Cracks in the Armor

Chris

I shot Sarah a text message, hoping she’d get back to me if she wasn’t at work. She’d been called in on short notice—again. It’d been hit and miss with her lately, with more misses than hits. Other than some brief stop-ins at Inked Armor, the tattoo place where I worked, I hadn’t seen much of her in the past two weeks.

“Everything cool?” Jamie asked as he pulled onto our friend Hayden’s street.

“Cool as it can be, I guess.” I returned my phone to my pocket.

“Lisa told me Sarah had to bow out again,” he said.

“Yeah. That boss of hers keeps calling her in.”

“Sorry¸ man.”

I shrugged. “It is what it is.”

Sarah had planned to go to yoga with Lisa and Tenley, but that was off the table now, thanks to work. Jamie knew how I felt about Sarah’s new job at The Sanctuary. So did Sarah. After all the shit that went down after the trial, she traded one strip club for another. She was the one with tuition loans, not me, and tips from The Sanctuary were too good for her to pass up. It sucked, but there wasn’t much I could do since I couldn’t afford to take on her debt.

I pointed through the windshield. “It’s on the left, number eleven-eleven.”

Jamie pulled into the driveway and parked, then he gaped at the two-story home with its attached double-car garage. “Wow! This is unreal.”

“Seeing H in a place like this makes me believe anything is possible.”

“Almost anything,” Jamie said.

“You think those two will ever make it official?”

“You mean get married?”

“Yeah.”

“I doubt it. Not with what they’ve been through.” He cut the engine and opened the door.

Hayden leaned against the trunk of his Camaro, phone in hand, smirk in place. He had to be texting his girlfriend, Tenley.

I took in the manicured lawn and the flower beds that lined the stone walkway leading to the front entrance, complete with blooming planters. It was the kind of house I’d find on the cover of some home reno magazine. Hayden didn’t do things half-assed, which had always been one of his biggest issues. He was all in, all the time. It seemed to be working for him now, though, since his recent choices weren’t damaging, like some he’d made in the past.

I followed Jamie up the driveway, and Hayden ushered us into the house through the garage. It led into a huge mud room that was insanely spotless. To the right was a closet. He opened the doors to reveal a collection of shoes and jackets. Winter coats were hung with his on the right and Tee’s on the left. Hayden’s shoes were lined up in perfect, evenly spaced rows. Tenley’s were less organized.

“You can put your shoes in here.” Hayden pointed to a mat on the floor.

Jamie arranged his all neat-like beside Tenley’s. I kicked mine off and tossed them in the closet, where they landed on their sides. Hayden glanced at them, a muscle working in his jaw as his fingers twitched, but he didn’t rearrange them like I expected. Instead, he shot me an irritated look, like he knew I’d done it on purpose, and motioned for us to follow him down the hall. It was a serious improvement over his past reactions. Tee had certainly mellowed him out.

The light came on as soon as we entered the kitchen, and I blinked against the brightness of the overhead track lighting. I got an eyeful of dark wood cabinets, granite counters, and a brushed steel backsplash. Modern, with a hint of classic style. It was totally Hayden. Now, I wasn’t much of a cook. I could screw up frozen pizza if given the opportunity, but even I could appreciate the awesomeness of Hayden’s kitchen.

Jamie let out a low whistle. “Impressive.”

“F’real,” I said in agreement.

“Thanks. I like it.” He smiled, something we hadn’t seen as much of in the past few months.

I’d been to Hayden’s digs before the reno. Some rooms had been taken down to studs. The finished product was a testament to the changes Hayden and Nate had made. Not just in the house, but in his life as well. After Tenley went back to Arden Hills, Hayden had been desperate for a way to keep himself from falling off the deep end again, so when he wasn’t at Inked Armor, or at Tee’s apartment pining for her, he’d put time in here.

He and Tee had moved in only a few weeks ago, and Hayden got shifty when things weren’t up to his standard of tidiness. As a result, we weren’t allowed to come by until the house was set up. He’d been a bitch to work with lately because of it. All the chaos in his personal space made him a serious pain in the ass. They’d finally unpacked enough for us to get an invite over.

Hayden walked around the massive granite-topped island, frowning as he moved the fruit bowl in the center an inch to the left. I took in the unlimited cupboard space. I had a total of six cabinets in my kitchen.

“Where’s your fridge? I asked, searching for a stainless steel industrial-sized monster.

“Check this out.” Hayden’s grin widened as he opened what looked like a pantry cupboard to expose the ridiculously well-organized interior of a fridge.

“Nice,” Jamie said with approval.

Hayden slid open a drawer beneath the upper cabinet of the fridge and retrieved three beers. Popping the tops, he passed one to Jamie and then to me. We clinked before the first swig. In his extensive renos, Hayden hadn’t cheaped out on anything; he had an inheritance in an unknown amount to work with. His parents had been murdered, and he’d inherited everything. Not that it made the loss any easier on Hayden. It had messed him up pretty good for a long time.

He managed better now, no longer flushing his money down the toilet like he had when they first died. I was proud of him for what he’d done with the place, and how far he’d come in the past year. He definitely deserved what he had. But sometimes I wished some of that good shit would happen to me.

If I was honest—which I wouldn’t be with him—it was hard not to be jealous. I hadn’t dealt with any of the extremes he had; not the severe losses or the huge gains—like finding Tee had been for him. I just had a steady supply of crappy, followed by periods of mediocrity. Sarah was the best thing that had come my way in years, but she worked so much I didn’t see her often. Being alone was worse, though. Especially now that Hayden couldn’t be my wingman anymore.

“You want the full tour?” Hayden asked once he’d shown us all the cool stuff in his kitchen.

“Sure thing,” Jamie said, and I nodded, going along for the ride.

The main floor was open concept. The dining room was to the left of the kitchen, the living room straight ahead. Hayden’s massive flat-screen hung on one wall.

“I’ll need you to take a look at that later.” Hayden gestured to the entertainment system below it.

I paused as we passed, checking out the pile of cords shoved between the unit and the wall. “What’s going on there?”

Hayden didn’t so much as glance in the direction of the TV, but I could see that jaw working again. “Tenley was trying to be helpful. Come on.”

Jamie and I exchanged a glance, but neither of us said a word. It must have been driving Hayden mental. That he’d waited this long before he asked me to fix it showed exactly how important Tenley was.

We followed him upstairs. There were two spare bedrooms, fully outfitted with queen-sized beds. Some of the decorative elements were clearly a product of Tee’s involvement. Aside from some gradient of black to white, the only colors I’d ever seen in Hayden’s condo were dark blue and red. Any deviation from them had to be Tee’s picks.

Hayden’s master bedroom was so big that it dwarfed the massive, solid wood king-sized bed frame. TK, their little orange furball, was curled up in the middle of the pillows. She lifted her head at the disturbance, mewed, and then tucked her face under a paw.

The windows on the far side of the room were huge, spanning from floor to ceiling. Lights were on outside, so I could see the backyard landscaping from where I stood, just inside the door. It would be awesome in the summer. I glanced around the spacious room. Beyond the view, the mammoth bed, and the sparkly chandelier hanging above, were a set of life-sized photographs in black and white.

The subject looked familiar. “Is that Tee?”

Hayden put his hand up in front of my face. “Don’t look at those!”

“Kinda hard not to when you hang them on your bedroom wall,” I said, but kept my eyes on the floor.

I remembered when I’d seen one of the photographs before. Tee had given it to him for Christmas. He’d opened it, his jaw had hit the floor, and he’d rushed to cover it up, but not before we all got a good look. That one was tame in comparison to the others. While I couldn’t see anything important, there was a load of bare skin.

“Lisa’s been taking photography classes. I think she did a great job,” Jamie said.

Like it was no big deal there were huge pics of half-naked Tee on the wall.

“Uh huh,” Hayden said and hit the lights, submerging the room in darkness. “Let’s go back downstairs.”

On our way to the landing we bypassed a closed door. “What’s in there?” I asked.

“That’s Tenley’s office,” Hayden muttered.

“I thought we were getting the full tour.”

He shrugged, acting nonchalant, but his posture told me otherwise. “It’s nothing special. Just a desk and some bookshelves.”

“So it’s cool if we see it, then?” I prompted.

Hayden sighed and turned the knob, pushing the door open. It was dark, but there was this strange pink glow inside, allowing me to make out the shapes of furniture. Hayden reached inside and flicked on the switch.

“Whoa.” Jamie cringed. “That’s, uh . . .”

“Yeah.” Hayden shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Did you let a unicorn with the stomach flu loose in here?” I asked. I was only sort of kidding.

“It was perfectly fine when we moved in, nice and neutral, but then Lisa offered to help Tenley paint it last week.” Hayden directed a glare at Jamie.

“Why are you looking at me like it’s my fault?” Jamie asked.

“Tenley might have picked a different color if Lisa had bothered to argue against this.” He gestured to the walls.

Jamie snorted. “Not likely.”

“Lisa could have at least tried. She’s supposed to be my fucking friend.”

I gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Sorry, H, it looks like it’s chicks before dicks on this one.”

One wall was painted black. The other three were a shocking electric pink. The room was difficult to look at, it was so bright. On the hardwood floor was a zebra print throw rug. The white stripes appeared deceptively pink, due to the way the walls tinged everything. Two of the pink walls were lined with bookshelves. It helped break up the color. Not really.

Tee must have picked the color purposely to rile Hayden up; the rest of the house was painted in the same neutral tones he always went with. It was kind of ironic, considering the sleeve on his right arm was so vibrant and eye-catching.

I looked around the room and noticed a cardboard box on the floor beside Tee’s desk. “Xbox and games” was written across the side. “Tee’s into video games?”

“Huh?”

I crossed over and knelt down beside the box. The tape had been removed, so I opened the flap. Carefully packed inside was an Xbox 360. It was a couple of years old, but it came loaded with games.

“Score, brother!” I rifled through the contents. “Are you telling me you didn’t know Tee had this?”

“Tenley and I don’t spend a lot of time in front of the TV.”

I had a million comebacks, all of which would probably set him off. I kept them to myself. “I’m hooking this up and we’re playing tonight.”

“I don’t know. This is Tenley’s stuff . . .”

“Why would it matter if I set it up for her? Besides, wouldn’t you rather I do it now, than have her take care of it later?”

He mulled it over before he finally relented. “Fine. Whatever. Hook it up if you want. Just let me shut the door. This room gives me the spins.”

I tucked the box under my arm and followed Hayden into the hall.

Five minutes later, I had a fresh beer in my hand and I was staring at the mess of cords behind the entertainment system again. “You said Tee was being helpful?”

Hayden shifted uncomfortably on the black leather couch. It was the same one from his condo, except now it was accessorized. I had no idea what the deal was with all the frilly pillow shit, but girls seemed to like them a lot.

“No. I said she was trying to be helpful.”

Hayden yanked a throw pillow out from behind his back and tossed it to the other end. Then he glared at it for a couple seconds, leaned across, and rearranged it so it wasn’t cockeyed. He repositioned it three times, muttering about the “fucking pillows.”

Meanwhile, TK, who had followed us downstairs, jumped gracefully onto the arm of the couch and trotted across the back. She rubbed herself against Jamie and continued to Hayden. When he didn’t pay her immediate attention, she head-butted the side of his face and climbed down his chest, curling into his lap. He cooed at her and scratched under her chin. He’d turned into such a sap. It was good to see.

I held up the nest of tangled cords. “Everything you own is wireless. Why are there so many damn wires?” I’d already done this for him once before, when he bought the condo. Things had been set up perfectly. All he had to do was move it and hook into the new system.

Hayden didn’t bother to answer. Honestly, what could he say that would make any sense? Instead, he drained his beer, picked up TK, and draped her around his shoulders like she was a scarf. Then he pushed up off the couch and headed for the kitchen.

“Nice pussy wrap,” I called after him.

He flipped me off. It was a classic evasive Hayden maneuver. He’d never win at poker because he always gave away his hand. He had tells, things he did that made it clear how he was feeling. He was pretty good at letting me know when he was pissed.

But things had changed. Hayden wasn’t nearly as explosive. Not since Tee had come back from Arden Hills. The recent shitstorm surrounding the trial over his parents’ murders had been difficult, but otherwise Hayden was less anal, more relaxed. Except right now. At this very moment he was antsy. I had a feeling there was more to his dodging the question than just letting Tee set up the electronics.

“What do you think that’s about?” I asked Jamie when Hayden was safely out of hearing.

He shrugged. “No clue.”

I didn’t have any experience with solid relationships. I was currently dating a girl who waitressed at a strip club. While she didn’t get naked on a nightly basis, there was a chance it would go that way.

It was either that, or she would quit. Again. Maybe this time for good. The alternative wasn’t something I wanted to consider. I couldn’t stay in another relationship where I had to worry about whether the girl was going to bang some dirtbag for an extra couple hundred bucks a night. Sarah wasn’t anything like Candy had been, but things could change. And I didn’t want that to happen. I liked Sarah a lot, enough that I didn’t want to be with anyone else. Candy had been the only other person I’d tried that route with, and it hadn’t worked out that well in the end.

I pushed the worries aside and moved the entertainment system away from the wall so I could get at everything. Hayden returned with more beers and grumbled about the mess. His anxiety over what was behind the TV console was obvious. It was fun to watch him get all flustered over something that wouldn’t bother most people.

“Seriously, you look like you’re going to shit a brick right now. What’s the deal? Why let her do this when you know it makes you crazy?” I asked.

“Look, man, she said she wanted to do it, and who am I to tell her she can’t? She set it up in her own place, so I figured she had to know what was going on. Obviously, I was wrong. Besides, it was that or I let her unpack the kitchen, and that sure as hell wasn’t an option.”

Jamie looked up from the magazine he was leafing through and snorted.

Hayden rolled his eyes and pointed a finger at Jamie. “Don’t even pretend you don’t cave for Lisa all the time.” He turned back to me. “If it meant the difference between getting action or not, wouldn’t you let Sarah hook up your TV?”

I blinked and thought about it for half a second before I replied, “No, H, that would never happen. Sarah knows better than to mess with my TV. I’d also like to point out that if you’d asked me to set it up when you first moved in, I wouldn’t have to undo all this crap.”

“Just fix it, please.”

He sat down and nursed his beer, as if it made it less obvious that he’d traded in his man card for a pussy. The fact that TK was still wrapped around his neck was more proof of that.

Forty minutes later, the cord extravaganza had been removed and everything rerigged so Hayden could control not only the entertainment system but his entire alarm system from his laptop and his phone.

Hayden was the most neurotic person I’d ever met when it came to personal security. He’d moved from a condo in a building with twenty-four-hour surveillance to a house with a pass code and retina display. It wasn’t surprising, considering the scene he’d walked in on when his parents were shot to death in his childhood home.

He hovered around while I finished checking things over to make sure everything worked properly. As soon as I moved out of the way, he started with the rearranging. I didn’t take it personally. It was just his way. To help, I’d bundled together the few cords I couldn’t get rid of so they could easily be hidden.

His compulsive organization was less of an issue than it used to be, though. I had my doubts that part of his personality would ever disappear. We all dealt in different ways. Organization and Tee were Hayden’s, and not necessarily in that order.

I had my own way of managing the unpleasant parts of my life, mostly by avoiding them. My stepdad had made that simple when he gave me the boot for flunking out of high school. My mom was too scared to do anything but take his side. I couldn’t blame her. I had a little sister, and my mom didn’t want me to be a bad influence on her. My mom hadn’t made the best choices, either. Her high school education had been cut short by my unexpected arrival. Now she worked as a cashier at two convenience stores. And all the paychecks went to take care of my stepdad’s habits.

Hayden’s phone rang and he paused in his quest to make sure everything was aligned.

“Hey, kitten, how’s it going?” During a stretch of silence, Hayden’s eyebrows climbed his forehead. “Yeah?” Then they went low and a devious smile appeared. He turned his back to me and Jamie. Lowering his voice, he crossed the room and disappeared into the kitchen.

I took a seat on the couch. “Not hard to guess what that’s about.”

“Good to know moving in together hasn’t slowed them down,” Jamie said.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone to check for any missed messages. I was hoping Sarah might want to come over after her shift, even if it was late. She hadn’t gotten back to me, though. I tossed the phone on the coffee table and got to work on Hayden’s satellite connection.

He came back a few minutes later and Jamie asked, “The girls on their way?”

“Not yet; they’re going out to some kind of juice bar.”

“Sarah loves that stuff.” When I got a strange look from both of them, I explained, “It’s healthy. You know, veggie and fruit juice with wheatgrass thrown in. They look gross, but some of them taste all right.” I would never admit that the first time Sarah and I went out for “drinks,” alcohol hadn’t been involved. Or that I’d bought a blender so I could make fruit shakes for her whenever she came over.

“Oh. Right,” Hayden said, vaguely disgusted. “Anyway, they won’t be back for a while, so we’ve got some time.”

“Excellent.” I’d just finished hacking the remote server, giving Hayden access to more channels than he could watch, including the porn ones. I flipped through the selection of raunchy films until I found one that seemed decent.

“What the hell are you doing?” Hayden asked.

“What does it look like?”

He grabbed the remote. “You can’t watch porn. What if Tenley comes home?”

“You said she wasn’t going to be home for a while. It’s not like she doesn’t know you watch it, right?”

“That’s not the issue.” Heavy bass blared through the surround sound as a music video flashed on the screen.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“How would it look if she walked in to find the three of us hanging out watching chicks get banged? Don’t you think that comes off as a little disrespectful?”

“He’s got a point. I mean, if I’m going to watch porn, it’s either going to be by myself or with Lisa,” Jamie added.

“Thank you,” Hayden said, as if Jamie’s being on his side made it okay that they’d both had their balls cut off.

“You two are brutal, you know that?” I said, irritated that even though the girls weren’t here, they could still ruin our fun.

“Whatever. If you and Sarah ever figure out what you’re doing, you’ll get it.” Hayden snatched up one of the controllers. “Set up the Xbox.”

I ignored the comment on my relationship with Sarah, and showed Hayden how to switch from function to function. The smart TV made it simple: cursor and click.

“Thanks for fixing this for me,” he said as I rifled through the box of games.

Everything was outdated, but there were still some cool games. I put in the original version of Call of Duty and we faced off against each other.

It was good to hang with the guys. Not that I didn’t like chilling with Lisa and Tenley, but being a fifth wheel gave me some perspective on how Hayden must have felt when Tenley was gone.

Between classes and work, Sarah was rarely available these days. She kept saying it would get easier once her internship started, but the way I saw it, it would only get worse.

Right now she had occasional downtime. The internship meant she’d be working five days a week, plus pulling shifts at The Sanctuary. I’d been against her working there, but she said bartending wasn’t lucrative enough.

Besides that, I wanted to punch out her boss. He’d instated a rule that meant I wasn’t allowed in when she was working. He said I couldn’t be objective, and it impaired Sarah’s ability to do her job properly. Jamie and Hayden both agreed. But how could I be objective, when the fucknut told me he’d watch out for her personally? While staring at her chest.

Three rounds in, the TV let out a beep. A message appeared at the bottom of the screen indicating Tenley and “guest” had entered the house.

“Ah, man, that’s wicked,” Hayden said.

“I can make it so it recognizes all of us.”

“Yeah?”

“For sure. I’ll do it next time I come over.”

Hayden’s excitement over the prospect gave me the opportunity to take him down. I shot his player in the head, splattering digital brain matter all over the screen.

“Eat it, Stryker!” I shouted.

Female chatter came to an abrupt halt. Hayden’s attention moved from the screen, where his player lay in a pool of blood while mine loaded his body with a spray of lead.

“Hey, kitten, how was the juice bar?” The smile on his face fell as the drink in Tee’s hand slipped out of her fingers and hit the floor.

Thick pink liquid splattered up her shin and spread in a pool at her bare foot. Tee’s eyes were trained on the screen, wide and confused.

“Kitten?” He dropped his controller.

Her panicked gaze shifted slowly to Hayden, oblivious of Lisa’s hand as it came down on her shoulder. The tremor in Tee’s body was visible from across the room. “Where did you get that game?”

“Chris found the Xbox in your office. I thought it’d be okay to hook it up—”

“Why are you playing that?” she asked. “How can you play that?”

“Shit,” Jamie muttered.

“It’s just a game, kitten—”

“That was Connor’s,” she said, eyes shifting back to the screen, the gruesome 3D scene replaying over and over. “All of those were his. I was going to give them away.”

“Turn it off,” Hayden barked over his shoulder.

I fumbled with the remote. Whatever was about to go down wasn’t good. The entire room hummed with energy, none of it positive. I hit the Off switch to shut down the game and the satellite station came on, showing a gangster rap video with some chick’s mostly bare ass shaking on the screen. It would have been hilarious if the timing wasn’t so poor.

“Seriously?” Lisa shot me a look.

“Shut it the fuck off,” Hayden said in that eerily calm way of his.

I hit the right button this time and the screen went blissfully blank. The silence that followed was painful. Tee put out a hand to stop Hayden as he advanced on her, but he ignored it. Skirting around the mess on the floor, he grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry, kitten. I should have realized—we’ll get rid of it,” he murmured, pulling her close.

His arms went around her, and she stood there stiffly while he continued to talk, his voice low so none of us could hear. It took only a few seconds before she relaxed against him, her palms coming up to rest on his shoulders, her fingers curling around and gripping hard. Jamie elbowed me in the side and inclined his head toward the kitchen. I followed him, giving Hayden and Tee the privacy they needed. As we passed, Lisa’s fingers trailed over the back of Hayden’s hand before she stepped away. His eyes lifted. She didn’t say anything, just gave him a look that spoke of apology even though she’d done nothing wrong.

We put on our shoes in silence. It wasn’t until we were through the garage and outside into the crisp night that any of us finally spoke.

“H is going to be so pissed at me tomorrow.”

“It’ll be fine.” Lisa patted my arm in assurance.

“Like hell. Did you see Tee?”

“It’ll be fine,” she repeated.

“I don’t know. Maybe—” I turned around and considered going back to take the heat off Hayden. If I explained about it being my idea, maybe I’d get him off the hook.

Lisa caught my arm. “Don’t even think about it. Those two are working things out the best way they know how. They don’t need anyone interrupting.”

The photographs on their bedroom wall came to mind. “Good call.”

We piled into the car. As we headed toward my apartment I checked my phone again. Sarah still hadn’t responded; but then, she kept her phone in her locker when she was working. The Sanctuary dress code for waitresses was pretty explicit: the less she wore, the better the tips. There weren’t a whole lot of places for her to store a phone when she was on the floor.

“Can we stop at The Sanctuary on the way?” I asked.

Jamie glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “I thought we talked about that.”

“I’m just gonna leave a key for Sarah. In case she wants to come by later.”

“I don’t know why you don’t just give her one,” Lisa said from the passenger seat.

What Lisa didn’t realize was that I’d given Sarah a key plenty of times. She’d just never kept it. I figured it’d make things a shit ton easier if she had one. Otherwise, she had to call before she came over, or I had to drop one off so she could let herself in when she worked late, which was typical of her shifts at The Sanctuary. But every time I handed one over, it ended up on my counter before she left. I’d never told her explicitly to keep it; I thought it was implied. And now it had become this thing I didn’t have the balls to address. Because if she didn’t want a key, it confirmed what I didn’t want to know: that she wasn’t as into me as I was into her.

Jamie pulled into The Sanctuary lot and went around the back where staff parked. No one was manning the back doors. I didn’t like it. Someone should have been posted there to watch out for the girls when they were coming and going. Annoyed by the slack security, I headed for Sarah’s car. As expected, she’d left it unlocked.

When I’d mentioned it to her before, she’d said the car was a beater and she didn’t keep anything important in there, so locking it was pointless.

I slid my apartment key under the front seat and locked all the doors before I got back into Jamie’s car. I fired off another text to Sarah as Jamie drove the short distance to my apartment. Lisa was quiet—either because of what had happened at Hayden’s or because we had stopped by The Sanctuary, I couldn’t be sure, but I felt bad either way. I got why she didn’t like the place.

Things had been different between Sarah and me since she started working at the club. We were stalled in some kind of limbo; not moving forward, treading water. It made me feel shitty. Especially since Hayden and Jamie were so happy most of the time. Still, I was reluctant to say anything to Sarah about it. I didn’t want to lose the one good thing I had because I wanted something different out of it than she did.

Rocking the boat didn’t seem like a smart idea after the trial. It had been a nightmare. I understood, in a way I hadn’t before, Lisa’s and Hayden’s absolute disdain for The Dollhouse and the people in it. I was still trying to get my head around Damen’s involvement in Hayden’s parents’ deaths and my complete lack of awareness of it.

That Brett dude had been on my mind a lot lately. I’d vaguely remembered him hanging around back then, but he never really stood out. Hayden had been hard not to notice, though. At three years my junior, he’d been just a kid when he started coming around Art Addicts, the tattoo shop where I began my career. Piercings had been his thing in the beginning, which wasn’t my deal, so I hadn’t had much to do with him. It wasn’t until after his parents were dead and he started working at Art Addicts that I got to know him. By then he was more damaged than any of us could have realized.

Looking back, I got why Damen hired him. Why Hayden had been treated differently, given more leniency than most. He’d been a mess, and he only got worse over time until he was on the path to complete self-destruction. I told Jamie we had to do something, and he’d intervened. Getting Hayden out of Art Addicts had helped. But none of us could replace the family he lost or erase what he’d seen.

Tenley was the real reason he was better. I just hoped this was it for them; if she ever took off again, Hayden would be done. We’d never get him back from that kind of fall. He was way too in love with her. Their kind of connection freaked me out. It was a weakness I could never afford.

I felt obliged to help out my parents financially, but at least I wasn’t attached to them the way Hayden was to Tenley. It sucked not to have a relationship with them, but at least that way they couldn’t screw with me emotionally. Most of the time.

Jamie dropped me off at my apartment on his way home. I grabbed my mail, picked up one of the newspapers from the pile on the floor, and climbed the three flights of stairs. My complex didn’t have an elevator. No nice carpet lined the hall, just commercial-grade short nap, brown from lack of cleaning. The walls, once white, were nicotine yellow. Horrible floral deodorizers only partially masked the smell of cigarette smoke. I stayed in the apartment for two reasons: it was a ten-minute walk from Inked Armor and the rent was affordable.

When Hayden moved into the new house, he offered me his condo. But I didn’t have enough saved up for a down payment. I disliked the idea of paying him rent, and I didn’t want to tell him how tight finances were. It was hard to put away money when I was still passing over a good chunk of my paychecks to my family.

A few months ago I’d forked out three grand for a new furnace. It had been the middle of February, right around the time the trial started. The temperature had dropped into the low teens and my mom had gone a week without heat before she called to ask for help. I’d been her last resort, as usual. She’d only caved because she’d gotten sick. Her doctor had told her one more bout of pneumonia and she’d be at risk of hospitalization.

My stepdad made her call me because she couldn’t afford to be off work. He couldn’t afford for her to be off work, was more like it. The deadbeat dick spent most of her paychecks on beer, cigarettes, and poker. He was a waste of space, but my mom wouldn’t leave him. As a result of our differing opinions, I hadn’t seen her much lately. My stepdad, I didn’t give a shit about. I missed my baby sister, though, who wasn’t a baby anymore, but officially an adult. She graduated high school last year. I hadn’t been invited to her commencement. She got good grades but my parents couldn’t come up with the money to send her to college, so her options were limited for any kind of future.

As soon as I entered my apartment, I could hear the neighbor’s TV through the wall. They were watching something involving guns and revving engines. It was preferable to the sound of them having sex. I locked the door but left the dead bolt off, in case Sarah came by later.

My next stop was the shower. The tub remained a grimy gray color, no matter what I scrubbed it with. The toilet and sink were just as bad. I despised my apartment more than usual after spending the evening in Hayden’s new digs. Once the self-care routine was done, I tidied the bathroom and set out fresh towels for Sarah. She liked to shower as soon as she came in from work.

I grabbed a beer and made a couple of sandwiches, one for me and one for Sarah. I covered hers with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge to keep it fresh. Then I dropped down on the couch, used the coffee table as a foot rest, and flipped channels until I found Cops reruns. I was too preoccupied to enjoy them, though. I couldn’t get Tenley’s reaction to the Xbox out of my head. I shot H a text, apologizing for any problems I’d caused, hoping Lisa had been right and he’d fixed it with a little bump and grind. I got a message back from him twenty minutes later. He told me not to worry; there would be a used Xbox waiting for me at work tomorrow if I wanted it.

Relieved, I relaxed back into the couch, but I was bagged. I headed to bed just after one in the morning, too tired to wait up for Sarah any longer. If I was lucky, I might get some middle-of-the-night company. It wasn’t about the booty call, although that was a bonus. It was just nice not to sleep alone all the time.