Days Since...: Jenny: Day 986

Chapter Four

“Jenny…”

She blinked several times through the soft glow of a lantern—her mind a haze—her eyes catching nothing but black and gray around her. Where am I?

“Jenny, you okay?” A gentle hand came from the void and took hold of hers. She accepted it, not moving a muscle, not retreating from its warm touch. “You’ll be up in no time, girlie.” The man gave her hand a squeeze. “Toughest little thing around here. I guess I can get away with sayin’ it while you’re sleepin’.” He let out a familiar chuckle. Jenny lolled her head toward the lantern. Her eyes adjusted to the light, revealing the dark figure the hand belonged to. “Thought maybe I’d get away with the compliment, but of course that’s what wakes you up.”

“Grant…” She groaned as his familiar face came into focus at her bedside. Is this my tent? Not completely certain of her circumstances, she asked him, “Where… Where am I?”

He offered a weak smile. His hand still held hers, both resting on her stomach. “You’re safe. All you’re needin’ to do is lay there.”

“But…” Still weak, Jenny found forming her thoughts into words tedious. Instead, she heeded Grant’s advice and relaxed, allowing her stiff body to sink further into the deck lounger she lay upon. She slipped her hand from underneath Grant’s and ran a finger down the stitching of the cushion. A break in the seam. A rough spot. Yeah, this is definitely mine.

Grant sat hunched forward in a metal folding chair, watching over her. Both of them silent, listening to the rolling of zippers, small scrapes, indistinct bangs from the other tents propped nearby in the middle of the Home Depot—this small community of convenience. A pit stop. Somewhere to hold them over until they could find something better—all she’d ever be able to think of it. Convenience…

Here, in her assigned tent, it never felt like home. It felt empty, impersonal. Jenny relied on strangers’ homes to remember the past. Everything she had from before the virus, any personal item was locked away in River’s Edge. Someday… My pictures. My keepsakes will be mine again. I just hope they’ll still be there.

Longing for reassurance, she crept her hand back to Grant’s.

“Damn, you’re still freezin’ cold, girlie.” Grant shook his hand, exaggerating his surprise. From beneath the small, patio table beside Jenny’s lounger, he collected another blanket and floated it down across her. “This here’ll be better for you. Need layers to help keep you insulated from that air.”

Jenny nodded, prompting Grant to begin working along the cushion, tucking in the extra blanket. “No.” She took her hands from underneath. “Don’t.”

“Just tryin’ to help you get comfortable.”

“I know—” She coughed to clear her throat. “I know you are, but I don’t need you to do that. I’m gonna get up here soon anyways.”

“With what strength? Pretty sure if you try standin’ right here, you’d be tippin’ back over into that little thing you call a bed.”

“You think so?” she sneered before trying to wriggle her way out of her blankets.

Grant snapped his head to the side, diverting his eyes. “Whoa-ho-ho. Cover up.” Her bare thigh had been exposed—the cool air bit into her skin. She drew back onto the lounger, and Grant desperately pushed the blanket to cover her. “Alright, alright. I hear you. You ain’t gotta prove nothin’ to me. I believe you.” He shook his head. “And just so you know, ain’t nobody tryin’ to see all what you got goin’ on under there.”

She scowled at him. It better have been Matt that undressed me. “You weren’t the one that, well, you know…”

“Hell no. Ain’t no pervert. Not my type anyways.” Grant cracked a smile. “Too immature.”

Jenny scowled at him again but managed a snicker once she realized he was only kidding. “You tease too much.”

“Life’s too serious to be serious anymore. Nobody knows what’s gonna happen. I learned that lesson too many times now, and I don’t want to be remembered as a damned fool for bein’ let down all those times. So, hell with it. I’ll be serious when I need to be, but here in this tent, just you and me like this, I’m gonna cut up a bit. Why the hell not, right?”

“Maybe inside here…” She took a cool breath in, reliving the gunshots at the house, feeling Matt’s body press to hers, colliding once they hit the floor.

“What’s the matter, girlie? You look like you’re about to break.” The wrinkles across his forehead scrunched. “Somethin’ happen?”

“They didn’t tell you we got shot at?”

Grant jolted from the folding chair. “What?! Who shot at you?!” The nylon floor of the tent crinkled under his pacing feet. “You see ’em? It wasn’t them was it?” His side to side stopped, his face only inches from hers. “Was it?” Both hands trembled at his sides. “Don’t even tell me it was them.”

“No,” she whispered, trying to calm him, “it wasn’t them.”

“Why the hell didn’t Danny tell me about this?” His voice remained loud.

“Please.” She pressed a finger to her lips.

“You right.” Grant listened for a moment, then began again with a whisper, “You sure it wasn’t them?”

Jenny nodded.

“How you know?”

“It wasn’t. I’ve never seen them before, and Danny said the same.”

“Well, why the hell they shoot at you? Was you in their territory or somethin’?”

She closed her eyes, knowing she had misled him slightly. She hated being wrong. Apologies hurt. “Well”—she kept her eyes from his—“okay… So, they weren’t exactly shooting at us, like directly. Danny saw them down the street, and we booked it into a house. After a little bit, they just started shooting.

“Not sure what they were going after. None of us saw, but Danny doesn’t think they even knew we were there. He thinks they were just kind of shooting for the hell of it. Maybe just passing through. Other than that, we couldn’t come up with any other reason. We were in our usual area, doing what we do, not even close to anywhere we haven’t been before, so I don’t know who they are, what they were doing. But I know this much, when the shots went off, it—it felt like I was gonna piss myself.”

“Jenny! Why you cussin’ like that?”

“Huh?” The abrupt change in his attention caught her off guard. “I—”

“You ain’t supposed to talk hard like that. Don’t care how scared you were. I don’t think I like you goin’ out on those scouts like that anymore.”

“Good thing you don’t make that decision then,” she snapped back.

“You think it’s a good idea? Gettin’ gunned down. Passin’ out. How’s that a good idea?”

“I haven’t been—I haven’t been taking care of myself.” It felt as stupid as it sounded coming out.

“And that’s your excuse? That should be your reason not to go.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

I hate being here. This isn’t my home. Never will be. Not after—

“Well?”

She simply stared at him.

“Okay, Jenny… you’re right, it ain’t my decision to make. And, I can’t tell you what to do, but you need to think better on it before Danny comes talkin’ with you.”

“Why? What’d he say?”

Grant wiped the spit from the corners of his mouth. “He can tell you. I ain’t lookin’ for a fight this evenin’.”

Deep down, Jenny already knew Danny was considering the idea of leaving her off his team.

“Look, a peace offerin’, eat some of this here.” Grant reached behind the lantern on the side table and lifted a bowl. “Maybe you’ll think twice on killin’ the messenger with some food in your belly.”

Jenny said nothing.

“Come on, you gotta eat.” Smiling, he brought it bedside and wafted its aroma toward her. “Come on,” he urged.

I guess it does smell pretty good. “What is it?”

“Dinner.”

“I mean, what’s in it?”

“Just eat,” Grant said. Jenny propped the back of the lounger upright then reached for the bowl, but he kept it from her. “I didn’t mean to get you all worked up.” His voice was gentle. He spooned a few morsels of stew, his tremors shaking the utensil as he brought it to her lips each time. She wiped a few dribbles from her chin before taking several more bites—its warmth filled her, bringing some needed comfort amongst the cold surrounding her.

“Where’s Matt and Danny?”

“They were meetin’ with the transport team to let them know what houses you hit.” Grant brought her the last bite of soup and put the bowl back. “Don’t you worry about that meetin’. Told them I got you for now. Least I can do.”

“I should be there with them in that meeting.”

“Do yourself a favor and rest. It’ll show Danny you’re takin’ this seriously. Might go a long way toward convincin’ him you’ll be ready to go in the mornin’ if that’s what you’re feelin’ you gotta do.” Grant lifted the lantern and set it to the floor before pulling a plastic bin from underneath her lounger. “Why don’t you read for a bit? Get your mind off things.” He popped the lid and passed her one of the books.

“You really think it’ll help things with Danny?”

“Yep.” He nodded. “But beyond that, I’m thinkin’ you need it anyways. You don’t need to be rippin’ and runnin’ like that all the time.” His voice shifted to a more fatherly tone. “I’m not gonna lose one of you kiddos again. Never again, alright?” Jenny heard the guilt in his voice. The death of Xavier had wrecked him. His tremors more furious than ever, especially when he mentioned him. Or, anything related to River’s Edge for that matter. To be honest, there had been several times Jenny had to escape his guilt-ridden monologues. His depression was too much at times, blaming himself for what happened. There was no convincing him otherwise. Even though Xavier had made his choice, Grant felt he should have done more. Owed it to him. Owed it to his father.

Jenny was worried this conversation was spiraling in that direction, so she stuck her nose inside the book he gave her.

A few pages in and Grant’s voice became a low, gravelly hum in the background, barely noticeable. Most of what he said had been heard time and time again. All of them felt sad, sometimes guilty because of Xavier’s death, but it simply wasn’t something that needed to be revisited in Grant’s gloomy recollection. Her memories were all she had of Xavier. She didn’t need them sullied by his constant guilt. It was too much, his constant attempts to make up for any shortcomings or slights from the past. To sprint down a path of what-ifs, only to end up with the same conclusion. Xavier. Was. Gone.

He cleared his throat and stood, wiping his eye. “Want me to leave it out for your next visitor?” Grant gestured toward the folding chair.

Jenny let the book fall to her chest. “No, I think I want to be alone for awhile.”

“Gotcha. No problem, girlie.” Grant folded the chair and slid it underneath the lounger. “I know how you ladies are with your alone time.” He gave a halfhearted chuckle, letting it trail off before he started again, “Thanks for listenin’ to this old man ramble on.”

“Anytime. You know that.”

He stepped into the adjoining room of her tent.

“Grant,” she called. The swishing of his feet over the nylon floor stopped. “I owe you.” His head poked back into the rear portion of the tent. From Jenny’s angle, the lantern’s glow cast deep shadows beneath his eyes, a yellow tinge to his skin. He appeared sickly hunched over in the tent—his hands still quivering as it held back the door. “Me and Matt owe you our lives. You know that, right?”

“You two don’t owe me nothin’. I owe you.” He lowered his voice. “No tellin’ what the S.A. would’ve done with me. I knew too much. They might’ve just been toyin’ around with me before they’d finally taken me out. Honestly, if it weren’t for you two talkin’ me into leavin’, I’d prolly be the next one out on the scaffolding. Just… just swingin’ there.” His voice broke a little, and he scratched along the bridge of his nose. “Don’t ever think it no other way. I owe the both of you.”

“We’ll call it even, then.” Jenny knew he meant it. His acts of kindness. His checking up on her. Grant’s concern never crossed the line of overbearing, never gave the impression he helped because he felt she couldn’t provide for herself. Never because she was just a girl. He was there because he cared, genuinely cared.

“Get some rest.”

After Grant left, she continued to read for another hour or two, anxiously biding her time before her inevitable conversation with Danny. He’s going to sit me out. I just know it. Numerous times she had to go back and read entire pages. Too worried. Too distracted. Occasionally, the stamping of boots outside her tent gave her hope, then nothing—no Danny.

In between her thoughts and any passing commotion, the silence was driving her mad. All that anticipation. Not to mention the worry of her pregnancy and how she’d manage that. Plus, how Danny would manage her in that condition once he knew. How much longer could she hide it? She palmed her belly with both hands. Still flat. Once this gets out, I’m done… And I thought Matt and Danny were overprotective before. She set the book next to the lantern. There had been enough relaxing. I’m gonna go find him.

She slid her legs from the lounger and nearly knocked a canteen over that Grant had forgotten. May as well… A quick swig, refreshing. Thirst always seemed to sneak up on her, especially in the winter—the lack of heat and sweat gave her a false sense of being hydrated. It wasn’t until she saw the canteen that her mouth felt dry and wanting for what was inside. She drew a few more gulps then put it on her side table. Much better.

Secretively, she squeezed her head from the tent, peeking in both directions before sealing it back up. Still no Danny… What’s taking him so long? Jenny snatched her pants from atop a small trunk at the foot of her lounger. They were still cold from earlier, moist in some spots. She sighed, and with no other choice, began to jerk them on. But before she managed to get her second leg through, the tent’s zipper shook, startling her. “I’m changing. Give me a sec,” she forced a loud whisper.

The rustling didn’t let up.

“Hey!” No longer a whisper. “I’m changing. Give it up.” She hobbled toward the door, one leg still working to get inside a pant leg. “Stop, damn it!” Gripping the zipper, she managed to tear it away from the trespasser and seal it again. It seemed to be enough to deliver the message. “I’ll only be another second.”

“Jenny…”

Who the hell is that? “Matt?”

Nothing.

No, Matt knows not to just barge in here. Annoyed, she called out again, “Who is it?”

“Let me in. Or I’ll huff and I’ll puff…”

Her heart sank. Griffin. Damn it. Why…? I thought he was supposed to be gone. “Almost finished.” Although she wanted to scream, tell him off, she couldn’t, not with him. No one dared stand up to him. I’ve got to get out of here. “I’m heading out. We can talk outside.”

“That’s no good.”

Now, only a foot from the door, Jenny stood frozen in place, unable to move as the small zipper swung around its track. Her breathing accelerated. The tent seemed to be collapsing on her. She retreated, but with nowhere to go, her feet moved back toward the front. When he opens it up, I’m going to squeeze right by him. Waiting. Breathing. Then, the zipper stopped short, and Griffin pushed his way through, sealing the tent behind him, leaving nothing to chance. “Anyone else in here?” His eyes were serious, brown and deep.

Jenny lifted the partition to the back of her tent. “No one. Go ahead. Take a look.” She held her breath, waiting for his feet to move, so she could escape. Or at least try.

“I trust you. No need for that.” He stepped toward her, shoulders stiff and broad—tribal tattoos ran the length of his exposed arms. “What took you so long?” he asked, eyes locked, his path aimed squarely at her. She had no choice, but to bury herself further into the tent. “You know I don’t like secrets.”

“I said I was changing.”

“That should’ve been reason enough to let me in sooner,” he said, towering over her, barely a foot away.

She trembled down onto her lounger, her body folding inward, anything to keep him from touching her. It didn’t work. He set his hand on her shoulder. Her gut twitched. “You—you shouldn’t be in here,” she stumbled, managing something close to a whisper.

If Griffin had heard her, he didn’t lead on as such, his thumb began along her collar bone, longingly. Slight pressure. Lust-filled. “Something very special about you, you know?”

“Please…” She turned her head from him. His words, his touch made her skin crawl.

“Heard you were hurt, so I came to check on you.” Griffin lifted her chin, trying to force her eyes to meet with his, but she kept them away. “Gotta check on my folks, right? Can’t have people thinking that I don’t care. Isn’t that thoughtful of me?”

“Yes,”—she wriggled her face from his hand and tucked it into her shoulder—“very thoughtful.” She forced a hurt smile. “We all appreciate what you give us here.”

“I would hope so. Taking you three in out of the goodness of my heart. Who else would’ve done that?”

Jenny said nothing.

“Huh?” He grabbed her face, contorting it in his hand, leaning in toward her. “Who else would have been genius enough to see this place for what it is?” Spittle landed with his anger. “No one else had the resources to put this together. All this shit is mine.”

“I know it is.”

“You still owe me.”

Jenny gulped. “I—”

Griffin shoved her face. “And don’t you forget it.”

“Jenny, you decent?” It was Danny.

“Yes. Come in!” The zipper couldn’t make it around quick enough.

A sense of relief washed over her as she snatched the lantern and shot from the bed toward the front room. Griffin casually followed her, playing off any hostility.

“Damn zipper,” Danny cursed.

“Need some help?” Jenny begged, inching her way to the side opposite Griffin, making it so when Danny entered, he’d be in between the two of them, unknowingly protecting her.

Griffin mouthed to her, “Not a word.”

She creaked a timid up and down with her chin, cowering in the corner, keeping watch of him. Why can’t you leave me alone? The hate plastered across his face was unnerving. Everything about him was unnerving.

“Griff, what you doing here?”

Finally!

“Heard our little deer hunter wasn’t feeling well, so I figured I’d come and check on her. Make sure she’s alright.” His eyes never left her. “Isn’t that right?”

Jenny nodded.

“Seems like you’re feeling better.” Danny took hold of her shoulders and squared himself to her, giving her a once-over. “You’re gonna—” He paused as if he knew she was in distress. Jenny had never been good at hiding her emotion, especially from Danny. His gaze narrowed into hers. She felt that her eyes bled with the anger Griffin bore into them just moments ago. Couldn’t Danny see the redness along her jaw from where Griffin had nearly ripped it off? “Are you okay?” He took the lantern from her and hung it on its hook.

“Yes…” Jenny felt it sounded unconvincing enough to warrant a follow-up question, but none arrived.

“Good.” He offered a stern nod. “Now, I thought long and hard on it, and I know you’re gonna be pissed, but you’re gonna have to take a little break from training. Can’t have you running around fainting on us again. House mouse duty it is for a little while.”

“Nice,” Griffin said. “It’ll be good having Jenny around here on a more frequent basis. Things always run a little better with her around.”

Fuck you! She nearly broke down at the thought, but slammed her eyes shut, keeping her tears inside. “Can’t I—” But she stopped herself, knowing a complaint would only piss Danny off, knowing it wouldn’t change his mind, especially if she questioned his decision in front of Griffin. “Let me guess.” She stifled a sob. “I’ll be doing the daily checks?”

“Just a time out. It’s not the end of the world.”

But it felt like it was. You can’t do this to me. It’ll kill me to keep me bottled up in here with him. Without the outside world. I need that! I can’t be here alone.

“Nothing to say?” Danny gave her a moment. “What if I try and assign you with Grant? Would that be better? Maybe learn someth—”

“I think I’d rather she be on the daily checks,” Griffin interrupted. “Grant has Lars to help him out. He doesn’t need anyone else. If she’s working the dailies with the other folks, they’ll get done faster, and she’ll have more downtime to get her rest, right Jenny?”

She said nothing. Her lack of response caused Griffin’s jaw to bulge.

“It hasn’t been that long,” Danny said. “You remember what you’re doing, or do you need a walk-through refresher?”

“Actually, you know what”—Jenny shifted her attention back to Griffin—“it feels like it’s been awhile. Probably wouldn’t hurt to have a quick run-through.”

“Alright, after breakfast tomorrow, we’ll handle it.”

Griffin smirked. She noticed his clenched fists down at his side, the knuckles flaring—a quick temper rose inside of him. Scowling, he made his way toward the door. “Just make sure she’s ready to go by tomorrow afternoon. No mistakes!” His outburst seemed to shake the tent, but Jenny realized it was simply Griffin unzipping the door to leave. The thumping of his boots trailed off.

Once convinced he wasn’t coming back, Jenny exhaled—her breathing, her pulse, everything began to normalize. Danny watched her unwind in front of him. “I still don’t get why you like him so much.” Her words punched with hostility.

Danny cast a strange look across his face. “Old habits never die, I guess.”

“Who cares if he was your partner! You guys aren’t the police anymore!”

“You done yet? You look done. Might want to take it easy before you pass out again.”

“Low blow, Danny.” Ass. “You want to know the truth, even though it’s none of your business?”

He waited.

“I’m—”

“Pregnant.”

The word stunned her. To hear someone else say it made it much more real. She rested her hands lightly against her stomach and looked at him. He unhooked the lantern and gestured for her to follow him to the back. She followed him while her mind wandered. How does he know? Is it that obvious? Does Matt know? Danny seated himself on the lounger and patted the cushion next to him. Jenny took the spot, immediately bracing herself against his shoulder.

Silently, Danny stared at the floor.

“How’d you know?” Jenny begged. “How?”

“You don’t have four kids yourself and not know when a woman’s pregnant.” Wrapping his arm around her, he let out a quick laugh. “Oh, and there’s this.” He set the pregnancy test into her lap.

“How’d you—?” She manipulated it in her hand. “How’d you find it.”

“Went to piss in the backyard. Must’ve still been warm ‘cause the snow around it was gone.”

“You’re lying.”

“I know, I accidentally peed on it too.”

“Eww.” She dropped it.

“I’m kidding,” he laughed. “But seriously, with four kids, it wasn’t a secret. The test just confirmed it.”

“You never mentioned you had—”

“No one shares everything with everyone.” He licked his lips. “Right?”

“I was going to—”

“It’s your business, not mine. You don’t have to tell anyone, but eventually people are gonna know. You can only hide it for so long. Dressing for the winter weather will hide it for now, but once it’s spring and you get bigger, you’re not gonna want to wear all that shit.”

“I wanted to say something…” Tears began to well inside her eyes. “I’m scared.”

“We’re here for you.” He squeezed her tightly against him. “You know we got you.”

“We? Did you tell Matt?”

“Not my place to tell him.”

“Thanks.” She nuzzled deeper into the crook of his shoulder, crying. “I still don’t know how the hell to do this.”

“We’ll get both of you through it.”

“Matt’s gonna be—”

“Not talking about Matt. Talking about you and the baby.”

Jenny tried to smile but couldn’t. “I know…” She drew back from him, tying her hair up, trying to distract herself enough to suppress the flow of tears. “Don’t make me do checks.” A sniffle and she wiped her sleeve across her eyes and nose.

“We have to…”

“But what about my training? I’ve worked too hard.” Her crying deepened. “I can still do it. Don’t—”

“I can’t have you getting hurt, especially now that you’re…”

Jenny scowled—angry this had become an excuse, a reason to exclude her. She bit hard into her lip, trying her damnedest not to snap. A deep breath then she eased into her argument. “I’m not feeble. Yeah, I know I passed out today, but I’ve been overdoing it, not eating. I won’t do that again. If I’m with you, you can watch over me and make sure I take care of myself. Don’t leave me here.” The thought of Griffin and seeing him every day caused her breathing to elevate. “Don’t do that to me.”

Danny ran his hands through his hair and sighed before cradling his forehead in his hands. “I…” He drew his head back. The light from the lantern showed his deep thought—the back and forth within him.

“I’ll listen,” Jenny urged. “I’ll listen to everything. I can help. I shot the deer today. I’m not a child.”

“You need to get some sleep. Let me think on it, and I’ll let you know in the morning.”

“It’s not that—”

“Listening, right? To everything? It’d be good to start that right now.”

Jenny nodded emphatically, sniffing, drying a few more tears from her face. “Yeah, okay. You’re right.”

Danny pitched her another granola bar that had been taken from the house earlier in the day. “Eat this and go to bed.”

“Right.”