The Finishing School

31

LULU LET HERSELF into the darkened basement apartment with her key, relieved that the lights were out. Thank God that Papi was sleeping. She was nervous that if she saw Papi, she’d break down. She’d tell. She couldn’t let herself. She had to keep her mouth shut, for Carmen’s sake. Like he said tonight, when he came and found her at the skating rink. He’d scared the shit out of her just by showing up and sitting there. And as if that weren’t enough, he’d explained exactly what he’d do if she told anybody.

Lulu reached into her coat pocket and fingered that lady’s business card. She’d been thinking about calling the number and telling everything she knew, but now she definitely wouldn’t. In fact, he told her she’d better call up that lady and lie. Throw suspicion onto somebody else. He’d even carefully given Lulu the name. She didn’t want to do it, but what choice did she have? That man would kill Carmen without a second thought.

Lulu was getting choked up thinking about how much she wanted to call that lady. It would be such a relief to let an adult take this mess off her hands. But no, she was being weak. Babyish. For years now, Lulu had positively longed to have a grown-up take care of her. But she was determined to outgrow that nonsense. Grown-ups couldn’t be trusted. Mami had gone and died on them. Papi was helpless and lost, like a child himself, needing them to take care of him. The teachers at school were evil, full of double talk, slaves to the rich girls. Carmen was the only one Lulu relied on, and now look at what she’d gone and done! Lulu told her to mind her own business. But no, Miss Smarty-Pants thought she knew everything. Had to be such a Goody-Two-Shoes and go tattle. So now this mess. He’d explained to Lulu very carefully tonight what she needed to do, what would happen to Carmen-and Lulu herself-if she didn’t. Lulu had every intention of living a long, happy life, getting rich and famous and having tons of clothes and boyfriends, so she planned to follow instructions. But what if…what if she made the wrong choice? What if he killed Carmen anyway and she could’ve stopped it? How would Lulu live with that?

She ran to her room, snapped on the light, and fell to her knees beside her bed, still wearing her parka, staring at the picture of the Virgin hanging above the nightstand. Lulu folded her hands together and prayed with all her might.

“Hail Mary, Mother of God, look. I’m gonna cut to the chase. I know you’re mad at me about the stuff with boys. But I wouldn’t let Tyler Cole go to third base at the mixer Saturday night, like you told me, even though he’da let me wear his St. David’s swim jacket if I did. And that jacket is fly, okay? So I don’t think I deserve this. I know it was really bad about going to second with Jake Cooper, but I repented a lot, and besides, you already punished me when he forwarded my e-mails to all his friends. I’m trying. Really I am. I know this is your decision and all, and I’m not telling you what to do. But it seems to me you picked a punishment that hurts Carmencita worse than me. And we both know she didn’t do nothing wrong. I mean, that girl, all she does is study and work and take care of this house. All she wants is to go to college. Okay, me, I’m boy crazy. I admit it, I’m bad. Definitely. But Carmen isn’t like that! She’s good. So why are you letting this happen to her? Why punish her for my sins? If you don’t care about me, think about Papi! What’s he supposed to do if shit gets messed up and Carmen dies? Who’s gonna take care of him then, when you already took his wife? Huh? Our Lady? Are you listening?”

Lulu stared desperately at the picture, trying to discern any movement or change of expression in the Virgin’s face. But the image was completely inert. Tears began falling in earnest from Lulu’s eyes, and her shoulders heaved with suppressed sobs. “Please! Please!” she pleaded. “Dear Lady, I need an answer. Before it’s too late.”

Lulu buried her face in the stiff, scratchy bedspread, eyes and nose streaming. She remained on her knees for a long time, until she was so exhausted that she climbed on top of the bed and fell into a fitful sleep, still wrapped in her parka.