An Ordinary College Sex Life

BEN

I breathed shallowly while forcing myself not to panic. If Dawn was in trouble, she would have either said so in her text, or the text itself would have been much shorter. Still, she said to hurry so I was walking pretty fast. Dawn’s apartment was only a couple of blocks away and it didn’t take me long to get there.

I was about to knock when I realized the front door was cracked open just a bit. The sense of panic set in again. Something was off, and very cautiously I pushed open the door and went inside, trying to be as quiet as possible like in the movies.

The living room lights were on. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But a very obvious moan fluttered out from the direction of the bedroom. I knew the moan instantly. It was Dawn; and she was sexually aroused.

What the fuck was going on?

Walking slowly, I headed across the living room and over to the bedroom. And once I saw inside, I came to a dead stop in utter shock. Dawn was kneeling on the bed, face down on the mattress with her hands reaching back to spread her own asscheeks wide. I could see her pretty pussy and winking rosebud even from here. I started to gasp but Ryan saw me and held a finger to his lips, directing me to remain silent. I don’t know why, but I obeyed and stifled myself. Clearly, he’d been expecting me.

With a smile at me, he told Dawn, “Ben’s here, babe.” And then he leaned forward and whispered something into her ear.

A moment later, she said softly, “Fuck my ass, Ben. Fill me up, baby.”

“Louder, babe.” Ryan directed. His fingers were coated with Astroglide and he trailed them over her dilating anus. His left hand took hold of a thin vibrator already lodged in Dawn’s pussy, and pumped it slowly.

Good freaking lord Dawn looked hot. Her skin glowed and glistened with sweat. Her every breath was an arousing pant. And the pure majesty of her naked body would have gotten a dead man hard.

“Fuck my ass, Ben,” Dawn repeated, a little louder. “Please, Ben. Please? I want it.”

Only now did I realize that she was blindfolded and still holding herself open for me. This whole thing was set up to get me to fuck her, but was it a test? Was she serious? Was RYAN serious?

“Again, Dawn,” Ryan encouraged. “Mean it. Tell him how long you’ve gone without getting sodomized. I don’t think he’s convinced to do it.”

“Please, Ben. I’ve missed you so much,” Dawn whimpered, clearly lost to her pleasure and craving the sexual contact. I knew the tone in her voice. Dawn wanted to CUM. She hadn’t cum yet for some reason and she was waiting for me. Ryan waved me forward, and despite all my hesitations, I stared at her naked body and involuntarily began walking forward. My dick was throbbing in my jeans, straining to get out as I remembered her text saying: I NEED you.

“Please, Ben! I haven’t felt a cock in my ass since the last summer when we were together. That’s almost two years!”

I gritted my teeth, torn with indecision. I wanted to do this. DAWN wanted me to do this. But could I do it in front of Ryan? I looked at him, concern etched across my face.

“I don’t think he’s sure he can do this to you,” Ryan intoned, staring right at me. “He’s worried about upsetting me.”

“Ryan’s right here, Ben,” Dawn pleaded. “He’s approving and he’s watching and I need your cock, Ben! We’ve done this before ... I NEED this. I NEED you. Please!”

Oh, freaking GAWD. I loved her. I’d always loved her. It could never just be casual sex between us, and I had no idea why Ryan and Dawn were setting this up, but I just couldn’t resist. Dawn wanted to be fucked. I wanted to fuck her. We’d both wanted this since Robin’s Swingers Party. We’d stopped ourselves from crossing this line back then, but with her naked and needy and HOLDING HER OWN FUCKING ASSCHEEKS OPEN FOR ME, I realized then that nothing was going to stop us tonight.

“More Dawn,” Ryan growled. “Tell him what you want, the same way you told me how to please you just a few minutes ago. Tell him, Dawn! Tell him!”

“Please, Ben! Please! Fuck my ass! Grab my hips and grip them tight! Use your hand to fist your dick and press it against my little rosebud! Hold me and yank me back against you! I surrender to you! Don’t you remember? Take me! I surrender to you! It’s yours! I’M yours! Take my asshole and fill me up! Hammer my poor body and— UGH!”

I don’t have any clue when I dropped my pants and freed my cock. I don’t remember how I got from five feet away to standing right behind Dawn’s perfect ass. All I really know is that at some point, I’d caved to my desire and slammed my cock into the greatest love of my life.

I wish I could remember more of what followed. It was Dawn’s and my reunion fuck in a way, the first time our hips were joined together so intimately in almost two years, an eternity for the both of us. But I was too caught up in the moment to really form lasting memories. All I really have are snippets of pleasure.

I remember holding and squeezing Dawn’s tits while grinding my cock at full depth inside her bowels.

I remember reaching around to pump the vibrator in and out of Dawn’s cunt, flipping it to the highest setting along the way.

And I remember wrapping my left arm around Dawn’s waist, holding her in position for me to pump my way through her stretched backdoor while she screamed at the top of her lungs, “I’M CUMMING!”

It was all automatic. My brain was turned off and I simply fucked her on instinct. But somehow, Dawn and I moved so well together that our orgasms were perfectly timed. I filled her rectum with spunk just seconds after she started her detonation, spurring her into an aftershock orgasm as well.

And in the end, I collapsed right on top of her, kissing and rubbing and caressing while I told her how I felt from the bottom of my heart. “I love you, my Dawn. I’ve loved you always and I’ll love you forever.” I took a deep breath, and then told her what I truly wanted to say. “I’m yours. I’ll always be yours. Please take me back.”

Dawn tensed up for a moment, and then spun around, dislodging my prick from her asshole as she ripped the blindfold off her face and looked at me in utter and complete shock. “Ben!” she exclaimed.

I blinked. Who else did she think was buttfucking her? “Uh, yeah...”

“Ohmigod!” Her eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly to her and pressing her nose deep into the crook of my neck. “What are you doing here?”

I blinked rapidly again. Was she serious? “Uh, you texted me to come over,” I stammered.

Dawn frowned and said, “I didn’t text ... Ryan!” Her eyes went wide and she darted her head around the room. Ryan was gone. He was nowhere in sight. Without another word, she slipped off the bed and hurried naked to the doorway, looking around the apartment living room and finding it empty as well. Then she darted to the bathroom and the spare bedroom. And finally she went over to the front door, just as I was following her out from the bedroom.

There was a note on the front door and Dawn raced over, snatched it in her hand, and brought it back over to me. I looked over her shoulder and silently read:

Dawn finished right around the same time I did. And at the exact same time, we turned to look at each other and remarked, “Now what?”

Both of us needed to come to grips with what had just happened. But I didn’t want to leave and thankfully, Dawn didn’t ask me to. By agreement, we took separate showers to get cleaned up. And when I emerged from the bathroom, Dawn had already changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas.

We found Dawn’s cell phone on the coffee table and then settled onto the couch together, a couple of feet between us. I sat straight, leaning against the backrest with my feet on the coffee table. Dawn sat sideways so that she could face me, her left leg tucked beneath her. Neither of us spoke for the first couple of minutes.

“You didn’t know I was coming, did you?” I finally asked softly.

Dawn closed her eyes and shook her head.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I asked, “So why were you pleading, using MY name, to fuck you?”

Dawn bit her lip and wrung her hands together. “It was a fantasy Ryan cooked up. He had me reliving the first time HE had sex with me, when the two of you double-teamed me at his parents’ house.”

I grimaced and nodded. “Is fantasizing about me something the two of you do a lot?”

Dawn snorted and rolled her eyes, staring away. “No.”

I felt guilty, as if I’d taken Dawn against her will. The fact was, she didn’t know I’d actually be fucking her. She’d probably thought it was Ryan. And no matter what the situation or confusion or whatever, I still knew that my dick had entered her body — her asshole even — without her express permission for me to do so. “Dawn, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that you didn’t know it was me. I feel like I... raped you or something.”

She frowned and looked right at me. “What? No! You didn’t rape me!”

I blinked. “You’re not upset that I just buttfucked you without you even knowing it was me?”

“Absolutely not. Whether I realized it was you or not, I WANTED it to happen. You didn’t rape me. If I had known you were really there, I would have been pleading just as hard. I wanted you. I’ve always wanted you.” Her face softened and she reached out to me, taking my hand in hers. “I know this isn’t what we’d talked about, but I’ve wanted to feel this with you for a long time.”

“What?”

“Us. You and me. Nothing between us anymore.” Dawn leaned forward, the loose neck of her pajama top hanging down to give me a glimpse of her cleavage as she crawled onto the couch and moved toward me.

“Dawn,” I sighed. “There are a lot of things between us.”

“Not right now. Not this moment,” she insisted, now on all fours on top of the seat cushions with her face just inches away from mine. “Look at me, Ben. Look at me.”

I looked at her. She still had the most beautiful face I’d ever seen, the face of an angel. Her crystal clear blue eyes sparkled as she stared at me. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. And she whispered, “Nothing between us. Nothing separating us. Just you ... and me...” And then she kissed me.

My brain erupted in a volcanic explosion. I’d almost forgotten what Dawn’s kiss could do to me. Every neuron in my brain felt like it fired off at the same time. And a bolt of lightning crackled up and down my spine.

But once the initial shock wore off, my conscience reared its ugly head again and I pulled away, “Dawn-Dawn-Dawn...” I patted her arms to keep her at bay. “What about Ryan?”

“This isn’t about Ryan. Ryan’s gone for the night. This is just you and me.”

“But, but...” I stammered before Dawn cut me off by bringing a finger to my lips.

“Dammit, Ben! Stop thinking so damn much!” Dawn growled. “Ryan locked us in here until tomorrow morning. Ryan set you up to fuck me in the ass! Ryan sent me up to camp two years ago knowing you and I were going to fuck each other’s brains out! He can handle one night! And this isn’t about Ryan!”

I let my eyes soften and open up as big as they could get, my own version of my little sisters’ puppy-dog eyes. And staring straight at Dawn, I said softly, “No, it’s about us. I meant what I said before: I love you. I want to love you forever. I want you back, and I NEED to know if you want me, too.”

I missed her. I missed Dawn. Everything in my life had made sense and just felt so ... perfect ... when we were together; when we were in love. I wanted that feeling back. And if it meant I had to give up Adrienne and Paige and all the Tri-Delts, then I would do it in a heartbeat.

But a relationship takes two. Dawn blinked and stared back at me, a riot of emotions behind her eyes: love and longing for me, fear of change, raw lust, and anxiousness for the future. These were all things I sensed through our connection, but I had no clue as to what decisions she was making.

She didn’t decide right now. Brushing her thumb along my cheek, she leaned in and kissed me tenderly. Then she pulled back and stared deeply into my eyes. And she said, “Let me just enjoy tonight, okay? Then ask me again in the morning.”

It was a bittersweet night for me. It was sweet because it was Dawn. We made love like we’d never been apart, sensing each other’s moods and desires before we even had a chance to voice them. The passion was intense. The pleasure unimaginable. And it was both nostalgic and erotic to hear Dawn murmur “That’s two” when she felt my cum splashing into her pussy, and then “That’s three” after swallowing my last load of the night.

But it was also bitter because I didn’t know what was going to happen in the morning. For one night, Dawn was throwing her cares and caution to the wind and pulling me along with her. We were two hot, horny youngsters who existed in our own little world for a couple of hours. It was like we were sixteen again, alone in our special clearing with the rest of reality left far, far behind.

But come morning, I didn’t know whether Dawn would return my desire to get back together. And not knowing tinged everything we did together with a bleakness that made me wonder if we’d ever be this intimate again.

Was this night just the first in rediscovering the greatest love of our lives?

Or was this night just one final fling before Dawn followed through on her commitment to Ryan and left me in her past?

I was glad that Dawn didn’t want to keep fucking until we’d thoroughly exhausted ourselves. If we had, I might have believed she was getting as much as she could get before the clock chimed and Cinderella’s carriage turned back into a pumpkin.

As it was, we made love until we were both happy and then fell asleep cuddled in each other’s arms. I drifted away into dreamland hoping that meant she knew we had all the time in the world to resume. I thought that meant she was going to break up with Ryan and get back together with me in the morning.

I thought wrong.

“I need to think about this.”

It was nearing 10am, and fully dressed, Dawn and I were sitting on the sofa. In another few minutes, Ryan would return and our fantasy night would be over. I had hoped we would be reunited, and together tell Ryan that Dawn was breaking up with him. But clearly I underestimated the strength of their relationship.

“What’s there to think about?” I complained. “I love you. You love me. We belong together, Dawn.”

“Says who? Our parents?”

“US,” I said emphatically. “You and me. Can you really tell me you’ve ever felt as in tune with Ryan as you did with me last night? Can you really tell me he’s ever made you feel like I did last night?”

“That’s sex,” Dawn shook her head. “Sex was never our problem. And you have an unfair advantage in that department over every guy I’ve ever known.”

I canted my head and implored her to understand. “It’s more than sex and you know it. You told me that satisfaction for a girl was more about the connection than about orgasms. Last night was really something special.”

She sighed. “Last night doesn’t erase the reasons why I chose Ryan in the first place. He’s stable. He takes care of me. I’m not sure I’m ready to throw all that away.”

“Not even for me? C’mon, Dawn. Don’t you feel it? We need to be around each other like we need air to breathe. Our bodies scream to be with each other, as if our pheromones are specially-designed. The mere thought of you moving away again was enough to put me into a deep depression two weeks ago, and having you this close to me again is driving me CRAZY. C’mon. I thought this was supposed to be our chance to be together again? No longer 500 miles apart. No longer apart, period. You and me ... Ben and Dawn ... forever.”

“It was a dream.”

“Not a dream; it’s our future. Look, I know we got things really complicated with Adrienne and Ryan. And I know I was messed up after breaking up with Adrienne. But this is what we always wanted, wasn’t it? I know it took me a while to come back to you, but I’m coming back to you now. Isn’t that what YOU always wanted?”

“Ben...”

“You promised me you’d wait for me. That last night at camp, you surrendered to me. You told me you were already mine.”

She sighed and put her head down. “I was young. And I was in love.”

“And now?”

“Now? I’m just not sure anymore.”

A noise at the door interrupted me from saying anything further. It was Ryan, working at undoing whatever he’d done to jerry-rig the lock.

It was over. The carriage was really turning back into a pumpkin. I sighed and looked back at Dawn, who simply stared at me apologetically. “I just need some time, okay?”

What choice did I have? I let out a long exhalation. And then I nodded my understanding.

Being girls, Adrienne and Paige started pestering me for details the instant I walked through the door. And even though I was usually a very open and sharing kind of guy with the girls close to me, today I was just a plain “guy”, not really giving anything away. I explained that yes, Dawn and I spent the night together. No, we weren’t back together. And I didn’t give them any more details beyond that.

I didn’t tell them about Ryan setting us up or locking us in the apartment. And I didn’t explain what was going to happen in the future. How could I when I didn’t have a clue?

Adrienne took the hint that I wasn’t ready to talk just yet. Paige was a little bit more annoying, but eventually she left me alone. I simply took a shower and changed into fresh clothes. And then not wanting to deal with more questions, I left the house to go for a walk.

There are really only two things you can do when killing time by walking: either cruise around the campus, admiring the architecture and greenscapes; or go window shopping down Telegraph or College or some other trinket shopping areas.

I’m not sure why I decided to go window shopping. Maybe it was because I didn’t feel like being around the campus, seeing the other students and potentially the happy couples walking around the greenery on a Saturday. The campus would certainly be the prettier place to kill some time and lose oneself in thought.

But I ended up on Telegraph, moving in and out of random shops. I would pick up a couple of books in a bookstore, flip through the pages without really reading them, and then put the book back. I would scan through some clothing at a boutique, idly wondering if a particular shirt was more something Adrienne might pick out for me or something Dawn would appreciate better. I didn’t have any real purpose. I was just stalling for time, trying to keep myself marginally occupied until Dawn figured out what she wanted to do. Or maybe I was hoping some brilliant flash of insight would hit me and tell me what to do.

But nothing concrete came to mind, at least nothing serious. One idea was to challenge Ryan to a fight to the death with the winner getting to keep Dawn. Another idea was simply to show up and demand that she choose him or me, threatening to walk away from her forever.

Or maybe I just had to give her the time she needed. I knew Dawn and I knew she wasn’t one to be easily swayed by others. When she made up her own mind, she made up her own mind. Now that she knew I wanted her back and was ready to be with her again, I could only hope that she would choose me on her own.

But was I already too late? They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. I hadn’t realized how much I took for granted that Dawn would wait for me forever. And now that I didn’t have that certainty anymore, I desperately wished I could have come to this realization long ago. And it was depressing to think that I may have missed out on the greatest love of my life.

I happened to be in a hippie store when that particular depressing thought struck me. I closed my eyes and tried to will away the negative thoughts; but the harder I tried, the more they stuck with me. When I opened my eyes again, I looked around at all the drug paraphernalia on the walls, and the idea of dulling my brain with some illegal narcotics sounded really, really good to me.

“Prince Charming? Never thought I’d see you in a place like this.”

The voice was familiar. I stood up straight and turned around to see Carter Sheridan grinning at me while holding an expensive-looking, elaborate hookah. “Carter?”

“Wow, man. You look like shit,” he smiled while reaching a hand out to shake. “Girl problems?”

I shook his hand and shrugged. “Something like that.”

“Sleeping Beauty giving you a hard time?”

I chuckled at Carter’s continued use of our Halloween character names. Thinking back to that party so long ago, I shook my head and replied, “Cinderella, actually.”

He gave me a quizzical look. “Sleeping Beauty know about you and Cinderella?”

I laughed and waved him off. “Yes, yes. It’s ... well, it’s complicated.”

“I’ll bet. You know it’s funny I’ve run into you. Elyse was asking me about you guys the other day.”

“Really?”

Carter nodded and shot me a disappointed look. “You never showed when we invited you to my party last November.”

I winced. “Sorry, man. Uh, had another girl-conflict.”

“Cinderella?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

I blushed and looked down, thinking of DJ. “Ah, Cinderella’s little sister, actually.”

Carter whistled. “Man, you do get around, don’t you?”

I shrugged. “It’s—”

“Complicated,” he finished for me. “I’m getting the impression there isn’t very much that’s simple in your life.”

I held up my hands. “What can I say?”

Carter chuckled and shook his head. “Well, if your life isn’t so complicated that you’re busy tonight, why don’t you come up to my place? We’re having a little get together and someone with as ... complicated ... a life as yours would fit right in.”

There was something else in the way Carter said that I would ‘fit right in’, and I arched an eyebrow. My curiosity piqued, I thought about it and answered, “Sounds interesting. When and where?”

Carter put the hookah down and whipped out a Blackberry. “What’s your number?”

I gave it to him and a second later, I got a text message with the address and time. I nodded a confirmation.

“You gonna flake on me this time?” he asked with a grin.

I shook my head. “Naw, man.”

He nodded. “And bring Sleeping Beauty. I’m sure Elyse would love to catch up with her. Or Cinderella ... or her little sister ... or whoever...” Carter couldn’t help but start laughing as he kept going. But then with a serious look, he stood up and clapped my shoulder. “Or just come alone.” His eyebrows made clear that this might be the best option for me. “Believe me, I’m sure you’ll find plenty to keep you entertained. Why bring sand to the beach, right?”

With a head nod, Carter picked up his hookah and walked past me to pay for it, then headed out the front door. I just stayed back, looking around, wondering what crazy turns my life would take next.

As it turned out, my best option for a wingman to Carter’s party was Bert Kim. My first choice would have been Adrienne, but she had already planned to go schmooze at some modeling shindig in San Francisco. And pregnant Paige had no interest in going out socially. But Bert was single and still looking to stretch his wings socially; and he happened to be available tonight.

Bert drove up from his home and picked me up for the short drive into the hills southeast of the campus. It was a longer drive up Claremont than I’d expected, winding our way around smaller streets until coming to the address. The place was hard to miss, a relatively isolated mansion with a dozen cars already parked in the driveway and along the curbs nearby. Bert parallel parked and then we got out, looking down the mountain at the city lights of Berkeley spread out below.

Somewhere out there was Dawn’s apartment. I wondered what she was doing right now. I wondered what she was thinking. She hadn’t called me all day, and the longer I didn’t hear from her, the more I started to believe she was permanently choosing Ryan over me. And I wasn’t quite sure how to take that.

Dawn was the reason I was up here. Yeah, Carter invited me and it seemed likely that Elyse would be here. But neither of them were my friends and I certainly had no idea who else would be around. Like the aimless window-shopping, I only hoped to distract myself long enough to ride out whatever was to come. Whether Dawn wanted to get back together with me or not didn’t really matter. I just wanted to survive this limbo before the decision. Once she made her choice, I could then move forward and deal with the consequences.

“You ready for this?” I arched an eyebrow at Bert across the car when we got out.

“Locked and loaded.” He grinned.

“Does that mean what I think it means?”

Bert flashed me another smile and circled around the car, strutting with all the confidence of a preening rooster.

I chuckled to myself and shook my head. Ever since the night of the Swingers Party, Bert had been a changed man. It may have been a one-time thing between friends, but apparently nailing girls as hot as Dawn and Gwen and still surviving did wonders for a guy’s self-confidence.

Then I remembered that I’d nailed them both too, and taking a deep breath, I let my own self-confidence shine through as I followed after Bert and headed for the house.

The front door was open when we arrived and stepped inside. The house was quite large, maybe not as big as Mizuho’s dad’s mansion on the Newport Coast, but it was still pretty damn big. People were out in the backyard, where an infinity pool built on a massive redwood platform looked like it dropped right off the cliff to the city below.

It was a very low-key party. Nobody was dancing, nor was there any dance music. Down tempo beats throbbed in the background while people clustered together in conversational groups. To my surprise and pleasure, there was a very high female-to-male ratio around, about 3-to-1. It was something I was familiar with after all the time spent at my own house stocked with Dayna’s and Brandi’s hot friends. But even with that history, I was amazed at the sheer beauty of many of these girls. Carter certainly had a lot of hot friends, many of whom would have looked right at home at some glitzy, celebrity-tabloid bash hosted by Paris Hilton. Still, I realized that I didn’t recognize anyone, and neither did Bert. And feeling just a little bit out of place, we started cruising around looking for a familiar face.

Fortunately, Carter found me. “Prince Charming! You made it!” He appeared out of nowhere and clapped me on my back. Standing about three inches taller than me, the guy was dressed as if he was heading out to a nightclub, wearing slacks, a tailored shirt, expensive “bling”, and a Rolex watch. His dark hair was messy and he carried himself with the comfortable ease of someone who knew exactly what was going on in his life.

Without missing a beat he turned to my companion and offered a hand. “Carter Sheridan. Welcome to my house.”

“Bert Kim,” Bert shook his hand. “Nice digs.”

Carter waved him off. “This is nothing. You should see my parents’ place.”

Bert shrugged and we both looked at Carter. Almost smugly, our host scanned around us, his eyes lighting up as he looked over at the beautiful young women wearing flattering cocktail dresses around us. Bert and I automatically found ourselves doing the same. And along the way, I realized that they were a bit older than the girls I usually hung out with, although I did identify some that seemed college-aged.

A moment later, Carter leaned in conspiratorially and dropped his voice. “Let me introduce you. But first thing, I usually don’t hang out with anyone younger than me. Some of these people are old friends and I don’t want to ruin my rep. So if anybody asks, you guys are Seniors, like me. Capisce?”

Bert shrugged. I frowned.

Carter took one look at me. “Come on. Little white lie never hurt anyone.”

“Sure.” I shrugged. “No big deal.”

Carter clapped my shoulder and then turned us toward a group of six girls. “Let’s go.”

All conversation dropped as Carter approached with us in tow. The girls in question smiled and fawned over him as if he were a rock star. A bold one even reached out and pulled him into her lap, causing him to chuckle and her to giggle flirtatiously. It was at that point that I noticed the six girls were sitting on contemporary-style chairs and chaises around a table on which an elaborate hookah was placed. And a second later I realized that I recognized the hookah. “Is that... ?” I began, pointing.

“Yep. Same one I picked up this morning,” Carter replied while nodding to me. “Gentlemen, allow me to introduce Zoë, Beth, Jillian, Tasha, Nikki, and Madison. Ladies, I’d like you to meet Prince Charming. He’s a special friend of mine.”

“Prince Charming?” Jillian, a very sexy girl with dark eyes and dyed-platinum blonde hair asked seductively.

“Well, you can call him ‘Ben’,” Carter shrugged. “And the handsome devil in the red shirt is Bert.”

“Bert and Ben,” Nikki, a pretty redhead mused. She giggled as if our names were the funniest thing she’d heard in a long time.

“Well I like ‘Prince Charming’ better,” the platinum-blonde replied and grinned at me salaciously, leaning forward subtly to thrust her big bosoms over her low-cut top.

“You be careful around Jillian,” Carter warned as he reached over and patted the blonde’s knee. “She’ll eat you alive.” He grinned. “But then again, I think that’s exactly why I brought you here. You dig blondes, right?”

I smiled and gave myself plenty of eye contact with Jillian. But I diplomatically replied, “I dig all kinds.”

“So does Carter,” blonde Tasha giggled and patted Carter’s leg while he sat in her lap. “Of course, the brunettes have most of the fun.” She reached out and slapped Madison’s leg.

As if on cue, Madison grabbed the business end of the hookah and proffered it over to Carter. “Want a hit?”

“Sure thing.” Carter leaned forward and sucked on the pipe. From the way he closed his eyes and savored the sensations, I got the impression he was using some really good herbs ... or it wasn’t tobacco in there.

He head nodded to me next. “Charming?”

In my current mood, I figured ‘What the heck?’ Besides, I didn’t want to let down my host. So I took a hit and soon my lungs were filled with the half-remembered taste of marijuana. I hadn’t smoked pot since that Spring Break at Candy’s La Jolla house three years ago, but the familiar flavor came back to me all the same.

I passed off the hookah to Bert, who looked at it nervously before steeling himself and moving forward purposefully. Jillian, the hot blonde scooted to the side of her armless chair, patting the empty space in invitation to me.

Still figuring, ‘What the heck?’, I took the spot and immediately felt the pleasant presence of a beautiful girl moving her body against mine. And as the mind-altering drugs went to work in my bloodstream, I decided to kick back and just let the world float away.

“Mmm...”

“Nnnghhh...”

Youuuuu ... are my Angelll...

Massive Attack’s “Angel” thudded quietly, but inexorably, in the background, seeming to grab hold of my heartbeat and make it pulse along with its measured — but purposeful — bass beats.

I was high. I wasn’t exactly sure how much time had passed; it felt like days although it couldn’t have been nearly that long. I was sure that an extremely attractive hot blonde with big tits was rubbing herself against me, nuzzling herself against the crook of my neck and fondling my crotch.

The tits were fake. I knew that from the feel of them beneath my hands. Actually, a lot of things about Jillian were fake. Her platinum hair was a dye-job. Her eyelashes were too long to be real. The nose I wasn’t sure about, but her lips definitely had the consistency of Botox. But you know what? I didn’t care. Maybe it was because I was high. Maybe not. Guys just like beauty, and sometimes we really don’t give a shit how that beauty is obtained.

Her fingers were real enough, and they traced lightly over the scar on my left cheek. “I’ll bet this has a story,” she purred.

Feeling good, I just shrugged and explained, “Bullet.”

“Bullet?” Jillian pulled her head back sharply. “You got shot?”

“Mmm-hmm,” I hummed, languorously letting my head loll back. “Defending the woman I loved.”

“No shit!”

I shook my head, momentarily thinking of Adrienne. “No shit.”

Jillian quivered as if she’d had an orgasm right then and there. “Oh, I have GOT to fuck you tonight.”

“Wha—?” I picked my head up, not expecting that kind of statement to come so blatantly from the busty platinum blonde.

Jillian just giggled, shaking her body flirtily and bending over to show me her tits while standing up. “I’ll be right back,” she purred into my ear and then turned around.

“Where do you keep going?” I pouted playfully as I stared at her perfectly formed ass. I was already fantasizing about fucking the skinny bitch up her anal chute.

She giggled and then wiggled her butt at me, barely covered by her mini-dress. “Just freshening up.” And then she sashayed away, walking like a runway model.

I grinned and then sat back, thinking about fucking her ass again. It seemed likely both from her comments and behavior. Plus, I didn’t know exactly what Jillian was doing to freshen up, but every time she came back she was wired with more energy, and a lot more physically aggressive with me. And it wasn’t from the pot, as she wasn’t smoking from the hookah at all. I got the distinct impression that whatever she was on, it was a lot stronger than marijuana.

I realized then that I needed to pee. I glanced at Bert, just checking to make sure he was okay. My good friend currently had redheaded Nikki straddling his lap with her tongue buried in his throat while Ukrainian-blonde Tasha was nibbling his ear. Yeah, Bert was doing just fine.

Then I got up and headed around, looking for the bathroom.

In a pot-induced stupor, I got a little lost before finally finding an open door with a gleaming porcelain toilet on the other side. I did my thing and then carefully wiped myself up. I might be using my penis later and wanted to be clean out of courtesy. And then I promptly got a little lost on the way back. I found myself in a hallway, looking left and right and not sure which way to go when Carter himself turned the corner and smiled at me. “You okay, Prince Charming?”

I shrugged and grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “I’m perrrfect, man,” I slurred. The euphoria of my high was dying down to leave nothing but the mellowness. Time for another hit.

Carter clapped me on the arm and looked like he was going to say something, but I beat him to it by arching an eyebrow and asking, “Hey, where’s Elyse? I feel bad stopping by this party and not saying ‘hi’.”

Carter looked at me seriously for a second before folding his arms across his chest and asking, “Just how well do you know Elyse?”

I shrugged. “Went to school together.”

“I know that. What I meant was: Did you know her? Or did you know her?”

I chuckled and thought back to the Spring Break in La Jolla. With a sly smile, I grinned. “Well, I guess you could say I knew her. We partied together a bit.”

Carter chuckled right along with me and nodded. Then he clapped my back and turned me around. “Come on. I’ll show her to you.”

We walked down the hallway and to a set of stairs, leading down to a lower level. But even though we’d gone down one floor, we still had a view over the city as this end of the house dropped over the side of the hill. And with another turn, Carter winked at me and led me into a darkened room. But even though the room’s lights were off, a gigantic window was cut into a side wall, giving us a perfect view into the adjoining bedroom that was well-lit. And my jaw dropped as I looked through the window and realized who was on the other side.

Elyse Laughton, ex-Cheerleading Captain and ex-hottest babe of my old High School, was buck naked on a King-sized bed save for a studded leather collar around her neck. Her eyes were unnaturally twitchy, making me think she was on some sort of drug. In this house, I wouldn’t be surprised. Her natural D-cups were still buoyant and firm, sagging to the sides while she lay back across the bed. The hard pink nipples were prominent, making MY mouth water as I looked at them. She seemed skinnier than she used to be, her flat abs obvious but so were some of her ribs. Her bare-shaven pussy was glistening with moisture. Her creamy white skin already was covered by a fine sheen of sweat. And she was panting and licking her lips in obvious sexual arousal.

I was silent as I stared at her naked body, Big Ben screaming to climb out of my shorts. I wondered what was going on, but Carter was just staring intently as well, obviously waiting for something. So I kept quiet and waited, too.

A minute later, the door to the hallway opened and three well-built guys walked in, all looking to be in their late 20s. Carter was sitting at a desk before the big window. As the three guys started disrobing, his breath started speeding up and a little grin spread across his face.

But Elyse wasn’t smiling. She whimpered and then turned to look at us through the window. Well, she didn’t quite stare straight at us; I got the impression the window was mirrored on the other side. But she complained, “Carter, three? You said I’d only have to do two!”

He reached forward and hit a button, speaking into a microphone on the table in front of him that I didn’t realize was there. “You want another bump for the rest of your life? It’s gonna be three tonight, sugar.”

Then Carter grinned and turned back to me. With the microphone off, he added, “I could make it four, if you’re up to it.”

I blinked in surprise for a second as the implications of what Carter was offering me sank in. He wanted me to go in and join the other three guys in gangbanging his girlfriend. But the instant the idea of sex entered into my head, I realized that I didn’t want to.

I was still waiting on Dawn.

Yeah, I’d come to this party. Yeah, a ridiculously hot babe in Jillian had been making obvious moves on me all night. And yeah, I was freaking horny, but now that I stopped and thought about it, all I really wanted was Dawn.

Besides, Elyse didn’t want three guys right now. And the last thing I wanted to do was be with a girl who didn’t want me. I didn’t know what the deal was between Elyse and Carter, but I figured I’d better not get myself mixed up in the middle of it. “Pass,” I said slowly as I took a seat alongside him.

“What?” Carter frowned. “Thought you said you already knew her. What’s the big deal?”

I shook my head, puffing out my chest and putting on a false bravado. “I don’t do sloppy seconds. Not my kind of ratio. Now put me in a room with three or four girls, and I’ll make every single one of ‘em pass out from pleasure overload.”

“Tough talk,” Carter smirked and whistled. Raising his eyebrows, he said, “I just might make you prove it.”

I chuckled and waved my hand, looking forward. Carter turned forward as well. The gangbang was already under way.

One guy was between Elyse’s legs, munching furiously and causing her hips to buck and twitch and shudder. At the other end, the two guys were kneeling next to her head, dicks out while she held one in each hand, stroking rapidly.

One of the guys moved forward, prodding his prick at her lips. Elyse turned her head away in disgust, muttering something. In my mind’s eye, I heard her voice from years ago telling me, “I NEVER suck cock.”

As if in response, Carter leaned forward and stabbed the microphone button. “Do it, Elyse.”

“Carter...” she whined.

“DO IT, sugar,” he ordered.

Whimpering, she opened her mouth and accepted the prick inside. With obvious distaste she started sucking the first guy. She kept stroking the second guy. The third guy between her legs kept eating. And after a few more minutes, Elyse started moaning around the meat filling her mouth.

Disgusted or not, Elyse was clearly aroused and quite horny. She couldn’t keep her body still, as her legs wiggled haphazardly and her torso undulated in little rolls as she tried to hump the third guy’s face. Smacking her lips, she switched from one dick to the next, inhaling it and moaning like a whore as she passionately began sucking the second guy. And as if she couldn’t control herself, her body started going into spasms as she ramped up to a climax and then blew, locking her legs around the third guy’s neck and screaming in exquisite agony.

I found that my breathing was shallow as I stared through the one-way mirror, unable to look away. That twitchy look in Elyse’s eyes haunted me as she stared vacantly in our direction, panting as she came down from her orgasm while the three guys pulled away and started repositioning her body. The one who had been eating her out rolled over onto his back and pulled her with him, so that she was limply lying on top of his chest. He fisted his hard erection and grabbed onto her hips, adjusting her crotch until her cunt was centered over his cockhead; and then he yanked her down, impaling her on his prick.

Elyse groaned and picked her head up, panting softly and already beginning to moan like a bitch in heat. Her eyes sharpened and she stared down at the guy she was fucking, a laser focus on his face. But her urgent humping motions were stilled as the other guys grabbed her and stopped her. One of them spread her buttcheeks while the other produced a bottle of lube, squirting a glob into her ass and then pushing two fingers inside to start coating her innards. Elyse moaned and put her head down, turning it to the side to stare at the mirror. From the way she grimaced and quivered, it looked like she might be orgasming again from the sensations. And once again, I found that strange look in her eyes to be quite distracting.

“What’s she on?” I asked quietly.

Carter was breathing heavily and I realized he had a hand in his slacks, jerking himself off. Without missing a beat, he glanced at me and said, “Crystal Meth. I only get the best shit. Girls turn into total nymphomaniacs on the stuff. Long as you keep ‘em hydrated, they can fuck all fucking night. It’s truly a thing of beauty.”

My eyes went wide. I’d done some pot, but never considered doing anything quite so hardcore. I’d never even been around someone on such a powerful narcotic, but Carter tossed it off as if this were an everyday occurrence for him.

Meanwhile, the first guy lubed himself up and eased himself into Elyse’s ass. The guy in her cunt held her hips still, and the room was filled with the sounds of her moans. But a minute later, the last guy shoved his dick back into her mouth, completing the triple penetration and cutting off Elyse’s moan.

“Beautiful...” Carter breathed.

My chest suddenly felt constrained. I didn’t know whether to feel ridiculously turned on beyond belief or scared out of my wits. I’d gotten into some crazy sex games with Dayna’s blindfolds and Robin’s swingers game, but this was NUTS. Crystal Meth? Organized gang-bangs?

“Ungh! Ungh!” The guy fucking Elyse’s face held her head in place while he took great big thrusts, clearly ramming himself down her throat.

“HRRRRRRK!!!” Elyse was grunting around a mouthful of prick as she climaxed again. “HRK! HRK! HRK!” Her body was being jostled and jerked in every direction by a cock pumping up her ass, another one thrusting into her cunt, and a third pushing her head around.

“TAKE IT, BITCH! TAKE IT!” The ass-fucker was screaming, holding her cheeks apart and pounding her without mercy.

“Oh, FUCK!” The pussy-fucker grunted, his face screwing up and turning bright pink as he tried to hold back. But it was to no avail as he suddenly gasped and gritted his teeth, his abs obviously clenching as he pumped his load into Elyse’s snatch.

The others didn’t miss a beat. No sooner had the pussy-fucker gone slack than the ass-fucker grabbed Elyse and rolled himself over onto his back, keeping Elyse’s body against his crotch so that he was fucking her from below. She planted her feet on top of the mattress, using the leverage to hump her own asshole up and down the column of man-flesh lodged up her rectum. The guy who’d been fucking her face circled around the bed and knelt between her legs, spreading them to the sides before shoving himself into her sloppy pussy. And after a couple of minutes to catch his breath, the third one who’d already spent his load into Elyse’s cunt got up and stood over her head, yanking on her hair to force her to clean him off with her mouth and then start sucking him back to hardness.

Carter was groaning and jerking himself a little harder. Panting softly, he reached out to a different button and pressed it before speaking into the microphone. “Cameron, you there?”

A speaker from the wall blared to life. “Yes, Carter,” came the smokily seductive voice.

“Get in here. Hurry.” Still panting, he then looked over at me, as if only now remembering I was there. Pressing the button again, he added, “Is Jillian still there?”

“No,” came the reply from the speaker. “She already went back upstairs.”

“Send someone to bring her back down,” Carter grunted. And with a gleam in his eye, he smiled and added, “Get Rebecca wired and send her down, too.” And then everything went silent as he turned to look through the mirror once again.

The triple-penetration continued. Ass-fucker was clearly in charge, grunting orders to the other two while he continued reaming out Elyse’s ass. He thrust for a while, then paused to catch his breath and perhaps conserve his energy, just holding onto Elyse’s hips and keeping her pinned with his cock at full depth through her colon. The second guy continued humping away at her pussy, holding her legs just beneath the knees, keeping her spread beneath him while he slobbered all over her big tits, biting and sucking purely for his own enjoyment. And the third guy was hard again, jerking on Elyse’s hair to force her to keep sucking on his cock while he threw his head back and grunted happily.

Just then, the door to the hallway opened and a strikingly gorgeous brunette walked in. Fully six feet tall, even taller in high heels, she was a vision of beauty with angular emerald-green eyes and strong cheekbones. Her body was sleek, built for speed. Her tits were proportional, full without being large. Her hips were likewise curved without being wide. Standing in a black cocktail dress that was cut short enough to show off her long, loooong legs, she looked like a supermodel stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine and into real life. She even had the vacant look down pat. Her face was a mask of stillness, like a robot, though she walked with fluid grace of a dancer. And for a brief second, her eyes fell on me, simultaneously sending a chill and a thrill down my spine.

Just as quickly, I was ignored. The surpassingly beautiful woman didn’t even glance at the one-way mirror, her attention entirely on Carter as she approached and touched his shoulder.

He turned and breathed, “Cameron...” with a warm smile. And then he grunted with obvious need.

Wordlessly, she moved around and sank to her knees. Carter rolled his chair back from the desk, his eyes still locked through the mirror at the sex act in front of him. And with a glimmer of arousal in her sparkling green eyes, Cameron leaned down, opened up Carter’s slacks, and promptly inhaled his big dick to the root.

It didn’t take long. The three guys were approaching their final stages before orgasm, and so was Carter. The guy fucking Elyse’s cunt stiffened and groaned as he began splashing her innards with their second blasts of spunk. The guy fucking her face pulled out and began hosing down her eyes, nose, and cheeks. And the guy fucking her ass from below bellowed as he loosed a volley of cum up her rectum. And through it all, Elyse herself was shrieking a monster orgasm of her own.

“CAMERON!” Carter started yelling beside me as he threw his head back. White-knuckled, he gripped the armrests as if his life depended on it. His hips jerked off the seat, plunging his cock deeper into the gorgeous brunette’s throat.

For her part, Cameron merely bobbed her head with his abrupt thrust, taking it easily. And then I watched her throat muscles contracting rapidly as she swallowed every drop of his spending.

The room went silent.

Both rooms.

In the bedroom, Elyse rolled over and flopped flat on her face, her raven-black hair covering her entire head as she splayed out with haphazard limbs, leaking jizz from her abused holes. For a second, I thought she might not be breathing, but after another few moments she turned her head to the side and gasped quite obviously. The three guys slumped back wherever they happened to be, similarly winded.

In this room, the “Voyeur Room” as I’d come to think of it, Carter went silent, his eyes closed as he simmered in the blissful relief of his own orgasm. Sitting back on her heels, Cameron quietly licked her lips and braced her hands on Carter’s knees before pushing herself back up to a standing position, waiting at attention for his next command while looking completely relaxed at the same time.

In fact, everyone around me was completely relaxed. But I wasn’t. I was terribly aroused by all the sex acts in front of me, my dick straining in my shorts with urgent need. Pending new relationship or not with Dawn, my body was SCREAMING at me to find someone to fuck and find it NOW. And with how incredibly gorgeous Cameron was, standing there just a couple of feet away from me, I thought that only my respect for Carter as my host would prevent me from bending her over and screwing her brains out.

But something else stopped me cold. A chime sounded off in my pocket, the ring tone immediately familiar.

It was Dawn.

In the span of a second, the world around me ceased to be.

I stood in a void of pure white, a vast emptiness in which nothing existed but me and the phone I held in my hands. I didn’t see the room around me. I didn’t see the house. I didn’t see the people nearby.

Just me.

And my phone.

It was another text message, not a phone call. I was almost too scared to open it. Why was Dawn sending me a text? Why wasn’t she calling me herself? The hairs on the back of my neck stood up in trepidation. A text couldn’t be a good sign. If she had good news for me, she would have called. To send a text meant that she was afraid of confrontation, afraid to hear the pain in my voice, right?

My lower lip quivered and my thumb was shaky as I pressed the “Read” button. And then I deflated instantly as all air evacuated out of my body.

We are not getting back together. I’m in love with Ryan.

DAWN

“I need to think about this, Ben.”

It was nearing 10am, and fully dressed, Ben and I were sitting on the sofa. Last night had been a fantasy, an escape to an earlier time when the world was just Ben and me and we could dream about “eternity”. We were just kids, then. There was also a time when we wanted to be Astronauts. But now we were grownups. And in another few minutes, Ryan would return and our fantasy night would be over.

“What’s there to think about?” Ben complained. “I love you. You love me. We belong together, Dawn.”

It was the same thing I’d told myself a thousand times. But whose words were those? “Says who?” I asked. “Our parents?”

“US,” Ben said emphatically. “You and me. Can you really tell me you’ve ever felt as in tune with Ryan as you did with me last night? Can you really tell me he’s ever made you feel like I did last night?”

“That’s sex, Ben.” I shook my head. “Sex was never our problem. And you have an unfair advantage in that department over every guy I’ve ever known.”

Ben stared at me pleadingly, imploringly. “It’s more than sex and you know it. You told me that satisfaction for a girl was more about the connection than about orgasms. Last night was really something special.”

I sighed and bit my lip. “Last night doesn’t erase the reasons why I chose Ryan in the first place. He’s stable. He takes care of me. I’m not sure I’m ready to throw all that away.”

“Not even for me? C’mon, Dawn. Don’t you feel it? We need to be around each other like we need air to breathe. Our bodies scream to be with each other, as if our pheromones are specially-designed. The mere thought of you moving away again was enough to put me into a deep depression two weeks ago, and having you this close to me again is driving me CRAZY. C’mon. I thought this was supposed to be our chance to be together again? No longer 500 miles apart. No longer apart, period. You and me ... Ben and Dawn ... forever.”

“It was a dream.”

“Not a dream; it’s our future. Look, I know we got things really complicated with Adrienne and Ryan. And I know I was messed up after breaking up with Adrienne. But this is what we always wanted, wasn’t it? I know it took me a while to come back to you, but I’m coming back to you now. Isn’t that what YOU always wanted?”

“Ben...”

“You promised me you’d wait for me. That last night at camp, you surrendered to me. You told me you were already mine.”

I sighed and hung my head. “I was young. And I was in love.”

“And now?”

“Now? I’m just not sure anymore.” Except that I was sure. I HAD to do this. I had to stay with Ryan. It was a decision I’d come to over the past two years, and no single night of bliss with Ben should sway that decision. This was it. This was the end of me and Ben.

But then why wasn’t I telling him that now? Why was I stalling?

I didn’t want to hurt Ben now. We’d just spent a wonderful night together, full of bliss and comfort and happiness in each other’s arms. It had been wonderful, like riding the Grizzly at Great America the way we used to do when we were younger and that rickety coaster was the ultimate thrill.

But now the ride was over and our heads were still spinning after the high-velocity drops and lifts. Better to wait a minute to settle ourselves, get our feet under us. THEN I’d tell him.

A noise at the door saved me from having to say anything further right now. It was Ryan, working at undoing whatever he’d done to jerry-rig the lock.

Ben sighed as if his world was coming to an end and looked over at me. I just looked back at him sadly and said, “I just need some time, okay?”

“Do you believe it, yet?” I asked while hugging myself against my boyfriend’s chest. We were cuddled in bed together after a pleasant round of lovemaking. I felt it was something we both needed to do right away to reinforce my decision to commit to the only boyfriend I’d ever really known.

Mark had just been “dating” and “experimenting”. We went to the movies and to fast food on Friday nights and had make-out/petting sessions on the couch. But there had never been anything serious between us, and I’d never loved him. And of course I remembered how HE turned out.

Ben had been my childhood best friend. We experimented far further than I had with Mark. We also experimented with love, learning as teenagers what love could mean. Through it all was the bond of trust between us, the comfort factor. But the simple fact was that we were only actually “together” at camp. We were never boyfriend/girlfriend out in the real world, spending real, quality time together.

Ryan was that boyfriend. He was the one by my side at all times, and the man I moved in with to live together like we were a married couple. He was the familiar and the reliable. And I was choosing him.

“I still can’t believe it,” Ryan answered me, rubbing my back. “But I’m trying really hard.”

I giggled and then rolled over, crushing my breasts into his chest and reaching my hand down between his legs. “Well then. Let me see if I can do a better job convincing you.”

Ryan put down his knife, nudging the grilled chicken aside. Then picking up his spoon, he scooped the vermicelli with garlic and olive oil up on his fork and then planted it against the spoon to twirl it into a neat ball.

One bite later, my boyfriend was smiling at me in satisfaction. “It’s delicious, babe.”

I grinned happily. I’d gone all out for this dinner, and it felt great to hear that approval. “Glad you like it.”

We ate and chatted and generally acted like we had the first couple of weeks we’d been dating. Ryan was on his best behavior, actually helping me bus the dishes and get cleaned up, something he hadn’t done in a couple of months now. He was attentive and thoughtful. And it really felt like our relationship was starting fresh, like we’d gone back to the honeymoon phase.

After dinner, we cuddled up on the couch and found that Breakfast at Tiffany’s was playing on TV. It was one of my favorite movies and I lay my head on Ryan’s shoulder, happily feeling the warmth of his body while delighting in all of Holly Golightly’s antics on the screen.

But at the same time, I felt Ryan actually getting more and more tense as the movie went on. I asked him about it once, near the middle, but he shrugged and said he was fine. But I could clearly tell that something was on his mind.

Still, Ryan was a macho kind of guy and prided himself on keeping control over his emotions. Not wanting to upset him, I tried to focus on the movie and knew that he’d talk if and when he needed to. And sure enough, after the credits rolled, Ryan wanted to voice the questions on his mind.

“So when are you going to tell your parents you’re moving with me to Fremont?” he began without preamble.

I was just returning to the couch after turning the lights up. I shrugged as I sat back down and looked at the clock. “Uh, tomorrow I guess. It’s a little late now.”

Ryan glanced at the clock and nodded as well. He sighed and clenched his hands a couple of times. Clearly, whatever he was thinking about right now was the same thing that had been making him tense up during the movie.

“Ryan,” I said soothingly, reaching out to take his hand. “What is it?”

He took a deep breath and then looked at me, his blue eyes sharpening. He frowned and paused before finally saying, “I told myself I wouldn’t ask you about him, but I have to know. How did Ben take it?”

“Take what? Us?”

Ryan nodded.

I frowned and looked away. “There was nothing to say. You and I are together. He knows that.”

“Come on, Dawn. I know you two. I WATCHED him fuck you. Don’t tell me more things didn’t happen overnight.”

“Would you be upset if they did?”

He bit his lip and frowned. But after taking another deep breath he said, “No. I can’t be upset when I’m the one who set you two up. Locked you in, even.”

“Okay.” I shrugged as if that were the end of it.

“So that’s it?” Ryan looked at me incredulously. “You two had this intimate night all alone together and everything goes right back to normal?”

“Sure.”

“Nuh-uh.” He shook his head. “I’m not buying it.”

I sighed. “Ryan, I’m not trying to hide anything from you.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Why would I?”

“I don’t know! But I know that all of a sudden you’re giving me one word answers and looking very defensive.”

“Am not!” I protested and then immediately turned away, realizing just how defensive I WAS looking. I sighed and then finally admitted, “Okay fine. He wanted to get back together.”

“And?”

“And what? I’m with you!”

“And I want to know: How did he take it? How did he take you telling him that you were staying with me?”

I exhaled slowly and stared off into the distance. How did he take it? He hadn’t taken it at all. Because... “I haven’t told him yet,” I muttered.

“What?” Ryan leaned forward. I’d muttered so quietly he couldn’t quite hear me.

Sighing, I sat up a little straighter and stared at the front door. “I haven’t told him yet,” I said a little louder.

“What? Why not?”

“I haven’t figured out how, just yet.”

“WHAT?” Ryan was suddenly behind me, still sitting on the couch. I could feel his presence right behind my back while I was still turned away from him. “What do you mean, you haven’t figured out how? He says he wants to get back together. And you tell him ‘NO’! It’s not that complicated!”

“It IS, Ryan.”

“FUCK!” He threw his hands up and stood up from the couch. Pacing away, he turned and glared at me. “I knew this had gone too smoothly. You asked if I could believe it, that we were finally together. The answer is ‘NO’, I don’t believe it.”

“Ryan...” I pleaded. “I chose you.”

“No you haven’t. Not yet. Not until you’ve told Ben that you’re through.” He marched over to the table by the door and snatched up my cell phone. Marching right back, he thrust it at me and barked, “Here. Call him. Tell him.”

“Ryan, it’s complicated.”

“No, it’s not. Either you’re my girlfriend or not, Dawn. Call him.”

“I CAN’T yet!”

“Why the fuck NOT?” Ryan thundered.

Staring at him with wide eyes, I just shook my head. I didn’t know why not. I really didn’t know. But at the very least, Ben deserved for me to talk to him in person. Not on the phone. I couldn’t do to him what I’d done last time, which was more or less give him the bad news by voicemail. This was all so much déjà vu. Two years ago, Ryan had been this very same kind of demanding, holding my cell phone out to me and ordering me to tell Ben I wasn’t getting back together with him.

Then, feeling the pressure, I’d caved and made the call. Ben didn’t pick up. I’d left the voicemail. And everything unraveled after that. Ben got back together with Adrienne. And I nearly lost him at camp.

I couldn’t do it again.

I couldn’t make the call.

In impotent rage, Ryan shook the phone in front of my face again, finally scowling and turning away when he realized I wouldn’t take it from him. He stomped away and turned his face up to the ceiling. “FUCK!” he spat. “This didn’t solve anything!”

“What?” I croaked.

“THIS! Last night. Setting you two up and letting him fuck my girlfriend! Didn’t change a fucking thing!”

“Of course it did. You know now, Ryan,” I pleaded with him. “You wanted to know if you’d lose me to Ben if we slept together. Well you didn’t. I’m right here.”

“NO!” Ryan turned on me. “I wanted to know if you’d finally clear Ben out of your system and truly be with me! But nothing’s changed! You’re ‘with’ me, but a part of you still belongs to him!”

“But I’m WITH you. I’m moving with you to Fremont. I’m telling my parents tomorrow. And I swear I’m going to tell Ben once and for all. I just have to do it my way. Ryan. I’m choosing you!”

“Then CHOOSE me.” He stomped up to within a few feet of me, towering over me while I instinctively cowered in my seat. And with cold eyes and a hard mouth, he growled, “I don’t want you to hang out with him anymore.”

My eyes popped wide open. “What?”

“You heard me. Choose ME. I don’t want you hanging around each other.”

“Ryan! Ben’s my best friend!”

“No more,” he bit out. “It’s either him or me. What’s it gonna be?”

In horror, I shook my head slowly. “Ryan ... don’t do this. Don’t do this.” My jaw quivered and I was in absolute shock at how things had turned. “You give me ultimatums and I’ll always resent you for it. You pull shit like this and you WILL lose me.”

“I don’t LIKE him around you, Dawn.”

“That’s impossible to change. We both got into the Undergraduate Business Program. We’re going to have almost ALL of our classes together for the next two years. And our families are closer than anything! I can’t just cut him out of my life!”

“But do you have to spend ALL your time together?”

“We’re friends!”

“Well I don’t like you as friends!”

“Ryan, please. Isn’t it enough that when Ben told me he wanted to get back together, that I chose you? I’m here, right now, with you. After the night I spent with him, I took you right into our bed, made a wonderful meal, and spent all the time I could with you. Please understand,” I whimpered.

Ryan growled and turned around, walking away from me. I held my breath, wondering how he would react. Would he understand how committed I was to him?

With his back still turned, he exhaled and said, “I’m José, aren’t I?”

“Huh?” I stared at him in bewilderment.

He turned around and said, “You’re Holly. I’m José.”

It took me a few moments to realize he was referring to Breakfast at Tiffany’s. “What?”

“I’m not a rich Brazilian businessman, but I’m what you’re telling yourself you want. I’m José. But in the end, you’ll go with Paul Varjak, won’t you?”

“Ryan,” I sighed. “Holly only left José because HE broke it off with her, remember?”

“Oh, so I AM José,” he pouted.

“Ryan.”

He just shook his head and walked away again. I could read the tension throughout his body as he fought to keep his cool. And after another minute, he came to some decision and then stomped right back over to me. “Fine. Show me you’re committed to me.”

“How?”

“Throw away the bracelet.”

“What?”

“Don’t be coy with me. You know what I’m talking about. Second drawer on the left. Silver bracelet. ‘Ben Forever’ stenciled into the band. Throw it out.”

I felt my heart harden. “I won’t do that, Ryan.”

I watched my boyfriend’s jaw clench and jut forward. I watched his eyes drop to mere slits, barely able to contain the rage boiling up inside him. He was pissed off, and it was my fault. Was he really asking so much of me? It was just a cheap piece of metal I’d picked up at a mall kiosk in high school. It was a dedication to an old friend who I’d already declared I wasn’t in love with anymore. It was a memento to an ex-boyfriend, something my current boyfriend was asking me to get rid of. Surely I could toss it aside without a second thought.

I can’t.

I just can’t.

Ryan’s nostrils flared with fury. He shook his head in disgust and disbelief. Like it or not, by my actions I was choosing Ben, and I knew it.

“If you love me, Dawn,” he pleaded, still glaring at me with righteous anger, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. Ryan was NOT a crier. “If you love me...” he repeated.

“I can’t,” I croaked and hung my head. I didn’t want to lose Ryan, but I just couldn’t throw away that bracelet. It meant too much to me.

Ryan gave me one last chance. He took a deep breath and then bent over my phone, quickly tapping out something. A few seconds later, he turned the phone around, showing me the message he’d written:

We are not getting back together. I’m in love with Ryan.

“Hit ‘send’, Dawn. Tell him now. Tell him for me. Just hit ‘send’ and I’ll know you really mean it.”

I whimpered and looked at the phone.

“Just a single button, babe, and I’ll believe you’ve really chosen me. C’mon. This isn’t anything you haven’t already told me you believe. You love me. You’re not getting back together with him. Just press the button.”

It really wasn’t much he was asking of me. I HAD told Ryan this. All he wanted was the confirmation. So I blinked and nodded to him. He stooped lower and put the phone closer within my reach.

I was nearly hyperventilating as a shaky hand reached up to the phone, index finger outstretched. And just out of reach of the keypad, I took a deep breath and made my decision.

Please forgive me.

BEN

We are not getting back together. I’m in love with Ryan.

The words were seared into my brain. In my mind’s eye, I could still see the glow of black characters on a white background, even though I wasn’t looking at my phone anymore.

Warm hands stroked my shoulder muscles, soothing and pleasant. Firm thumbs pressed into the base of my neck, rubbing away the tension that had collected there.

I didn’t know where I was or how I’d gotten here. I didn’t know how much time had passed.

I didn’t really care.

I felt the tube pressed to my lips. Out of the void, voices in the air whispered indistinct encouragement. But when I looked down and saw the Pyrex contraption being fed to me, old instincts ingrained in me by my parents woke up just enough for me to push the pipe away and shake my head. “Don’t need it,” I mumbled.

“You’ll feel better,” a sweet voice said beside me, just before licking my ear.

The slippery appendage slithering up my outer lobe triggered something deep inside me. Like an incredible, fantastic Great Machine powering up, I felt a hum of energy building from my core, racing along my arteries out to each of my four limbs. Blood roared in my ears. My nerves felt like they were on fire. And dormant muscles inside me awoke, every cell thrumming with intent and purpose.

I knew what I had to do. After all, beside me was a beautiful woman.

And I am a sexual creature.

“Ohhh, baby...” a sweet voice groaned in front of me.

My eyes fluttered open, and after a second I was able to sharply focus on Jillian’s surgically-enhanced face. It was moving up and down in my field of vision, rhythmically rising and falling, and my idle mind started spinning as I tried to determine the reason why.

A moment later I realized that the pillow behind her head was also moving up and down, in perfect sequence with her face. Logic then informed me that the girl wasn’t moving up and down, I was moving. And then the pleasure from my loins finally made it up into my brain, informing me that my dick was currently sawing in and out of a warm, wet pussy.

“Unghhh...” I groaned and hung my head.

I blinked and realized that I was now focused on two unnaturally perfect spheres of titflesh. The melons were big, and capped by erect, dusky red nipples that were positioned just a little wider than ideal. Amazingly buoyant, they didn’t sag at all and in fact, bounced pleasantly up and down in rhythm with my back and forth motions as I jarred Jillian’s body on every powerful thrust.

A hand gently stroked down my spine, rubbing me in a circular motion that descended lower and lower along my back. A second later I realized the hand did not belong to the girl beneath me. In fact, both of Jillian’s arms were thrown back behind her head, limply sprawled across the bed as she simply absorbed me power-fucking her while whimpering constantly and moaning in heat.

The hand eventually slid down to my ass, cupping my left buttock and pushing forward with my thrusts, adding a little extra force to each lunge. And after a few more pumps, a finger even dipped through my cleft and buzzed over my anus, spurring me extra-hard into Jillian’s clasping tunnel. But while the touch was electrifying, my animal mind also found it a bit annoying, and I turned toward the source of the hand and quite literally growled. “Grr... ”

A semi-familiar brunette was beside me, her green eyes popping open wide at the expression on my face. My arms moved of their own accord, vaulting me up from my position of hunching over Jillian. And before she realized it, the brunette found her arms locked by my grip as I abruptly tackled her onto her back.

“AAAAHHH!” the brunette shrieked in surprise.

“AAAAHHH!” she screamed again as my cock battered apart her pussy lips on its way into her body.

“OHHHHH!” she started moaning as my hips started pumping again, my hands moving instinctively over her naked body to find pressure points, erogenous zones, and sexual triggers.

I am a sexual creature.

My pelvis was starting to hurt a bit. Whatever cosmetic surgery she’d had, Jillian’s ass was all hers. But she was a skinny bitch, living on cigarettes and crystal meth, and her butt didn’t have much padding to it. So every time I rammed my cock almost eight inches up her asshole in this doggy-style position, my pelvis slammed into her bony butt hard enough to cause me some pain.

No matter. I was almost done.

The young brunette was already passed out, flat on her back nearby. Unlike Jillian, her body seemed to be all-natural, with her C-cup tits sagging a bit to the sides. Her legs were also spread to the sides, putting her neatly-trimmed pussy on full display, my most recent load of cum still trickling out between her used and abused labia.

I felt the tell-tale pressure telling me my rocks were about to go off. Wanting to finish things now, I trailed the fingers of my left hand up Jillian’s arched spine before reaching forward and wrapping my fingers around her neck. I didn’t choke her — not exactly — I merely applied a little pressure to her throat, causing her to tense up and start hyperventilating. My right hand left her hip and dipped below, plunging the middle fingers into her sopping wet cunt and digging the heel of my hand against her clit. And with a jerk against her neck and a quick circular rub against her trigger button, the beautiful platinum-blonde bombshell quivered and came. “Oh, Fuuuuuuu-HRK!”

Jillian’s voice was cut off when I abruptly raised my hand over her mouth, muffling her scream. I jerked her head back, pulling her upright on her knees until her head was right next to mine. My right fingers stabbed deeply into her pussy right as I rammed my cock up her ass at the same time. The heel of my right hand went nuts against her clit. And in the span of three seconds, her eyes rolled up into her head and she started cumming so hard she looked like she was having a seizure.

I finally relaxed my inner muscles and let the last load flow out of my balls with the same kind of relief as taking a piss after holding it in for way too long. I actually felt the jets hurtling up my shaft to explode inside Jillian’s bowels, coating her insides with my cream.

She was already unconscious before I finished sperming her asshole. Done with my sex toy, I shifted my hands around to those spherical tits, using them as handholds to lower her face-down onto the bed. Her ass was still held up in the air, suspended on my deflating cock. But I then took her hips and gently pushed her away from me, extracting myself and finally letting the girl collapse face-down in front of me.

Heaving for breath, I simply sat back on my heels before turning to look at the big mirror to my right. I wasn’t sure how I got here, but I recognized the room. And I knew with absolute certainty that Carter had been watching me the whole time.

Sure enough, my host walked through the door a couple of minutes later with Cameron on his arm, and then Elyse close behind them. With a big shit-eating grin, Carter walked right up to the bed and clapped my shoulder. “Fuckin’ A man! You said you could do it, and you did!”

I just shrugged, still trying to get my bearings. Glancing around, I noticed that Elyse had a bead of cum still on her chin and catching her eye, I tapped my own chin as an indicator. The raven-haired beauty blushed and then scraped the creamy glob off her chin before looking down in shame.

Carter was talking again. “You’ve got a gift, pal. I knew Jillian was a freak, but I’d never seen Rebecca blow her top like that before. I could never figure out how to push her buttons; probably why I gave up on her.” He was waving at the brunette, still asleep on her back.

I furrowed my eyebrows, still trying to keep up. “Rebecca: Is that her name?”

“Rebecca? Yeah. Don’t you remember her? She was my nurse at that first Halloween party.” Carter grinned. “I told you back then that if you ever wanted to fuck her, I’d set you up. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I get off on watching this shit.”

I nodded, thinking about the voyeur room. My head felt thick, and I reached up to hold it gingerly.

“Anyways, thanks for coming.” Carter clapped my back again. “You can come party with me anytime.”

I sensed the dismissal in Carter’s voice at that, so I climbed off the bed and went around retrieving my clothes. A part of me thought I should do something about Rebecca’s and Jillian’s unconscious naked bodies — at least to cover them up or something — but Carter was already talking again.

“Show Ben where he can get cleaned up,” he told Cameron.

Wordlessly, she tilted her head and moved to obey. But before Cameron left him, Carter pulled her close and gently rubbed his cheek against hers with a tenderness I wouldn’t have expected. But then he let her go, wrapped his arm around Elyse with his palm on her ass, and then headed out the door.

I found myself wondering exactly what was Cameron’s relationship to Carter. After a moment’s thought, I realized I’d seen Rebecca upstairs at the party. But I’d never seen Cameron until she showed up in the voyeur room to finish off Carter during Elyse’s gangbang. Was she hired help? A close confidant? Even family? Or was she just another in a line of tall, dark-haired, green-eyed babes that Carter seemed to be collecting around him? Elyse was 5’11” with green eyes and almost black hair. Rebecca looked at least 5’9” and had the dark hair and green eyes to match. And Carter had previously stated a preference for brunettes. Perhaps Cameron was just another one of them?

I had no answers and no time to really find them, either, as Cameron came up to me and said in a soft, but still smokily seductive voice, “This way.”

Cameron had the kind of voice that would make men do anything, and I was already moving in the direction she was pointing down the hall. A few doors down, she opened up to a bedroom that had an attached bathroom. I saw the shower and when I turned around, she was pulling a fresh towel out of a closet and handing it off to me.

Then backing up and casually gesturing with her left hand, she said, “If you turn right at the hallway, you’ll find the stairs back up. Your friend is currently engaged, but he shouldn’t be much longer.” And then without another word, she sketched a short bow and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Feeling exhausted, sexually drained, and yet not satisfied, I took my clothes back off and went to take a shower.

As I felt the hot spray beating down on the back of my neck, I braced myself against the far wall and closed my eyes, wondering where my life had gone.

I’d done it again. Faced with some sort of emotional anguish, I’d latched onto the nearest female body and tried to drown myself in physical pleasure. My active mind had turned off, and even now I found that I had gaps in my memory where I must have simply reacted without conscious thought. I didn’t know what had happened to me between reading Dawn’s text and finding myself about to start fucking Jillian. I didn’t even remember all of the threesome with the two girls. Rather than stop to analyze how I felt at that moment of emotional pain, I’d shut that part away from me and buried my head in the sand, trying to pretend it didn’t exist.

You’d think I’d have figured out by now: It didn’t work.

Right now, thinking about Dawn, I wanted to sink to my knees in this shower stall and start sobbing in anguish. The sex had exhausted me physically. But it had done absolutely nothing to cure the ache in my soul.

Who were Rebecca and Jillian? Did they mean anything to me? I used to feel attachments to the girls I’d been intimate with. Even the purely casual ones like Stacey Whitehouse and Helene McGregory in high school, or the Tri-Delts like Lakhi, Jocelyn, and Bridget, had all meant something more to me after we’d slept together. We may not have been close friends or even “regular” friends in the general sense of the word. But I would always remember them and whenever we saw each other, there would be a little look between us of fond memories.

But these girls? They were nothing more than fucks, pure and simple. I didn’t even know their last names. If I never saw Jillian again, I wouldn’t care. Hell, I didn’t even know Rebecca’s first name until after I was done using her.

This wasn’t playing cat and mouse with the Tri-Delts, both sides getting thrills from the chase. This wasn’t even Dayna’s blindfold party, anonymous sex with a bunch of casual friends just looking for a good time. If I’d thought that sex was a bit “soulless”, then what I’d just done was ... something even less meaningful.

They say that meaningless sex is just a complex form of masturbation. I used to think that was fine. Masturbation feels good. Nobody gets hurt. Why the hell not?

But I’d never before felt ... dirty ... about my form of masturbation. Sure, both Jillian and Rebecca were high on crystal meth, hornier than billy goats, and wanted to fuck me just as much as I wanted to fuck them. Everybody got some good orgasms and nobody got hurt.

But it still felt WRONG.

It was all meaningless. It was all so meaningless. And I found that I couldn’t even be happy about what pleasure I’d felt.

What was different this time? The girls? Maybe.

But more importantly, my heart just wasn’t in it. My heart was somewhere else.

My heart was with HER.

Somehow, my cell phone had made its way to the nightstand of this bedroom. I certainly hadn’t brought it with me; someone must have put it there. Picking it up, I realized that someone had turned it off. So pausing to turn the device back on, I waited for it to boot up. And then the first thing I did was go to my most recent message, and the text appeared on the screen:

We are not getting back together. I’m in love with Ryan.

I had to get Dawn back.

DAWN

Please forgive me.

Slowly, I pulled my finger back away from the phone. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t send the text. Not to Ben. Not like this. So hanging my head, I breathed out slowly. And without looking up at Ryan, I said softly, “I’m sorry.”

He stood over me for a second. I didn’t look up, but I could feel his presence looming. And for the briefest of moments, I felt real fear. I believed that Ryan could never, ever hurt me. But every man has his breaking point and I wondered if I’d finally triggered his. Ryan was 6’2”, more powerful than anyone I’d ever known, and he could kill me with his bare hands if he really wanted to. He was snorting like a Spanish bull and out of the corners of my eyes, I could see his whole body shaking. And I closed my eyes and cowered down, waiting to see if he just might lose it.

In the end, Ryan just growled, “Fine.”

I looked up to see his face looking meaner and more enraged than ever before. With a sneer he reached out and hit the ‘send’ button himself, a self-satisfied smirk spreading across his face. And then in a sudden motion that took me completely by surprise, he whirled and threw the phone so hard that it actually tore a hole through the wall of the living room, shattering the phone into little bits of plastic and metal on the floor.

But that was it. There were no more outbursts of rage and the singular violent act seemed to have released the bulk of his tension. But there was still a look of utter disappointment on Ryan’s face as he looked at me. And then without another word, he turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

And I was alone.

I didn’t move for a long time. Numb, I didn’t know what to feel.

I was sad, obviously. I had more or less thrown my relationship with Ryan in the crapper. Did he really ask me for so much? After all, I SAID I was committing to him. How hard could it really have been to just TELL Ben that? How hard could it have been to just throw the cheap bracelet away?

I loved Ryan. I truly did. I hadn’t been lying to myself on that point. He made me feel good, feel happy when I was around him. He was my boyfriend and I’d cherished his presence. But I knew without a doubt that our relationship was over. We hadn’t said so in words, but I felt it nonetheless. He’d asked me, once and for all, to choose him over Ben. And when pushed to the wall, I’d chosen Ben. There was just no way Ryan and I would ever recover from that.

But that didn’t mean that Ben and I would recover, either. We’d spent the better part of three years apart already. Yeah, we’d become close friends again, but I’d been another man’s girlfriend for all that time. When he’d broken up with Adrienne, I’d chosen Ryan because I believed Ben wasn’t ready. Even when Ben WAS over Adrienne, I hadn’t broken up with Ryan to return to him the way I’d promised long ago. And when Ben had spent a wonderful night with me last night and then told me he loved me and wanted to get back together, I hadn’t chosen him.

I’d specifically welcomed Ryan back and told HIM I’d chosen him. I couldn’t hide that fact from Ben. And knowing that, what would Ben think of me?

Maybe Ben and I shouldn’t get back together. At the very least, I was pretty sure we shouldn’t get back together right now. As I contemplated this pending future without Ryan, a part of me wanted to run crying into Ben’s arms and let his always reassuring presence tell me that he’d protect me and love me forever and ever. But I knew I’d be rebounding just as much as he had with DJ. This time, I was the one who wouldn’t be ready to get back together with him. I had to sort myself out first.

And so I would be alone for a little while. No Ryan. No Ben. Just me. The thought filled me with despair.

But then I realized that I would never be truly alone. Even without Ryan, I had people around who cared about me. I had faith that Gwen and Robin would always be my friends, no matter who I was dating. And of course, I had “The Family” at the house just a couple of blocks away. My own big sister Dayna would always be there for me. Well, maybe she would be with Kevin, but she’d be there when I needed her. Brandi would likely be around. And Adrienne, no longer a rival, seemed to have my best interests in her heart as well.

And of course, in my old bedroom, there was Ben.

How would he react? Would he hate me for not immediately dumping Ryan and promising him we would be together again? I wanted to believe that Ben’s love for me ran deeper than that, and that we could survive anything. But I just didn’t know.

At least I hadn’t totally betrayed Ben. I had made some decisions that led me down this path away from him long ago. Faced with multiple chances to turn back to him, or fall deeper into my relationship with Ryan, I’d repeatedly chosen Ryan. But when pushed, I staunchly (or stubbornly) stuck to my heart. Ryan had asked me to stop being friends with Ben, but that just wasn’t possible. He’d asked me to throw away the ‘Ben Forever’ bracelet, but I hadn’t gotten rid of that cherished memento. And when told to send Ben the “we’re not getting back together” message by text, I hadn’t done it. I’d hurt Ben terribly once with a callow voicemail. I couldn’t do it to him with something so base as a text message.

AH, SHIT! The text message! Ryan had still sent it! Whether out of spite or anger or whatever, Ryan had still sent it. I HAD to call Ben and tell him it was a mistake. But in horror, my gaze swept to the wall, to the dent in the plaster, and down to the floor at the shattered pieces of what used to be a cell phone.

SHIT!

I was on my feet in an instant, snatching up my purse instinctively as I flew out the door. I nearly fell going down the stairs, only barely managing to grab onto the railing and arrest my descent. A little more carefully, I navigated the remaining steps. But once my feet hit the pavement I was at a dead sprint.

I ran all the way to Ben’s house.

This late on a Saturday night, the front door was already locked. Not having a phone to call anyone with, I pounded on the door before it occurred to me to use the doorbell. I didn’t care if I woke anybody up. I HAD to find Ben.

Where would I go if I were him? What would I do?

If it were me, and I’d put all my hopes and dreams into getting back together with him, only to find out that after spending a wonderful night with him, he was choosing to go back to his girlfriend, I might very well kill myself. Ben could be pretty melodramatic, and if he were feeling like that, he might even hang himself in his bedroom just to make me walk in and find him like that.

With that morbid thought in my mind, I almost hoped he would do what he always did when faced with this kind of crushing emotional turmoil. That is, I half-expected him to grab Gwen or some other hot babe, drag her into his room, and fuck her brains out until he’d physically exhausted himself. I actually wouldn’t give a shit about him fucking someone. That’s just what Ben did. I just hoped that was as bad as he got, and I would find him sitting on the edge of his mattress with his heels perched on the bedframe, head in his hands wondering where the hell his life went wrong.

Frantic use of the doorbell finally earned me some attention. The foyer light went on, and then the illumination over the peephole was briefly obscured before I heard the locks opening and the door swinging inward. For a brief second, my heart leaped as I imagined Ben jumping out and grabbing me up in his arms.

“Oh ... Paige,” I practically grunted.

The petite redhead was wearing pajamas and rubbing her eyes sleepily, one hand protectively over her belly. “Dawn?” she asked in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“Where’s Ben?” I asked hurriedly.

“He’s uh, out,” Paige waved in the vague direction of the outside world. “Went to a party with Bert.”

My heart sank, followed momentarily by the hope that he’d be distracted and wouldn’t notice the text message. Maybe if I called him fast enough, I could get in touch with him before he read it and did something stupid. Stepping into the house, I immediately headed in and asked, “Is Adrienne around?”

Now behind me, Paige replied, “No. Went into San Francisco for another party.”

“Dayna?”

“Nope.”

“Brandi?”

“Just me.”

Sighing, I winced and did a slow turn. Of all the people I might have to depend on ... I took a deep breath and looked at Paige with a plea on my face. “Can I borrow your phone?”

“What happened to yours?” she asked suspiciously.

“Broke it. Into a million pieces. Long story. But seriously, I HAVE to talk to Ben.”

Paige actually smiled as she looked at me, and then with a slow nod, she led me into Adrienne’s bedroom. The day bed had become her regular bed over the past month, and even though she wasn’t actually paying rent, the housemates all said she more than made up for it by cooking and cleaning for them. She headed for her purse and pulled out a pink clamshell phone, handing it over.

I quickly snatched it up, and without bothering to try and look up her stored contact for Ben, I started dialing the number from memory. And putting the phone to my ear, I listened anxiously for the rings to tell me the call was going through.

At the same time, I realized that Paige was just standing there, looking at me. I shot her a look, and she rolled her eyes before I realized that I was technically in HER room, late at night when the poor girl had probably been sleeping. Waving her off, I walked out the door and into the living room. And the phone started ringing along the way.

Unfortunately, it went to Ben’s voicemail. I quickly hung up and then tried again, getting the same result. A third time confirmed my suspicions. Ben’s phone was off. SHIT!

In a mild panic, I left Ben an urgent message to dismiss any text messages he may have gotten from me and to call me as soon as he could. I hung up before realizing I didn’t have a phone for him to call me back on, and grimacing I called his voicemail again, this time to tell him to call Paige’s cell phone.

And then I raced back into the bedroom to find Paige sitting in bed, waiting for me patiently. “You get a hold of him?”

“No,” I said weakly, hearing my own voice cracking. Starting to hyperventilate again, I whimpered. “Do you know where he went?”

Frowning, Paige shook her head. “I’m sorry, but no. They never said where the party was.”

I felt ready to cry, but Paige perked up and asked, “Did you try calling Bert?”

My eyebrows shot up and I immediately flipped the phone open again. This time I had to scroll through the address book, this time taking an extra few seconds to figure out how the operating system worked. But eventually I found an entry for “Bert Kim” and dialed it, anxiously awaiting the ringer again.

After four rings, the phone picked up. “Bert! It’s Dawn! Where are you guys? I need to talk to Ben!”

All I heard were muffled feminine giggles, along with a distinctly male groan. Then some girl said, “Turn it off, sugar” right before another girl said in an Eastern European accent, “We’re not done with you yet!” The phone was quickly silenced, and I was left staring at the screen with a dumbfounded expression on my face. Ben was rubbing off on Bert.

In agony, I sank down to sit at the foot of Paige’s bed. She sat up again, and to my surprise, leaned forward and rubbed my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Dawn.”

Despondent, I started shuddering in a precursor to crying as I hung my head and whimpered, “No, it won’t.”

Even more unexpectedly, she leaned forward and wrapped me up in a warm hug. And in a calm, mature voice, she said, “Yes, it will. Ben loves you more than anyone in the universe. It’ll all be okay.”

Still shuddering, I turned to look at the wide-eyed redhead. We hadn’t always gotten along. We were casual friends, but I never really thought much of her relationship with Ben, believing it to be one-sided. I was sure that opinion had colored all of my interactions with her, and out of everyone in the so-called “crew”, Paige and I had been the least close to each other. I’d done my best to be supportive of her situation lately. She always seemed like such a young, frightened child, even though I knew she was technically a few months older than me. And she was the last person in the world I ever expected to be comforting me.

Taking a deep breath, I exhaled and turned to Paige. “Do you know about me and Ben last night?”

She took a slow breath and then canted her head to the side. “Not exactly. I mean, I know Ben spent the night with you. But I don’t know what circumstances led to it or what went on between you two. Ben was very close-mouthed about it when he got back. All he would say was that the two of you weren’t back together. From the tone in his voice, he was hopeful that you would soon, but at the same time he seemed resigned that you wouldn’t. He left almost immediately; don’t know where he went. But when he came back, he had a party invitation, talked Bert into going with him, and then left right after dinner.”

I sighed and nodded. “He did ask me to get back together with him,” I said carefully, measuring Paige’s reaction. I knew she was still in love with him, and I didn’t know how she’d react to that kind of information.

To my surprise, she just nodded. “I figured. He’s really in love with you. He’s been beating himself up left and right for a while now, thinking he blew his greatest chance to be truly happy.”

I arched an eyebrow. “That doesn’t bother you?” I asked curiously.

Paige sighed and looked at me with a strange look. She didn’t answer for a few seconds, but eventually took a deep breath and replied, “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish he’d fall in love with me. I do. But I’m not so naïve as to think I can compete with what he feels for you. I want him to be truly happy, and for that, I think he needs to be with you, one way or another.”

I smiled and looked down. “Thank you for that. But I’m not sure things will work out that way.”

Paige smiled enigmatically. “Oh, they will eventually.”

I frowned. “What makes you say that?”

She smiled again. “You’re here, aren’t you? Frantically trying to find Ben? You really love him. And he loves you. It’s just a matter of time.”

I sighed. “I’d like to believe that.”

Paige stroked my arm again and gave me a warm smile. “You look like someone who needs to talk. Why don’t you tell me what’s happened. And we’ll see if we can’t figure out how you can get Ben back.”

BEN

Anxious to get a hold of Dawn, I’d called her three times before realizing that her phone must be off, since everything went straight to her voicemail. I left an urgent message for her to call me back. She’d said she was in love with Ryan, fine. She’d said she wasn’t getting back together with me, fine.

I’d change her mind.

She was MY Dawn, and would be until the end of time. I knew if I just had another chance to get in front of her, I could convince her of that.

If only I could get in touch with her.

Bert eventually emerged from some back bedroom, grinning from ear-to-ear and none-too-steady on his feet. He said goodbye to Nikki and Tasha, exchanging tongue-filled kisses with both of them before letting me help him out to his car. I dropped him into the passenger seat and hopped in the driver’s side myself.

My phone bleeped abruptly not too far from the house, but since I was doing the driving, I ignored it until I was safely parallel parked on the sidewalk. Then I circled around and helped to get Bert out of the car. I figured I’d dump him on the couch and let him sleep it off to head home in the morning.

Halfway up the front walk, Bert jerked up straight and mumbled that he could make it on his own. I let him stagger up to the front door, and anxious to see what my phone had picked up, I fished it out and saw that I had two voicemails.

Stupid cell phone companies. Why does it take a half-hour for their systems to realize there’s a waiting voicemail? So right there, outside of the house, I held down the 1-button and quickly got into my messages. I listened to Dawn’s frantic voice, telling me to call her back. And then a few seconds later I got her second message telling me to call Paige, of all people.

FUCK! I quickly thumbed down to my phonebook entry for Paige and started the phone dialing. And with a renewed sense of urgency, I vaulted up onto the front porch and headed into the house, my phone pressed to my ear.

Dawn and Paige were already in the foyer to meet me. Apparently Bert’s arrival had alerted them to our presence. And a second later, I found myself wrapped in an unbelievably tight bear hug from the most beautiful woman in the world.

The cell phone clattered to the floor.

My Dawn was back.

[sniff, sniff]

Frowning, Dawn picked her head off of my shoulder and looked at me curiously. And with an arched eyebrow, she asked, “Why do you smell like pot?”

I sighed. This was going to be a LONG talk.

I’d already showered at Carter’s, so all I really needed was a change of clothes to get rid of the marijuana smell. I suppose it was just as well that I didn’t smell like sex. Although I knew that if I wanted any chance of getting back together with Dawn, I’d have to be completely honest and upfront with her. She just knew me too well and would instinctively know if I was hiding something, and for a conversation as important as this, I wasn’t going to take any risks.

Dawn quietly followed me into my bedroom, then both closed and locked the door behind her. I promised to explain the smell while disrobing, unselfconsciously stripping myself completely naked and tossing my clothes into my hamper, and then fishing out a comfortable pair of boxers, pajama pants, and a T-shirt. She simply watched me without arousal or consternation, biting her lip nervously as she processed her own thoughts.

I wanted to know what had led to her sending me that painfully gut-wrenching text message, and to know why she was here with me instead of with Ryan. But I wanted to tell her how I truly felt first. And after sitting on my bed and scooting back to the pillows and headboard, I started my tale.

I hadn’t rehearsed what I was going to say or anything, so I was a little disjointed. I started by explaining the smell, how there’d been pot-filled hookahs at the party Bert and I had gone to. The party was hosted by Carter, a guy I’d first met at the Halloween thing our freshman year and run into again this morning. I’d explained to Dawn how I’d gone into a sort of limbo after her pronouncement that she needed time to come to a decision, and that I’d tried to occupy myself by walking around town and then by the party atmosphere.

“I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied for weeks now, ever since you told me you were moving away from Berkeley with Ryan. I tried to be happy for you. I wanted to put your happiness ahead of my own. But the simple fact is, I’m miserable at the thought of losing you and I’m not going to just stand back anymore,” I stated emphatically. “I love you. I want to be with you. And if I have to, I’ll fight Ryan to win you back.”

Actually saying that out loud got me a little energized, and I was ready to bull ahead with more proclamations of my undying love for her. But Dawn held up her hand to stop me, taking a deep breath before she said, “You won’t have to.”

I blinked. “What?”

She took another deep breath and said, “Ryan and I aren’t going to work out.”

I blinked twice. Not believing my ears, I repeated, “What?”

She sighed sadly, closing her eyes which blinked a big tear out to roll down her cheek. And then she repeated, “Ryan and I aren’t going to work out.”

I was still in shock. “But ... but ... the text message said...”

“Oh, Ben!” Dawn sighed. “When are you going to realize that ANYONE can send a text message? When have I even been big on text messages? They cost extra and we’ve got plenty of cell minutes. Seriously! I didn’t tell you to come over last night and I DIDN’T send you that text message tonight!”

I was blinking rapidly again. “You ... you didn’t?”

“No!” Dawn exhaled slowly, tilting her head back and crying to the ceiling.

Ohmigod ... ohmigod ... That means ... That means Dawn DIDN’T choose Ryan. She chose me! She doesn’t love him! Ohmyfreakinggawd! The elation spread onto my face and I started grinning widely. Eagerly, I opened my arms and started moving forward to embrace Dawn, MY Dawn.

But just as I started, she held a hand up to stop me. “It’s not that simple, Ben. I have a confession of my own.” And then she told me what she’d been doing all day.

My heart sank instantly when she confessed she’d gone back to Ryan. It dropped into my stomach when she told me they’d gone to bed together almost right away. And my heart dropped all the way into the shitty areas of my bowels when she told me she had every intention of committing to Ryan and moving away.

But then she told me about Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Ryan’s somewhat gruff inquiries as to how I’d taken the news. She confessed that she hadn’t told me, had merely put me on hold so she could figure out HOW to tell me. And I think I started to see the exact same thing that Ryan had seen in Dawn:

She wasn’t really committing.

Dawn had been going through the motions, doing everything she thought she was supposed to be doing. But her heart wasn’t really in on it, just her head. After our night together, she hadn’t come out and told me she was staying with Ryan because deep down, she didn’t really want to.

Dawn had changed a lot in the years we’d been apart. Her relationships with me and with Ryan had evolved and adapted to our situations. But one thing had never truly changed for either of us: We always belonged to each other.

You could say it was wishful thinking on my part, that I read this into the way Dawn was explaining things. You could argue that she never actually SAID she still belonged to me. But I knew it. I saw it in her heart. I felt it through that mystical connection that had bonded us since we were born.

Dawn truly loved me. And I loved her. She was my soulmate.

Ryan really was José, the guy Holly told herself she wanted. But I was her Paul, the guy she really belonged with, warts and all. Ryan provided for her. But I really understood her. And when faced with the decision to choose between me and Ryan, faced with throwing away her “Ben Forever” bracelet, the symbol of who we used to be together, she couldn’t. Faced with sending me a text message breakup, she couldn’t press the button.

“I’m sorry, Ben!” Dawn was crying by now, as she finished her story. “I don’t deserve to be with you. I chose him! I chose him!”

“Shh...” I soothed, reaching out to her, wrapping her up in my arms and pulling her close against my chest. “No you didn’t.”

“I did! I did! I told him I was choosing him. I made love to him. I made us dinner. I cuddled with him on the couch. You and I had our wonderful night together, and I still went back to HIM!” she wailed despondently.

“No you didn’t, don’t you see?” I urged, rubbing her back firmly. “Your head told you to go with him, but your heart always stayed with me. Okay, you slept with the guy. Fine. He was your boyfriend. It wasn’t like you hadn’t done it before. Cooked him dinner and told him you wanted to be with him? Again, nothing new. But through it all, you always kept our bracelet. And when he finally made it an ultimatum to throw it away, him or me, you chose me. And that’s all that matters.”

And then not wanting to waste any more time, I turned her head and kissed her.

Daaaaaaayyummm I missed kissing her. I mean, yeah, I know I’d rather heavily made out with her just last night. But it still felt like I was melting into Dawn as our lips came together and we started hungrily devouring each other with a volcanic passion.

The rest just came naturally.

Dawn’s back hit the blankets, her arms wrapped around the back of my head as our faces pressed tightly together, our tongues intertwining in each other’s mouth. I felt the whisk of air on my back as she jerked off my shirt. And then our hands were scrabbling over each other’s bodies as we divested ourselves of the rest of our clothing. Neither of us wanted a stitch of anything between us. Not anymore. And then her hands were right behind my ears, holding my head tightly to the crook of her neck as I centered my body over hers.

Her sigh was like a gentle breeze by my ear as my cockhead separated her moist labia. The sigh turned into a happy moan as my thick shaft burrowed ever deeper into the core of her body. As always, she was wonderfully tight, her vaginal walls hugging close to my penetrating rod, providing exquisite friction with every surrendered millimeter. And she did surrender them. Every part of her was welcoming and inviting, urging me deeper with her pants and breathy moans.

At full depth, our eyes locked together. And for the next several minutes, neither of us broke that bond. It was as if by keeping that visual focus, we could feel the bonds of love and affection and see them in each other’s eyes. Strengthened by a lifetime of partnership, we let our friendship and trust grow until it filled every fiber of our beings, so that every twitch and caress was a physical manifestation of our re-emerging unity.

Dawn and I were truly making love. My thrusts were slow and full. Her hips rolled to meet me, but we never came together with heavy force nor meaty thumps. We simply stroked together. We didn’t even kiss. We didn’t need to. So much more was expressed in our eyes and in the way our noses rubbed together.

I’d lost track of the number of girls I’d given physical orgasms. I’d caressed their bodies and put pressure on their nerves while stroking G-spots and buzzing clits, sending them into paroxysms of indescribable pleasure.

But only one had ever shared with me a completely non-physical orgasm — an orgasm of love — and she was lying beneath me right now. It was an orgasm of feeling so intimately connected to your partner that your body literally has no choice but to explode in ecstasy, lest the overabundance of emotions simply overwhelm your senses.

I lost track of how many time Dawn writhed with one of those; but there was no mistaking when the vaginal orgasm came. It was preceded by shortened gasps for air, little squeaks accelerating in pace and in pitch. Her eyes tightened as the rush of feeling rolled down her spine and caused her to arch her chest against me. And as the pleasure swept through her insides, her mouth gaped open to scream.

But instead of crying out in sheer bliss, Dawn merely grasped my head and stared deep into my eyes. Sweat was dripping off her brow, her face a mask of pleasure and her irises alight with brilliant blue fire. And with her last burst of oxygen, she moaned, “I love you, Ben. I always loved you. And I will always love you.”

The moment demanded more than just ‘I love you, too’. Countless couples around the world replied using that phrase. Maybe half of them really meant it.

For Dawn, I had something more special.

“I surrender. Take all of me,” I groaned, stroking harder and faster while somehow keeping my face steady in front of hers. “Because I’m your Ben. Forever.”

Her head tilted back and her jaw dropped open in a breathy gasp as her orgasm ignited. I rode the wave with her, my whole body tightening as I surged into her loins one final time, releasing the torrent of liquid love.

We didn’t kiss in passion. Our heads didn’t even move any closer. But as her back arched up while my hips pressed down, our eyes stayed locked together, expressing the blissful experience we each felt so that the other could feel it too. I saw her pupils widen at the sensation of my cum splashing into her womb. I felt her happiness and sense of relief at having found me again. And my eyes were a mirror of her own.

Our problems didn’t all go away with one magical fuck. Yeah, I’m sure there were a lot of things we still had to talk about. For one, I hadn’t given her every detail of my night, fucking other girls. And I was sure she was going through a whole riot of thoughts and emotions. It’s not every day you break up with your boyfriend of the past three years.

Right now I didn’t care. We would talk. We would work things out. And for all I knew, we still wouldn’t be “together” in the morning. We might need time to sort things out. Our relationship was always complicated like that.

But that was tomorrow morning. This was right NOW. And I knew that someday, somehow, we would be together again. I believed.

Dawn had said it back before we even came to Berkeley: Our hearts had found each other when we were little. And no matter where they went, they would find their way back together again.