Apple Turnover Murder

AGGRESSION COOKIES

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position.

3 cups flour (pack it down when you measure it)

1 Tablespoon baking soda (that’s 3 teaspoons)

3 cups brown sugar (pack it down when you measure it)

4 eggs, beaten (just whip them up in a glass with a fork)

3 cups salted butter, softened (6 sticks, 24 ounces, 1 and ½ pounds)

6 cups oatmeal (I used Quaker Quick Oats)

½ cup white (granulated) sugar for dipping the dough balls

Put the flour in a medium-sized bowl. Stir in the baking soda and mix until it’s well combined. Wash your spoon and put it away. You won’t be using it again today.

Go to your cupboard and find a large bowl, preferably one that’s unbreakable. Dump the flour and baking soda mixture in the bottom.

Measure the brown sugar and dump that in on top of the flour mixture. Do not stir.

Whip up 4 eggs in a glass with a fork until they’re frothy. Add them to your bowl.

Add all that softened butter. Just dump it in. Don’t stir.

Dump in the oatmeal, too. Don’t stir.

Think about something that really makes you mad. Now mash, knead, squeeze, pound, and pulverize all those ingredients in the bowl. Drum up every bit of aggression you can and take it out on your cookie dough. Don’t stop until everything is mashed, and squeezed, and rounded up into a big ball.

Hannah’s 1 ^st Note: Karen says to use ungreased cookie sheets. I forgot and sprayed mine with Pam. Lisa says she used parchment paper. I think these cookies will turn out fine no matter what you do.

Put the ½ cup of white sugar in a small bowl.

Form the cookie dough into small balls about an inch in diameter. Roll the balls in the white sugar and place them on the cookie sheet, 12 to a standard-size sheet. They’ll flatten out as they bake.

Bake your cookies at 350 F. for 10 to 12 minutes or until they’re golden brown on top. Cool on the cookie sheets for 2 minutes and then remove them to a wire rack to cool completely.

Hannah’s 2 ^nd Note: Michelle and I added golden raisins to half of this batch, and chocolate chips to the other half. We thought the cookies were sweet enough without the added sugar on top, so we left that out. The dough balls flattened out by themselves as they baked. If you want to make several different types of oatmeal cookies, you can divide the dough into several parts and knead something different into each part.

Michelle’s Note: Mixing up these cookies is bound to relax you. I copied the recipe to use at Macalester for the times I study all night for a midterm and then find out that not one single thing I studied was on the test.

Yield: 12 dozen tasty cookies, depending on cookie size.

Hannah’s 3 ^rd Note: You can cut this recipe in half, if you wish. You can also make it in an electric mixer if you’re not particularly mad at anyone.