she supposed he was an expert at it.

He shook his head and groaned. “You don’t know what you do to me when you look at me like that, do you?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re trying to figure me out. That should make me want to turn and run, instead it turns me on.”

“I’m not trying to see into your soul, just figure out this light sex thing. I’m not sure I know how to do it.”

“We’ll figure it out, but no more bondage.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“I liked it too much.”

“Oh.”

“Remember, we want light.”

“Okay.”

“Now, I’ve definitely got to go run.”

“Because we can’t have sex tonight.”

“Right.”

“Not even light sex?” Oh, man…did that make her sound needy and desperate?

Ethan frowned and stepped back. “I don’t think I can keep it light right now. Sitting beside you on the plane for hours…being with you now, it’s driving me crazy.”

“I thought you didn’t even notice me. You certainly had enough other female attention.”

“I didn’t notice.”

“But you’re saying you noticed me?”

“How could I not notice you? Your scent excites everything male and sexual inside me and having you close enough to touch is a major temptation.”

“So, you’re saying you’re the sex-starved one?”

He barked out a laugh. “Maybe. It’s been a while, that’s for sure.”

“How long?” she asked, helpless to hold the question back.

“Too long. Almost a year.”

“That’s unusual for you, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“But you’ve dated.”

“Contrary to what you obviously believe about me, I don’t do the nasty with every woman I take out.”

“But a year…”

“Almost a year,” he corrected.

“Almost. It’s still a long time for you.”

“I said it was.”

“I’m just confirming I’m not the only person in this room with a lot of sexual energy to burn.”

“Which is why I need to go for a run.”

“Have fun.”

He frowned at her, like a reprimand, but she just grinned back and shooed him out the door.

She felt tons better now that she knew he didn’t see her as a desperate female, starving for sex. Or if he did, they were in the same boat. She was not going to let it bother her that he might have tipped in her direction because he’d been too long without a lover. The sex last night had not disappointed him. It had been too much for his peace of mind on a case. He’d as good as said so.

For some reason she could not fathom, that made her feel proud. Like she’d succeeded at something his other lovers hadn’t. They would part ways after the case ended, but he wouldn’t forget her. And that was only fair, because she’d never forget him.

But he wanted to keep things light and that was exactly what she wanted. Keep the intensity to a minimum and she wasn’t going to start imagining herself in love with him. It was a good plan.

Declarations of intent were all well and good, but what was a man supposed to do when the woman whose body he craved was curled up beside him and making it impossible to sleep? What kind of damn fool told a woman he didn’t want to have sex with her when he wanted nothing more?

A Texas-size fool, that’s what kind.

She was sleeping like a baby, as if sharing a bed with a man was nothing new for her. It was, though, and she shouldn’t be sleeping so damned peacefully. Well, okay…not peacefully. She hadn’t been happy until she’d rolled across the wide expanse of the king-size bed and snuggled right up to his back. One of her small feet was tucked between his calves and the other pressed close to his bottom leg.

He’d been fighting the need to turn over and start touching her from the moment her warm little hand had landed against his shoulder blade. He’d worn a T-shirt and shorts to bed in some misguided belief that it might help fight the needs raging through him. All they did was make his erection more painful than it needed to be.

She’d donned a prim white cotton nightgown that looked brand new. He’d made the mistake of commenting on that and she’d admitted she normally slept in the buff. The way he wanted her right now. Not that the modest gown was really all that modest. It was thin cotton and the shadow of her nipples showed right through, as well as the dark ruff of hair between her legs. She wasn’t wearing panties and one glance at the shadow crease of her backside through the thin cotton had been enough to confirm the suspicion.

His dick was so hard, it felt ready to split his skin. And he was the fool who had said no sex tonight. She needed her rest. Well, she was getting it…while he drove himself slowly insane.

Beth launched into wakefulness, her body throbbing with unrelenting sensual need. She gasped in shock, her eyes flying open, but the room was still cast in predawn shadows and she couldn’t really see anything. All she could do was feel and what she felt was desire burning through her veins like lava.

“Ethan.” His name came out a long, low moan.

The lips nibbling at the ultrasensitive spot behind her ear paused in their ministrations to whisper, “Good morning, Sunshine,” then moved to cover her mouth with hungry urgency.

It was a kiss unlike any they had shared. She’d never sensed such uncontrolled need emanating from him and his lips had never been quite so possessive. Had they?

He cradled her head in the crook of his arm and his hand massaged her breast and teased her nipple while the other one played a tempting sonata between her legs. She could feel herself wet and swollen there, his fingers sliding easily between her slick folds. He swirled his thumb over her clitoris and something inside her shattered.

There was no time for her to think. Her body was on fire. She moaned against his devouring lips and arched into the pleasure exploding between her legs. She didn’t know how long he’d been touching her to bring her toward wakefulness, but her body shimmered on the edge of orgasm and then went over in a shower of sparks and convulsions.

He rolled on top of her, never breaking their kiss, and speared inside her still-contracting sheath. His thrusts were hard and deep, driving her to a second climax with dismaying speed. This time they came together, his body rigid above hers, her insides going supernova until her mind went black.

She awoke a second time to gentle hands smoothing her hair from her face and lips pressing tender kisses to her temple.

She was still panting from the shocking pleasure despite the respite of her temporary blackout. “That was incredible.”

“You are incredible, Beth.” White teeth flashed in the dimness of the room, the expression in his eyes cast in mysterious shadow.

“Please tell me you remembered the condom.”

“I did.”

“So, you planned this?”

“I woke up touching you and had enough foresight to realize I’d best be prepared for when you woke up, too.”

“You could have stopped touching me.”

“No. I could not.”

“I thought you said no sex.”

“That was last night.”

Funny, she’d been pretty sure he meant until after the interview. “What time is it?”

“Almost dawn. We have plenty of time to get ready and eat breakfast before we have to drive to the coast.”

She snuggled into his chest, reveling in their closeness, even if it was nothing more than postcoitus tenderness. “Mmmm…hmmm…”

“You fainted. Only for a few seconds, but you were definitely out.” He sounded bothered by that fact, almost accusing.

But wouldn’t a man feel smug that he’d had such an impact on his lover? She would have thought so, but then she wasn’t him and he obviously saw the world through a different set of binoculars.

“It was intense,” she ventured.

“Too intense.” He pulled away and stood up, his frown readable even in the thin light starting to fill the room from the crack in the curtains.

Then she remembered. That was his whole problem. He wanted to keep sex between them light. He’d made his feelings clear the night before and ultimately she’d agreed with him, but she still felt bereft as he left the bed. On the edge of rejected, but not quite there. Like she had the morning before.

She didn’t like the feeling, but wasn’t sure what to do about it. Especially since she agreed with him in theory.

Feeling at a disadvantage still lying there with her nightgown hiked up to her waist and her most intimate flesh bare to him, she hastily pressed her legs together and sat up. Grabbing the sheet, she pulled it over her and drew her knees to her chest in a defensive posture under it. “What do you want to do about it?”

He ran his hand through his hair, his own nudity not seeming to bother him at all. “Abstaining definitely doesn’t work.”

Relief coursed through her, but she tried not to let it show. She’d been half-worried he was going to say no sex altogether and she hadn’t known how she was going to keep her hands to herself. Though she still thought that abstaining would have been more doable than trying to keep a lid on the passion that roared between them when they started touching.

“So, what do you suggest?”

“We’re obviously going to have to make love often, but keep the encounters from getting too intense.” He sounded perfectly serious, like he really believed what he was saying.

She stared at him, choking back a snort of derision. Did he really think they could do that? She didn’t think it would matter how many times they had sex, her body was going to respond to him like it had never done to anyone else. Every single time. She knew it.

He had to know it, too, but the man really thought he could keep things light. He’d just given her a climax so intense, she’d fainted and yet somehow he believed he could pull back from that level of connection. Maybe he could, but it certainly seemed like he’d been with her all the way this morning.

And he was the one who said he couldn’t stop touching her once he woke up and realized what he was doing. That did not sound like a response easily modified.

“We can try,” she said doubtfully.

“It will work.” He spoke with certainty that should have been comforting, but just made her feel funny in the region of her heart. He really didn’t want deep involvement with her.

She just shrugged, unwilling to lie and say she agreed or argue with him and say she thought he was nuts. Which she did.

He nodded, as if it was all settled. “I’m going to take a shower. Why don’t you go back to sleep for a while? You don’t have to be up quite yet.”

He was in the bathroom, the door firmly shut behind him, before she could even take a breath to respond.

Apparently, they weren’t going to share a shower like they had the morning before. She grimaced and hugged her knees tightly to her chest. He probably considered doing so too intimate. Too intense. They’d gone from cuddling to no touching in a heartbeat and that sense of rejection was growing more solid.

There was a frozen lump inside her chest and it was spreading over all her feelings like an icy blanket. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t push the pain away. It grew inside her until she was so cold she grabbed the blanket and huddled beneath it and the sheet, trying to understand why it hurt so much. Where the pain was coming from.

She didn’t want involvement that would be too hard to walk away from. She knew she didn’t. Just like she knew that eventually, she had to walk away from him. So why did his attitude bother her so much?

Why was it making her feel like she couldn’t breathe?

She stared around the nice, but nondescript hotel room as a memory surfaced. She’d been about eight years old. Her dad had missed her school play. Again. So had her mom this time. Beth had been in her bedroom, huddled much like she was now under a purple princess comforter. She’d been crying like her heart was broken when her mom came in from one of her important meetings.

She’d laid her hand on Beth’s back and tried to soothe her, but Lynn Whitney’s words had left an indelible impression on Beth’s heart. “You’re so intense, Elizabeth. All of this emotion is exhausting…for both of us. You take everything far too much to heart.”

Beth had turned tearstained eyes to her mom and flinched at the look of annoyance on the grown-up’s features. “Your dad and I don’t know what to do with you. This is not a tragedy, sweetie. You’ve got to learn to deal with disappointments without letting your emotions become so distraught. I swear sometimes, your father and I wonder if you are a changeling.”

She’d laughed softly and ruffled Beth’s hair, but the small girl had not shared her mom’s humor. She already knew she wasn’t like her parents. She’d never seen her mom cry, but Beth felt like crying a lot. Both her mom and dad acted like it shouldn’t matter if Beth was the only girl in her class who didn’t have any parents at the play.

She knew that if either of them had been little like her, they wouldn’t have cared. Her mom was always telling her stories of what it was like growing up the daughter of a famous politician and the sacrifices that had to be made. Beth hated making those sacrifices, but often wondered why she had to care so much. At eight, she wasn’t sure what a changeling was, but she thought it meant she didn’t fit her family. As she’d grown older, she’d learned she was right.

Then she’d met Alan and assumed that finally, her intense emotions would have a safe outlet. It was okay to love him, to need him. He’d said so. Only she’d mistaken his sexual desire for her for a matching strength of emotion. When he talked about need, he didn’t mean the soul-deep need she had to belong to someone else and have them belong to her.

He meant sex…and maybe the occasional moment of comfort. Not a daily living of two closely joined halves of the same whole. She’d discovered her error as their relationship progressed, but she’d hidden from the knowledge. He hadn’t wanted her to make emotional demands on him any more than her parents had and the aborted wedding had been the ultimate object lesson in that regard.

She’d woken up in a pain-filled hurry on her wedding day and had refused to hide from the truth any longer. Once her eyes were open to reality, she’d realized immediately that she wasn’t capable of settling for something less than her dream. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of them and she’d stood beside her decision even when he pleaded with her to give them another chance.

But she’d recognized that what she needed might not be out there and rather than be hurt again, she’d pulled away from any male-female involvement at all. Her fantasies about Ethan had helped her to do that, but now he was telling her that even her sensuality was too intense and that made her angry.

What was so wrong with her that she had to withhold part of herself and disguise her needs from the important people in her life to be accepted by them? Even a casual lover wanted her to keep the sex low-key.

Part of her knew that was for the sake of the case, but her heart didn’t seem to care about the reasoning behind it. It still felt like rejection. And she was so tired of being rejected for who and what she was.

When this case was over, she was going to stop trying to find a place for herself in her parents’ world…in Ethan’s world. Maybe there wasn’t a white picket fence waiting for her in some small town in Iowa-and that wasn’t exactly what she wanted anyway-but there had to be a place she fit better than the life she was living right now.

Ethan came out of the bathroom fully dressed. He hadn’t wanted to risk the temptation of taking Beth back to bed. He’d kind of hoped she would be asleep, but she wasn’t. She was ironing, a local newscast playing at low volume on the television behind her.

“The weather looks good for the drive.”

She didn’t look at him, but hung her blazer over the back of a chair. “Yes. I’ll just take my shower.”

He felt a wall between them as if it was made of solid brick. It felt so real, he was surprised he could see her through it.

She walked past him without looking up.

He put his hand on her arm. “Beth.”

She looked at him then, but for once, he couldn’t read a single thing in her normally expressive dark eyes. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Why shouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, but you seem…” He didn’t know how to explain it. “Like you’re separated from me.”

A mocking smile curved her lips. “We are separate, Ethan. You are you and I am me and we are not a unit.”

“We’re a team on this mission.”

“Yes.”

Her agreement didn’t alleviate his sense of separation at all. “We need to work together.”

“I never said we didn’t.”

“Are you sure you are okay? Are you offended I touched you in your sleep?”

“No. I’m not offended. It was wild waking up that turned on, if you want the truth.” Then she laughed. “You really should have been born to my parents and vice versa. I have a feeling the fit would have been perfect.”

“I fit in just fine with the folks back home.” It wasn’t precisely true, but he wouldn’t trade his family for the world.

Something moved in her dark eyes, but he couldn’t read it either. “Maybe I’m just the one who doesn’t have a place to fit.”

“What brought this on, Sunshine? You fit this case so well that Whit assigned you as the contact even though you aren’t a full-fledged agent.”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, Ethan. Really. I’d really like to take a shower now though.” She tugged on her arm, but he couldn’t let go.

“You fit your life just fine.”

“Whatever you say.” She didn’t roll her eyes, but it was there in her tone. “Can I go now?”

“Look, if something is bothering you, we need to talk about it.”

She sighed, the sound pure feminine irritation.

And he found it adorable. What the heck was the matter with him? “Come on, Beth. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

She shrugged with one shoulder. “I’ve decided that after this assignment, I’ll be turning in my resignation and looking for a job outside of D.C., or any other big city for that matter. I’m ready to move on.”

“Fainting from your orgasm made you decide that?”

She stared at him, her expression easily read this time. She looked like she thought he’d lost more than one of his marbles. “No. Having a climax that sent me into a dead faint is not what made me decide this.” She laughed and he felt foolish. “Why I made the choice doesn’t matter. Only that I made it. One thing you’ve taught me, Ethan, is that I need to live my life, not daydream about it anymore.”

He liked hearing that, but not what it had led her to. Inexplicable panic welled inside of him and it was all he could do to hide it from her. “Living is good, but you don’t have to move away from everyone who matters to you to start doing it.”

“Yes, I do.”

He didn’t have an answer for the certainty in her tone. He didn’t have any rights where she was concerned.

But something this morning had triggered her desire to build a new life. And if he was responsible in any way, he wanted to know. Or maybe, she’d just now realized it, but nothing this morning had actually prompted the revelation. He was being awfully conceited to assume anything she’d done with him had set off anything life changing for her.

All they’d done was had sex and while it had been a little too earth shaking for his comfort, he didn’t think great sex was going to send her scurrying away to a new life. Unless she was worried she was starting to care for him.

He knew she didn’t want that.

He didn’t want it either. He wasn’t ready to settle down and he doubted he’d ever be in a place to give Beth the kind of life she’d said she wanted. One that was safe and in which her husband was steady, dependable, and home every night.

He should leave well enough alone.

“Don’t go making any decisions right now.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture his dad used when trying to figure out his mom or sister-but not one Ethan had ever used much before. “It’s a tense situation, you going into your first field case and all. Let yourself settle in. A lot of times, you’ll end up seeing things differently later.”

She shrugged again, her silky skin moving under his hand. “Whatever. Can I take my shower now?”

He didn’t like it that she wouldn’t agree with him or argue, that she simply wouldn’t engage. He didn’t figure he’d changed her mind, not one bit, but she didn’t want to talk it through with him. Why not? He was a friend, wasn’t he? “I’m here for you if you need to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to talk out, but thank you for the offer.” She sounded so distant.

Her years attending private school and living the life enmeshed in the world of politics certainly showed right then. Standing there with her hair around her face in a wild tangle, her nightgown hinting at a body that drove him crazy and the scent of their lovemaking still clinging to her, she still managed to exude an aura of superior formality.

“You fit your family just fine, Beth. Believe me.”

She didn’t answer, just tugged her arm free and went into the bathroom.

She hadn’t taken her clothes with her and he wondered if she was going to come out in a towel, or maybe her bra and panties. She’d had something small clutched in one hand. He didn’t think either was going to do his overactive libido any good. Maybe he should go down to the lobby and ask for a restaurant recommendation for breakfast at the front desk.