A Friend Called Alfie

‘Quick,’ George said, as we both sprinted as fast as we could after Pickles. He was about to enter another ward, as he chased behind a man pushing a child in a wheelchair. We caught up with him and just made it through another door before it banged aggressively behind us, I only just managed to whip my tail through in time. As we caught our breath, I looked around and saw that we were in a bright-coloured place. The man carried on pushing the chair, somehow Pickles had hitched a lift. I looked at George in horror. Pickles was sitting on the lap of the little girl in the wheelchair, but thankfully she had hidden him under her dressing gown so the man hadn’t noticed. She was smiling and we followed them until she was pushed to a bed. I had a bad feeling.

‘This must be the children’s ward,’ George said.

So this was a hospital ward I thought, as I saw a row of beds with children and a few adults next to them. I looked at George.

‘This is not good is it?’ I asked.

‘No, Dad. If we get caught there will be a whole heap of trouble.’ And as if to prove the point, Pickles jumped down from the girl’s lap and started sliding around the floor.

‘Look, it’s a dog,’ one of the children shouted, as those who were able got out of bed and crowded around Pickles. The adults looked at each other uneasily. As did George and I who were trying to stay unnoticed behind a curtain.

‘Should he be here?’ one of them asked.

‘I don’t think so, shall I go and get the ward sister?’ another replied.

‘Can’t we play with him?’ the boy who was stroking him asked. ‘Please, he’s so cute.’

‘Woof,’ Pickles agreed.

‘We don’t know anything about him,’ the adult with him replied. ‘But he shouldn’t be here, I’m sure.’

‘Maybe he’s one of those dogs who can visit hospitals,’ another adult suggested. ‘I’ve read about them.’

‘Maybe, but shouldn’t he have an adult with him and be on a lead? What if he bites a child?’ the woman who said she would go and get sister asked, before she left the ward.

‘Oh no,’ I said. Yet again, I realised I should have taken Pickles home, I shouldn’t have come, I should have waited, I should have trusted George. So many things were going wrong and I had a bad feeling in my fur. This was not one of my finer plans. ‘If they catch him, what will they do?’

‘I don’t know but Harold says to me it’s imperative that I don’t get caught, which is why I keep it so quiet. He says there will be big trouble if I’m found out.’

We were already in big trouble, that much was clear and we couldn’t get to Pickles without being seen. I wracked my brain for answers, but I couldn’t come up with a great deal of options.

‘Do you think we should stay hidden and wait and see what happens?’ I asked.

‘I don’t see we have much choice. Oh boy, Dad, why did you have to come with him today?’

I asked myself the same thing.

‘Right what is going on,’ a voice boomed and a large woman who seemed almost like a giant compared to most of the children, and us of course, loomed. The children, who didn’t seem very happy to see her, parted and I could see her staring at Pickles, who was wagging his bottom at her excitedly. I wanted to rush in and save him but I didn’t know how. A shadow appeared on the floor as she reached out and picked him up. He licked her face.

‘Uggh, you dirty thing, you cannot be on a ward with ill children,’ she shrieked. Poor Pickles looked confused. After all everyone he encountered fell for his charm, so I did feel a bit bad for him. He tried to wriggle out of her arms as she tightened her grip. How would I ever make this up to George?

‘Has he got a collar on?’ one of the parents asked, but I knew he didn’t. Polly had said she’d had him chipped, but decided against a collar. Knowing Pickles he’d have only eaten it.

‘No, but then he’s probably chipped,’ another voice said, which was a relief.

‘Well I don’t have time for this. I’ll call the dog warden and they can deal with it,’ the woman said. I felt my heart sink. I didn’t know what a dog warden was but what if they took Pickles somewhere and we never saw him again? What if the dog warden was as mean as the woman who held a Pickles in her arms?

‘Dad, we have to do something,’ George hissed.

‘Right,’ I said, another plan leapt into my head. ‘We will have to follow that woman, with Pickles, and whatever we do we can’t let him out of our sight.’

‘Good idea,’ George said, and I began to feel a bit like the adult again. So far, George had proved himself mature and sensible. Perhaps he wasn’t technically supposed to come to the hospital but he was coming for the right reasons, and I had somehow messed that up for him, which didn’t make me the best father in the world. As well as getting Pickles out of here, I would have to put that right. It’s what parents did when we screwed up. After all, we were only cats at the end of the day.

The woman marched out of the ward, leaving children crying in her wake but we couldn’t afford to dwell on that. George and I raised our whiskers at each other in understanding and followed her, ever careful not to be seen we dodged behind trolleys along the corridor. We watched her march into an office, and put Pickles down on a chair.

‘Stay there,’ she commanded. Even Pickles looked terrified of her, with her stern voice I couldn’t blame him, but Pickles was sitting stiller than I’d ever seen him.

Thankfully, she hadn’t shut the door but we didn’t dare being seen yet. I poked my head around.

‘How on earth did you get into my ward?’ she asked.

‘Woof,’ Pickles replied.

‘Well I won’t have it. I run a tight ship and there is no room for dogs.’ She narrowed her eyes at him, and Pickles trembled.

‘Right.’ She typed something into the computer, and then picked up a phone. I could barely breathe as I watched it unfold. ‘Hello, yes I’m calling from the hospital, and there’s a dog running around here, totally out of control.’

There was a pause.

‘I don’t know if he’s dangerous,’ she continued. I glanced at George, Pickles was possibly the least dangerous dog in the world.

Another pause.

‘No, he’s not foaming at the mouth. Listen, I need someone to come up and get him out of the hospital. Out of the children’s ward.’

Another pause.

‘Make sure you hurry, thank you.’

The phone went dead.

What was going to happen? They were on the way to get him and we had no way of getting him out of the room without being seen.

‘Sister, Sister, there’s a problem in bay three.’ A nurse came running in. Thankfully she didn’t notice as I tucked myself into the corner of the office. Sister looked the nurse, then at Pickles.

‘Stay,’ she commanded and ran out. She pulled the door shut behind her, but George managed to get his paw in before it closed totally. We were all back together, thankfully but that wasn’t necessarily the end of our problems as we had to figure out a way to get out of here.

‘Pickles,’ I hissed, ‘come with me.’

Pickles wiggled his bottom, but thankfully hopped off the chair.

‘This is so much fun,’ he said. I had no words. ‘Apart from the scary woman. I didn’t much like the scary woman.’

‘Look,’ George said as we began to make our way out of the ward and hopefully to safety, gesturing with his whiskers. ‘It’s a laundry cart, I’ve seen them before, they might take us to Harold’s ward if we’re lucky.’ He gestured with his paw to a big cart, which had high sides, there was no way Pickles could jump up to it. Perhaps Pickles might be able to fit in at the side?

‘Pickles, do exactly as I say,’ I commanded in my sternest voice.

‘I always do,’ Pickles replied. He really, really didn’t. We approached the cart. There was a man with one hand on it and he was talking to someone else. Thankfully he had his back to us.

‘Right,’ I said, holding open the slit with a paw, ‘jump in.’

‘Are you coming?’ Pickles asked.

‘I’m right behind you.’ Pickles started to climb in and, although his bottom got caught up a bit, I gave him a shove with my paw and he was in. I followed, as did George.

‘Yuk, it stinks,’ Pickles said. It wasn’t the most pleasant smell, but then it was a laundry cart. And thankfully it wasn’t too full. And this was his fault so if anyone had a right to complain …

‘It’s better than the dog warden,’ George hissed at him. He wasn’t delighted; we were still in big trouble with him.

‘Where are you going now?’ I heard a human voice say from outside the cart.

‘To Carpenter ward,’ he replied.

‘That’s Harold’s ward,’ George whispered, flooded with relief.

‘Pickles,’ I warned, ‘from now on you do exactly what we say and you follow us. No going off on your own or getting any bright ideas.’

‘OK.’ he replied. I didn’t feel full of confidence but surely the worst had happened and we’d escaped, so that should be alright and at least now we were going to see Harold. I just had to make everything else up to George, that was all.

We were on the move. I felt the trolley being pushed forward. There was a bit of a shunt as we went through the door, but I motioned for Pickles to stay quiet. Another shunt told us we were through more doors and then the cart stopped.

‘Let me check,’ George said, quietly, looking out of the gap. ‘Yay, we’re here,’ he said, sounding happier than he had since we’d arrived. ‘Right, follow me. I am the expert here, so it might be an idea to remember that.’

I would never forget that again. George went first, Pickles next and I brought up the rear so I could keep an eye on Pickles. We sort of herded him, it was the only way. Without further incident, we managed to get to another room similar the children’s ward. Then, in the bed nearest the door, sat up in his striped pyjamas, was Harold. I was so pleased to see him, I nearly yowled, I realised how much I’d missed him. George jumped up onto the bed.

‘I wondered where you’d got to, you’re late today,’ Harold said, but he stroked George, and nuzzled him. ‘I was worried, that’s all,’ he added.

‘Meow,’ George said. Then he looked down at us, and Harold did the same.

‘Oh my, how on earth did you get these two in here?’ he asked.

‘Meow,’ I said.

‘Hold on,’ Harold said. He put George onto his bed, and slowly swung his legs around. Then, holding onto the bed frame, he bent down and picked Pickles up. I jumped onto his bed when he was back in it, and the three of us crowded him.

‘Well I never,’ another old man said, getting off the bed he was in and coming over.

‘I have no idea how they all got here,’ Harold said. ‘I mean George’s pretty clever, as is Alfie, but how did they manage to sneak a dog in here?’

The other man chuckled. ‘It’s amazing isn’t it. Can I show him around?’ He picked Pickles up. Pickles licked his face.

‘Yes but don’t get caught mind. If a member of staff appears you have to hide. George, sorry I know you know this already, but Alfie and Pickles, it’s important.’

‘Meow.’ I had already gathered as much.

Arthur, the elderly patient, took Pickles around the ward to see other patients, and they all cheered up immediately.

‘Dad, I know that you worry about me but alongside Harold I visit other people here, so would you stay here while I do my rounds?’ he asked.

‘You are careful, aren’t you?’ I replied, our heads were touching. Harold looked around for his glasses, which were on the top of his head.

‘I’ve never been caught,’ George replied giving me a withering look. ‘Unlike some.’

‘Sorry, sorry,’ I whispered.

‘Yowl,’ he said to Harold, giving him a nuzzle.

‘Right you are, boy, see you in a minute.’ Harold obviously knew the drill by now and I couldn’t help but feel proud of my son. He had an important role here.

‘George is like a tonic here,’ he said. ‘People love him coming here, and he cheers us all up no end. You should be very proud.’

The mews choked in my throat, but I still felt guilty for the fact I had followed him here.

‘Some people are so lonely, when my family, well our family comes to visit I always send them to talk to some of those who never have visitors. See Neville, in the corner?’ I looked at a man who seemed very white but then Arthur approached with Pickles and a big smile appeared on his face. I felt like yowling, it was bittersweet. These people weren’t well and they were lonely, some of them, and that wasn’t right.

‘Meow?’ What can we do? I asked.

‘It’s terrible, not knowing what to do.’ But what on earth could we do about it?

‘Incoming,’ Harold said, and tucked me under his bed sheet. Arthur hid Pickles under the bed he was next to.

‘Right, gentlemen,’ a nurse, who wasn’t as severe as the sister, said. She had a kind voice from what I could hear, I obviously couldn’t see her. ‘About to bring your medicine, is everyone alright?’

‘Yes, thanks,’ they chorused.

‘Good, back in a mo,’ she said.

‘They always come round to tell us they’re coming round, it’s very strange,’ Harold said. ‘But the good thing is that we know the medicine is coming, so we know to keep you all hidden. Can’t have you getting caught now, can we?’ Not after last time.

It was so much fun. I did feel bad for the men on the ward, they clearly weren’t at their best, but there was a nice atmosphere. Even Harold laughed a couple of times.

‘Right,’ he said, after the medicine had been given out, ‘someone will have to get George because it’s visiting time soon and the family will be here – you need to get out before they come.’ Some of the people, the more mobile ones, from the ward had gathered at Harold’s bed and Pickles and I were both there now.

‘I’ll get him,’ a man offered.

‘Only because you want to see your fancy woman, Giles,’ Arthur said and they all laughed.

Giles returned with George hidden in his dressing gown and we looked on from Harold’s bed.

‘It’s been so grand to see you all,’ Harold said, he sounded emotional. ‘I do miss you, but I’ll be home soon. And you guys better get ready to go now.’

‘Meow,’ George said.

‘Incoming,’ Arthur shouted and we all, having learned the drill, hid under the sheet. I looked at Pickles.

‘Stay still,’ I said, he was wiggling his tail like mad.

‘I am,’ he said. He was not.

‘Pickles, you’ll get caught again,’ George warned.

‘I will not,’ he said defiantly. ‘I’m a good cat.’

He really wasn’t either.

‘What is this?’ a voice said. Thankfully it didn’t sound like the woman from the children’s ward, but George and I stayed still as statues. However, Pickles was still wiggling. Oh no. I had a bad feeling. Suddenly the sheet was pulled back, and exposed us all.

‘That’s a breach of my human rights,’ Harold screeched. ‘I could have been naked.’

‘No, Harold, you couldn’t,’ a man’s voice said, although he sounded kind. ‘You wear your pyjamas in here, but more to the point why are there two cats and a pug in your bed?’ I thought I saw his lips twitch. A woman in a nurse’s uniform joined him to see what was going on.

‘Well I never,’ she said.

‘They’re just visiting,’ Harold said, but he did sound contrite.

‘How on earth did two cats and a puppy get in here?’ The male nurse scratched his head.

‘And what do we do now? Should we call the dog warden?’ the female nurse said.

‘You can’t call the dog warden for cats,’ Harold said, to my relief. ‘And anyway, I happen to know them.’

‘You know them?’ the male nurse asked.

‘Yes, they live on my street. My Marcus will be here any minute now, surely he can arrange for them to be taken home.’

George gave me another scowl. We were going to be in big trouble when our humans heard about this but then, there was no way around it. We could make a run for it, but what if they caught us and called the dog warden? And what would the dog warden do with cats? Was there a cat warden? There were so many questions running around my head, I didn’t notice Marcus approaching.

‘Hello—’ he said before he stopped short.

‘Hey, son,’ Harold said, innocently.

‘What on earth is going on?’ Poor Marcus’s brows were etched in confusion.

‘It seems,’ the male nurse started to explain, ‘that these three somehow came to visit, and I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that animals are not supposed to be on hospital grounds.’

‘Of course not, but how on earth did they get here?’ We all looked at Marcus innocently, as did Harold now. Another staff member approached.

‘I just spoke to Lisa in the children’s ward and she said a dog was found there earlier. She didn’t mention any cats though.’

‘Have you been causing havoc?’ Marcus asked. We all looked at him as if butter wouldn’t melt.

‘Meow,’ I said as softly as I could.

‘They’ve been cheering us all up no end, I can tell you,’ Arthur said.

‘Still, they shouldn’t be here, so can you take them home?’ The male nurse sounded kind but firm.

‘Of course, although I don’t have a lead or anything to put them in and I came by bus. Would you mind if I called a friend?’

‘No, and while you do that, as long as you take full responsibility that they don’t go anywhere else in the hospital, they can stay here until someone can collect them.’ He grinned and left us. I was more than a bit relieved.

‘Dad, you should have phoned me, Claire must be worried sick about Pickles.’

Oh dear, we hadn’t thought of that.

‘You know I’m hopeless at using the mobile phone,’ Harold grumbled. Marcus had pulled his out and called Claire.

‘Claire, I’m at the hospital, but so are Alfie, George and Pickles,’ he said.

I could hear Claire scream, but I couldn’t make out the words.

‘I know, I know, I had no idea but I’ve just arrived, can you come and get them?’

More noise came from the phone.

‘Claire’s on her way,’ he said as he hung up. ‘But she’s not happy, and you guys are in big trouble. You too, Dad.’

Oh boy, I knew that I would be the one getting the blame for this, after all I was supposed to be the responsible adult. I don’t think Harold counted as that, so it would all be on me.

We all felt sad to say our goodbyes. Claire walked into the ward, with a stern look on her face. She was wielding a lead for Pickles and our carrier as she rushed towards us. We all cowered slightly.

‘It took me ages to park but I finally got a space,’ Claire said. ‘I’ve been worried sick, looking everywhere for Pickles and the cats, Jonathan got called out of a meeting as I phoned him in hysterics. He suggested they might be with Hana and as no one was home, I sort of hoped that was the case, but I was this close to calling Polly who would have been frantic as well.’ The words gushed out of Claire and as I knew her so well I knew she was angry with us. With me.

‘I know, I thought that as soon as I saw them. Shall I help you get them into the car?’ Marcus asked.

‘Please, that would be great. And, Harold, if you get any more unexpected visitors, perhaps you’d let me know,’ she said, wagging her finger at him.

George wouldn’t talk to me on the journey back to Edgar Road, I tried to apologise to him but he didn’t want to hear it. When we got home, we were all led to the kitchen for our telling off.

‘I am so angry,’ Claire said. ‘But, Alfie, you’re the adult so I’m holding you responsible. What were you thinking? And how on earth did you get to the hospital? Anyway, I have to go to the supermarket before I pick the children up from school, I’ve wasted most of the day trying to find you. And before you even think about going out again I’m locking the cat flap.’

As she stormed off, it seemed we were all grounded.