Saving Zoë

Six

My friends are acting weird. And if I didn’t know better, if I was the more paranoid type, I would probably start to wonder if they still wanted to be my friends. But since we walk to school together every day, meet at break, sit together at lunch, and then walk all the way home again, it’s not like they’re trying to ditch me. It’s more like they’re trying to keep a secret from me. One that Jenay almost keeps giving away, which causes Abby to glare at her with narrowed eyes and a shaking head. I mean, I don’t know what they’re up to, but it definitely has something to do with this weekend.

“So, any b-day plans?” Abby asks, slipping her arm through the strap on her bag and hoisting it onto her shoulder.

I gaze at the ground, retracing the steps toward home, while remembering my last birthday, which, having fallen right in the middle of all the Zoë stuff, was hardly worth celebrating. And I seriously doubt this year will be any better. I mean, from here on out, every time I make it to another year, it will only remind me of how Zoë didnt And tell me, Where’s the “Happy” in that?

But I don’t want to share that with my friends and drag them down too, so instead I just go, “I don’t know. We’ll probably go to dinner or something.” I shrug. “Though my mom did promise to bake my favorite cake, so if you guys wanna come over after, it’s probably okay.”

“Pineapple upside-down?” Jenay asks, her eyes lighting up as she smiles.

“No, that’s your favorite. Mine’s red velvet.” I adjust my backpack, redistributing the weight so I won’t end up all lopsided and bent when I’m old.

“I love red velvet. Just give me a time and I’m there.” Abby smiles.

“I don’t know, eight, eight thirty?” I say, glancing up just in time to catch them exchanging a secret look.

The second I slip my key in the door, my cell phone rings. And I freeze, trying to decide which is more important, turning the key and beginning the long process of getting inside, or answering my phone. Because with two more dead bolts and a knob lock to go, there’s just no way I can accomplish both.

I heave a loud sigh, drop my bag, and ransack through the books and papers as i search for my cell. And by the time I find it, it’s almost too late, so instead of checking ID I head straight for hello.

“Echo?” The voice is definitely male but decidedly unfamiliar. I mean, the only male that ever calls is my dad.

“Yeah?” I mumble, curious who it could be.

“It’s me. Marc.”

“Oh.” I just stand there, clutching the phone, wondering what he wants. I mean, after that first day at school, I’ve definitely seen him a few more times, but it’s not like we stop and talk. But then, nobody talks to Marc anymore. And even though that makes me feel pretty sad on his behalf, that doesn’t mean I want to talk to him either.

“I know this is weird, but I was kind of hoping I could see you,” he says.

I gaze at the driveway and the long crack that runs down the center, as I search for a way out. “Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I’m kind of busy and all,” I finally say, cringing at how false that sounds.

“Listen, I know it’s awkward. And I know how your parents don’t want me around. But I also know that tomorrow’s your birthday, and I have something for you, something I think you’re gonna like. So, how ’bout it? Will you meet me?”

I hesitate, gripping the phone and weighing my options. Then I hoist my bag onto my shoulder, slide my key out of the lock, and go, “Where should we meet?”

There’s this lake in a park not far from my house that I always used to go to as a kid. Even though it’s not the kind of lake you’d ever want to swim in, since the water is murky and polluted and full of Big Gulp cups and beer cans floating along the top like they have every right to be there. I mean, someone would pretty much have to hate you to actually throw you in. But still, every weekend, people show up by the dozens, toting picnic baskets and spreading out towels, eager to spend the day lazing around, gazing at the scenery, and pretending they’re somewhere better. And even though I used to like to do that too, heading there now reminds me of just how long it’s been.

I see him sitting by the water’s edge just before he sees me. And even though I hate to admit it, my first instinct is to bolt. To just take off running, as fast and far as I can, as though my very life depends on it. But since I’m pretty sure he doesn’t deserve that, I force myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other until I’m standing directly before him.

“You made it,” he says, his smile like a question mark, his eyes more unsure than I ever could’ve imagined.

I stand there and shrug. Then drop my bag and sit down beside him.

“Zoë and I used to come here all the time,” he says, dipping his hand into a bag full of Wonder bread, tossing fat handfuls to a flock of greedy ducks. “She used to feed them so much, I teased her about making them obese, and inflicting them with type two diabetes. But she’d just laugh and say she was trying to build trust, so that someday they’d come waddling up and eat the crumbs right out of her hand.”

I glance at him briefly, wondering if his eyes will fill with tears. But when he turns to me and smiles, I know he’s beyond all that, having moved his way through the grief list, and is now settled in some other place.

“How are you?” he asks, searching my face.

“Okay.” I avert my eyes toward the ducks, but nod so he’ll believe it. I know he has something to give me, something to tell me, but my heart is pounding so hard and my palms are growing so sweaty, I’m pretty sure I no longer want it.

We sit like that for a while, him feeding the ducks, me nervous and freaked. Then he shakes his head, turns to me, and says, “Thanks for coming. I know it’s probably weird for you, but it really is important. So, well, here.” He reaches into the old khaki schoolbag, the one he’s always lugging around, then hands me a small leather-bound book, the cover bearing a cobalt so rich and blue, I immediately think of Zoë.

“What’s this?” I ask, rubbing my fingers over the smooth soft leather, the same shade of blue as her walls.

“Her diary.” He looks right at me, his dark eyes intense and no longer blinking. “It was in her backpack. The one she left with me that day, the day she—” He stops and shakes his head. “Anyway, it’s hers and it’s personal, and I didn’t want the cops to get their hands on it because there’s nothing in there that would’ve helped them, nothing they didn’t already know. Not to mention how it’s none of their business. And I didn’t want your parents to see it since there’s stuff in there that she never wanted them to see. So I kept it. I’ve had it this whole time. But now I want you to have it.” He sees the look on my face and raises his right hand, like he’s on a witness stand. “I gave them everything else, though, I swear.”

I hold the book with both hands, too shaky and scared to peek. “Why me?” I ask, still gazing at the cover. “I mean, why don’t you just keep it?”

“I think you should know her,” he says, his eyes fixed on mine.

“But I did know her! And I do know her!” I grab my backpack and stand up quickly, wanting nothing more than to get away.

“You didn’t know her like that. You didn’t know the whole person,” he says, his face solid and set, like he’s just so sure about everything he’s saying.

“Did you read it?” I ask, my hands shaky, watching as he nods in answer.

I stand there, taking him in, the lean build, the longish hair, the black T-shirt, the faded jeans, the chiseled face with the most amazing dark eyes. “You’re not supposed to read other people’s diaries,” I say, turning away and running toward home.