Beyond Recognition

75

Appropriately, it was raining. Daphne was glad for that because it would disguise her tears.

“You don’t need to come in or anything,” Ben said, meaning he didn’t want her to.

“I’ll just see you to the door,” she said.

“Whatever.”

It hurt her to see him so excited to be reunited with Emily. How she wished he might change his mind at the last minute and beg to find a way to stay with her. But the finest things pass through your life, she thought, like migratory birds. They do not light. They leave you with a glimpse of beauty and pass on.

This was not the death of a friendship, it was the beginning of a young man’s life.

Reading her thoughts, as they sat in the dull glare of a red light, the windshield wipers working like a metronome, he said, “It’s not like we won’t see each other.”

She didn’t answer. Perhaps they would see each other from time to time; she wanted to support him, to be there for him. She reached out and took his hand in hers. It was the first time she had dared to do so, but not from lack of want. Of need. Her heart wanted to burst. Her throat was tight. His small fist was hot. Her hand was cold. He looked down at their hands, and when the light changed, she pulled away from him and drove on, her moist eyes focused on the moist road, but she felt his intense gaze fixed upon her. Perhaps he had felt it too. Perhaps.

“You know, Ben, sometimes a person comes along in your life, a special person, and without knowing it they show you something about yourself, they point you in a particular direction that maybe you didn’t see until they came along. You know?” She was talking like him now. She could hardly believe it. A smile sprang onto her face.

“I guess so,” he answered.

“What I mean to say is, you are that person for me. You helped me in ways I can’t explain, I guess, but profoundly and forever. Good stuff,” she said.

“That guy Owen. Is that what you mean? Look out, it’s yellow.”

She slowed the car, realizing she had better pay closer attention. “Thanks.”

“You mean him?” he asked, not letting it go the way an adult might have.

“I mean you,” she answered.

“I don’t see what I did, except screw everything up.”

“Watch the language.”

“It’s the next right.”

“I know.”

He bit away a sly grin. “You’re okay, D. I know you did a ton of stuff for me-to make this happen with Emily and all. You and Susan. And, well, it’s really cool, is all. You know?”

“If you ever, ever, need anything, you had better call me,” she said, trying to avoid crying, which only made it worse.

“We’ll see each other,” he repeated, a little more desperately. She wanted to believe that only then was their separation registering in him.

“You have a lot of love in you, Ben. Don’t be afraid to share it.” The rain did her no good, for she hadn’t held off the tears until outside as she had hoped to do. She finally dared look at him, and he was crying too, and selfishly this made her happy.

She pulled to a stop in front of the purple house.

“I don’t normally do this,” he said. He reached into the back seat for his backpack and books. “You and Susan are going to help me move, right?”

“Right.”

“So we’ll see each other.”

“Maybe I won’t get out,” she said, seeing Emily open the door and wave. She couldn’t stop the tears now. She abandoned any effort to do so. The wipers sounded peaceful, their rhythm soothing. She was heading back to the houseboat alone to listen to the rain fall on the dock and beat on her roof. To a log fire and a glass of wine and more tears. It was good. It was what she wanted.

“Well,” he said. He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, his excitement over seeing Emily already winning out.

Daphne nodded and sniffled, unable at first to get any words out. He popped open the door and jumped out.

“Ben!” she called out sharply, sounding like a wire breaking.

Out in the rain, Ben leaned his head down and into the car.

“Tell her to paint the damn house,” Daphne said. She found a smile at last.

“Watch your language,” Ben replied. But his expression said it all. She would remember that look for a lifetime. Cherish it.

He pushed the door shut and hurried off through the falling rain.