Criminal Mischief

12

Stone arrived at P.J. Clarke’s on time, and the mob at the bar had thinned out just enough for him to grab a stool. The bartender saw him coming and got his Knob Creek on the bar just as he sat down. He had just taken his first sip when he glanced at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar and saw a very large person standing behind him. Stone unbuttoned his jacket for easier access to the baton.

“I want a word with you,” an English accent said from behind him.

“Cat got your tongue?” Stone asked, without looking at him.

There was a kind of gargling noise.

“Speak up,” Stone said.

“My name is Harry Hillman, and all I want from you is a fair fight.”

“There’s no such thing as a fair fight,” Stone said. “You must be thinking of a boxing match, in a ring, with a referee.”

“You’ve been tampering with my wife.”

“You don’t have a wife,” Stone said. “The State of New York says so.”

“Never mind her. This is between you and me.”

“I believe we’ve already had that conversation,” Stone said. “As far as I’m concerned, that settled anything between you and me, so take a hike.”

Stone looked up and saw Dino step into the reflection, and he was holding up his badge. “Stand still,” Dino said, frisking the larger man and coming up with a nine mm. “Do you have a license to carry this in the City of New York?”

“I certainly do,” Hillman replied.

“Then let’s see it.”

“I don’t have it on my person,” Hillman said.

“Then you may consider this weapon confiscated, and unless you can present your carry license to the desk sergeant at the Nineteenth Precinct before nine am tomorrow, you’ll be confiscated, too. Now go away.”

Hillman poked Stone hard in the back with a finger. “I’ll speak to you later.”

“I believe that constitutes battery. Can you arrest him, please, Officer?”

“I missed that,” Dino said. He turned to Hillman. “Do it again, so I can arrest you.”

Hillman had vanished from the reflection.

“Mr. Barrington,” Dino said, “your table is ready.”

Stone followed Dino into the dining room where they sat down and were given menus.

“So,” Dino said. “Am I going to have to keep rescuing you from the clutches of the angry ex-husband?”

“Don’t worry,” Stone said. “I’m carrying a .380 and my trusty — make that rusty — telescopic baton, so I should be able to fend him off.”

“Then stop turning your back on him.”

“My back was there first. He sneaked up on me.”

“I hate to think what’s going to happen to you, if he connects with a punch.”

“Let’s talk about something else,” Stone replied uncomfortably.

“Okay, let’s talk about Kitty. What’s her part in all this?”

“Innocent bystander,” Stone said.

“There’s nothing innocent about Kitty. I think she’s trying to punish somebody, but I can’t figure out if it’s the ex or you.”

“She has no reason to punish me,” Stone said. “I’ve given her nothing but pleasure, by my reckoning. Don’t mention that to the ex, if you meet him again.”

“Did her check for the Bentley clear the bank?”

“I haven’t had any calls from bank managers or the dealer, so I would assume so.”

“Maybe the bank just deducted it from your account.”

“I thought of that. Different banks.”

“I guess you’re in the clear, then.”

They ordered another drink and some food, then Stone’s phone rang. “Hello?”

“It’s Kitty. How are you, my darling?”

“As well as can be expected,” Stone replied.

“Uh-oh, have you had further, ah, contact with Harry?”

“He appeared, standing behind me at the bar at P.J. Clarke’s a few minutes ago, but Dino waved his badge at him and scared him off.”

“I’m so sorry about that. I thought that he would take my seeing somebody better than he has.”

“I’m sorry you were disappointed,” Stone said. “As things stand, this isn’t going to end until one or both of us is mortally wounded, or worse.”

“I’ll have a word with Harry.”

“It’s going to take many words, I fear, and if you could slip in a mention of grievous bodily harm or even death, that might help.”

“As you wish. Oh, the reason I called was to apologize about that cockup at the bank.”

Stone’s stomach made some sort of sideways movement. “Whose bank?”

“Mine. It seems that my broker didn’t move the requested funds into my account quickly enough, and so my check has been returned to the dealer, unpaid.”

Stone struggled for words.

“It sounds as if you’re struggling for words,” Kitty said.

“Ah, yes. So now, the dealer is coming after me to make your check good?”

“It won’t come to that, sweetie,” Kitty purred. “All will be made right tomorrow.”

“Please say that you will make it so.”

“Of course.”

“I’d hate for the dealer to show up at your building, seeking the return of the car,” Stone added for emphasis.

“Could they do that?”

“They could. Have another chat with your banker first thing tomorrow and ask them to see that the funds are available to cover your check.”

“I’ll do that very thing,” Kitty said. “And I’ll have that word — ah, words, with Harry.”

“Thank you, Kitty. I have to eat a steak now. Goodbye.” He hung up.

“You guaranteed her check for a Bentley?” Dino asked. “Really?”

“It wasn’t like that. I just told the dealer that I would vouch for her.”

“You’re the lawyer. Doesn’t that mean you’ll cover her check?”

“Vouching is just expressing an opinion that she’s good for it,” Stone said.

“Would a judge buy that?”

“It won’t go that far. Her broker was just slow at moving money to her checking account.”

“It was what? A quarter of a million dollars?”

“Give or take.”

“I can loan you a few thousand, but not the whole melon.”

“There’s no melon, Dino. The check will be paid tomorrow morning.”

“Well, if you have to pay it, that will do wonders for your reputation.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that the dealer, for one, will be very impressed that you made good on the check.”

“None of that is going to happen, Dino. It was just a glitch.”

“What if Harry kills Kitty before the check clears?”

“Harry wants to kill me, not Kitty.”

“You never know when you’re dealing with someone in that frame of mind. Will the check get paid if she’s at the bottom of the East River?”

“Stop it.”

“Well, maybe her banker doesn’t read the tabloids or watch local TV news. I’m sure it will be fine.”

“Thank you for your confidence.”

“Of course, if...”

“Dino, if you say another word, I’m going to hit you with a steak.”

Dino took a big bite of his steak and managed to chew and grin at the same time.