The Finishing School

24

CARMEN DRIFTED IN and out of consciousness. When she was awake, sometimes she was lucid, sometimes she wasn’t. When she knew what was happening, damn, it hurt so bad! She couldn’t stand it. But not for herself. She thought only of Papi, wherever he was-home, somewhere, looking for her, waiting, going crazy. He must be tearing at his hair, pounding himself with his fists. Every second she felt Papi’s agony. She imagined her captor, saw his cold eyes, remembered the gun he’d brandished at her. But in her mind she wasn’t herself; she was her father, consumed by these terrible worries about his daughter. She saw her own death, bullets piercing her flesh. But she was Papi, visualizing her murder while sobbing over her dead body. It was his pain she experienced, not her own.

Eventually time stretched out and lost its meaning. Carmen began hallucinating. She knew she was hallucinating, but that didn’t matter. The visions were blindingly real. A woman started visiting her in the closet, a woman who looked strangely like her dead mother. But she didn’t talk like Mami had. This woman talked fancy, whereas Mami’s English had barely been passable. And this woman was mean, whereas Mami had been very loving.

“Life is a nanosecond,” the woman said. “Death is what lasts. Don’t fight it.”

“I can’t die. Papi would be too sad. You already left him. He needs me.” Carmen said this, even though she knew this woman was not her mother but rather a stranger masquerading as her mother.

“We don’t choose when to die, Carmen. Death finds us, just like this man found you. When he comes back, he’s going to kill you.”

“No. I don’t think so. Not right away anyway. He needs me to do something for him first.”

“You’re not going to do it, are you?”

“I have to. Otherwise he’ll kill Lulu. He told me.”

“And you believe him?”

“Of course I believe him. He killed Whitney and Brianna. He has the devil inside him, I know.”

“Then you’re making a deal with the devil. That’s not smart, Carmen. You’ll burn in hell. Resist him, say no. Let him kill you. It’s not so bad where I live. Come, and we’ll spend time together.”

“Please, don’t tell me to do that!” Carmen cried. “I need to save Lulu! I need to see Papi again! What the man’s asking is wrong, but it’s not so terrible. Who will it hurt if I do what he asks? Then maybe I could even escape-”

“Escape? You’re a foolish girl if you think that’s possible. Look at the way he tied you up. You’ll never get out of this closet,” the woman said.

“He has to take me out eventually, if I’m going to do what he’s asking. Maybe I could escape then.”

“No you can’t. He has a gun.”

“So maybe he won’t use it.”

The woman just laughed, an ugly cackle, nothing like Mami’s.

“What’s so funny?”

“You are, the way you fool yourself. How much time do you think you have left, Carmen? A day? A few hours? You don’t even know how long ago it was that Whitney and Brianna died, do you? You have no clue.”

“It can’t be that long, because I’m still alive. If I’d gone a week without food and water, I’d be dead. I mean, I am still alive, right?…Right?” Carmen asked nervously.

“I’m not going to tell you the answer to that one.”

“Someone will find me!” Carmen cried, in tears. “Someone will come rescue me, I know!”

“What are you talking about? Stupid girl! What makes you think anybody’s even looking for you?”