Brimstone Blues

Chapter Twenty-Nine

One afternoon, before Matthias returned home, Taz confronted Rafe inside his room. There was a matter she wanted settled.

“What’s the deal with you and Albert?”

Rafe looked away, refused to meet her eyes. “Doesn’t matter.”

“That’s what he said, and it’s still bullshit. I think I have a right to know.” She wouldn’t force him to tell her and he knew it.

He shook his head. “It’s between the two of us. Was, I guess. And it doesn’t matter.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“Nope.” He looked at her. “We all have our secrets, Taz. When I died, this ‘difference of opinion’ as he called it died, too, so it doesn’t matter.”

Rafe didn’t like keeping secrets from Taz. If she chose to walk through his mind, he had no way of stopping her. It was only her self-imposed limits, a result of her guilt, that kept her out of his deeper, private thoughts. Between her barrier and his, Matthias—his conscious mind—had no idea he was there or what happened.

But what about Matthias’ deeper presence?

Rafe didn’t know what was going on and couldn’t explore for fear of either Taz or Matts knowing what he was doing. During the shitstorm at Yellowstone, he was too preoccupied trying to get Matts’ attention and stop Taz to figure out what happened. Something was different. He couldn’t put his disembodied finger on what that something was, but Matts was different now, fundamentally changed in a very huge way, even though it wasn’t obvious to anyone else.

Taz was sitting in the backyard, her back propped against an old live oak. Backyard being a misnomer, because the compound was comprised of over two hundred acres. She was over a hundred yards from the house, and anyone who looked out a window would think she was dozing, her eyes closed.

Since she wasn’t getting the answers she wanted from him about Albert, she changed the subject. “How much can I do, Rafe?” she quietly asked.

He shook his head. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you, babe.”

“You’ve been in my mind. You knew I could carry out the executions. You were supposed to help me train. What else can I do?”

“That was a fluke, Taz. It was from a memory I found. I don’t know what you can do now. I wasn’t sure you could do that.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Rafe.”

He smiled, and it damn near broke her heart how handsome he looked. “Yeah, Dame A tells me the same thing.”

“I need help learning these freaking powers.”

He studied his hands. Hands that even in her mind were capable of bringing her to exquisite heights of passion. “Let Uncle Toby help you. And you and Matts need to sit down and have this discussion. You need to let him in and let him wander around.”

“But—”

“He won’t find me, Taz. I told you, he’ll think I’m a memory. I won’t let him find me, not until you’re ready to tell him.” He met her eyes again. “You’ve got to tell him, eventually.”

“What if he doesn’t want me after I tell him?”

“Taz baby, he loves you. He knew you were going out with other guys, most likely sleeping with them, before he got to be with you.”

“Yeah, but now I’m engaged to him. He’s going to hate me.”

“He didn’t hate you after the succubus gig, baby girl. He’s not going to hate you for this, either. Besides, you don’t have to tell him everything, you know. You can leave that part out.”

The couch appeared, and she sat, looking at him. He sighed and motioned for her to scoot over, and she rested her head in his lap as she curled against him. He stroked her shoulder, glad in this case that he didn’t have a physical body to restrain. He felt desire, yes, but could slake it in the deep recesses of her mind, with her untapped memories of life as Cassandra.

“He won’t hate you, Taz. Open up, let him in.”

“I’m scared.”

“You won’t hurt him.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You haven’t hurt me, and I’ve pretty much got carte blanche in here, baby girl.”

She mulled that one over. “I can’t take that chance, can I?”

He wanted to nudge her without speaking his suspicions. She would automatically blame herself, again, and it couldn’t do her any good. “He wants you to have free access to him. Take it, give it. You guys have a great thing going.”

She closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted. “I’m still sure I’m going to wake up and all this was a nightmare.”

“No Dallas ending for you, baby. I’m not popping out of your shower.”

Taz laughed. “Talk about a love triangle from hell.”

He stroked her hair, hiding his thoughts from her. “Yeah, you can say that again.” And again. “Promise me you’ll talk to the big guy and try to hammer this out. Let him in. Don’t be afraid you’ll hurt him. He can help you a lot more than I can.”

“He’s not inside my brain.”

“He could be, if you let him in. Just trust him. Trust yourself.”

“He won’t trust me once he finds out about you, will he?”

Rafe didn’t have an answer.

They talked a little longer before he patted her on the arm. “It’s almost dinnertime. Tim’ll be looking for you. Better get back to the house.”

She opened her eyes and stared at a small cluster of key lime trees at the edge of the garden. Having her relationship with Matthias back on track had helped a lot. Once she knew about Rafael in her brain, it helped her deal with and stop the skin-crawling sensation. She still occasionally dealt with surprising bouts of rage. Where these came from, she didn’t know. She never directed them at anyone, and they always passed within seconds.

She felt one now and looked at the key lime trees, which were covered with unripe fruit, while waiting for it to pass. The rage flared, bloomed, and immediately disappeared. Taking a deep, relieved breath, she stood and walked to the house. Fortunately these rages happened infrequently, and more time passed between each one. She figured it must be a residual effect of her powers growing and settling in.

Taz didn’t see the dozen or so shriveled and blackened limes that suddenly dropped to the ground from the tree.

Taz would never claim the situation was normal, but after a couple of months of living with Rafe in her brain she reached a state of normalcy she hadn’t felt since Yellowstone. She still felt guilty, not just because of her discontinued affair with Rafe, but because now she felt like she was cheating on him with Matthias despite Rafe’s declarations.

It was madness.

But it was her life.

Albert and her dad consulted with her on the wedding, and she basically told them to plan it however they wanted. Her only stipulations were that she got to pick her dress, it would be held at the house, and she had final say on the tuxes. As for the rest, they could do what they wanted. They assumed it was because she was so busy at work and working with Matthias trying to learn more about her powers. The truth was it didn’t matter to her. All she wanted was to say “I do” and become Matthias’ wife. Life was too short to stress over the rest. If it wasn’t for the fact that all three men’s faces fell, Albert’s, Matthias, and her dad’s, when she suggested just doing it during lunch at the county courthouse, she would be happy to elope.

They wanted a wedding. She’d let them have a wedding.

All she cared about was being able to enjoy curling up next to Matthias at night without the thick mental barrier between them anymore. She felt his happiness, as piercing as her pain had been. If she could make him this happy for the rest of her life, she would do whatever it took to keep him feeling like that.

For his part, Rafe settled for having her all to himself during their drives to and from work, opting to stay mostly in the shadows when she was around others. Tobias stuck to his word and didn’t say anything, although she did catch him watching her at times.

One evening she was in bed dozing and listening to Rafe’s MP3 player while waiting for Matthias to get home from a late meeting. She felt the bed move and opened her eyes to see Matthias sitting next to her, reaching out to touch her cheek. She took his hand, kissed his fingers.

“Sorry I woke you,” he said.

She sat up and turned off the MP3 player, removing the headphones. “That’s okay. I’m glad you did.”

He nodded at the device. “Anything good?”

“He had quite an eclectic collection of music.”

“He was a man of many tastes. Some better than others.” He smiled.

Taz quickly scanned her mind for signs of Rafe. He’d mastered the art of disappearing when she wanted to be alone with Matthias. She didn’t want to know what Rafe did on his wanderings. He could go anywhere he wanted in her mind, she didn’t care. It was the least she could do for him.

She reached for Matthias and quickly persuaded him out of his clothes without any trouble. The guilt was also easier for her to live with now, although it pecked at her. One day she would tell him the truth, confess what was going on, but for now she needed a calm patch of normalcy in her life, such as it was, to let things settle.

Matthias made slow, sweet love to her, bringing her to orgasm before entering her, murmuring her name against her neck as he slowly thrust.

She wrapped her arms around him, stroking his back and inhaling his scent. This man loved her, every cell in his body screamed it. And she loved him. She didn’t want to think about the future, about what might happen between them when he found out. She wanted to enjoy every moment they had together now, his warmth and strength a comforting cocoon around her body.

He kissed her as he came, then dropped his head to her shoulder, trying to catch his breath.

“I love you, cara,” he whispered. “I love you so much. Thank you for coming back to me, for letting me back in.”

She squeezed her eyes shut to stave off the guilty tears. “I love you, too, Matthias.”