Days Since...: Jenny: Day 986

Chapter Three

“Head count’s comin’ soon. S.A. Guards gonna know we’re missin’, and they’re not gonna let us go that easy.”

“Come on, Matt, think!”

“I am!”

“Look, there’s a reason Xavier left you the note. All these clues have to do with you, not us. Me and Grant don’t have the answer. Again, listen closely, ‘The old way home. Opposite wall of the ladder. Dig.’”

“I know what it says! I’ve been staring at it for a week. The old way home, I did get that one. But now I don’t know. Opposite wall the ladder…”

“Of the ladder. Opposite wall of the ladder.”

“Same thing.”

“Quit the fightin’ you two. It’s fixin’ to get dark out here. The woods ain’t gonna be too generous with light comin’ here soon.”

“I just don’t know what he means by ladder. There’s no ladder here.”

“If this is the trail you took home, then it has to be here. There’s no other reason to mention it.”

“It could just be a hint like take the path up to our house. Maybe it’s buried in one of our yards or something.”

“I doubt it. I mean, why wouldn’t he just use the street name then or the numbers from your address? It’s the path. It has to be.”

“Do you see a ladder?”

“That’s not the point. Think outside the box. Did you guys have a treehouse or something? Anything you guys might have climbed to get up or down? Something like that?”

“I don’t think—”

“If you’re thinkin’ of a real ladder forget it. It don’t have to be like that.”

“You already said you guys didn’t have a ladder. You need to get that out of your head.”

“Hmmm… Alright. Maybe… maybe this way. It’s worth a shot.”

“What you thinkin’, boy?”

“By the creek up here, we used to climb down on these roots. I guess it was kind of like a ladder.”

“Nothin’ to lose. Let’s go.”

“It’s up here. Right around this bend.”

“Watch your feet. Last thing we needin’ is someone gettin’ hurt. Keep it steady, and we’ll get there just fine.”

“This is what I was thinking, but I don’t know… What do you think?”

“Other side there. Look. That’s gotta be it.”

“So, what now?”

“We dig.”

Jenny’s eyes struggled to open against the sunlight pouring in through the bedroom’s thin curtains. How’d I get back in here? She cleared her throat and rolled over toward the middle of the bed. “Matt…” Pleased to find him next to her, she threw an arm around his side. The light fell across his face, but it didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest.

She watched him. Each breath he took. His eyes occasionally fluttered beneath his eyelids like he was tracking something. He shuddered, his body giving a violent shake as if he were falling. His eyes opened abruptly, but he smiled upon seeing Jenny. He pulled her toward him, his patchy beard and sideburns scratching against her cheek. She didn’t mind it, and she stayed there with him, both of them staring at each other without a word.

I love you, but how are we going to do this, Matt? Life is already hard enough. She took her arm from around him and placed her hand against his cheek. He smiled, his dopey eyes coupled with hers. I know you love me, but what are you going to think? Obviously, it’s going to change things between us. You think you’ll be excited? Nervous? Of course, you’ll be nervous. How else would you feel? I don’t think we’re ready for this. I don’t think anyone’s going to be ready for this.

“Matt…” Her forehead scrunched with thought, unable to decide whether to tell him or not.

“You don’t have to say anything. I already know what you’re going to say.”

Her eyes went wide. Her heart sank. How could he know?

“Don’t be mad at me. I tried. Believe me, I tried. He wouldn’t listen.”

Jenny could breathe again.

“I told Danny I was going to get you when my shift was up, and he exploded on me. He said it was more important that you got your sleep. Then you came in last night all upset. You looked like you really needed the sleep. So… so I let you fall asleep and brought you back in here. I’m sorry. I mean, I know you really wanted to do it, but…”

“It’s not your fault, Matt.” She couldn’t help but smile with relief.

“It seems like you’re feeling better.” The weight of his arm fell across her waist. “What happened last night?”

His eyes showed concern, but the pressure she felt in her chest from just the thought of him already knowing, gave her the answer. There was no way she could let him know yet. “I—” She tried to think of something, anything to tell him before the tears forced their way out. “I just… You know how sometimes these houses—the ones that aren’t completely torn apart—you know how they get to me. I don’t know. Every time— I can’t help but feel normal again.” A few tears came, but for much different reasons than her words shared. Matt dabbed them away with his thumb. “Seeing this bedroom last night. Reading this stupid—” She took the diary from the nightstand and flopped it down on the comforter.

“What’s that?” He took it, flicked through the pages, and chuckled once it became evident what she had been looking at. “You really can’t help yourself from other people’s business, can you?”

Jenny’s face dropped, displaying very little tolerance for any sort of lecture this morning.

“I know…” His wounded voice trailed. He sighed then tried for a kiss, but Jenny drew her head back. Matt rolled his eyes and huffed, “I’m sorry, okay? All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t do that to yourself if it upsets you this much. I don’t like to see you hurt. It’s good to have hope, but don’t get carried away with it. You’ll just let yourself down. There’s already enough out there to worry about without building yourself up with the impossible.”

“I can’t help it. It’s a connection to life before all this shit. Sometimes… Sometimes, I need to feel normal again.”

“But it makes you sad, and then I have to deal—”

Jenny gave him a look. “You can’t help yourself this morning, huh?”

“What?!”

She yanked the pillow from behind his head and crammed it over his face. “Much better.”

Matt tossed the pillow aside and reached to stop her as she slid from beneath the comforter. “I was only teasing.”

“Sure you were,” she said over her shoulder, keeping her back to him while taking her boots from beside the bed and sliding them on.

“Where you going?” His hand still pawing for her.

“Checking on why Danny’s so hellbent on keeping me from doing anything to help the group.”

“He said he’d—”

But Jenny wasn’t interested in the rest of what Matt had to say—the closed door ensured she wouldn’t have to hear it.

Softly, she padded into the front room doing her best not to disturb the welcomed peace of morning. To her right, Danny sat atop the ledge of the bay window. His attention caught between the street and the disassembled pistol he had sitting in his lap—the rifle stood propped against the window frame, ready at hand. It seemed he hadn’t noticed her staring at him, his hands and eyes too busy. Sherman, however, did, hopping down from the couch which braced the front door. She knelt, and he was only too eager to say good morning. Yawning, he stretched back onto his haunches, curling his claws into the carpet.

“How’d you sleep?” Danny finally broke his gaze from the window. “Did you get enough?”

“I told you to let me take watch.” She didn’t even bother to look at him, instead, burying her face into Sherman’s muzzle, embracing his wet nose. “I’m part of this team too. I’m not different from Matt, except I actually train with you outside of these scouts.”

“It looked like you could use some sleep.” He smiled at her when she finally turned toward him. “You’ve been tired lately—dragging ass around town.” The words were stirred by his laughter.

“I have not.” She stood bolt upright. “I’ve kept up this—”

“Look!” Danny threw his hand up and got down from the window ledge “I’m not trying to argue with you. I tried to keep it light with a joke here and there, but truth is, you’ve been slipping.”

“Danny…” Two steps toward him.

“This isn’t a discussion! My team! My rules!” A redness began to fill his cheeks. “If you don’t like it, you can stay grounded. Stay at the Depot all day and do the shit you said you hated.”

“But…” Jenny started. Danny’s glare stiffened. She had seen it before. More times than she’d like to admit. Thinking better of complaining further, she let it go.

“Here, look.” He gestured to the food he had put out on the kitchen counter earlier. “Not a lot left in the house, but you need to take first. Take all you can eat. Me and Matt’ll have whatever’s left.”

“But—”

He only had to raise his eyebrows and Jenny ambled off toward the kitchen in silence, Sherman traipsing after her.

“Platz!” Danny commanded. “Greedy boy. You’ll get yours.”

Danny’s eyes followed her into the kitchen, still scowling at her, daring her to make another remark. He’s really on a tear this morning. I wonder what crawled up his butt. She began sorting through the food. “Thanks,” she muttered. Only a few things were expired, but she’d learned those dates meant very little. They were more of a… suggestion now.

If she was being completely honest, nothing sitting before her appeared particularly appetizing despite the void in her stomach begging Jenny to rip into all of it—everything—all the canned foods, chips, the torn box of granola bars. They hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, and the more she thought about it, the more her mouth began to water. Her hunger began to take over. You are eating for two now. It tried to convince her. She took a deep breath, trying to rationalize with her appetite that she couldn’t take it all.

“Go on, eat!” Danny urged.

Go on, leave me alone. She didn’t need any coaxing. Forcing a smile, Jenny turned back toward him, but he had diverted his eyes, his hands now busily clinking the metal pieces of the pistol back together.

Why’s he doing this? He’s been treating me differently. When the hell did Matt become his favorite? She shoved a granola bar into her mouth then cordoned off the rest of what she felt appropriate. I’m tired of people being so damn protective. I thought Matt was bad enough, but now Danny’s getting so much worse. Telling me what I need to eat. When I need to eat. What the hell? She peered over her shoulder, his hands still tinkering away. It’s only going to get worse once they find out. I should probably keep—

“Jenny.”

Turning, she mumbled through the remaining bite of her granola bar, “What?”

“Here.” He wiped the pistol down with a dish rag then fed a round into the chamber. “You’re right about some things. Not a lot of things,” he emphasized, “but some. I’ll give you that, but you better not start getting a big head.” He flashed her some teeth. “You train hard. You do. Despite your slipping lately, you deserve this.” Grip forward, slide in his hand, he offered over the pistol. “Overall, you do good out here. Whatever you’re going through,”—he winked—“we’ll get through it, right?”

“Sure…” Her reply drifted off as she removed the magazine and expelled the round from the chamber. “Wait, this isn’t one of yours. Where’d you get this thing?”

“In the garage, locked up in an old Jeep. Looks pretty good to me. Nothing wrong with a Glock.”

“Mine to keep?” Jenny’s voice amplified by hope.

“Here’s the holster, and no. You know damn well you can’t be walking around the Depot with that thing. We can at least get it assigned to you, but that’s all I can guarantee for now.”

“Well, it’s a start.” At first, she didn’t catch Danny’s dirty look, but once Jenny had finished placing the pancake holster onto her side, she quickly thanked him.

“What’d you find?” Matt asked, finally venturing in from the master bedroom.

“Found Jenny her own little piece to wear on her hip there.”

“Nice.”

“And, I got you some ammo to fire off.”

“Thanks, Danny!”

“Don’t thank me yet. Need to find a spot to use them first. For now, get some food in your stomachs, then we head out.”

It was bare trees the rest of the way—the three of them trudging through the woods that led from the highway and up the hill to the Depot, their home. Jenny’s face stung with each passing gust sweeping down toward them. She kept her arm across her face in an attempt to shield her skin from the cold, but it was no use—each burst of wind surrounded them with swirling snow.

“How’d it feel?” Jenny muttered through her coat sleeve.

“Had a lot more kick than I thought it would,” Matt said. “Pretty big difference between the nine and that forty-five he found for you.”

“Definitely has some punch to it.” Danny chuckled. “I’m glad we were able to do it, but listen, when we’re back we can’t mention it. If I catch wind either of you were talking on it, it’s over, never again.”

“Deal.”

They continued with their small talk until another blast of cold air turned Jenny from the conversation. Walking with her back to the wind, she caught glimpse of a brown figure in the distance. Nearly sixty yards out, a doe stood steadfast, staring at them, but didn’t spook. A salt lick hidden between some fallen trees kept her tethered there by her craving.

“Danny,” she whispered. “Danny.”

The howls of wind suppressed her words, so she tugged at his sleeve. Then again, less subtly. Finally, he turned, and Jenny practically shoved him toward the doe. Danny dropped a knee to the snow and leveled his rifle downrange. “Good eye, Jenny.” He adjusted the scope then placed his hand to the stock, trigger finger now waiting.

I can do this. She kneeled. “Danny,” Jenny spoke into his ear, not to be disregarded.

“What?” He kept his eye through the scope.

“Let me do it.”

The rifle bounced with the scoff Danny let slip. “This is not the time for your bullshit.”

Jenny caught Matt shaking his head, pleading for her to drop it. Quit rolling over all the time. He doesn’t always have to do everything. “Listen, please,”—she put her hand on Danny’s back—“all that training you give me. Let me show you. Let me do it.”

Irritated, he jerked the rifle from his shoulder and twisted back toward her. He took a sharp breath in through gritted teeth, his eyes burning. Unflinchingly, she returned the favor. I’m not giving in.

Precious seconds passed. Danny toned down his death stare and passed the rifle to her. “The scope’s adjusted. Get it done.”

Never thought that would’ve worked. Shit… Now what? The rifle rattled in her hands, partly because of the cold, but her nerves certainly the majority of the reason. She had longed for this moment. A chance to prove herself. The chance to prove all that time spent training had not been wasted. But as she sat there in possession of the opportunity, doubt crept in. No. Don’t you dare. You asked for this. Get it done. Never miss when it counts. She braced the rifle and knelt.

“Lay behind this here”—Danny eased his ruck to the ground—“and prop the rifle across it. Settle in for your shot. Remember to breathe.” Jenny creaked her way into the snow. “Don’t lock up. You need to breathe until you’re ready to fire.”

“Got it.”

“Jenny… That’s a lot of meat. No pressure, but don’t fuck it up.”

“Thanks…”

“You got this,” Matt whispered to her. “You got this.”

Taking several exaggerated breaths, she mustered a calm demeanor, her nerves, her breathing now in a more suitable state. Jenny placed the rifle atop the rucksack and pulled the buttstock into the nook of her shoulder as she was taught. I do got this… The rifle creased her cheek. One eye shut, the other viewing through the scope. The crosshairs danced across the deer’s chest. Steady. Come on. She braced the rifle tighter—her aim traced a slow, inconsequential figure eight over the beast.

Oblivious to their intentions, the doe’s head remained down, switching between the salt lick and the fallen trees, nibbling at the moss. Jenny emptied her lungs. Consistent. Stay consistent. Her index finger slid from along the stock and onto the trigger. She kept her grip on the forestock loose, allowing the rucksack to serve its purpose. Her mind began to wander as she studied the beast.

I’ve never taken a life. I’ve never really even pointed a gun at another living thing. The muzzle continued to sway across the doe’s chest. You always wonder if you could. All this training. Now, I’ve got to, right? Right? She could feel her companions’ eyes on her, more than likely wondering what the hell she was thinking.

What is taking me so long? Okay… Here we go. One more swoop, then I go.

But before she could, Sherman whined and the deer reacted, popping its head upright. The abrupt change in the beast’s demeanor startled Jenny. Her finger jerked. The rifle went off. Sharply, the doe’s front legs buckled, almost collapsing before she gathered her footing and tore off in between the trees.

“I think you got it!” Matt shouted.

Jenny clambered to her feet, throwing the rifle’s sling over her head and gave chase. Matt tore off after her. They had only managed twenty yards before Danny called them back. Their faces turned, both twisted with disbelief. “What? Why?” Jenny asked. “We’ve got to hurry!”

“Hurry for what?” Danny said, hefting his ruck onto his back.

What now? Frustrated, Jenny threw her head back. Even from this distance, she could see Danny’s face—his smug look of knowing better than she did. She shouted back, “I shot it! Let me finish what I started!”

“Settle down, kid!” His tone somewhat demeaning. “That deer’s gonna tire itself out and die. All we have to do is follow that bright, red trail through the bright, white snow, and we’ll get there. I think you two can handle that, but if you’re so worried about losing her, remember, we have ol’ Sherm here to sort it all out if we need him to.”

“Alright…” Jenny rolled her gaze to Matt, his eyes affixed to hers. A proud grin on his face let her know he felt it too, sharing in this sense of accomplishment. “You did it,” he whispered. “I was nervous as shit, but you did it.”

She nodded and spun back toward where the deer had been shot. And although she tried, Jenny was unable to keep from charging off—her eagerness, her excitement too much. It felt good. Different. With a tinge of authority, she stomped through the snow, the adrenaline still flowing through her body. A bit of her success filling her head with confidence. Wow. First time and I nailed it.

They came to where the salt lick lay between the downed trees, and immediately, Jenny noticed the spatter of blood splashed across the fresh snow, the depressions where the doe had buckled against the ground. From behind, Matt embraced her in a full hug, lifting her feet off the ground. “You definitely got it!”

“Alright, alright, act like you’ve done it before, ya goofballs.” Danny let the slack out from Sherman’s lead to let him wander about and visit with a few trees. “Once he’s finished, you need to take the lead. Get us to your kill.”

Jenny studied the doe’s hurried tracks into the woods—red drops intermingled with the path. This will be too easy now.

“Oh, and I’m going to need my rifle back,” Danny reminded her. “Don’t look so sour. You still have your pistol.” She handed the long gun back to him. “Thanks. Now, go on. Lead.”

After a short track of only a quarter mile or so, Jenny came upon the body—the brown heap curled up near a stump. She rushed ahead, coming to the downed beast first.

It lay there. Peaceful. Lifeless. Specks of white melted against her still, warm body. She stared at it. The deer’s blank gaze was haunting—her black eyes filled with the void of death. Jenny’s lips quivered however slight. She bit into them to suppress the urge to feel guilty or worse, cry. Look how sad it is. I didn’t think it’d look like that.

Danny would be there soon, standing beside her with judgment if he saw her in this remorseful state. It’s just a deer. What if you have to shoot a person? What then? The world was tough, and she’d been pushing herself along to match it. It wasn’t easy. She had always found happiness in life. This hardship was still very foreign to her.

Matt and Danny’s footsteps sounded behind her, and quickly, she produced a halfhearted smile. The likelihood of them believing it genuine was doubtful, but they didn’t opine either way.

“Great shot, kid.” Danny patted her on the shoulder. “Now what do you do?”

Her head drew back in thought. “Well…” Jenny took a moment to further compose herself while she puzzled over the predicament. Circling round the doe, she bounced her attention from the body and the top of the hill. “I figured we’d just drag her back, right?”

“Go ahead,” Danny offered with an almost mocking grin across his face, making no indication that he planned to include himself in this “we” she had mentioned.

Now knowing she’d be alone in this effort, Jenny took to the deer’s hind quarters and steadied her boots in the snow. She pulled, only managing to drag it an inch or two before she slipped and fell to the ground. Damn! It was heavy, much more than she would have guessed. Again, she tried, and again she found herself on her ass—her pants covered in snow—her legs quickly catching cold. What the hell? Come on!

Only three more fruitless attempts before the last one left her sitting in the snow, exhausted.

Matt chuckled but offered her a hand up. “Come on—”

“She’s got it,” Danny interrupted. “Let you finish what you started, right Jenny?”

Jenny slapped Matt’s hand away and stood. She glared at Danny, determined to move the damn deer on her own, despite her failed attempts thus far. He can be such a…

With his arms crossed, Danny simply raised his eyebrows, waiting.

Give it all you got, damn it. Again, she took the deer within her grip. Move, okay? Just move this time. She surged up, straightening her legs, lifting the deer from the snow. Heat filled her face. Beet red. A groan escaped her gut, and she released the deer—its backside fell exactly where it was before. Her chest pumped with shallow breaths as she hunched over, resting her hands upon her knees, light-headed.

“You ready for some help now?” Danny asked.

“Just—just a sec,” Jenny managed between breaths. “Gimme a sec. I’m not—not feeling well, but I’ll get it up there.”

“Maybe it’s time to take a step back now that you’re—” Danny stopped himself.

Jenny knitted her eyebrows and looked to him, nervous. How could he know? Her gaze didn’t break from him.

“She’s what? What is—”

“Nothing,” Jenny puffed, eyes still on Danny.

“Seriously, what?” Matt’s attention switched back and forth between their faces. “Shouldn’t I know too?”

Danny’s expression went blank. He sat on the stump, taking himself from the awkward standstill, leaving Matt and Jenny to sort it out.

She scoffed. “It’s nothing, Matt, can you just help me with the deer?” Matt gave pause, glancing over to Danny. She rolled her eyes. You don’t need permission to help me.

Danny’s silence seemed answer enough, so Matt sidestepped the deer and took hold of its front legs.

“You going to tell me what’s going on?” Matt asked.

“There’s nothing going on.”

“Seems like there is…”

“Are you helping me or not?”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

Jenny bent down but was immediately flooded with another wave of dizziness. Her knees went to the snow. Her hands followed. “Hey!” Matt’s words were garbled as if he were speaking underwater. “Jenny!” She tried to find him, but her head felt heavy—the trees were fading—blackness closing in from around her.

“I…” Longer breaths, deeper. “I…”

Thud!