100 Malicious Little Mysteries

A Deal in Diamonds by Edward D. Hoch

It was seeing a girl toss a penny into the plaza fountain that gave Pete Hopkins the idea. He was always on the lookout for money-making ideas, and they were getting tougher to find all the time. But as he looked up from the fountain to the open window of the Downtown Diamond Exchange, he thought he had found a good one at last.

He strolled over to the phone booth at the other side of the plaza and called Johnny Stoop. Johnny was the classiest dude Pete knew — a real fashion-plate who could walk into a store and have the clerks falling over themselves to wait on him. Better yet, he had no record here in the east. And it was doubtful if the cops could link him to the long list of felonies he had committed ten years ago in California.

“Johnny? This is Pete. Glad I caught you in.”

“I’m always in during the daytime, Pete boy. In fact, I was just getting up.”

“I got a job for us, Johnny, if you’re interested.”

“What sort?”

“Meet me at the Birchbark Bar and we’ll talk about it.”

“How soon?”

“An hour?”

Johnny Stoop groaned. “Make it two. I gotta shower and eat breakfast.”

“Okay, two. See you.”

The Birchbark Bar was a quiet place in the afternoons — perfect for the sort of meeting Pete wanted. He took a booth near the back and ordered a beer. Johnny was only ten minutes late and he walked into the place as if he were casing it for a robbery or a girl he might pick up. Finally he settled, almost reluctantly, for Pete’s booth.

“So what’s the story?”

The bartender was on the phone yelling at somebody about a delivery, and the rest of the place was empty. Pete started talking. “The Downtown Diamond Exchange. I think we can rip it off for a quick handful of stones. Might be good for fifty grand.”

Johnny Stoop grunted, obviously interested. “How do we do it?”

“You do it. I wait outside.”

“Great! And I’m the one the cops grab!”

“The cops don’t grab anyone. You stroll in, just like Dapper Dan, and ask to see a tray of diamonds. You know where the place is, on the fourth floor. Go at noon, when there’s always a few customers around. I’ll create a commotion in the hall, and you snatch up a handful of stones.”

“What do I do — swallow them like the gypsy kids used to do?”

“Nothing so crude. The cops are wise to that, anyway. You throw them out the window.”

“Like hell I do!”

“I’m serious, Johnny.”

“They don’t even keep their windows open. They got air conditioning, haven’t they?”

“I saw the window open today. You know all this energy-conservation stuff — turn off the air conditioner and open the windows. Well, they’re doing it. They probably figure four flights up nobody’s goin’ to get in that way. But something can get out — the diamonds.”

“It sounds crazy, Pete.”

“Listen, you toss the diamonds through the window from the counter. That’s maybe ten feet away.” He was making a quick pencil sketch of the office as he talked. “See, the window’s behind the counter and you’re in front of it. They never suspect that you threw ’em out the window because you’re never near the window. They search you, they question you, but then they gotta let you go. There are other people in the store, other suspects. And nobody saw you take them.”

“So the diamonds go out the window. But you’re not outside to catch them. You’re in the hall creating a diversion. So what happens to the stones?”

“This is the clever part. Directly beneath the window, four stories down, is the fountain in the plaza. It’s big enough so the diamonds can’t miss it. They fall into the fountain and they’re as safe as in a bank vault, till we decide to get them. Nobody noticed them hit the water because the fountain is splashing. And nobody sees them in the water because they’re clear. They’re like glass.”

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed. “Unless the sun—”

“The sun don’t reach the bottom of the pool. You could look right at ’em and not notice ’em — unless you knew they were there. We’ll know, and we’ll come back for them tomorrow night, or the next.”

Johnny was nodding. “I’m in. When do we pull it off?”

Pete smiled and raised his glass of beer. “Tomorrow.”

On the following day, Johnny Stoop entered the fourth floor offices of the Downtown Diamond Exchange at exactly 12:15. The uniformed guard who was always at the door gave him no more than a passing glance. Pete watched it all from the busy hallway outside, getting a clear view through the thick glass doors that ran from floor to ceiling.

As soon as he saw the clerk produce a tray of diamonds for Johnny, he glanced across the office at the window. It was open about halfway, as it had been the previous day. Pete started walking toward the door, touched the thick glass handle, and fell over in an apparent faint. The guard inside the door heard him fall and came out to offer assistance.

“What’s the matter, mister? You okay?”

“I... I can’t — breathe...”

He raised his head and asked for a glass of water. Already one of the clerks had come around the counter to see what the trouble was.

Pete sat up and drank the water, putting on a good act. “I just fainted, I guess.”

“Let me get you a chair,” one clerk said.

“No, I think I’d better just go home.” He brushed off his suit and thanked them. “I’ll be back when I’m feeling better.” He hadn’t dared to look at Johnny, and he hoped the diamonds had gone out the window as planned.

He took the elevator downstairs and strolled across the plaza to the fountain. There was always a crowd around it at noon — secretaries eating their lunches out of brown-paper bags, young men casually chatting with them. He mingled unnoticed and worked his way to the edge of the pool. But it was a big area, and through the rippling water he couldn’t be certain he saw anything except the scattering of pennies and nickels at the bottom. Well, he hadn’t expected to see the diamonds anyway, so he wasn’t disappointed.

He waited an hour, then decided the police must still be questioning Johnny. The best thing to do was to head for his apartment and wait for a call.

It came two hours later.

“That was a close one,” Johnny said. “They finally let me go, but they still might be following me.”

“Did you do it?”

“Sure I did it! What do you think they held me for? They were goin’ crazy in there. But I can’t talk now. Let’s meet at the Birchbark in an hour. I’ll make sure I’m not followed.”

Pete took the same booth at the rear of the Birchbark and ordered his usual beer. When Johnny arrived the dapper man was smiling. “I think we pulled it off, Pete. Damn if we didn’t pull it off!”

“What’d you tell them?”

“That I didn’t see a thing. Sure, I’d asked for the tray of stones, but then when there was the commotion in the hall I went to see what it was along with everyone else. There were four customers in the place and they couldn’t really pin it on any one of us. But they searched us all, and even took us downtown to be X-rayed, to be certain we hadn’t swallowed the stones.”

“I was wondering what took you so long.”

“I was lucky to be out as soon as I was. A couple of the others acted more suspicious than me, and that was a break. One of them even had an arrest record for a stolen car.” He said it in a superior manner. “The dumb cops figure anyone who stole a car would steal diamonds.”

“I hope they didn’t get too good a look at me. I’m the one who caused the commotion, and they just gotta figure I’m involved.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll pick up the diamonds tonight and get out of town for a while.”

“How many stones were there?” Pete asked expectantly.

“Five. And all beauties.”

The evening papers confirmed it. They placed the value of the five missing diamonds at $65,000. And the police had no clue.

They went back to the plaza around midnight, but Pete didn’t like the feel of it. “They might be wise,” he told Johnny. “Let’s wait a night, in case the cops are still snoopin’ around up there. Hell, the stones are safe where they are.”

The following night, when the story had already disappeared from the papers, replaced by a bank robbery, they returned to the plaza once more. This time they waited till three A.M., when even the late crowd from the bars had scattered for home. Johnny carried a flashlight and Pete wore wading boots. He’d already considered the possibility that one or two of the diamonds might not be found, but even so they’d be far ahead of the game.

The fountain was turned off at night, and the calmness of the water made the search easier. Wading in the shallow water, Pete found two of the gems almost at once. It took another ten minutes to find the third one, and he was ready to quit then. “Let’s take what we got, Johnny.”

The flashlight bobbed. “No, no. Keep looking. Find us at least one more.”

Suddenly they were pinned in the glare of a spotlight, and a voice shouted, “Hold it right there! We’re police officers!”

“Damn!” Johnny dropped the flashlight and started to run, but already the two cops were out of their squad car. One of them pulled his gun and Johnny stopped in his tracks. Pete climbed from the pool and stood with his hands up.

“You got us, officer,” he said.

“Damn right we got you,” the cop with the gun growled. “The coins in that fountain go to charity every month. Anybody that would steal them has to be pretty low. I hope the judge gives you both ninety days in the cooler. Now up against the car while we search you!”