Seduce Me

Chapter 6—Casey

“I’m proud of you.” Bella’s stormy eyes focus on mine and I stare blankly back wondering what the hell she’s talking about. Since my baby died, I’ve been a walking zombie. “You are an amazing woman.”

I chuckled softly. “No. I’m not. If I were amazing as you put it, I would have known how to save my baby.”

“Babe. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing and it is not your fault.” The sincerity in her eyes is too much. I grunt and turn away from her. This past week has sped by so fast, but I did go to class several times and I have gotten caught up on all the assignments that I missed. It’s been nice to focus on something other than my baby being gone.

I’m being a total bitch to both Bella and Jace, but I can’t seem to help myself. The anger inside of me keeps bubbling over, splashing to the floor like hot lava. I want my baby back. Over this past week, I determined that my baby was a girl and I’ve named her Mia. When I told Bella and Jace, they turned and looked at each other, but neither of them said a word to me about it.

Mia was a person, she was my person and I refuse to sweep her under the rug as if she never existed.

Bella places a hand on my shoulder, my body tenses. “Casey. You are an unbelievably strong woman. You’ve made choices that I don’t know if I could have made, to make your life better with your baby. Life dealt you a shit blow, but your strength will get you through this.”

Tears brim my eyes, I turn into Bella’s arms and silently cry. Wishing the pain to go away, I release her, head to my room and pull the covers over my head.

When I awake, the sun is beginning to lower, casting shadows out on the world, exactly like I’m feeling, dark and shadowed. I walk into the kitchen the smell of basil invades my nose. Bella is moving around the kitchen, moving from place to place quickly grabbing utensils and ingredients out of the cabinet like a well-oiled machine. I breathe in deep again this time the smell of tomatoes or sauce flowing through me, my stomach growling reminding me that it’s been a long time since I’ve really eaten. “How ya doing?” She asks stirring something in a pot.

“Alright. Sorry about earlier.”

Bella comes over and wraps her arms around me tightly. “No need. That’s what I’m here for. We will get through this together.” I nod and embrace her tightly.

“Whatcha making? I’m hungry.” Bella pulls away from me, looking into my face questioningly.

“Really? I think that’s the first time you’ve said that in weeks.” She smiles. “Spaghetti.”

“Sounds good.” I slide up to the kitchen island grabbing a napkin. I begin tearing it into very small pieces without even thinking about it. My appetite is slowly coming back, but I can only handle small bits of food or I feel like I’ll puke.

“Your phone over there has been going off like crazy. I put it on silent ‘cause I didn’t want it to wake you.” She points over to my pre-pay and only one person calls me on it.

My stomach hits the floor. There is no way that I want to talk to Harlow right now. Just hearing about her family, guts me. I want to be happy for her. She deserves it. But just hearing about how perfect Cooper and Cruz are kills me on the inside. I don’t want to be jealous of my best friend, but I can’t help it. She has everything that I’ve ever wanted and I’m totally alone, again. But if I don’t call her soon, Harlow will send out the cavalry to hunt me down.

“What’s wrong?” Bella asks, looking away from her pot.

“I just don’t know if I can talk to Harlow. Does it make me a horrible person to not want to hear about how perfect her family is?”

Bella puts the spoon down and sits next to me at the island. “You need to tell her what happened Casey.” I gasp and she reaches for my hand squeezing it softly. “No, really. You need to tell her. She’s been your best friend for years and from what you’ve told me she sounds like an understanding woman. You also need to tell the baby’s father.”

“I had every intention of telling them both. I wanted to wait until I knew if it was a boy or a girl. Harlow was just going through so much I didn’t want to add to her problems. And G.T., he wanted nothing to do with me.” I look down at the shredded napkin in front of me. “I’ve known him my whole life and part of me was so terrified that he’d reject the baby, now it just doesn’t matter.” Bella squeezes harder.

“It does matter.”

“He sees me as just another piece of ass and I can’t do that to myself. It kills me. I’ve been in love with him for so long that the thought of having a part of him growing inside of me made me stronger. How pathetic is that?” I shake my head.

“It’s not pathetic. You are strong with or without the baby. You have to know that.”

I give her a small smile, not totally believing her words. “I came to school to make something of myself for Mia and me. Now, I don’t know what I need to do. I’m kinda lost.”

“It’s okay to not know. You put one foot in front of the other and move. That’s all you can do right now.”

I look over at the phone. “How many times did it go off?” I ask.

“Probably ten or more.”

I jump from my seat. There is no way that Harlow would call that many times in a row unless something is wrong. Grabbing the phone, I look and there are thirteen missed calls and the voicemail button is flashing. I don’t bother checking the messages, I just call her back.

Harlow answers on the first ring.

“What’s wrong?” I ask immediately.

“Get your shit and get home now.” Harlow’s voice is panicked.

“What’s going on Low?” I ask using the nickname I gave her when we were kids.

“Diamond’s dead.” Everything stops. I grab the closest chair I can find and sit down, hard on it. The air in my body gushes out of me while I try to process the words that just came out of her mouth. He was getting up there in age, but he was still so full of life.

“How?” I whisper into the phone as my trembling hand tried to hold it steady.

“Shot.”

“Oh. God.” I clutch my chest the ache coming hard and fast. Diamond has always kept his eye on me since Bam died. He’d come to the shop and ask me how I was doing, but never in that overprotective sort of way. Just in a casual grandfather way.

They’re all gone. Dad, Mia and Diamond. The dark cloud of sadness I’ve felt over the last couple of weeks gets darker and I feel myself getting more lost in it.

“There’s more.” Her voice cracks at her words.

“Shit. Who else?” I ask not knowing if I can handle the answer, but needing to know.

“G.T.” All-encompassing panic floods through my body eating every cell it can find. Somehow my body left the chair, falling to the floor with a loud thunk, the phone in my hand begins to shake and I clutch it trying not to drop it. Immediately, Bella comes rushing to my side.

“Are you okay?” Bella asks and I shake my head, but can’t move from this spot.

“Casey!” I hear Harlow scream into the phone, but I cannot seem to formulate words. “Casey! Answer me dammit. He’s not dead!” She screams louder.

Not dead. She just said not dead, right? “What?” My voice mutters.

“Shit. Don’t fucking do that! Do you know how much shit I’m under and you not answering scared the living hell out of me.”

“What about G.T., Harlow?” I bite out quickly.

“He was shot twice. Once in the shoulder and once in the chest. Doc sewed him up, said he’s gonna be okay. He was out of it for a couple of days. Still pretty out of it.”

“So this happened two days ago and you’re just now calling me?” I yell, my anger peaks. How in the hell could she keep this from me for so long?

“It was really touch and go. I was taking care of him around the clock and when I wasn’t I had my boys. It’s just been crazy. And I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“And what if he wouldn’t have been? Don’t you think I would have wanted to say goodbye, Harlow!” I bark even louder into the phone unable to control my anger. I rise from the floor and begin pacing quickly.

“I didn’t think about that.” The sheepishness in her voice normally would have me calming down, but I am not in a forgiving mood.

“No! You didn’t. Is he awake and talking?” My body tenses not knowing if she’s about to totally shatter me.

“Yeah. He’s his stubborn ass self. Look, you need to get your shit and get home.”

“When’s the service?” I know I’m being rude, but I don’t give a damn. How dare she not tell me?

“End of the week they’re thinking. But it’s more. All the guys got shot at. They’re not talking about it only to say that someone is gunning for them. We’re on lockdown and that includes you.”

“No. I can’t. I have my life here. I’ll come to the services, but I’m not doing lockdown.” I will hold my ground on this one. I mean nothing to any of them except Harlow. I will not subject myself to a lockdown or to be in a confined space with all of them.

“You don’t have a fucking choice. Buzz is on his way up there now to help you with your shit and follow you back since I know you won’t leave your car. Start packing and plan on staying for a while.”

“No. I’m not coming Harlow. Like I said, I’ll be there for Diamond, but I will not do a lockdown.” I argue.

Harlow screams in the phone, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear. “Fuck you! Yes, you will! You’re part of this fucking family and so help me God if I have to leave here right now to come and drag your ass here, I fucking will. My head’s in a lot of different places right now Casey and I will not be worrying about your fucking ass! Pack and be ready when Buzz gets there!”

While Harlow definitely has a temper, she’s never really gone off on me like this before. And even though I’m still pissed at her, the desperation in her voice has me tap down my hurt and all the swirling emotions plaguing me. She is scared shitless and has no control over anything. This is her way of getting some control, even if it is bossing me around. I know what I have to do even if I don’t want to.

“I’ve gotta talk to my professors. I’ll try for two weeks, after that I can’t promise anything.”

“Thank you.” She blew out an exasperated breath into the phone. “I’m sorry.” She whispers. I’m not sure if it’s about her blow up or not calling about G.T., but I’m not ready to forgive yet.

“I know, but you should have called me as soon as it happened.” I’m not stupid and know I have no claim to G.T., but Harlow knows better. I decide to change the subject. “Pops move up?”

“Yeah.”

“G.T.?”

“Nothing’s official there yet.” She knew exactly what I was asking. I want to know if G.T. moved to VP. When Bam was alive, he used to tell me that one day Pops and G.T. would run Ravage. He’d always say ‘that’ll be the day.’ I never understood those words. That is, until today.

“I’ll need a day or so to get everything together.”

“Buzz should be there in about thirty minutes.” I sigh in defeat.

“Okay… I love you Low.”

Surprisingly, sniffles come from the other end of the line, “Love you too. Get home.”

“I’ll be there soon.” With that, we end the call.

Turning, Bella is at my side. “What was that?”

I pull the chairs up to the table, since they seemed to have moved across the room, motioning for her to come and sit. I explain what is going on and the tears leak from my eyes.

“So you’re leaving?” She asks reaching out and squeezing my hand, the lone reassurance helpful.

“For a while.”

“What the hell is a lockdown?” She asks quirking her eye. I haven’t really given her the Biker 101 yet.

“Exactly that. All the brothers and their families go to the clubhouse and that is where they stay for however long the President says. Normally it’s ‘till everything is safe.”

“Can you leave at all?”

“Sure. When a brother or a Prospect is with you. You just can’t go alone.” Bella may or may not know that she is providing a wonderful distraction from all the grief I feel in my heart by asking all these questions.

“So let me get this right… You get to be locked up indefinitely with all of those hunks of hotness?”

“Pretty much.” I shrug. “Not that any of that matters.” I look down sheepishly.

“Can I come? Seriously, those pictures on your phone… damn girl.” If I were in a better mood, I’d probably laugh at that, but I’m not so I didn’t.

“No.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“No.” I answer honestly. I will have to tell them about Mia and I’m scared to death. This is much sooner than I ever thought, but I will not be able to hold myself together the whole time I’m there. I’m barely doing it here.

“Why you? Your dad’s gone. How does that work?”

“I’m the daughter of a very well respected brother. Harlow says I’m considered family. They protect their family.”

“Damn. What happens on lockdown?”

“Well, aren’t you a vat of questions.” I grumble.

“Girl, we haven’t really talked in weeks and if this gets you to talk, I’ll ask everything I can possibly think of.”

I give her a short smile. “I’ll answer, but I’ve gotta get packed and call my professors. Considering I’ve already missed so much, I have no clue how that will go. Oh… Buzz is on his way here. You’ll be foaming at the mouth for him.”

I explain to her about lockdowns and procedures, which are pretty cut and dry.

“Tell me more about Harlow.” She questions as I throw my stuff in bags. I’d already called my professors who stated that as long as I kept up to date on the work, I’d be fine. They even offered to let me watch the lectures through Skype, which I thought was pretty cool. There is no need for me to call my boss. After I had lost Mia, I stopped going and quit without telling him. I’m sure my boss is pissed. I just don’t care.

“Harlow. Let’s see. She goes by Princess in the club.”

“Yeah, you said that. Why?”

“She’s always been the club Princess, the Vice President’s daughter and all. She’s been called that since she was young, but what really earned her the title of Princess is she’s the furthest thing from it.” I keep packing as I talk and Bella sits on the bed listening. “She’s a badass bitch and thank God she’s my friend, if not I’d be scared shitless of her.”

“Why?” She asks grabbing the shirt I just placed on the bed and folds it for me.

“She’s a fighter. And I’m not talking those girly fights where hair gets pulled and women scream. Oh no. Harlow can fight. As in she gets in the boxing ring with the brothers and goes blow for blow with them. It’s actually how she became an ol’ lady. Fought her man. It was a tie.”

“She actually fought her man?”

Grabbing my phone, I pull up a picture of Harlow with Cruz and Cooper. My heart gives a small ache, but I push it away. I hold it up to Bella, “this is Harlow and her ol’ man. The one she fought.”

“Holy fucking shit! Are you kidding me? No way.” Her head shakes in disbelief.

“Yeah. Seriously.”

“She’s not that big and well… He’s a monster. And a hot one to boot!”

“Yeah. But believe it. She’s something else.”

A very loud banging comes from the front door shaking the walls. “Damn Buzz.” I say moving to the door, Bella hot on my heels.

“What? You didn’t think I’d miss this did you?” Rolling my eyes we head to the door, just about reaching it when the pounding commences for the second time.

Looking in the peep hole, a very handsome Buzz stands before me looking either very agitated or angry, I can’t tell which.

Before I open the door, Bella grabs my arm and I turn to her. “You gonna be okay?” she asks.

“I don’t know. It won’t be easy, but I don’t have much choice.” I give her a small smile and turn to the door.

“You can do this.” She reassures me. I reach down and grab her hand, squeezing it.

I turn and swing the door open, “Damn. You knocked shit off my walls.” I bark.

He doesn’t answer instead he wraps his arms around me tight and begins to squeeze the living shit out of me, burying my face in his chest to the point where I cannot breathe. “Miss me, Buzz?” I mumble.

“Glad you’re comin’ home.” His deep raspy voice reminds me of a hot bedroom voice right after sex. As I pull away, I stare up into his sky blue eyes, eyes that definitely hypnotize the female race. His blonde hair has grown since the last time I saw him, but it wasn’t the only thing. He must have been working out as his body is more defined with his white t-shirt stretching over his broad shoulders and his arms bulging out of the sleeves, tattoos lining his arms. With his leather rag and jeans, he looks good enough to eat.

He pulls away and eyes me up and down. “What’s wrong with you? Are you not eating?” He questions and my heart sinks at the realization that it will be known right off the bat that something is wrong. Shit.

“Haven’t been feeling well, but I’m getting better. Where you been? Harlow said you’d be here in a half hour.” I move away from the door hoping he doesn’t press with my change in subject.

“Had shit to do.” Is his only response, his eyes land on Bella behind me. His breath catches making me chuckle for the first time in a long time. I knew the guys wouldn’t last long around her.

“Buzz this is my friend Bella. Bella, Buzz.” My hand waves back and forth to each of them.

“Holy Shit.” Bella grumbles under her breath. “Hi.” Her hand motions a small wave.

“And there are two of them.” Her eyes widen and her lips part ever so slightly. I grab my phone and pull up a picture of the two of them showing it to her. “Yep, his twin Breaker’s a brother too.”

“God help me.” She whispers shaking her head clutching the phone.

“I’m sure we could show you a hell of a good time beautiful lady.” Bella’s knees begin to wobble. I lean over and grab her arm not wanting her to pass out on the floor.

“I’m sure you could.” She turns to me. “Take me with you.”

“No. You have class. And you have to get me notes.” Bella huffs, coming out of her Buzz induced haze. “Buzz, don’t we need to go?” I ask his eyes locked on Bella.

“Yeah. We gotta roll. Too much shit going down.” His confidence in his words comes through loud and clear.

“How’s everyone doing?” I question hesitantly.

“It’s a mess, Casey. A fucking mess. Get your shit and let’s go.” I nod pulling a practically frozen Bella with me in the bedroom, her eyes not leaving Buzz once.

“Oh my God, Casey… I never… God.” I throw the last of my things inside my bags.

“I know. It’s hard to take sometimes.”

She sat there for a while, not saying anything as I ramble on about how Buzz is a Prospect and not a brother yet. How he has to earn his spot as a brother and some of what that entails.

“Why don’t you have a nickname?”

“Huh?” I ask tossing the last of my toiletries in the bag.

“Princess, Cruz, Buzz, Bam, and G.T. and then there’s you… Casey. Doesn’t seem right.”

Bella didn’t know that this fact in my life hurt a bit. It’s as if I have been pushed aside, no one having the time to come up with my name. My real name is Cassandra and Casey is short for that. But in the club, everyone has a club name. Princess got hers before she could walk. And me? Nothing. Another reason why I don’t feel like part of their family, but rather an outsider.

“Don’t know. Never asked. Can you help me carry this shit?” I do not have time to open that can of worms.

“Yeah. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” Her hand reaches out to my arm holding me softly.

I let out a deep breath. “No. I don’t know, but I’ll find out soon.” I give her a small smile.

After a teary goodbye and one last sweep through the apartment, I lock up the door, Buzz on my heels.

“Casey, wait!” Jace’s voice booms from the hallway. Buzz stiffens beside me.

“It’s fine, Buzz. No worries.” I reassure him, but he doesn’t relax.

“Where are you going?” Concern laces his voice.

“I’ve gotta go home for a while. There was a death at the club.”

“Oh my God, Casey. I’m so sorry.” Jace reaches out pulling me into a hug which I reciprocate.

“Get off her.” Buzz growls and Jace’s body tenses. I let go and turn to Buzz.

“Buzz, stop it. Jace is my friend.” I try to reassure, but the tension radiates off of Buzz.

“Don’t like it and don’t care.” I roll my eyes turning back to Jace, who has let go of me and is now standing in front of me.

“You gonna be okay?” He asks, his eyes darting from me to Buzz.

“We shall see.” I give him a soft smile. “I have to go. Bella has keys to my place.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.” I turn leaving the building.

Buzz follows very close behind my car as we weave down the road.

During the drive, I do not have Bella to distract me, so I let the bottled up tears fall for Diamond and Mia. I am smart enough to have thrown a box of tissues in the front seat, guess subconsciously I knew I’d need them. Then my thoughts drift to G.T., I can’t wait to see him, hug him and make sure he’s alright. But I’m also terrified to see him. I’m terrified that when I tell him about Mia, he’ll be relieved and I can’t handle that. If I thought his words cut deep, his relief would break me, shatter me.

Pulling up to the steel doors of the clubhouse, a man I’d never seen is manning the controls. Looking in my rearview, Buzz gives the man a head nod and the doors slowly open. Everything looks exactly the same as it did three months ago. Cars and bikes line both sides of the long driveway. Tables and chairs grace the courtyard. Men and women mingle throughout. As I park my baby, I glance over at the shop and part of me itches to go there, a feeling I haven’t had in weeks. But I need to find Harlow first.

I look in my rearview mirror and cringe at my eyes. I rub them trying to give some resemblance that I’m alright. I blow out a deep breath, not getting very far with that and grab my lip gloss and apply it quickly to my lips giving a smack. Ready as I’ll ever be.

“Open the trunk and we’ll take it all in. Princess has you set up in a room downstairs.” Buzz says and calls over another man I’d never seen before wearing a Prospect rag.

“Well hello there.” The guy eye-fucks me up and down. His long shaggy hair hangs down low, reminding me of the hair trim we gave Rocky all those months ago. This guy’s hair looks like it could use a good wash along with the wayward beard that hangs haphazardly down his face. It needs a really good trim too. His chocolate brown eyes sparkle as his smile widens.

“Hi.”

“Who are you and where have you been all my life?”

Fucking seriously? But before words escape my mouth Buzz cuts in, “Skeezer, enough. Off limits.” His bark is controlled yet demanding.

“Fuck. Whose is she?” He groans as if it pains him deeply.

Cutting in, “She… is standing right here and is nobody’s. Sorry buddy, I don’t fuck brothers. I’m a waste of time.” Turning to Buzz, “Thank you.” I move away quickly and head directly for the clubhouse.

My stomach clenches. This is it. I straighten my back and hold my head up high. I can do this.

I need to find Harlow. It seems like forever since she hugged me in Cruz’s room and told me goodbye. That night was unbelievably crazy and I learned some things about myself that I didn’t know existed. When Princess suggested we lock Rocky in a room and shave him, I thought she was fucking nuts. I mean shit; did she want to be ostracized from the club?

But after Harlow told me how Rocky used to make her screw him, regularly, to get the tools and information to take care of the bitches the club needed taken out, my opinion of the situation changed dramatically. Fuck him. We had to find out for sure if this ass was the officer from prison. If we were wrong, we’d suffer the consequences. Thinking back, shivers flow up my body.

As we had Rocky tied and gagged in the chair, Harlow shaved his hair off revealing it was truly the officer from prison. It was like Harlow turned into someone else and I did too. Almost like we were on autopilot, giving this man every bit of pain we could come up with. The gruesome scene was a necessary evil. Broomsticks, tasers, dildos and other random objects lay scattered on the floor next to a very out of it man who was bleeding and covered with hair cut from his head. It helped Harlow get over what happened to her, and I’d do it all over again. Just for her.

I need Harlow to wrap her arms around me right now. Even if she doesn’t know why, I need her comfort more than anything.

Opening up the door to the clubhouse, a small bit of fear rushes through me at the thought of seeing G.T. again after all this time. Can I handle seeing him with his women? How will he react to Mia? I need to get my shit together. I can do this. He is safe and not my responsibility.

“Holy Shit! Look who the cat dragged in!” Dagger’s voice bellows as he walks up, quickly sweeping me in his arms, my arms wrapping around his neck. His tight hug continues and I am grateful he is keeping his hands away from my ass. Dagger loves the ladies and makes no qualms about it. His long blond hair is braided neatly, falling down his back with his signature red, white and blue bandana covering the top of his head. His arms are incredibly strong as he picks me up as if I weigh nothing. The smell of smokes and booze radiates off of him.

“Hey Dagger. Good to see ya.” I squeeze back as he sets me down on the floor looking me up and down.

“Damn girl.” He says licking his lips and raising his eyebrows.

“Stop it, Dagger.” I flirt in the sweetest voice I can muster and give him a soft smile. Two can play at this game.

“Get over here!” Becs calls from the end of the walkway.

Leaving Dagger, I fall into Becs’ warm arms hugging him as tight as I can, trying to hold back the tears that want to fall from my eyes. Whenever I’m around Becs, I feel very close to Bam. They were best friends and I was always drawn to Becs because of that. They had so many similar characteristics, even the way they both held their coffee cup with their pinky wrapping around the bottom of the cup. Little things that I’m sure no one else noticed, but I did. I love seeing those things, but it hurt at the same time.

“Hey Becs.” I whisper in his ear as he pulls me back looking at me.

“College girl, huh? I’m so proud of you.” I close my eyes and smile, he didn’t know but I felt as if my dad said those words to me right along with him.

“Yeah. It’s going okay. Tough at times.” But really not because of school.

“Anybody bothering you up there?” Becs eyes turn menacing in a flash and I want to immediately wipe the look away.

“Nope. No one. Just classes are a little tough. But I’ll get it.”

No sooner did I finish the last word when I heard, “Where the hell is she!” being screamed by Harlow. Looking around Becs, sure enough Harlow is barreling down the hall heading right towards me. When her eyes lock on mine, she takes off in a dead sprint pushing through the people standing in her way.

Stepping around Becs, I smile wide and steady my stance as she full out collides with me, almost knocking me down to the ground. Her grip is unbelievably tight on me as she whispers, “I’m so glad you’re home. I need you.”

I need you too. “I’m here babe. We’ll get through this.” She clutches me like she’s afraid that if she let go, I’d disappear. I relish in the feeling, biting back the tears that want to escape. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ll help you with whatever you need done.”

“Thank you.” Her voice is so quiet which is not like Harlow. She’s always in your face demanding. Not this time.

“No place would I rather be. None. Love you.” The anger I had for her earlier dissipates from my body.

“Love you.”

We stay in this exact position for a long time, with our arms wrapped tight around each other and our heads buried in each other’s shoulders, just enjoying each other’s closeness. God I missed this woman and this is exactly what I need. I feel small bits of weight leaving my shoulders just by this small, simple embrace.

“We’ll get through this.” I slowly pull away from Harlow whose tight smile is forced on her face. Grabbing my hand, she leads me to the bar where Breaker is pouring drinks.

“Glad you’re home. What do ya want?” His gruff voice reverberates.

“Sprite, please.” My genuine smile flashes at him.

“Well… well… well. What do we have here? A club momma disguised as a biker brat.” I jerk abruptly to the piercing voice behind me, my body tenses and heat flushes through my body. The woman standing before me is about five foot two on a good day, has beautiful brown hair and a very pretty face. But her stance and attitude scream bitch. And it’s one I’ve never seen before.

Before words leave my mouth, Harlow takes over pushing me behind her quickly. I grasp on to the bar trying not to fall on my ass.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Harlow wails, her finger pointing in the woman’s face. The brunette stops abruptly looking at Harlow, the slight quiver of her lip showing the fear rising. “Biker brat? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Quickly the room electrifies and the tension becomes thick. Cruz, Becs and Dagger rush up to Harlow and me, taking in the situation. “What the fuck is going on here?” Cruz pushes Harlow behind him, unknowingly pushing me too.

“It’s…” I try to speak but get nothing out. Princess is now on a rampage and cuts me off.

She begins talking into Cruz’s back. “This fucking bitch called Casey a fucking club momma and biker brat. So now I’m gonna fucking destroy her.” Princess grips the back of Cruz’s back balling her hands into fists.

“Who the fuck do you think you are bitch?” Dagger busts out of the pack behind us, grabbing the woman’s arm.

“I… I didn’t think…” She stammers out.

“That’s right bitch. You didn’t fucking think. Casey is fucking family. You’re not!” Becs walks up to the other side of the woman who is now visibly shaking. I would be too if I had both Dagger and Becs holding my arms with death piercing in their eyes.

It’s sick to say, but at that moment a small part of me feels wanted, loved.

“Now you’ve given yourself a one-way-fucking ticket to get the fuck out of here and never think about returning.” Cruz retorts nodding to Dagger and Becs.

“Really, I’m sor…” The men pick the woman up and carry her out of the club, her words lost to me.

“I’m so sorry, Casey. You should never have to deal with that shit when you’re home.” Cruz turns to me his eyes brimming with sympathy. I can see why Harlow loves him so.

“It’s okay. Everything’s fine.” I try to reassure and bring the tension down in the room a notch.

“Don’t brush that shit off, Casey. If one of those bitches tries that shit again, you fucking stand up for yourself. She’s just a fucking club momma. She has no right.” She fumes.

Sad thing is, what the bitch said is partially true. I am a club momma where G.T. is concerned. I breathe in deep. “Babe. I didn’t have a chance to. You jumped right in. Remember?” I give a short smile.

“That bitch… No bitch talks to you that way. I’ll fucking kill ‘em.” Her face is red and her body is shaking a bit.

“I know. Calm down babe.” I wrap my arms around Harlow and try to hug all the tightness in her body out. After a bit, she wraps her arms around me too and melts into me, all the tension leaving. Cruz nods walking back to the other side of the room giving us a minute.

“It’s just been hard and… I just… Lost it.” She whispers so quietly in my ear that I can barely hear her. Hard. I know the feeling.

“I know babe. I know.” I hug her tight, warmth spreading throughout my body.

“Now I want some of that.” Tug’s rough voice comes from the side of me. I slowly pull away and look over at him giving him a small smile.

He is a very handsome man with brown hair that hangs below his ears and the richest chocolate brown eyes I’ve ever seen. But the thing I love about Tug is that he talks and listens to me. Back when I lived here, Tug would come by the shop, talk to me and overall help me out, being the friend I needed. He’s a great listener and I feel unbelievably comfortable with him. I can tell him just about anything and he doesn’t bat an eye. Thoughts of Mia invade me and I quickly push them to the side. I couldn’t tell him about the baby, he would have told G.T. Some things are just not kept from the brotherhood.

He knows about G.T. and me, which I’m sure most of the guys do because we were not quiet. But he didn’t badger me; he listened and even let me cry on his shoulder when things got bad. The really sad part is I haven’t talked to him since I left and I damn well missed him. I actually hope he isn’t pissed about that fact.

He pulls me tight to his strong body and locks his arms around my waist as I reached up linking mine around his neck. “I missed you.” I whisper.

“You could have called me.” He mumbles into my shoulder.

“I know. Sorry.” A low grumbling sound comes from the left of me, almost sounding like a growl, but I didn’t think that was possible, but when the hair on the back of my neck and tops of my arms begins to stand, I know who entered the room.

Pulling away slowly, my eyes instantly lock on the sharp, crystal ocean blue eyes of G.T. Those same eyes pull me like a thousand invisible ropes and my body is impossible to stop. No matter what words he said to me or the loss of Mia, I cannot stay away.

Without thinking, I move directly to G.T., leaving Tug and everyone else in the dust. All I can see and all I can hear is G.T. His straight, silky, honey blonde hair hangs low to his neck, but the sides tuck behind his ears. His broad shoulders are now covered with a brace that holds his arm and shoulder immobile on one side. As his sexier than sin smirk graces his face around the scruff of his blonde beard, my heart squeezes.

I need to feel him, need to feel his warmth and know he is alive. Even if he doesn’t need me, I need him, more than he can ever know. The invisible strings continue to pull me towards G.T. and before I know it, I am standing face to face with this gorgeous man. Not wasting any time, I latch on to him hard, wrapping my arms around his waist being careful not to touch his arm and bury my face in his neck. I suck in deep breaths, taking in his all too familiar scent of leather and the erotic smell of his body. I swear he never wore cologne or anything, but there is something about his skin that always draws me in and turns me into a sex crazed lunatic.

G.T.’s good arm reaches around my shoulders pulling me as close to him as I can possibly get. As his face falls into the crook of my neck, the tickle of his breath falls on my skin, but I don’t move. At this moment, I am lost and I’ll stay for as long as he’ll let me… Maybe even forever.

We stand unmoving and uncaring about what was going on around us, even with the rustle of people, we ignore it all. G.T. whispers, “I missed you” into my neck.

“I missed you, too.”

Suddenly, something in the embrace changes and G.T.’s body slumps into mine. His weight is too much too hold on to. “G.T.” I call to him, but he doesn’t answer. “G.T.!” I yell trying to pull back to see his face, but I can’t move much or he will plummet to the ground.

“Harlow! Help!” I yell with everything I have. I will not let him fall; I’ll let him crush me to the ground before that happens.

“Shit! He passed out. Cruz, Boys!” Harlow calls out as commotion begins to happen around me and everyone barks orders. Before I can catch a grasp of the situation, I let go of G.T. as Cruz picks him up and lays him on the couch. G.T.’s eyes are closed, but the small rise and fall of his chest tells me he is alive. I blow out a small sigh of relief.

“What happened?” I ask barreling my way through the crowd gathered around him to get close.

“You knocked him on his ass.” Harlow answers smiling with a slight chuckle.

“Funny. Seriously, what’s wrong?” I stare at him lying unconscious.

“You know I’m right. Anyway, his body’s been through a lot and technically, he’s not supposed to be out of bed. But the stubborn ass overheard Cruz coming in to tell me you were here and this is what happened.” She waves her arms to G.T. dramatically.

“Shit. I would have come to him.” I bend down and reach out moving the hair away from his eyes feeling the stares from everyone around me.

“Man thing.” Harlow shrugs as if none of this is a big deal and I’m sure to her it’s not. She’s seen more of this life than I have. She is this life. I am not. “I’ll have Cruz move him to his bed and call Doc, but he looks fine. Color’s good.”

“I want to go with him.” I say my eyes not leaving G.T.

“I know.” She wraps one arm around my shoulder and gives me a side hug. My eyes never leave G.T.

As Cruz and Dagger lift him, my heart plummets. Cruz grabs the top half of his body under his arms while Dagger grabs his feet. The way his body lays there limp, mimicking and swaying with every movement they make sends shivers of fear down my body. If I didn’t know 100% that he is alive, I would have screamed.

Harlow begins fussing all around G.T., giving him shots and checking this and that after they lay him down. Ma barrels into the room, her eyes wide with fear. “What happened?”

“One look at Casey had him passing out.” Harlow laughs and I blush. Bitch.

I stand in the corner of his room and watch, feeling like a spectator more than an actual participant. Ma holds her hands out to me as she walks and embraces me tightly. “I’m sorry you had to come home to this, but girl, I’m so glad you’re home.”

I never had a mom, never knew what it was like to have one. Ma is the closest I’ve ever gotten. She always had a way of making me feel loved even when I didn’t. I latch on tight feeling her warmth. “Thanks.”

“He’s okay, just not supposed to be moving too much right now.” She says answering the question that has been worrying me since he went down.

“When will he wake up?” I muffle into Ma, but my eyes lock on G.T. lying in his bed appearing to be peaceful.

“Soon, he just needs some sleep. Doc will be here in a bit to check him out.”

“Can I stay with him?” I ask, feeling like I need her permission. Scratch that, like I want her permission.

She pulls away from me and my eyes meet hers. Ma is a beautiful woman. Her blonde hair dances around her face in layered curls and her light gray eyes sparkle as if she likes what I just asked her. “Absolutely. You can stay with him as long as you like.” Her eyes penetrate mine as her words sink in, unbelievable meaning dripping from them. And as much as I want to tell her that I’d love too, some part deep down, one that I wasn’t acknowledging at the moment, knows that once he gets better I am gone.

I shake off the small thought not wanting to acknowledge it and lock it down deep.

“Thanks.” I pull away and walk over to the bed. I grab a chair and sit next to him, afraid to actually touch him.

“He just needs sleep. You can touch him, you won’t hurt him. He’ll actually like it. I gave him a small bit of morphine so he’ll be a bit out of it. I’ll make sure no one comes in.” Harlow says, squeezing my shoulders behind me. Everyone in the room files out, leaving me with a very unconscious hot man. I sigh. If only.

I grab his warm, rough hand looking at all the lines and scars that grace it. Each one, I’m sure with some kind of story. His fingernails are clean and cut short, the clean part must be Harlow’s doing because G.T. did not primp at all. He is all rugged and likes getting his hands dirty.

I rub my hands up and down his feeling the rough but soft palms. I lace my fingers with his and bring them up to my lips kissing them softly. “I’m so sorry babe.” I whisper.

Everything from that moment, his hurtful words spewed out of his mouth, to losing Mia burst through me. Tears roll uncontrollably down my face and I grip G.T.’s hand tighter feeling his warmth. I lay my head next to his hand on the bed, close my eyes and let myself feel the pain.

“This is all your fault, G.T. Do you even realize that?” I whisper into the bed. “If you could just be with me. If I could just be enough for you, we could have had everything.” I let the tears take over.

“Casey?” G.T.’s groggy voice sputters. I jump quickly, wiping my face to wash the tears away. I instantly miss the warmth of his hand in mine.

“Hey.” I say softly brushing his silky hair away from his face.

“You’re really here?” he asks, his eyes glassy, must be from the meds.

“Right here.” Placing my hand on his bearded cheek, I relish the feeling of his coarse hair under my palm. His hand reaches up and covers mine.

“Don’t leave me. Please.” His words almost a plea, but being heavily medicated I will not read anything more into his words, even if deep inside I wish it to be true.

“I’m right here.”

“Tired. Come lay with me.” I shouldn’t. It will only cause me more pain, but I can’t help my damn self. His pleading eyes suck me in and damn if I can crawl out from their spell. And to be completely honest, I need this.

I smile. “Yeah.” I kick off my shoes and crawl into bed under the covers feeling his body heat even though we are not touching. Laying my head on the empty pillow, I keep my body far away from his.

“Get over here.” His words are demanding and send fire through my body. Dammit if I don’t love his forcefulness, but don’t budge. I can’t make myself move.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I’ll just lay here.” I stare at his handsome profile. His nose with a slight bend from the fight he had when he was younger, it just never set right, his strong jaw angled just perfectly.

“Now.” The intensity in his words makes my body move on its own accord. I can never turn my body’s reaction to him off and part of me craves him. I move close and he reaches out, his good arm pulling me even closer to his body. My head rests on his arm as I lay on my side, hand on his rock hard chest and my legs next to his. I itch to move them over his, but keep them where they are. His arm holds me tight against his body as I wiggle to get comfortable and it doesn’t take much.

I sink into the comfort that he is providing me. I’ll only lay here for a little bit, I tell myself. But his warmth is too much and my eyes begin to get heavy.