Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Of course, it’s been said before: I could never have done this without all of you. But I believe that, in my case, this cliché rings true. I can say, in all honesty, that without the incredible people who make up my life, I would not be here right now writing these words.

I am forever grateful for the love and support provided to me by the fighters, my family: my mother, my father, Stephen, and James. Thank you also to my extended family: Allen Goldman, Giselle Cahalan, Hannah Green, Len Green, and Ana Coelho, who never lost sight of me, even during my darkest hours. And to Stephen’s “Good Turkey” kin and his parents John Grywalski and Jane O’Malley for raising such a remarkable son. You all are my rocks. I continue to thrive because of you.

How do I thank my brilliant and selfless Drs. House: Dr. Souhel Najjar and Dr. Josep Dalmau? I’ll keep it simple: thank you for saving my life. And, if that wasn’t enough, thank you both for contributing so much of your precious time to this project, for explaining the vagaries of our brains and immune systems, and for vetting the manuscript. Thank you also to the New York University Langone Medical Center, specifically Dr. Sabrina Khan, Dr. Jung Hwan Ahn, Dr. Jeffery Friedman, Dr. Werner Doyle, Karen Gendal, Tamara Ricaforte, Laura Dumbrava, Dr. Hilary Bertisch, nurse Steve Schoenberg, Dr. Orrin Devinsky, Dorie Klissas, and Craig Andrews. As my parents said in their note: “I cannot think of more meaningful work than what you do every day.”

Then there’s the whole lonely and terrifying business of sitting down and writing a book. I am so fortunate to have the superagent duo of Larry Weissman and Sascha Alper representing me. They believed in me from moment one, and continued to guide me through the difficult process of writing. Along the way you both have come to mean more to me than mere business associate: you’re family.

Thank you to Free Press, a publishing house that has become a home to me over the past two years. To the immensely gifted Hilary Redmon, who selected and edited my manuscript: thank you for seeing that special something in my story, loving the science as much as I do, and kneading the story into a narrative. Then there’s the exceptional Millicent Bennett, who through her deft editorial flourishes and probing questions took the book to the next level, making it sing in ways I could never have dreamed. Thank you also to publicists Jill Siegel and Carisa Hays for their belief in the importance of my story and to Chloe Perkins, who put in a lot of late nights making this a better book. Thank you to the whole Free Press team: Suzanne Donahue, Nicole Judge, Paul O’Halloran, Edith Lewis, Beverly Miller, Claire Kelley, Alanna Ramirez, Sydney Tanigawa, Laura Tatham, Kevin McCahill, Brittany Dulac, Kelly Roberts, and Erin Reback. And, finally, to Dominick Anfuso and Martha Levin for putting such faith in me and creating such an amazingly supportive place for writers.

To my dazzling illustrator Morgan Schweitzer: you got it instantly, and your illustrations breathe such life into my work. My appreciation to the virtuosic Meehan Crist, who not only helped me get a grasp on the complexities, but also guided me toward finding my voice.

Thank you to the patient and helpful experts: Dr. Rita Balice-Gordon at the University of Pennsylvania, who has a special knack for explaining abstractions; Dr. Chris Morrison at the New York University Medical Center, who was so crucial to my understanding of the brain’s “glitches”; Dr. Vincent Racaniello at Columbia University, who shared his knowledge of the awesomeness of viruses; Dr. Philip Harvey at the University of Miami, who showed me how my disease fits within the study of schizophrenia; Dr. Robert Lahita at Newark Beth Israel, who spent hours on the phone bantering about phagocytes; Dr. David Linden at Johns Hopkins University, who patiently explained to me the role of NMDA receptors in the brain; Dr. Joel Pachter at the University of Connecticut, who revealed how the blood-brain barrier works; and, finally, Dr. Henry Roediger III at Washington University in St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth Loftus at the University of Washington, for explaining false-memory research.

I am grateful to the librarians of the library at the New York Academy of Medicine and at the New York Public Library, and to my fellow science writers at Columbia’s NeuWrite group who helped me accurately navigate through the more intricate scientific passages.

To the incredibly brave survivors and families who have so generously made me a part of their lives: Nesrin Shaheen and her daughter Sonia Gramcko; Emily, Bill, and Grace Gavigan; Sandra Reali; Cheryl, Tony, and Jayden Liuzza; Kiera Givens Echols; Angie McGowan; Donna Harris Zulauf; Annalisa Meier and her parents; and so many others.

To Paul McPolin, my straight-shooting Post editor, you are, as I said, a brilliant editor, and your work and generosity show in these pages. To my Post neighbor Maureen Callahan, who spent many nights listening to me babble over martinis: your insights show on these pages as well. And to Angela Montefinise, who told me the book was “great” when it was far from it, who brought me a cheeseburger in the hospital, who rescued my blue-haired stray, Dusty: I am forever in your debt. And thank you to the extraordinary Julie Stapen not only for bringing some needed levity (with her now infamous “poop” picture) but also for spending two hours patiently shooting me in search of the perfect author photo.

Thank you to Katie Strauss for the stuffed rat, Jennifer Arms for the pumpernickel bagel, Lindsey Derrington for visiting me all the way from St. Louis, Colleen Gutwein for those gorgeous pictures of Cambodia, Mackenzie Dawson for her Sartre quote, and Ginger Adams Otis and Zach Haberman for taking care of Dusty when I wasn’t able to.

To the New York Post, and especially the Sunday staff, which has been so supportive during my illness and throughout the writing of this book. The Post’s cast of characters are among my closest friends. Thank you to the following who have helped in one way or another with the writing of this book: Jim Fanelli, Hasani Gittens, Sue Edelman, Liz Pressman, Isabel Vincent, Rob Walsh, and Kirsten Fleming. Thanks to Steve Lynch, who edited the article “My Mysterious Lost Month of Madness,” on which this book is based, and to my first editor, Lauren Ramsby, who taught me the value of asking that extra “why.”

To the friends and family who offered up their valued perspectives: the Goldmans, the Fasanos, Rosemarie Terenzio, Bryan Cirelli, Jay Turon, Sarah Nurre, Frank Fenimore, Kelsey Kiefer, Calle Gartside, David Bernard, Kristy Schwarzman, Beth Starker, and Jeff Vines. And thank you to Preston Browning, who offered me a place to write at his charming Wellspring House, which has become my second home.

And, finally, thank you to the “purple lady,” whose name I still don’t know.