Craving Him

14

Ben

I’d always known Emmy had grown up differently from me, but this wasn’t what I had imagined. I pulled the rental car into the gravel driveway that Emmy pointed out and cut the ignition. Her parents lived in a rust-colored old trailer with a crooked front door and a bare patch of dirt where the grass had been trampled away over the years.

I glanced over at Emmy. She chewed nervously at her lip, watching for my reaction.

I grabbed her hand, lacing my fingers between hers. “Ready, babe?”

She gave a tight nod and climbed from the car.

Gravel crunching under my boots, I followed her lead to the front door. She hadn’t told me much about her parents, only that her mom and dad and younger brother would all be here for Thanksgiving. I hadn’t really had the typical experience of meeting my girlfriend’s parents before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The door opened when we got closer and Emmy’s mom came barreling out to launch herself into Emmy’s arms. They were sobbing and hugging and talking in animated voices while I stood there uselessly holding Emmy’s suitcase and my duffle bag.

She hugged her dad next then leapt into her brother’s arms, calling him, “Bubba!” He shook his head and her mom leaned over to explain it’d been her nickname for him since he was born. She’d been two years old and couldn’t say Porter.

Her mom had long brown hair like Emmy’s, with a few threads of silver in the braid hanging down her back. As soon as she released Emmy and wiped stray tears from her cheeks, she turned to face me. I couldn’t imagine such an emotional homecoming with my own mother. The last time I went to visit her two years ago she couldn’t even be bothered to come and pick me up from the airport. She sent a driver, with the excuse that she had a manicure appointment to keep.

“Heaven above, Emerson Jean. He’s hotter than the month of July.”

“Mom,” Emmy scolded, turning pink as her mom looked me up and down. “This is my mom, Sue.”

“Hi, Mrs. Clarke.” Before I had time to decide between a handshake and a hug, she was launching herself toward me. Twining her arms around my waist, she gripped me in a hug as I patted her back under the watchful scowls of Emmy’s father and brother.

Clearing my throat, Sue finally released me and stepped back. I crossed the weathered front porch and extended my hand. “Mr. Clarke, it’s nice to meet you. Thank you for having me.”

Never in my life had I felt so scrutinized, even when strutting down the runway dressed in next to nothing. I felt the intensity of the glares served up by the men in Emmy’s life.

Emmy stepped in between us. “This is my dad, Tom, and my brother, Porter.” They continued glaring at me. “Dad,” she hissed, and her father slowly raised his hand to shake mine.

“Welcome to Tennessee.”

The relaxed smile that overtook Emmy’s mouth told me she’d been more worried than she’d let on about her father’s reaction to me. Her brother was still watching me with a frown etched into his face. Porter was about my height and spent more than his fair share of time in a weight room. Judging by his tense posture and expression, he was considering challenging me to a wrestling match out in the front yard.

A huge black dog came barreling out the front door and charged straight for me. His snout hit me squarely in the nuts. “Ompf.” I doubled over as the breath was forced from my lungs.

“Buck!” Emmy yanked him back by the collar, successfully dislodging the beast from between my legs.

I looked up to see Porter smiling for the first time. “Good boy, Buck.”

Emmy elbowed her brother in the ribs.

“What? He’s just being protective, Em.”

“It’s fine,” I bit out. My voice was several octaves too high and my balls were aching but I took the hit like a man. I straightened and felt my balls descend back to their proper place. Fuck, that hurt.

“Come inside, Ben,” Sue said. “I can get you something for your . . .” Her eyes darted down to my crotch.

Emmy let out a groan.

“I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

Sue placed her hand in the crook of my arm and led me inside. “It’s not much, but it’s home.”

The inside of the trailer was cramped and dim and the floor groaned under my feet, but it seemed comfortable and homey. “It was very kind of you to invite me.” I let her guide me to the little front room that held a matching sofa and loveseat in baby-blue corduroy fabric. It didn’t escape my notice that I had to pass by the well-stocked gun cabinet on my to the sofa. I was sure Tom designed it that way.

I sat in the center of the smaller sofa, Emmy on one side and Buck hopping up to sit on the other. He sat there like a damn grown man, looking down at me. It was clear I was going to have to work to win over the Clarke men. Dog included.

Her mom handed us glasses of sweet tea and sat down across from me and Emmy. “So tell us about yourself, Ben. Or is it Benjamin?”

“Ben’s fine. And what would you like to know?”

Porter settled onto the sofa next to his mom and Tom sunk into a worn armchair across from the television.

“Well, Emmy tells us you’re a model,” her mom offered.

Tom rolled his eyes and stifled a groan. It wasn’t a profession he respected. At least not for the man dating his daughter.

“Yeah. I’ve been modeling since I was seventeen. I enjoy it. I get to travel all over the world and meet lots of interesting people. It’s actually how I met Emmy.”

Her mom smiled, seemingly pleased. After a few minutes of idle chatter, Sue said, “Emmy why don’t you put the bags in your bedroom? You’ll sleep in your old room and Ben can bunk with Porter, or sleep out here on the couch.”

“Couch should be fine, right champ?” Porter said.

“Yeah, sure thing.” I hadn’t realized I wouldn’t be sleeping with Emmy. She gave me a sympathetic look that said she knew all along. I’d wanted to book a hotel for us but the nearest one was fifteen miles away and Emmy had said her parents would be offended if we didn’t stay with them.

Seconds later, Emmy was pulled into the kitchen to help bake pies and I was left sitting there with a dog that looked ready to attack me and two men watching me like I was some sort of dangerous and unpredictable species. I glanced at the shotgun mounted on the wall in the dining room. Yeah, I was fucked.

Actually I wasn’t, considering I wouldn’t be sharing a bed with Emmy. Not that I would have fucked her under her father’s roof anyway, but a little messing around would have been nice. I couldn’t resist making Emmy come. Her cheeks flushed so pretty and those breathy little whimpers she made were so sexy.

Shit. I couldn’t be thinking about that right now. Not while Emmy’s dad looked ready to skin me alive.

Emmy emerged from the kitchen with a pink frilly apron tied around her middle and her hair twisted up in a bun. With hands covered in flour, she leaned down to press a kiss to my cheek. “You okay hanging out with the guys, hon?”

I chuckled hearing her southern accent was becoming more pronounced being near her chatty mom. “I’m fine. Go enjoy yourself.” She clearly loved being home. I hadn’t seen her smile so bright before.

“Well, should we do it?” Tom asked, rubbing his palms together.

I looked from him to Porter, trying to understand what he intended. It was tempting to watch the sway of Emmy’s ass as she sauntered back into the kitchen but I kept focused. The man already hated me.

“We’re going out hunting. Got to get us a turkey for tomorrow.”

Shit. This should be interesting.

Emmy

Ben looked stunned to hear that he’d be going hunting with my dad and brother but he rose from the couch, seemingly game for an adventure.

My mom stomped out from the kitchen, appraising Ben’s designer chinos and button-down shirt. “Your clothes are much too nice for romping around in the fields. Emmy, go get him a pair of your dad’s britches.”

Oh. My. God. My mom was officially insane. Did she really think Ben would be comfortable wearing a pair of my dad’s old Wranglers? I wanted to die. Seriously, I closed my eyes and silently prayed that the floor in the trailer would miraculously cave in and swallow me whole.

“I’m fine, Mrs. Clarke. Thank you, though,” Ben said, politely refusing her request.

I watched Ben leave with the men in Porter’s old pickup truck and a wave of nerves hit me. I wondered how he’d fare alone with my dad and brother. But my mom thrust a ten-pound bag of potatoes at me, and I knew peeling them with the old, dull knife from her ancient knife block would be the perfect distraction.

I knew my family life was much different than Ben’s. I could only hope he’d fare okay with my dad and Porter. And hunting no less. There were firearms involved.

“So does Ben want marriage, kids? He’s got a pretty nontraditional lifestyle, sweetie.” My mom was nothing if not direct.

“Uh . . . I’m not really sure. We haven’t talked about it.” Other than my drunken rant telling him we’d make attractive kids. That was just a damn fact of life, though. Any babies with his DNA would be stunning specimens. Superior in every way, I was convinced. Little green-eyed babies with dark hair and full, pouty mouths danced through my head while I methodically peeled the potatoes.

My mom abandoned chopping a pile of onions and turned to face me. “How could you have not talked about it? You’re dating pretty seriously. . . . You’re not one to just bring home a man, Emerson Jean.”

She was right, of course. I’d never brought home a man for a holiday like this before. And I did feel differently about Ben. I wanted him to be my future. I guess part of me was just scared about his possible baby with Fiona and their relationship, even if it was professional now. Mostly I worried that he couldn’t possibly want the simple life I’d envisioned for myself since I was a little girl. A home down the street from my parents, big family holidays, baking pies with my mom, and, one day, my little girl. The sour feeling in the pit of my stomach rolled with unease. “He didn’t have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving. His mom lives all the way down in Australia. I didn’t want him eating Chinese takeout.”

Her look of concern told me I was probably crazy, reading way too much into our relationship.

An errant tear dropped from my eye.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s just those damn onions,” I lied, gazing at the pile of chopped onions on the counter. The weight of her concerns about Ben burned like acid in my stomach. How had I allowed myself to fall for someone so wrong for me? The only reasoning I could find was that it was never a choice.

Loving Ben Shaw wasn’t something I ever planned on doing. Lord knew my family and friends warned me from getting emotionally attached. But I had zero control in the matter.

I had two choices: to enjoy the ride for what it was worth and accept him and his limitations or move on without him.

It wasn’t a choice. I wouldn’t turn my back on him. My heart, my body, my entire being craved him like a drug.

Her expression softened. “I support you and whatever makes you happy. I just want to make sure you’re being careful with your heart this time.”

I tossed the potatoes into the pot with more force than necessary. “I’ve got it, Mom.”

Of course she was only trying to help, and she’d seen me at my worst after my breakup with Ben obliterated my heart like it’d been through a blender.

“Well, is he religious, does he have the same values as our family, Emerson?”

Religious? I didn’t think so. Not particularly. But he had values I respected. He was hardworking, willing to help out friends, dedicated, and faithful. That was all I needed. Of course now that my mom had mentioned it, I was dying with curiosity to know his stance on marriage and kids. Even getting him to say I love you seemed like a giant leap for him. I was just hoping no one grilled him over dinner on politics or religion. My damn family would scare him off before we even got started.

Somehow the awkward pauses and tense silences hanging around the men had evaporated by the time they returned from the annual turkey hunt. Porter dealt with the bird in the garage and my dad and Ben came inside, all smiles and loud stories. I bounded into the living room. How very homey . . . my man coming home with my daddy after hunting.

“Woman, I bring meat,” Ben said with a chuckle, mimicking a deep, cavemanlike voice.

My dad laughed and patted him loudly on the back. “He did well. He’s a great shot.”

I beamed up at him, fighting the urge to kiss him silly. He’d never looked sexier—returning from a hunt with my father; the smell of fresh air, sweat, and male bonding. I could envision him being part of my family and that thought sent a little thrill racing through my system. Coupled with my mom’s talk earlier about marriage and babies, my mind was on overload with visions of matrimonial bliss. I needed to stop. I was acting crazy. Lord, I could only imagine my mom’s reaction if she knew about Fiona.

“Nice job, honey.” I pressed a kiss to his throat and scurried off to the kitchen before I molested him in front of my dad. I couldn’t imagine that’d go over well.

After eating an amazing home-cooked dinner of barbecued ribs, beans, and corn bread, we drank glasses of sweet tea. My dad even broke out his special aged whiskey reserved for special occasions to pour himself, Porter, and Ben glasses.

My dad stood at the head of the table and raised his glass. “I’d just like to properly welcome Ben here to Tennessee. Say thank you for bringing my girl home safe and sound.”

The smile on Ben’s face and the twinkle in his eye was priceless. I wanted to bottle that contented, happy look and save it to enjoy later. Seeing him around my family tonight, I was repeatedly hit with a pang of sadness that he didn’t have this type of relationship with his mom, and to the best of my knowledge, didn’t know who his dad was. I was glad to see my family welcoming him.

After dinner I helped my mom wash the dishes while Ben helped my dad clean the guns. Porter hadn’t seemed to warm to Ben yet and took off for a local tavern for a beer by himself. Even though he was my younger brother, he acted like he was ten years older—always had. He was superprotective of me, so it didn’t surprise me he hadn’t taken to Ben just yet, although I hoped he would in time.

At bedtime my mom and I helped Ben cover the couch with sheets and left him extra blankets and pillows. I lingered beside the couch and Ben’s dark eyes landed on mine. My mom cleared her throat. “Say goodnight, but nothing funny, you two. It would make your dad really uncomfortable.”

“Of course, Mrs. Clarke. Thank you for your hospitality.”

Ben had such good manners in front of my parents. I loved seeing this side of him. Knowing there was a filthy-talking sex god lurking just under the surface of this well-mannered man was a big turn-on. Huge.

My mom disappeared down the darkened hallway and only the low light from the television was left to illuminate us. It was the first time we’d been alone all day. I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist, bury my face against his neck, and breathe in. But I knew once I felt his firm body and inhaled his delicious scent, I’d want more.

His hand slid under my hair to cradle the back of my neck then he tilted my head and pressed his lips to mine. “Thanks for bringing me home,” he whispered.

“Thank you for coming.” I leaned my head back into his palm.

“I’m gonna win your dad over. You know that, right?”

I nodded, unable to take my eyes from his. “Are you going to be able to sleep?”

He gave my neck a gentle squeeze. “I’ll be fine. You get some rest.”

I scurried down the darkened hallway to my bedroom before I changed my mind and tackled him onto the couch.

After brushing my teeth and changing into sweatpants and a tank top, I crawled under the covers of my familiar old bed. Pulling my grandma’s quilt up to my chin, I lay there wide awake, wondering if it’d ever be possible for Ben to fit into this life.

I tossed and turned on the lumpy, narrow mattress until well past midnight. My mom’s words rang in my head. Unanswered questions, topics Ben and I had never discussed. Not to mention he just looked out of place in this shabby trailer. Too commanding, too big, most assuredly too beautiful. It suddenly felt like a big fucking deal that I didn’t know his stance on marriage and kids. I’d fallen hopelessly in love with him without even knowing if we were compatible, if we were building toward something real.

My heart raced in my chest. God, I felt like an idiot that I didn’t have the slightest idea to these major life questions. These were nonnegotiable for me. My chest felt tight and achy. I couldn’t go through another breakup with Ben. My heart wouldn’t survive it. I felt like crying. I curled into a ball and hugged my pillow as silent tears streamed down my cheeks.

Damn it.

I wasn’t going to get any sleep at this rate. And my eyes were going to be all puffy for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I threw back the covers and climbed from bed. I’d get a glass of cool water, collect myself, and then get back in bed.

I crept down the hallway, navigating the worn pathway easily in the dark. I filled a glass with tap water and chugged it in the darkened kitchen before a noise from the living room caught my attention. Ben was stirring. Shit, maybe he’d never even fallen asleep.

“Emmy?” he whispered loudly. “Is that you?”

I rolled my eyes. He was going to wake everyone in the tiny trailer with his supposed whispering.

I put the glass in the sink and went to the living room. The soft glow of moonlight filtering through my mom’s lace curtains illuminated him on the couch, rubbing a hand through his messy hair. “Come here,” he whispered, softer this time. “I’m horny,” he said as he chuckled softly.

I knew I should head back to my bed but I couldn’t resist getting close to him. I sunk to the couch, curling into his side.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He pushed the hair back from my face, looking me over in the darkness.

I wiped my cheeks by instinct, though my tears were now dry. “I can’t tell you.”

“Of course you can. You can tell me anything.”

“But . . .”

“Shh.” His hand cupped my cheek. “I already know, Emmy.” My eyes met his as his thumb soothed the skin along my jaw. “Our lives are different,” he continued. “Me being here highlights that. But I told you I’m going to win over your dad. And actually, I enjoyed hunting today.”

I nodded. “I know my parents like you already. That’s not what this is about.” God help me. Did I even have the courage to tell him the crazy thoughts running rampant in my mind?

“Emmy, breathe for me, baby.”

I pulled in a deep, shuddering breath, my lungs tightening with the effort.

“Tell me.” His tone was commanding but his gaze was worried and sincere.

“What’s your stance on marriage?”

He coughed. “Marriage?”

“Yes.”

“Ah, shit.” He rubbed a hand through his rumpled hair. “It seems like a fine institution.”

I was in too deep now. I decided to push on. “I mean, do you want to get married someday?”

“Is this your way of asking me where things are headed with us?”

“I guess so,” I said, my voice a weak murmur.

“Hey, look at me.” Ben lifted my chin until my eyes met his. “I want you. I want this. I’ve never had a serious girlfriend before, so I’m sorry if I’ve given you the impression I’m not committed to us—I am. And I know things with Fiona are fucked up . . . but don’t question this.”

I swallowed. “I’m not. I’m just scared. I see my life—my future—and I want kids, a devoted husband. I’d like to live here in Tennessee near my parents someday.”

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing visibly in the dim light. “I didn’t have the best example growing up. My mom never married. I haven’t really ever thought about it. Shit, I never thought I’d be in a serious relationship like this. Just give me time, okay?”

I closed my mouth, unwilling to press him further, and nodded. It wasn’t the exact answer I’d been looking for, but it was all he had to give. His hand curled around my waist and he pulled me closer so that I was pressed against him on the couch. His hands rested on my hips, clutching me firmly to him, and everything felt right. He might not have given me an answer my mom would be happy with, but it was enough. For now. He was willing to try, for me.

My heart rate kicked up and suddenly my body wanted more. More everything. More contact. More him.

I didn’t care that we were in my parents’ living room. I needed him. Wanted to feel his skin against mine. Nothing else mattered.

I pulled my T-shirt over my head and dropped it to the floor. My bare nipples tightened in the cool night air.

“Holy shit. What are you doing?”

“Now I’m horny.”

“Baby. I was kidding before. We can’t. Your parents . . .”

“I need this. Please . . .”

“Fuck, baby. Don’t tempt me. You know I want to make you come.”

“Yes, please, Ben.”

Ben

Hearing her beg for it was too much. I needed her. Needed to get her off. But, fuck, we were in her parents’ living room. Anyone could get up for a glass of water or to use the bathroom, and then I’d be fucked. Likely with one of those impressive shotguns pointed in my face. But my daring side was willing to risk it.

I briefly considered taking her back to her bedroom, but seeing how that was right next to her parents’ room, I wasn’t sure that option was any better.

“Emmy, we can’t,” I protested weakly as she crawled into my lap to straddle me. She pushed her pelvis down, wiggling in my lap, and I instantly went hard.

Fuck it.

I knew she felt it too because she released a breath, squirming against the hard ridge in my shorts.

Shit. I wanted to fuck her. In her parents’ house. This was bad. I couldn’t let this happen. She was grinding against my dick. “Emmy, no.”

I lifted her off me and set her on the sofa beside me.

Not wasting any time, she started untying the drawstring on my shorts. Instead of stopping her somehow, my hips lifted, allowing her to tug the shorts down my thighs. My dick sprang free, resting against my belly.

Emmy licked her lips then dropped down to her knees in front of me.

Fuuuck. The eager-to-please look in her eyes was so incredibly sexy. But seeing her on her knees in front of me was almost my undoing. I wanted nothing more than to feel her mouth around my dick and I wouldn’t stop her now.

Emmy’s soft hand closed around me, and my head dropped back against the sofa. She stroked me slowly from base to tip. My body reacted to the simple contact, fluid beading as she stroked me. I was powerless to stop it. Fuck it. I pushed my shorts to my ankles and brought a hand to the back of Emmy’s head, guiding her mouth down to my needy cock.

I watched her lips close around me and I was lost. She might feign innocence, but shit, she was good at giving head.

Her mouth opened wider and her cheeks hollowed out as she sucked me deeper.

“Ah, shit, baby.” I guided her, showing her I wanted it deep, and Emmy happily obliged, taking every inch.

She had the distinct ability to make me feel things I’d never felt before. It had never been just sex with her. She was pleasing me, taking care of me, putting my needs first. It overwhelmed me and a feeling of being loved settled over me.

I’d never wanted to label things, to plan out every last detail of my life, and just the words “holy matrimony” made my skin itch. It just wasn’t in my DNA. But if anyone had the ability to change my mind, it’d be this girl. I couldn’t let her leave me, which meant I might need to rethink my future of bouncing from city to city.

But for now, I focused on the beautiful girl on her knees in front of me, enjoying the mind-numbing bliss she was delivering. And Emmy, ever the devoted lover, gave an amazing performance, her hands stroking, her tongue lapping against me, and little groans escaping her throat as she got into it.

“Come here, beautiful.” I lifted her under her arms, pulling her into my lap again, and lowered my head to taste her breasts. Thrusting her chest out, Emmy whimpered as my tongue flicked back and forth over each swollen nub. I covered her mouth with one hand and worked the other into the front of her sweatpants.

I was unaware of anything but her so the rattling noise across the room took me a few seconds too long to realize it was the front door opening.

Emmy

Ben’s incredibly skilled mouth teased my breasts, and just as his long fingers were about to reach my sex he suddenly pulled away, tossing me off his lap and onto the cushion next to him.

What the?

I followed his worried stare across the room.

Shit!

Porter was home.

He stood facing the couch, an angry scowl stretched across his normally relaxed face. “Fuck! That’s my sister, dude!” He took a threatening step closer.

Ben shot up from the couch, tugging his athletic shorts into place. “My bad, dude.” He held his hands up in front of him, palms facing Porter.

The vein in Porter’s neck was throbbing and his fists clenched at his sides.

Oh, God. This wasn’t good.

I leapt up from the couch, pushing my palms against Porter’s chest to get him to back off. “Porter, this was my fault. Ben said we couldn’t.” My brother’s face twisted in revulsion as he realized that yes, his sister liked sex and even initiated it. Too bad. That was a damn fact of life. Hi, have you seen my boyfriend?

“Not cool, Emerson. Get your ass to bed. In your own room.”

My cheeks heated and I nodded. Stealing one last glance at Ben, who was now smirking, I scurried off down the hall.

My father carried the massive golden-brown turkey to the table, setting it down with an expression of reverence. It didn’t matter that we were dining in our dingy, old trailer; we had one another, and family meant everything.

Once the turkey was carved and plated and the side dishes were served up in heaping spoonfuls, my father said a blessing and we quickly dug in.

Mmmmm . . .

This was why I came home for Thanksgiving. Right here.

Ben wiped his mouth across the napkin and turned to my mom. “This is delicious, Mrs. Clarke.”

My mom smiled widely. She enjoyed feeding people even more than I did. It ran in the family.

“Porter’s thinking about joining the military,” my dad announced. Of course I’d known this. My mom had called me in a panic, but we hadn’t actually discussed it yet. My eyes went to Porter’s and he gave me a weak smile. The pride in my father’s expression was evident. I knew he was hoping Porter would find his way, do something with his life. In many ways, Porter had grown up a lot since I had left him. He was more than a head taller than me, with lots more muscle too, yet he was still stuck here, living at home, figuring out his path.

“I think that’s terrific,” Ben commented, addressing Porter. “Have you enlisted yet?”

Porter shook his head and set down his knife beside his plate. I knew no one wanted to mention the events that led to him considering joining the service. After high school he floundered a bit, going out too often, and went through about every girl in this town and the next while he waited for our sweet neighborhood girl, Eden, to grow up a bit and notice him. When that didn’t happen, he’d gone on a bender and gotten arrested for drunk driving one night. My parents had recently given him an ultimatum: Grow up and do something with your life, or get out. We’d yet to see what he’d actually do.

“So, Ben, do you have other aspirations besides modeling?” my dad asked. I couldn’t help but see the comparison being made in my dad’s head. Porter was doing something admirable in serving his country, and Ben’s job was all about glitz and glamour.

“Well, it’s not a career that usually carries you through retirement,” Ben said. “One of the things I’d like to do, with Emmy’s help,” his eyes found mine, “is to set up a charity to eventually run.”

His desire to run a charity was news to me but I immediately liked the idea. Of course I would help him. I grinned widely and his mouth quirked up.

We ate until we were stuffed, and then somehow managed room for the pumpkin and apple pies my mom and I had baked.

Ben and my dad had seemed to really hit it off. After dinner they sat in the living room talking for hours, my dad pulling out his atlas so Ben could show him on the map exactly where he lived and I lived in the city. I knew my living so far away made my father nervous, but somehow seeing that I had a capable man in my life had brought my father around to the idea of Ben.

Soon it was time for us to leave to catch our flight back to New York, and through a tearful good-bye between me and my mom, Ben promised my mother he would bring me back for another visit soon.