Death Row

Chapter 9

Did they know what he had done? Gabriel Aravena wondered. Did they know it was him?

Everyone who entered the FastTrak today seemed to be staring at him. Perhaps he was just imagining it. The delusion of a guilty conscience, that’s what Dr. Bennett would say. But no matter how hard he tried to tell himself that-there were still those eyes! Those damned eyes, staring at him, constant, unrelenting. He’d like to rip them out and-

He clutched the cash drawer, trying to steady himself. Get a grip, Gabriel. You are too close. Too close to spoil it by doing something stupid now. So what if they are staring? If they’re staring at anything, it’s probably your great big womanlike breasts. It’s probably the-

“Like… do you carry bras?”

Aravena’s eyes narrowed as he peered down at the two blonde teenage girls leaning across the counter. “Why do you ask?”

“How about… because I need a bra?” the one on the left said. “Duh.”

Aravena lowered his gaze, making no attempt to hide where his eyes were going. As far as he could tell, she actually had very little need for a bra.

Of course, he liked them like that.

“I’m sorry, miss. We don’t carry clothing. This is a convenience store.”

“I know what it is, Professor. I just thought, maybe, you might have a private stash of bras around.” She began to giggle, then she and her friend skittered out the door, laughing all the way.

“Obnoxious little tramps.” His assistant manager, April, had returned from the storage room. “What do they think this is, Sears?”

“I believe they were making a little joke. Or so they thought.”

“I’m sorry, Gabe. Girls can be such bitches sometimes.”

She would know, he supposed. April was only seventeen herself. She was five feet three and trim and athletic; he could tell from her arms that she worked out regularly. “It’s nothing. Really.”

“How was the doctor appointment yesterday?”

“Oh fine, fine.” April had never asked, but she must suspect that the doctor he took off work to see once a week was a psychiatrist, just as she must have guessed that medication was enlarging his breasts and causing his hair to fall out. How much did she know about his past? he had often wondered. The owner knew, of course, and the flunky who had hired him. He had no way of being certain, but he suspected they had also informed April. A corporate variation of Megan’s Law-inform the young female employee that the man she’s working with is a former sex offender. Convicted of a crime involving an eleven-year-old girl.

If April knew, she didn’t appear to hold it against him. To the contrary, she made a point of being open, casual, friendly. Joking around. Making a show of the fact that she could handle it. That he didn’t make her uncomfortable. Except of course that the fact that she had to make the show proved that he did.

And she wasn’t the only one putting on a show. He was performing, too, every day they were together. He also had to be open, casual, friendly-but not too. And it was hard work. Because he liked April. Very much. She was almost exactly his type. Dark hair, dark eyes. A little old, but in truth she didn’t look her age. Sometimes, when he was certain she wasn’t looking, he’d cop a look at her bending over in the storage room, or adjusting her sports bra in the mirror. And when he did, he’d feel something. Very definitely. Something.

Not like he used to. Not like before the medication. But the Depo didn’t eliminate sex drive, as Dr. Bennett had reminded him countless times. It only suppressed it. And as long as he had gone without… release, all the drugs on earth couldn’t suppress everything he was feeling.

“D’you do anything fun last night?” April asked.

Why did she want to know? His head jerked around. “Nothing much. Watched television. You know.”

“Yeah. D’you see that deal on PBS about the spiders?” She shivered. “I hate spiders.”

As she shivered, her whole torso, even those petite little titties tucked away in that sports bra, shimmied in a way that made him feel as if he must knock her to the floor and take her right now. Take what he wanted, what was his. Lick her and bite her and do her, hard. Over and over again. Do her over and over again until she was unconscious. Just rip the damn uniform off her and take her-

“Is something wrong?”

Aravena shook himself back to earth. “No, nothing. Why?”

“You seemed… I don’t know. Lost in thought or something.”

“I’m just distracted. A lot on my mind. I’ve had… some troubles, lately.”

“Sorry to hear that.” She reached forward and gently placed her hand against his cheek. “Is there anything I can do?”

That just about did it, right then and there. The warm, electric touch of her hand on his cheek, coupled with those magic words. Is there anything I can do? He was fully erect now. It had been weeks since he’d felt like this. “No… I-I’m fine.”

“Really?” She removed her hand. “ ’Cause you don’t look fine.”

Aravena took a deep gulp of air. Control, he told himself. You must stay in control. There are security cameras in here. He couldn’t risk blowing everything. Not when he was so close. “No, I’m okay.”

“Whatever. Want me to get the receipts?”

“Sure.” An easy answer, since he wasn’t allowed to handle the receipts. He could take the money and put it in the register, but he was never allowed to take it away. Not that the boss didn’t trust him, as he had once explained. He just wanted to make Aravena’s life easier by removing temptation. Standard procedure for all ex-cons.

She stepped beside him and popped open the cash register, then began putting most of the cash into a designated zip-top FastTrak money bag. As she reached across, her breasts inevitably brushed against him. Aravena experienced a surge even greater than before. He could feel the blood pumping, rushing through him, stiffening him even more. He had to uncross his legs, just to keep from exploding. He was sweating, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself much longer. Hurriedly, clumsily, he pushed off the stool.

“I’ll just be a minute,” April said.

“That’s fine. I’m… parched. I’m going to get a drink.”

“Nothing too strong now,” she said, grinning. “Don’t dip into the company booze.”

“I don’t drink liquor,” he said, not adding: I’m not allowed.

Aravena entered the men’s room and shut the door. He splashed water on his face. It didn’t help. He was just going to have to take care of this problem the old-fashioned way. He unzipped his slacks and sat down on the toilet stool.

While he worked he closed his eyes and thought of many women. Dr. Bennett, Erin. Even that bratty teenager who asked about the bras. And April. She was the central vision in his fantasy life, today anyway. He dreamed about the way she talked, the way she walked, the way she put bags of potato chips on the high shelf. What he had felt when she touched him. How she looked. Each and every magnificent feature.

But most of all, he thought about her eyes, her deep dark rich eyes. He loved those eyes. He wanted them. He wanted them for his very own.