The Last Day

EIGHT

At six A.M. on Monday Natasha was at the hospital in her scrubs. She had just finished ster ilizing her hands for a hernia operation on a nine- year-old girl. As her surgical nurse was slipping on Dr. McCarty's left glove, Natasha's hands began to tremble gently almost imperceptibly. Panic filled her as her nurse, Gloria Ready, fixed her with a look of concern.

“Are you all right, Dr. McCarty?” Gloria asked her.

Natasha managed to smile reassuringly. “I'm fine, Gloria.”

“Your hands are shaking.”

“ Pre- op jitters,” Natasha told her.

Natasha heard something behind her and turned to see that Dr. George Walls, the senior partner in her practice, had entered the room. There was a snap as he pulled off his glove. “Hello, Natasha, Nurse Ready.”

“Good morning, Dr. Walls,” Gloria said, looking down.

Walls stared at Natasha, scrutinizing her. She dropped her hands to her sides.

“I'll be in the OR,” Gloria said, leaving.

“Natasha, is everything all right?” George asked, frowning with concern.

“Fine, George.”

“Hold out your hands for me.”

“My hands are fine,” Natasha said, feeling fear and embarrassment well up inside her.

“Please, humor an old friend,” he insisted.

She held out her hands and her fingers trembled slightly.

“Your hands are uncertain,” he said firmly.

“I don't know what this is about,” she said, on the verge of tears.

“I'm sure you are perfectly fine, but not to perform surgery.”

Natasha said, weakly, “It's probably nothing but pre- op jitters. I didn't sleep very well last night.”

Walls smiled reassuringly. “Let's do this as a precaution, Natasha. Let me take this one and you can assist. If that's all right?”

“Of course. Thank you.” Natasha could have argued the point. She was sure the trembling would pass as it always had. During the last operation her hands had been certain. Being replaced was humiliating.

“Has this happened before?” he asked. “These tremors?”

“No. Well, not during surgery. And it passed in a few minutes. I would never…” She exhaled loudly. “I should see someone. I'm sure… I've been under a lot of stress lately.”

“Why don't you schedule something with Walter Edmonds? It never hurts to be certain.”

Dr. Edmonds was a neurologist.

A neurologist can diagnose neurological diseases.

A neurologist can end a career with the truth.

“I will do that today,” Natasha said weakly.

“I don't see where it could hurt a thing,” Dr. Walls said, smiling kindly. He turned to the sink and began to wash his hands meticulously.