Black Beetles in Amber

Mackay's hot wrath to Bonynge, direful spring

Of blows unnumbered, heavenly goddess, sing—

That wrath which hurled to Hellman's office floor

Two heroes, mutually smeared with gore,

Whose hair in handfuls marked the dire debate,

And riven coat-tails testified their hate.

Sing, muse, what first their indignation fired,

What words augmented it, by whom inspired.

First, the great Bonynge comes upon the scene

And asks the favor of the British Queen.

Suppliant he stands and urges all his claim:

His wealth, his portly person and his name,

His habitation in the setting sun,

As child of nature; and his suit he won.

No more the Sovereign, wearied with his plea,

From slumber's chain her faculties can free.

Low and more low the royal eyelids creep,

She gives the assenting nod and falls asleep.

Straightway the Bonynges all invade the Court

And telegraph the news to every port.

Beneath the seas, red-hot, the tidings fly,

The cables crinkle and the fishes fry!

The world, awaking like a startled bat,

Exclaims: "A Bonynge? What the devil's that?"

Mackay, meanwhile, to envy all attent,

Untaught to spare, unable to relent,

Walks in our town on needles and on pins,

And in a mean, revengeful spirit—grins!

Sing, muse, what next to break the peace occurred—

What act uncivil, what unfriendly word?

The god of Bosh ascending from his pool,

Where since creation he has played the fool,

Clove the blue slush, as other gods the sky,

And, waiting but a moment's space to dry,

Touched Bonynge with his finger-tip. "O son,"

He said, "alike of nature and a gun,

Knowest not Mackay's insufferable sin?

Hast thou not heard that he doth stand and grin?

Arise! assert thy manhood, and attest

The uncommercial spirit in thy breast.

Avenge thine honor, for by Jove I swear

Thou shalt not else be my peculiar care!"

He spake, and ere his worshiper could kneel

Had dived into his slush pool, head and heel.

Full of the god and to revenges nerved,

And conscious of a will that never swerved,

Bonynge set sail: the world beyond the wave

As gladly took him as the other gave.

New York received him, but a shudder ran

Through all the western coast, which knew the man;

And science said that the seismic action

Was owing to an asteroid's impaction.

O goddess, sing what Bonynge next essayed.

Did he unscabbard the avenging blade,

The long spear brandish and porrect the shield,

Havoc the town and devastate the field?

His sacred thirst for blood did he allay

By halving the unfortunate Mackay?

Small were the profit and the joy to him

To hew a base-born person, limb from limb.

Let vulgar souls to low revenge incline,

That of diviner spirits is divine.

Bonynge at noonday stood in public places

And (with regard to the Mackays) made faces!

Before those formidable frowns and scowls

The dogs fled, tail-tucked, with affrighted howls,

And horses, terrified, with flying feet

O'erthrew the apple-stands along the street,

Involving the metropolis in vast

Financial ruin! Man himself, aghast,

Retreated east and west and north and south

Before the menace of that twisted mouth,

Till Jove, in answer to their prayers, sent Night

To veil the dreadful visage from their sight!

Such were the causes of the horrid strife—

The mother-wrongs which nourished it to life.

O, for a quill from an archangel's wing!

O, for a voice that's adequate to sing

The splendor and the terror of the fray,

The scattered hair, the coat-tails all astray,

The parted collars and the gouts of gore

Reeking and smoking on the banker's floor,

The interlocking limbs, embraces dire,

Revolving bodies and deranged attire!

Vain, vain the trial: 'tis vouchsafed to none

To sing two millionaires rolled into one!

My hand and pen their offices refuse,

And hoarse and hoarser grows the weary muse.

Alone remains, to tell of the event,

Abandoned, lost and variously rent,

The Bonynge nethermost habiliment.