The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

I walk down my street at night

The city lights are cold and violent

I am comforted by the approaching sound of trucks and sirens

Even though the world’s so bad

These men rush out to help the dying

And though I am no use to them

I do my part by simply smiling

The ghetto boys are catcalling me

As I pull my keys from my pocket

I wonder if this method of courtship

Has ever been effective

Has any girl in history said

“Sure! You seem so nice! Let’s get it on!”

Still, I always shock them when I answer

“Hi, my name’s Amanda”

And I’m not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand

And even if I went with you, I’m not the girl you think I am

And I’m not gonna match you

Cause I’ll lose my voice completely

No, I’m not gonna watch you

Cause I’m not the one that’s crazy…

I have wasted years of my life

Agonizing about the fires

I started when I thought that to be strong you must be flame-retardant

And now to dress the wounds goes into question

How authentic they are

There is always someone criticizing me

She just likes playing hospital

Lying in my bed

I remember what you said

There’s no such thing as accidents

But you’ve got the headstones all ready

All carved up and pretty

Your sick satisfaction

Those his and hers matching

The daisies all push up in pairs to the horizon

Your eyes full of ketchup

(It’s nice that you’re trying)

But I’m not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand

And even if I went with you, I’m not the girl you think I am

And I’m not gonna match you

Cause I’ll lose my voice completely

No, I’m not gonna watch you

Cause I’m not the one that’s crazy

I’m not the one that’s crazy, yeah…

As I wake up—two o’clock

The fire burned the block

But ironically stopped at my apartment

And my housemates are all sleeping soundly

And nobody deserves to die

But you were awful adamant

That if I didn’t love you

Then you have just one alternative…

And I may be romantic

And I may risk my life for it

But I ain’t gonna die for you

(You know I ain’t no Juliet)

And I’m not gonna watch you while you burn yourself out, baby…

No, I’m not gonna stop you

Cause I’m not the one that’s crazy, yeah

I’m not the one that’s crazy, yeah

I’M NOT THE ONE’S THAT’S CRAZY