Dead and Alive

CHAPTER 68

Jocko in despair. Rain-soaked. Feet pulled up on the passenger seat. Thin arms around his legs. Baseball cap turned backward.

Erika behind the wheel. Not driving. Staring at the night.

Victor not dead. Should be but not.

Jocko not dead. Should be but not. Total screwup.

“Jocko is never gonna eat another bug,” Jocko said.

She just stared at the night. Said nothing.

Jocko wished she would say something.

Maybe she would do the right thing. Beat Jocko to death. He deserved it. But no. She was too nice. Typical Jocko luck.

There were things he could do. Put down the power window. Stick his head out. Power the window up. Cut off his head.

Erika said, “I’m programmed for obedience. I’ve done things I knew he wouldn’t approve of — but I haven’t actively disobeyed him.”

Jocko could take off his T-shirt. Tear it in strips. Pack strips in his nose. Roll up his cap. Stuff it down his throat. Suffocate.

“Something’s happened to me tonight,” she said. “I don’t know. Maybe I could drive right by the farm, maybe just drive and drive forever.”

Jocko could go into woods. Prick a thumb. Wait for wild pigs to smell blood, come and eat him.

“But I’m afraid to pop the parking brake and drive. What if I can’t pass the place? What if I pull in there? What if I’m not even able to let you go free on your own?”

Jocko raised one hand. “May I say?”

“What is it?”

“Jocko wonders if you have an ice pick.”

“Why do you need an ice pick?”

“Do you have one?”

“No.”

“Never mind.”

She leaned forward. Forehead on steering wheel. Closed her eyes. Made a thin, sad sound.

Should be possible to commit suicide with a tire jack. Think about it. Think. Think.

“May I say?”

“Say what?”

“See Jocko’s ear?”

“Yes.”

“Is ear hole big enough, he could fit in the end of your tire jack?”

“What in the world are you talking about?”

“Never mind.”

With sudden determination, she released the parking brake. Put the 550 in gear, drove out of the rest area.

“Are we going somewhere?” Jocko asked.

“Somewhere.”

“Will we go past a high cliff?”

“No. Not on this road.”

“Will we cross any train tracks?”

“I’m not sure. Why?”

“Never mind.”