Abandon

Chapter Thirty-One

I can hardly understand Molly through her sobs. I want to tell her to calm down, but I also want to tell her I’m sorry that I’m not there. She finally calms down enough to say that Grandma was coughing up blood this morning. Then she passed out in the shower and hit her shoulder on the bath faucet handle, cutting her shoulder very badly.

“She’s on a respirator,” she whimpers. “It’s really bad. You need to come home.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Don’t leave the hospital. Just stay there, okay?”

“Okay.”

Senia and I get dressed and leave our belongings behind. I’m the only one in the band that doesn’t have an assistant, but that’s because Jake and Chris’s assistants have always been more than willing to provide their help free of charge. I’m sure one of them won’t mind packing up my stuff and bringing it back to Raleigh. But, after this, I’ll definitely have to get an assistant of my own. I can’t pay other people’s employees in sexual favors any more.

Luckily, the plane I chartered for Senia and me to fly back to North Carolina today is equipped for long flights and will get us there in a little more than five hours. Once the plane is in the air, Senia unfastens both of our seat belts and leads me to the lounge area in the center of the plane. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’m not in the mood for sex right now, so I just go with it. She leads me through the lounge area and into a bedroom near the back of the plane.

“Lie down,” she says as she closes the door behind her.

I do as she says. I fully expect her to start stripping for me, but all she does is kick off her heels then she lies down next to me. She laces her fingers through mine as she stares at the curved ceiling.

“My grandma passed when I was ten. She lived with us from the day I was born until the day she died. When I lost her I thought that I was being punished for all the bad things I’d done. I was ten so that was a very long list of despicable things like pinching my sisters, lying to my parents, and cutting off my Barbie doll’s head.” She takes a deep breath and I can’t decide if she’s trying to calm herself or gather strength. “It took me a while to realize that my sisters’ sins were much worse than my own and there was no way God would punish my sisters by taking my grandma’s life. But before I figured that out, I went to my mom and told her I was afraid I’d killed Grandma with my petty crimes. She laughed and told me that Grandma didn’t die for my sins. She died because she was too old.”

She turns to face me and I’m not sure I understand what she’s getting at. “My point is that even the people who love you, with all their good intentions, don’t always know the right words to say in these kinds of moments. I wish I knew what to say to ease your mind. I wish I could say that your grandmother is going to be fine and that you’d actually believe it. I wish I could say that Molly’s going to be fine. But I can’t predict the future and something tells me that you don’t want to hear meaningless words of comfort right now. So, I’m sorry that I don’t know what to say. But if there’s anything I can do, I’m all yours.”

I lean over and kiss her forehead then pull her closer so she can lie her head on my shoulder. “You can just lie here with me.”

I turn my face into her hair and breathe in her scent. She still smells a little like the champagne that was practically raining down from the heavens after Chris and Claire made their big announcement yesterday. Everyone is so happy for them to have a child after everything they went through. I’m even happy for them. But I’m sure Senia probably felt a pang of longing for some of that excitement to be directed toward us.

I wasn’t that drunk when I told her that her wedding would be better. When everything calms down with Grandma and Molly, and Senia and the baby are settled in with me in the condo Chris just offered me last night in exchange for the house I gave him … then I’ll ask her to marry me and we’ll be able to plan the kind of wedding she deserves. It won’t be a surprise wedding, but I’ll make sure to have plenty of other surprises planned for her along the way.

I glance at the tattoo on my wrist and smile as I realize I got this tattoo because it has three meanings. But now it has four.