Born To Be Wild

THIRTY-FIVE

Dallas was broadcast in fifty-seven countries and seen by 300 million viewers.

On Sunday morning, shortly after eight-thirty, Mary Lisa made her way through her trashed living room to the front door.

The doorbell sounded again and a big fist pounded on it three times.

She threw it open to see Jack Wolf and Detective Vasquez standing side by side in front of her. The morning sun blasted her in the face.

“I can’t believe you two are here at this hour. You were the last to leave the party. Go away. It’s early, my house is wrecked, and I want to go back to bed.”

“We’ll help you clean up,” Jack said and simply pushed past her. “This is important, Mary Lisa. We need to talk.”

She turned around and left them standing in her front door. Jack yelled, “I’m making coffee. Get your butt back out here in ten minutes or I’m coming in after you.”

Her bedroom door slammed.

Daniel looked after her, then back at Jack, a dark brow raised. “What’s with you two?”

“I told you what she let drop yesterday, about wanting to become her own investigator. I tried to pin her about it last night, but she wouldn’t talk about it. This is something we’ve got to nip in the bud, Daniel.”

“Yeah, well, on the other hand, it got a little wild here in the house last night-outside too-so I can understand her wishing we weren’t here on Sunday morning.” Daniel looked down at his watch. “I go to ten o’clock Mass. I got maybe thirty minutes with her, tops.”

“Good morning, boys. How’s things?”

Lou Lou walked into the living room, her hair tousled about her head, wearing a man’s short-sleeved black T-shirt that came to the top of her thighs and nothing else. Well, maybe bikini panties, but Jack didn’t want to think about that. She yawned hugely.

They heard another yawn and another woman appeared, this one wearing pale pink pajama bottoms that came to mid stomach and a dark blue short-cropped top. She looked over at the two men, nodded. “Good morning, Detective Vasquez. Chief Wolf. I forgot to ask last night-chief of what?”

Lou Lou laughed. “Don’t shred his manhood this early, Elizabeth. He’s the chief of police from Goddard Bay, Mary Lisa’s hometown. He’s here to assist Danny.”

“That’s me, Danny’s assistant.”

Elizabeth rubbed a hand over her very firm, tanned belly, both men’s eyes on those moving fingers of hers. She yawned, streaked her fingers through her hair. “Good to see both of you again. But it’s very early, you know.”

Daniel said, “Lou Lou said you were flying home yesterday, but you didn’t get here until about one o’clock in the morning. What happened?”

“Lucky me, the plane was delayed.” She gave another huge yawn.

Jack was studying her, a slight frown on his face. “I thought this last night-you look familiar.”

Lou Lou laughed. “She’s Elizabeth Verras. She’s one of our local TV newscasters.”

Daniel Vasquez was walking toward the kitchen. “You want coffee, Lou Lou? Elizabeth?”

“That’d be nice, Danny. What are you two doing here? It’s barely dawn.”

“I know you didn’t expect us, but why don’t you go cover yourself up a bit, Lou Lou, Ms. Verras? Detective Vasquez here was just planning to go to church.”

Lou Lou yawned again. She grinned now at Detective Vasquez. “Don’t be a prude, Jack. Come on to the kitchen, I’ll make the coffee. Elizabeth, you want tea?” Jack pictured her stretching up to reach the coffee or some mugs and made no move to join her.

“Jack makes great coffee,” Daniel said. “Why don’t you let him do it this time?”

Lou Lou shook her head. “Nope, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. See, Danny, he knows all the voices are going to bring Mary out of her bedroom in a few minutes, and he’d better have a plan when he sees her. Jack’s a guy, he can’t multitask, so I’ll make the coffee.”

Elizabeth gave them all a sleepy smile. “I’ll go fetch Mary Lisa right now. If we’re up it’s only fair that she be up too.”

Jack waited for Elizabeth to leave the kitchen. “I was wondering why Mary Lisa wears what she wears to bed and you wear this.”

“Well, the thing is, we had a sort of slumber party last night after everyone left-what, around two a.m.? Thanks for shooing everyone out. Big problem though-a few people drifted back after you left, so we brought out the tarot cards and did readings until around four. Mary Lisa likes to sit cross-legged when she reads the tarot cards, and you can’t wear a T-shirt and sit cross-legged. So she put on her pj’s and that man’s extra-large sweatshirt you saw her in. Maybe that’s why she disappeared back to her bedroom. Anyway, some people crashed out on Mary Lisa’s back deck. Mary Lisa bought a whole bunch of aerobeds last year, so the deck was covered with bodies. I heard them talking about an hour ago. Carlo suggested the Belgian coffee shop, so off they went, after they made sure I was sleeping with Mary Lisa. You know, so she wouldn’t be alone and unprotected.” She scratched her elbow. “So was Elizabeth, once we managed to haul her off to bed. See, she was reading a Major Arcana and just fell over.”

The living room was a mess but the kitchen was spotless. “That’s the deal,” Lou Lou said. “Mary Lisa cleans up everything else if guests scrub down the kitchen.”

“Well, we don’t need any Belgian coffee shop.” Daniel whipped a bag from behind his back. “I brought donuts.”

Mary Lisa eyed that bag. “Mary Lisa can smell a donut from fifty feet.”

They heard Mary Lisa’s voice from the hallway. “Any glazed?”

The five of them were settling into the kitchen when Daniel got a call from the station. “I hate to spoil such a perfect breakfast, but I’m outta here. Puker Hodges just staggered in to the station. They took him to the hospital.”

“HE was a skinny guy, slouchy jeans and T-shirt, dark sunglasses, a baseball cap turned backwards. He hit me and that’s the last thing I saw.” Puker’s hand was shaking as he picked up a Styrofoam cup of hot black coffee and drank it.

Puker was going to be all right, a couple of bruises and a lump on the side of his head, and he was dehydrated. The hospital staff had cleaned him up, bagged his filthy clothes, and were currently dripping a liquid into his IV. Daniel sat on one side of his hospital bed, while Jack stood at the door, his arms crossed over his chest.

Daniel asked him, “It’s been three days, Mr. Hodges. Where did he take you?”

“Okay, move aside, you guys, I want to see the lame-brain here.” Mary Lisa slithered past Jack, who made a grab for her arm and missed. She stormed up to the bed, stared down at Puker, hands on her hips. “Well, you moron, I guess it’s lucky you’re still alive.”

“Mary Lisa! What-hey, I’m not a moron! I was developing some photos, minding my own business, in my own apartment-I called you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, to extort something from me. Then you tried him. Did you find out who he was? Try a little blackmail?”

“I didn’t try to blackmail anyone-”

Daniel rose. “You found out the guy’s name and you called him, demanded money, didn’t you, Puker?”

“My name’s Poker! Don’t call me Puker! You started it, Mary Lisa. Even the emergency room nurse called me Puker!”

“-So you made demands. Only the guy came to your apartment, clobbered you, only not quite hard enough, and got his hands on the photos, right, and hauled you out? He could have killed you, you idiot.”

Puker’s voice caught on a sob. “I thought he was going to kill me. He beat me up. It was awful!”

Jack said, “So why didn’t he? Kill you, that is?”

Puker shot a quick look at the big man. “I don’t know why he didn’t kill me. He hauled me out of my apartment and kept me tied up in some old, empty store. He hardly fed me anything, only let me loose when I had to pee. He hardly even talked to me, even when I tried to get him to talk about Mary Lisa.”

Mary Lisa nearly threw herself on him, but Jack caught her in time. “Let me go, Jack, I want to beat the stuffing out of this jackass. Oh dear, I just insulted an innocent animal. Look at you, Puker, you look more like a reject from Jurassic Park. Don’t you realize what a stupid thing you did?”

Puker was cowering, his head pressed back against the thin pillow. “It was only business, Mary Lisa, only business. I didn’t think he’d mind giving me a few bucks. Then I would have sent the photos to the cops and everyone would have been happy. I never dreamed he’d come to my apartment-”

“What’s his name, Puker? Do you know his name?”

“It’s Jamie Ramos. He drives a van with his damned name on the right side so that’s how I knew what it was. His phone number was on the side of the van too.”

“What was he advertising, this Jamie Ramos?” Daniel asked, leaning closer.

“He fixes motorcycles. There was a picture of a bike on the van.”

“And how did you know he was the one trying to hurt Mary Lisa?”

Puker waved his hand for the nurse to come in when she appeared in the doorway. She shot a disgusted look at Puker, passed over the cops and Mary Lisa, then did a double take. She stared and began to smile. “I know who you are. Goodness gracious, you’re Sunday Cavendish! I tape you every day and now your long-lost father is in town and-oh my, can I have your autograph?”

Puker whimpered. Daniel laughed, shook his head. “Mary Lisa, why don’t you go outside for a moment and give Nurse Ffalkes your autograph. We’ll keep Mr. Hodges company.”

“Would that be all right, Nurse Ffalkes?” Mary Lisa asked as she walked out the door beside her.

Nurse Ffalkes sent a short look back toward Puker. “Well, it’s not as if he’s going to die or anything. What did he do?”

“He’s a paparazzo who almost got me killed.”

A brief silence, then Nurse Ffalkes, her face flushed, said, “Hammer the putz.”