Dark Winter

14

Carmen was in the living room, watching transfixed as Lorraine Kelly guided her GMTV audience through the minefield of organic moisturizers.

‘I’ve just had a call from work.’

She couldn’t be arsed to look up.

‘I’ve got to go to a meeting at one o’clock – I’ll have to leave in a minute to make sure I get there on time. There’s some sort of emergency going on.’

What else could I do? Lock the front door and just hope Sundance and Trainers got bored and went away? No, I’d see if the Yes Man could find someone else. Shit, I was even prepared to beg if I had to.

Carmen was tracing the cracks in her face with her fingertips, her eyes still glued to Lorraine. If she knew what was coming, she wasn’t going to make it easy for me. I spoke up a little. ‘You know how these things sometimes drag on, and I might not get back tonight. Just in case that happens, I’ll need somebody to take Kelly to Chelsea in the morning.’

For a moment I wondered if she’d heard anything I’d said. ‘Oh dear, I don’t know,’ she said finally. ‘I’d have to ask Jimmy. I don’t think he’d be happy about the traffic. What with the congestion charge and everything . . . And then there’s the parking. How long would we have to wait?’

‘Just under an hour. Look, I’ll pay the petrol and the—’

‘We can afford petrol, you know.’

‘But you just said . . . What’s the problem, Carmen?’

‘Well, I mean, what will we tell the neighbours? No one knows she’s seeing a psychiatrist.’

‘You’re not going to have to put a fucking sign up. And for the millionth time, it’s no big deal. Kelly isn’t mentally ill, she just needs help with some stuff, that’s all.’

‘Well, and can you blame her, poor thing, the life she’s had? Pushed around from pillar to post, having to listen to your foul language all the time . . .’

I couldn’t take any more. This woman was so negative I could actually feel her draining the energy out of me. She’d spent her entire life either sniping at other people or feeling sorry for herself, and she wasn’t about to change. The only thing that would do that was a two-pound ball hammer to the back of her head.

‘Thanks for the support, Carmen.’ I turned and got out, tempted to add something sarcastic like, ‘I don’t know why I’ve paid a shrink all these thousands of pounds when I’ve got you on hand’ – but I didn’t think of it until I was in the corridor.

I was looking forward to the next bit even less. I was just about to confirm everything I knew Kelly felt about me.

I needn’t have worried. It had already been done. As I went down the flowered carpet to her room, Kelly was standing outside her door. I couldn’t read the exact expression on her face – anger, disbelief, disappointment, abandonment, maybe a mixture of them all. But I knew it meant I was in the shit. ‘I don’t believe you, Nick.’ She was so close to tears she almost choked on the words.

‘I don’t have a choice, Kelly. It’s just a meeting. All being well, I’ll—’

‘There’s always a choice, Nick. That’s what you keep saying, isn’t it? Why don’t you just say no to them, eh?’

‘It’s not that easy.’ I went to stroke her head but she jumped back as if I’d touched her with a Taser.

‘Don’t.’ She moved backwards into her room. ‘Fucking hypocrite!’

I heard a gasp of shock from Carmen. Either Lorraine had suggested going non-organic on the moisturizer front or she’d been eavesdropping. Either way, I’d be to blame.

Kelly slammed the door but it didn’t have a lock. I knocked gently. ‘Let me explain. No, don’t let me explain – just let me come in and say I’m sorry.’

I heard a sniffle and I opened up. She was lying face down on her bed, a pillow over her head. When I came in she flung it away and sat up to face me. ‘I’ve told you so much, Nick. Too much for you to take, was it?’

‘I know I should be able to tell these people to shove it but I can’t. I just can’t.’

She buried her head in her hands. ‘When will you be back?’

‘Not long. Tonight, maybe tomorrow.’

‘OK, off you go.’

I went to touch her but she flinched again. I turned for the door, picking up my Caterpillars and bomber jacket. No one was allowed to wear shoes in Carmen’s house. ‘Hey, listen, make sure Granny doesn’t go into my bag for any dirty washing. I’ll do it when I get back, OK?’

‘Whatever.’