Crazy About the Baumgartners

Chapter Six

I slathered Holly with SPF-50, rubbing the white lotion into her chubby, pale baby folds of flesh, making her smile and wiggle on the bed. Then I put a pink bathing suit with white polka dots over her swim diaper-a tight fit-and tied a pink sun hat on her head. She kicked her legs when I put her on my hip, heading down the stairs.

The Baumgartners were already on the beach sunning themselves, Doc sitting at the table with a paperback, some James Patterson novel, shading his eyes and watching Janie and Henry building sandcastles. Mrs. B was on a blanket in the smallest black bikini ever made. There was likely a picture of it under “butt floss” in the urban dictionary. And she was slathered up too, but not with sunscreen. Her copper-colored skin glistened with oil.

“There are my girls.” Mrs. B glanced up as I came out, closing the sliding door behind me. The heat hit me like a wall after the coolness of the AC.

“Nice suit,” Doc commented on mine and I glanced at him, seeing his little smile, those dark eyes, sent a jolt of excitement shooting through me.

“Thanks.” I glanced down at my white bikini, which covered more than Mrs. B’s for sure, but it was still quite scant. “Your wife picked it out.”

“I’d wear even less if I had your body,” Mrs. B replied, defending her choice as I joined her on the blanket. I put Holly on it between us on her tummy along with a teething ring I’d grabbed from the freezer. She’d been fussy lately, cutting her bottom two teeth at once.

“I wouldn’t object to anyone wearing any less.” Doc put his book down, grinning, squinting out at the shoreline. Janie and Henry were chasing each other, splashing, laughing. “Wanna take the baby for a swim with me, Gretchen?”

“Sure.” I picked up Holly, standing and propping her on my hip. “Wanna come Mrs. B?”

“When are you going to start calling me Carrie?” she sighed, shading her eyes and looking up at me. She kept reminding me and I kept forgetting. It was mostly habit, but I think some part of my brain refused to make that jump. If I started thinking of her as Carrie, that would be too familiar. And clearly, she wanted to keep her distance. Thinking of her as “Mrs. B” helped me keep that distance too.

“Sorry,” I apologized.

“Coming in, babe?” he asked her, standing beside me so he could nudge her with his toe.

“Maybe later.” She put her head back down, closing her eyes. “Gonna get a little more sun.”

Not that she needed it. Her body was all over bronze, her color deepening over just the few days we’d been there. I’d burned the first day, even with sunblock, and that had deepened into the beginnings of a tan. Now I was wearing the baby’s “ultra water resistant” SPF-50, rather than go all lobster.

“Come on.” Doc walked with me to the edge of the water, Janie and Henry leaping up and down and running at him as soon as we hit the water’s edge.

“Daddy! Daddy! Throw me!” Janie begged, diving into the water and bobbing back up five feet from the shore.

“No, me!” Henry followed her and they dove and bobbed in the water like seals.

“You’re getting pretty big for this,” Doc warned, but he did it anyway, diving in and surfacing beside them in the water. Janie squealed when he lifted her in his arms, tossing her as far as he could. She held her nose, going under, and then resurfaced, laughing. They would do this over and over, at least until Doc’s arms got tired.

I waded in the water, marveling at how warm it was, even in December. It was only a week until Christmas. Hard to believe. It had come up so fast. I’d been living with the Baumgartners for six months. That made me think of Ronnie-just being here made me think of her. The place we’d met. The first place we’d had sex. But I shoved those thoughts away, sinking into the clear blue water to my waist.

Holly squealed in surprise when the water touched her skin, crying at first. I held her out in front of me, floating her along, letting her get used to the temperature change. Her eyes went from wet to wide, then to laughing. Her arms waved, her hands slapping the water’s surface, splashing, the droplets hitting her face surprising her once more.

“Okay, enough, enough,” Doc protested, throwing Henry one last time. He was getting big, almost bigger than Janie, even though he was younger. He was going to be a big boy.

The kids begged for more but they finally gave up, swimming and splashing together for a while until they got bored and went back to building their sand village on the shore. Doc came over and joined me and the baby.

“Just think, another few years, and I’ll be throwing you, lil pumpkin.” He lifted Holly from my arms, laughing as she squealed and waved her arms while he sailed her through the water, making motor boat sounds. Watching them together made me smile.

Then the baby got fussy and no amount of playing would quiet her.

“She’s hungry,” I said, holding my arms out for her. “She wants lunch.”

“Me too,” Doc agreed enthusiastically. “Time for a sandwich.”

We all trooped back into the house. Doc made sandwiches and Mrs. B made lemonade and I made the baby a bottle, and we all sat around the kitchen table eating. Mrs. B insisted on feeding the baby, so she ate one handed and had to stop to burp Holly. Janie and Henry burst out laughing when an air bubble escaped the baby’s mouth so loudly it sounded like a full grown man belching.

“Mom, my head hurts,” Janie complained, rubbing her eyes.

“Too much sun,” her mother said, nodding. “Why don’t you and Henry go upstairs and take a rest?”

“I’m not tired,” Henry said, his mouth full of sandwich.

“Well at least stay out of the sun for a while,” Mrs. B said, looking at Janie’s flushed cheeks. “Play X-Box or something.”

“Okay!” Henry brightened. I smirked. Any day his parents suggested staying inside and playing video games was clearly a good day, as far as he was concerned.

“Well someone needs a nap.” Mrs. B yawned and kissed the top of the baby’s head. Holly’s head nodded, her eyelids heavy.

“You or her?” Doc teased.

“Both.” Mrs. B laughed. “I’m gonna put her down and do just that.”

“I was going to give Gretchen her early Christmas present,” Doc said, leaning back in his chair and looking at his wife as she rose with the baby. “You okay with that?”

“Sure.” Mrs. B smiled over at me.

“I’ve got something for you, Gretchen.” Doc stood, clearing plates as Henry and Janie raced each other to the X-Box in the living room.

“Oh yeah?”

I knew, whatever it was, it wasn’t what I really wanted. Like Ronnie had assumed, I wasn’t ever going to get that. The Baumgartners didn’t think I was girlfriend material. It seemed like I was going to be just the nanny, just the roommate, just the doormat, for the rest of my life.

“Go on outside, I’ll meet you there.”

“Outside?” I raised my eyebrows. “Should I change?”

I was still in my wet bikini.

“No.” His gaze dropped down to my cleavage, then lower, to my belly, hovering on the small, white triangle of fabric between my legs. “Go on.”

I went past Henry and Janie, who were stretched out on their stomachs on the carpet playing Super Mario, going through the sliding door to wait on the patio. I sat in one of the chairs, watching the light play on the water as the waves rolled in. It was a beautiful day, the sky a bright, azure blue, hardly a cloud in it. I understood why the Baumgartners loved coming here so much. The place was paradise.

Doc came out the back door. He was still wearing his swimming trunks, dark blue, almost black when wet. They had a tantalizing white stripe at the waist that drew my eye, under which a dark line of hair ran down from his navel and disappeared. I glanced up, past those still sharply defined abs of his, noticing he had his camera around his neck and a camera bag slung over his shoulder.

I raised my eyebrows, curious, but he just held out his hand and told me to come with him. Of course, I followed. We walked through the sand, not talking, all the way down to the water’s edge, where the sand was wet, packed tight, easier to navigate. He took me down the beach, further than I’d been before, taking me past a field of tall grass. There was a little cul-de-sac here and that’s where we stopped. I could see the house still, but it was distant, small.

“So, this isn’t exactly your Christmas present.” He lifted his camera, pointing it at me. I cocked my head, half-smiling, and the shutter clicked. “I’m sure we’ll get you something new. But I wanted to pass this on to you because I just got myself a new one.”

“This…” I stared, my brow knitting, as the shutter clicked again. “You don’t mean… your camera?”

“Yep.” He smiled warmly, snapping again, catching my expression of surprise. “It’s all yours. I thought I’d take some time to show you how to use it. And take some pictures of you, if you still wanted to model for me.”

“Oh wow.” I blinked at the camera in his hands, too shocked to say much more. He was really giving it to me? We’d talked more about photography since that Halloween night when we discovered we had that hobby in common. I had showed him my old analog camera that still used such an archaic technology as film. “Really? You mean it?”

“Of course I mean it.” He laughed, taking the camera strap from around his neck and putting it around mine. It hung, a heavy piece of machinery, between my breasts. “Wanna learn?”

“Hell yes!” I exclaimed, laughing and suddenly throwing my arms around his neck. “Oh, Doc, thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” He held me close and I heard him take a long, deep breath, like he was breathing me in.

I couldn’t learn fast enough. He showed me all the settings, how to adjust the white balance, how to use the bounce flash, how to change the lenses. He had several macro lenses and two telephoto ones in the camera bag. I experimented with the macro lenses, fascinated. I had one for my analog camera and I used it all the time, but with the digital technology, I could see immediately how things turned out. It was amazing.

“I just took a picture of a blade of grass!” I exclaimed, showing Doc as we stretched out on our bellies in the sand. “Look at that! Look how close!”

“Isn’t it awesome?” He grinned at me. “You wouldn’t believe how close I can get with those lenses. I’ve taken some amazing pictures.”

“Would you show me?”

“Sure.” He nodded. “I have some on my laptop back at the house. But… well, some of them aren’t exactly G-Rated.”

“R-Rated?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. He shook his head slowly, eyes darkening. “NC-17?” He shook his head again. “Ohhh. X-Rated. Up close and personal?”

“Very.” He nodded slowly, the look in his eyes making my pussy and ass clench in my bikini bottoms. “I like taking pictures of the female anatomy.”

“Particularly female?” I swallowed, knowing just what he was talking about. And he knew I knew.

“That does happen to be my particular interest.” His gaze dipped to my cleavage. “So, about that modeling you said you would do for me…”

“You want to take pictures of me naked?” I licked my lips, the thought of it so titillating it made me lose my vision at the edges, so all I saw was him.

“That’s up to you.” He held his hand out for the camera. “We can start with you in your suit.”

“Okay.” I handed over the camera, rolling to my side. I was covered in sand. “How do you want me?”

His gaze moved over my body and I swear I could almost feel it, as if his eyes were his hands roaming over my breasts, down my sandy stomach, to the white triangle between my legs.

“Don’t ask me that unless you actually want me to tell you.” His voice was hoarse as he watched me sit, spreading my thighs and planting my feet apart in the sand

“How do you want me?” I asked, leaning my elbows on my knees, knowing the view I was giving him was incredibly tantalizing. At least, I hoped so. He was already snapping pictures.

“God, stop tempting me.” He groaned from behind the camera. “Just sit there.”

I grinned at his words. Then I did a few swimsuit model poses that made him smile and me giggle. He continued to snap away.

“You’re really beautiful, Gretchen.” He dropped the camera for a moment to look at me leaning back on my elbows, knees up, feet in the sand.

“Does Mrs. B know you’re doing this?” I asked, glancing toward the house. We were in that little cul-de-sac of grass, hidden down here, away from any roaming eyes.

“Teaching you how to use the camera?” He smirked.

“Taking pictures of me.” I drew a circle in the sand with my toe, biting my lip.

“Yes.” He picked the camera back up as I sat.

“Nude ones?” I undid the strap on my bikini, letting my top fall away, my breasts free. I heard him gasp.

“Yes,” he murmured, back behind the camera again, snapping pictures.

“She doesn’t mind?” I reached behind, hearing the shutter as I took off my top altogether. I arched my back a little, pointing my nipples skyward. Doc was taking so many pictures it made me dizzy.

“As long as I don’t touch you…” he said from behind the camera.

“Oh?” I stood in the sand, topless, looking across the beach, wondering if anyone could see us. The timeshare was private and I couldn’t see any other people. The house was far in the distance. “Is that the rule? You can look but you can’t touch.”

I turned around and slid my white bikini bottoms down, showing him my ass. I heard the click of the shutter, the sharp intake of his breath. Then I turned around and he groaned like he was in pain. The camera was forgotten for a moment. He was eye level with my pussy and he looked at me with his naked eye, no camera lens in the way. Then he started snapping away again, watching me sink down into the sand and open my legs for him.

He changed lenses part way through and I knew he was taking up close photos. I held still and let him circle me, hearing his breath quicken.

“Fuck, Gretchen.” He swallowed, and I looked at him crouched between my legs, taking pictures of my pussy. “You have the sweetest pussy. Look at that little bit of blonde hair on top. God… open it for me. Spread it.”

I did, using my fingers to part my lips. He took more pictures, moaning the whole time like he was being tortured.

“So you can’t touch me,” I mused, watching him maneuver between my thighs. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t. Does it?”

He swallowed. “No.”

I circled my clit with my finger, shivering. I was so fucking hot. The heat of the sun was making me sweat but my pussy was on fire. I had to come. And I wanted him to watch me. Doc had forgotten the camera. He knelt between my legs, focused on my fingers moving back and forth, around and around. My nipples were so hard and I wished he could suck them. I could see his cock tenting his suit and it made my mouth water.

“You can’t touch me?” I asked the question, pleading. He shook his head, his expression pained. “Well… can you touch yourself?”

He sighed, shaking his head.

“Technically speaking… probably shouldn’t.” He glanced at the house, then back at me, moaning when my fingers slipped into my pussy. “But fuck it.”

He yanked his boxers down and grabbed his cock in his fist. The sight of it made me gasp, the way he handled himself, so rough, pumping it fast as he watched me touch myself.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured, his breath coming faster.

“Oh Doc, I want your cock,” I moaned, pushing my hips up, offering my pussy. “You can put it anywhere you want. Anywhere.”

He groaned, shaking his head. “Just keep doing that. Finger yourself. Jesus, girl. That’s so fucking hot.”

“Oh but I want you,” I pleaded. My clit throbbed, my pussy clenching, wanting to be filled.

“I want you too,” he panted, jerking his cock faster, balls swinging. God, I wanted to taste him, lick all that saltiness from his scrotum, let him fuck my throat. It was driving me crazy, having him so close, but not having him.

“Oh Doc, please, please, fuck me.” I begged him. “Just…put your cock in me when you come. Please. Just… oh… fuck… please!”

“Ahhhh God, Gretchen, I want you so fucking bad.” He gave a low, frustrated groan, looking at my pussy like a drowning man.

“Just rub it up and down my slit,” I whimpered. “Just once. Just… oh… please…”

He growled and thrust closer, but his cock didn’t touch my pussy. I rubbed my clit faster, a brutal assault, my thighs quivering with need. I felt my orgasm coming, something thick and coiled in my belly, waiting to spring. Doc stopped to lick his palm, making his cock wet, and I knew he was imagining what it would feel like to fuck my wet little pussy instead of his own fist.

“I’m gonna come,” I panted, meeting his eyes, a halo around his head from the sun. “Oh Doc, I’m going to come for you.”

“Yes!” he cried, pumping his cock so fast his hand was a blur. “Oh Gretchen, come for me, sweetheart. Make yourself come for me!”

“Only if you come first.” My fingers slowed, oh God, it was so hard to stop, so hard to hold it back. I clenched my ass as if I could keep my orgasm in. I was so very close. “Come with me, Doc. I want your cum. Give me that. Come all over my pussy!”

He gave a low, pained groan, thrusting once, twice, three times into his tightly closed fist, his cock erupting with hot, white jets of cum. The first stream overshot my pussy. It overshot my stomach and my tits. His cum sprayed my cheek, splashing my lips, and I gasped, reaching my tongue out and tasting him.

Doc moaned again, another flood of cum exploding from the head of his cock, this one not quite as strong. He left another ropey white stream over my belly, and the last, glorious burst was right against my pulsing little clit. Just the heat and pressure of it made me come-I didn’t even need my fingers, although I used them, rubbing his cum into my pussy, my hips lunging upward, my pussy squeezing down violently against nothing, again and again, aching with the empty throb.

He sat back on his heels, dazed, panting, as I cleaned myself off. I scooped up every bit of his cum, licking my fingers and hands clean while he watched, looking like a starving man chained just out of reach at a banquet.

When we were dressed again-which we did in silence-and sitting in the sand, facing the waves rolling in on the beach, I finally decided to just ask. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to know. Ronnie had planted a seed of doubt in my head that had been growing weed-like in my brain, as much as I tried to ignore it.

“Doc, I want you so much.” My voice was soft as I used a stick to trace patterns in the sand. “You and her too. Why can’t it be me?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, although I was sure he knew. He had to know.

“Why can’t I be like…” I swallowed. “Like Ronnie. Like Dani.”

He sighed but didn’t say anything. He just looked out at the water.

“It couldn’t be more perfect,” I insisted. “I mean, I live with you!”

“That’s part of the problem,” he said finally.

“What do you mean?”

“Gretchen, it’s not about you.” He looked over at me, shaking his head. “It’s really not. You’re young and beautiful and desirable. Very, very desirable. And we love you. We do. Very much. You’re like a part of the family-”

“But!” I interrupted, snapping at him, although I didn’t mean to. “I can hear the ‘but’ already. But what? But I’m not good enough to be your lover?”

“No.” He reached over to touch my shoulder. Just that made my knees turn to water. “That’s not it…”

“Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

I walked on my wobbly knees down the beach. I didn’t go in the direction of the house. I went the other way instead, looking at the sun on the water, poking at the sand, picking up seashells, trying to lose myself in the journey, let it carry me away. By the time I got back to the house, dark skies had rolled in and it was beginning to rain.

The house was quiet. Janie and Henry were playing Go Fish, of all things, with an old deck of cards at the kitchen table. Mrs. B was napping on the sofa with the baby sleeping in the crook of her arm, the TV on but muted.

Upstairs, I stripped out of my suit in the bathroom to take a long, hot, stinging shower. Then I went across the hall to my room. I quickly towel dried my hair and put on a pair of pajama bottoms and a white tank top. It wasn’t even dinner time, but I didn’t feel like going back out again. Besides, the sound of thunder rolling outside told me it was still raining, so we’d likely be stuck inside for a while.

Then Doc called to me from the room next door-the room he shared with Mrs. B.

“Come here.” He crooked his finger at me from where he was sitting on the bed with his laptop when I peeked my head inside the door.

I went, like a petulant child.

“I’m sorry.” He reached a hand out, stroking my wet hair, looking at the droplets of water beading on my skin. “It’s complicated. I wish it wasn’t.”

I just nodded, not saying anything.

“I thought you’d like to see.” Doc patted the bed beside him.

I hesitated for a moment, climbing up and sitting next to him, leaning back on the propped up pillows. I gasped when I saw what filled the screen.

My own pussy. My clit, to be exact, the hood pulled back slightly, the pink skin around it wrinkled, convoluted. The picture was so clear and sharp it was stunning. You could see every little grain of sand sticking to my skin.

“Look.” Doc pointed, touching my clit-on the screen-and I felt it throb between my legs. Oh my God, I could have sworn he was stroking my clit, just like he was doing to the image in front of us. “So fucking lickable.”

That made me whimper and squeeze my thighs together. I leaned my head against his arm as he flipped through each image. We both looked at them, silent. I went from wearing my bikini to nude, the photos zooming in closer and closer. There was a shot of my nipple, pink and pursed, that Doc paused at. He made a low noise in his throat before moving on.

“I just want you to know,” he said, when he minimized the last photo. “It’s taking every ounce of self-restraint I have not to take you. Right here, right now.”

“What’s that?” I pointed at the screen, looking for a distraction. There were thumbnails at the bottom, and they weren’t pictures he’d taken on the beach.

“Oh, those are some of the other pictures I’ve taken.” He clicked on another folder, flipping through some of the other photos. Some were of Mrs. B-I recognized her body, although I’m sure he didn’t think I could, since I wasn’t ever supposed to have seen her naked. There were other women too. I even recognized Dani and Mrs. B together, although I couldn’t see their faces.

“What about that one? She looks…” I reached over, clicking the laptop mouse, bringing the picture full screen before he could stop me.

I gasped out loud, covering my mouth with both hands.

“You weren’t supposed to see that.” He closed it quickly. Not just the photo, but the laptop too.

“Doc!” I exclaimed. “That was Mrs. Holmes!”

He winced, nodding.

I wasn’t supposed to know that the other woman I’d seen in the photograph was Mrs. B either.

“She was so young!” I whispered, staring at him.

“It was in college,” he said. “That’s… that’s where we met her.”

“You… and Maureen Holmes…” I was incredulous. “And Mrs. B?”

“Yes,” he admitted, setting his laptop aside on the nightstand, turning to me to take my hands.

“But not me,” I whispered, looking down at my hands in his, lifting my gaze, meeting his eyes. “Not me.”

“Gretchen!” he called.

But I couldn’t listen. I went into my room and shut the door, ignoring his knock.

I curled up, pulling the covers up to my nose, wondering what in the world was wrong with me. Because, clearly, it was something. The Baumgartners said they loved me, but it wasn’t really true. They wanted me-I felt it, I knew I wasn’t crazy-but they wouldn’t act on it. I didn’t understand. They’d been with-my God, who hadn’t they been with? Dani, Ronnie, even Maureen Holmes, who was the most fundamentally Christian, straight-laced woman I’d ever known. She obviously hadn’t been on the straight and narrow in college.

Doc said it wasn’t about me, but it was. It had to be.

When I heard the baby crying and Mrs. B called me, I got up and went downstairs, because it was my job. I took Holly and made her a bottle, curling up on the couch and feeding her while Mrs. B ordered a pizza. We were supposed to barbeque steaks and hamburgers on the grill, but it was still storming.

Janie and Henry decided on The Princess Bride, a family favorite, and we put that into the DVD player and watched it while we ate pizza in the living room. Mrs. B wanted the baby, so I handed her over, cleaning up paper plates, putting the leftover pizza in the fridge. I did all of that on autopilot, just going through the motions. Doc stopped me in the kitchen when I was cleaning up, trying to explain, but I couldn’t listen. It hurt too much.

It was still raining when bedtime rolled around. I got the kids into pajamas, their teeth brushed, tucking them in at the end of the hall. The baby slept in a Pack’n Play in my room and she was already out, sucking on her fist in her sleep. I heard Mrs. B call my name as I headed down the hall to my room.

“Everyone tucked in?” she asked.

“Safe and sound.” I stuck my head in, seeing them sitting up in bed, watching TV. “I’m going to turn in.”

“Goodnight, Gretchen.”

I went straight to bed. I just wanted to close my eyes and disappear. Maybe when I woke up, this week would be over. Outside, rain pelted against the side of the house. As bright and gorgeous as the day had been, tonight was just as turbulent and dark. All of my hopes, even my expectations, about what would happen with the Baumgartners, had blown away with the wind.

I heard Doc and Mrs. B talking, their voices low. If I had to listen to them have sex tonight, I was going to kill myself. I thought about going downstairs to sleep on the sofa, as I listened in on their conversation. I had forgotten to shut my door and theirs was slightly open, as usual.

“She feels like it’s her fault.” That was Doc.

“Oh Doc, no,” Mrs. B protested. “Did you tell her?”

“What do you want me to say? ‘I’m sorry, Gretchen, we love you but we can’t be with you because Carrie’s afraid we’ll lose the baby?’”

I blinked, frowning at the wall.

“I know you think I’m being stupid.” Mrs. B sighed.

“Not stupid.” Doc chuckled. “A little overly cautious, maybe.”

“Once she’s ours, Doc, I won’t worry so much,” she pleaded with him. “I just don’t want anything to go wrong. If I lose this baby…”

“We’re not going to lose Holly.” He sounded resolute.

“But… we could.”

“Carrie, anything could happen.” He sighed. “I could walk outside and get struck by lightning.”

Thunder crashed, followed by a flash of lightning, as if to prove his point. They were quiet for a while, the sound of the television filling the gap. They were watching Seinfeld.

“I feel awful,” Mrs. B said.

“So does she.”

“Oh Doc. What are we going to do?”

“I love you,” he told her. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

“You know what I want,” she cried.

“Yes,” he replied softly. “I want Gretchen too.”

I felt my heart swell at this revelation. Was it really true? They did love me? They did want me? It was just Mrs. B’s fear of some social worker coming along and taking the baby because they found out the Baumgartners were polyamorous that was keeping them from acting on it? Not that I blamed her, really. The social worker who had been assigned to the Baumgartners was a very straight-laced sort. She reminded me, in many ways, of a young Maureen Holmes. And the requirements and background checks and home visits had been extensive and rigorous.

Mrs. B was right-if we were all lovers and anyone did find out, they would take Holly back. I closed my eyes, feeling tears stinging my eyes. I couldn’t risk them losing the baby. I would never do that. I wasn’t going to jeopardize Holly’s future for my own selfish pleasure. So once again, the thing I wanted most, I couldn’t have.

“We can’t, Doc,” Mrs. B said, and I nodded in agreement, feeling tears slipping down onto my pillow.

“Yes we can.” Doc’s words didn’t change my mind-and I knew they wouldn’t change hers either. But what he said next made me doubt. “What we can’t do is live our whole lives afraid of something that may or may not happen. What kind of life is that?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a sigh. “I wish I knew what to do.”

She said she didn’t know, but she did. I knew too. Even if Doc wanted something different-even if we all did-there were more important things.

That’s what I told myself as I buried my face in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.