Dead and Alive

CHAPTER 70

Erika Five wheeled the SUV to the curb and stopped a few yards short of the entrance to the tank farm, Gegenangriff, Inc.

What little character the building possessed was faded by the darkness and the rain.

“How nondescript the place looks,” she said. “Why, it might be anything or nothing much at all.”

The troll was sitting up straight in his seat. Usually busy with elaborating gestures or making meaningless rhythms, his hands were still, folded on his chest.

“Jocko understands.”

“What do you understand, Jocko?”

“If you have to take him in there. Jocko understands.”

“You don’t want to go in there.”

“It’s okay. Whatever. Jocko doesn’t want you in trouble.”

“Why do you owe me anything?” she asked.

“You were kind to Jocko.”

“We’ve known each other only one night.”

“You squeezed a lot of kindness into one night.”

“Not that much.”

“The only kindness Jocko ever knew.”

After a mutual silence, she said, “You ran. You were faster than me. I lost you.”

“He wouldn’t believe that.”

“Go. Just go, Jocko. I can’t take you in there with me.”

His yellow eyes were no less eerie and no less beautiful than when she had first seen them.

“Where would Jocko go?”

“There’s a whole beautiful world.”

“And none of it wants Jocko.”

“Don’t go in there and let him carve you up,” she said. “You’re more than meat.”

“So are you. So much more than meat.”

She couldn’t look at him. It wasn’t the ugliness that was hard to take. His vulnerability broke both her hearts, and his humility, and his brave little soul.

“The pull of the program is strong,” she said. “The command to obey. Like a riptide.”

“If you go in, Jocko goes in.”

“No.”

Jocko shrugged. “You can’t choose for Jocko.”

“Please, Jocko. Don’t put this on me.”

“May I say?” When she nodded, he said, “Jocko could know what it’s like to have a mother. And you could know what it’s like to be one. It would be a little family, but still a family.”