Death's Door

Fifty-eight

Why do I feel happy? Maggie Steele asked herself. She sat in what she and Stevie called their ‘playroom’. I’ve been diagnosed with a cancer. I’m carrying a child and I may not live to see her first birthday, I’ve given up a job I’ve loved for nearly twenty years, yet I’ve never felt so fulfilled in my life.

She was still pondering the mystery when the doorbell chimed. She checked her watch. It showed six on the dot; the big man was always punctual.

He was standing on the top step when she opened the door, dressed in a dark suit, immaculately pressed, worn over a pale blue shirt and tie that looked newly unwrapped. He was carrying a black leather document case. ‘Very smart,’ she said. ‘Is this normal for a Saturday evening?’

Bob Skinner grinned. ‘No way: Aileen’s holding a formal dinner for business leaders and wives in the First Minister’s residence this evening, and she’s asked me to chum her.’

‘That’s a nice way of putting it,’ she said, as she ushered him inside. ‘Is that how it’s going to be from now on? Will we be seeing the two of you together at official functions?’

‘Yes, and unofficial. We’ve been keeping the relationship low-key until now, to let the dust settle after my divorce, but we feel that we can move on now. We’re not making any public announcements; we’re simply going to stop being coy about it. For example, the Scottish Executive’s press office will be issuing the guest list for tonight’s event, and my name will be on it.’

Maggie chuckled. ‘Yes, and on tomorrow’s front pages. You can bet on that, sir.’ She paused. ‘Listen to me, Bob,’ she exclaimed. ‘It’s going to take me a long time to get used to being a civilian.’

‘I still can’t believe that you are,’ Skinner confessed. ‘Honestly, Mags, I had your career all mapped out in my head. There’ll be an ACC vacancy in Stirling in a couple of years and you’d have walked in there. Good preparation for an eventual move back to Edinburgh as chief.’

‘You’re kidding me.’ She led the way into the kitchen, where a pot of coffee stood ready.

‘No, I am not,’ he declared, watching as she filled a mug for him, then took a bottle of water from the fridge for herself. ‘That was my master-plan, and it still can come about. You’ve done nothing that can’t be reversed.’

She rubbed the bump under her smock. ‘Oh, no?’

‘Why should motherhood hold you back? It can’t be held against you at interview.’

‘Get real, Bob; maybe it can’t but it would be.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘With the First Minister looking on from a distance, and me from a hell of a lot closer? I don’t think so.’

‘Okay, maybe not, but you’d form a pretty big obstacle to any move back here.’

Skinner shook his head. ‘No, I wouldn’t. If I were to succeed Jimmy. . and it’s IF in capital letters. . I would not hang on for the duration. I’d do five years maximum, then I’d be out of there. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on this sabbatical, Maggie; it’s not just your career I’ve got mapped out.’ He laid his leather case on a work surface as he accepted the mug from her.

‘What would you do?’

‘I’d be open to offers; I had a very big one a few months ago, but I turned it down because the time wasn’t right, and because it would have been difficult for Aileen and me. If I was offered that again, when we were both ready for it, I’d maybe give a different answer. But if not, and if no other opportunities crop up, I’ll write and teach. I’ve started both already.’ He nodded towards the document bag. ‘The paper I told you about yesterday: it’s in there. I’d like you to read it. .’ he chuckled ‘while you can still think professionally … and let me have your views, your frank and honest views, on my findings and on the thinking that’s led me there.’

‘I’m honoured; I really am. In confidence, I take it.’

‘Please; if you’re comfortable with that. It’s rotten of me to ask you to keep a secret from your husband, but he’s a serving officer.’

‘I understand, and so will Stevie, I promise. Do you have a time frame?’

‘Take as long as you like.’

‘A couple of weeks, then. I’ll have plenty of time: we’re hiring a domestic, Ray Wilding’s cousin. She starts on Monday.’

‘Quite right too.’ He followed her through into the sitting room and settled into an armchair as she reclined on her couch.

‘That was quite a thing,’ she said, ‘being asked to lecture by the FBI.’

‘Yes, it was. Mind you, I’ve had a few dealings with them over the years.’

‘What did you talk about?’

‘The broad approach to integrity; the difficulty of holding on to it in the face of every situation, and the recognition that sometimes what might seem to be morally unthinkable can be the only possible moral choice we can make.’

‘Were you speaking from personal experience?’ she asked quietly.

‘Oh, yes,’ he murmured, ‘all too personal, I’m afraid.’

‘Maybe you could turn that into a paper too.’

‘Not in a hundred years. It would be no use without specifics, and they’re buried very deep. But I am writing, apart from that document. I’ve started working on a book about the difficulty of detection; it’ll look at successful criminals and examine how they manage to get away with it over an extended period, and it’ll develop the theory that none of us ever catches criminals, that ultimately they give themselves away. The perfect detective doesn’t exist.’

‘Are you going to describe the perfect crime?’

He smiled. ‘How could I, Maggie? To my mind, the perfect crime is one that nobody even knows has been committed.’

‘We could debate that for hours.’

‘And maybe we will, now that you have the time at your disposal. I know you’ve bumped into Aileen professionally, but I’d like you to meet her socially. You’ll get on like a house on fire.’

‘Is it the real thing this time, Bob?’ she asked.

‘Yes,’ he replied, without hesitation. ‘I love her; to be honest I have since the first moment I laid eyes on her, when she was deputy justice minister and she walked into a briefing at Fettes. But that’s an admission I could only make to close friends, since I was still married to Sarah at the time.’

‘I can’t tell you how pleased I am to be included in that category.’

‘You’ve been there for a long time. And now, close friend, are you going to tell me what’s up?’

She looked at him, surprised, and instantly defensive. ‘What makes you think that anything is?’

‘I may not be the perfect detective,’ he told her, ‘but I’m pretty damn good. Your announcement last night was untypical. You don’t make spontaneously emotional gestures, Maggie. I’m not questioning your decision to resign, but the way you sprang it on us: that was the act of someone with more on her mind than impending childbirth.’

She looked away from him. ‘Bob. .’ she murmured.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said at once. ‘I’ve touched a raw nerve. I’m being presumptuous.’

‘No,’ she assured him, ‘you’re not. As always, you’re being perceptive. I’ll tell you, on the same basis that you gave me that report through there. Yes?’

‘Of course.’

She looked back at him, dead in the eye. ‘I have a medical problem, one that’s unrelated to my pregnancy.’

It was his turn to be taken aback. He inhaled deeply. ‘Serious?’ he asked.

‘Potentially very serious.’

‘Life-threatening?’

‘Yes.’

‘And are you being treated?’

‘Not yet. While I’m carrying the baby I can’t be, and I won’t …’

‘I understand. Stevie doesn’t know, does he.’ It was a statement, not a question.

‘No, and he can’t, not until she’s been safely delivered. You will respect that, Bob?’ she added anxiously.

‘Of course. You have my word on it, I told you. I see exactly why you can’t tell him, even though he is your husband and the father of your child. What was I just saying about the morally unthinkable sometimes being the only possible course of action? You’re shielding him from such a choice. However, it will not stop me worrying like hell about you. That paper of mine, Maggie: forget about it.’

‘Absolutely not! I’ll live my life as normal; I have to. Bob, you may find this surprising but I feel. . what’s the word? Yes, that’s it. I feel serene. With this wee girl growing inside me, I’ve done something that I never dreamed of achieving, something that’s far, far more important than adding all the silver braid in the world to my uniform.’

‘I can understand that,’ he admitted. ‘Fathers can feel that way too. We’ll keep each other’s secrets all right, Maggie. And while all this is happening, I’ll be there for you, if ever you need me.’

‘I know you will, and that helps a lot, believe me.’ She smiled. ‘Now you’d better go and get on with your consorting duties!’

‘Christ,’ he exclaimed, as he rose, ‘I never thought of myself like that.’

‘It’s a sort of a Stevie-ism,’ she told him, accepting his hand to pull herself to her feet. She had just regained the vertical when his mobile sounded.

‘Damn,’ he said, ‘I always forget to switch it off.’

‘That’s what they all say. Go on, answer it.’

‘I’d better; it could be Aileen.’

She watched him as he walked to the window, his back to her as he answered the noisy summons.

‘Mario.’ He sounded surprised. ‘Yes, go on.’ As he listened, she could see his back straighten, his shoulders draw back. ‘There is no doubt about this?’ he asked. ‘I see,’ he said eventually, his voice as stiff as his posture. ‘No, don’t do that. I’ll take that on board. I’m better placed than you to do it. I’m with her right now, in fact.’

He ended the call, and slowly turned towards her. Instinctively she held up a hand, as if to keep him at bay.