Death's Door

Sixty-four

‘You were right,’ Maggie told him, as she handed him a mug of coffee, in the big kitchen. ‘I didn’t get any sleep. I did all I could to rest, but I spent most of the night padding about down here, with that line from Shakespeare running through my head, that voice crying, “Sleep no more! Macbeth doth murder sleep.” It’s weird, you know; I know that from now on every time I think of that man, that bastard, that Ballester, I’ll think of William fucking Shakespeare. And I’ve always hated that bloody play.’

She had given him the coffee automatically, without asking whether he wanted it or not, from a filter machine. Skinner accepted it, though, and took a swig; it tasted as if it had been standing on the warming plate for hours. She caught his expression. ‘Is that crap?’ she asked. ‘I made it for Paula and Mario. I’ll do a fresh lot.’

‘No, it’s fine,’ he lied. ‘When did they leave?’

She glanced up at the kitchen clock; it showed ten minutes to eleven. ‘About an hour ago. I made them go home. They must have had precious little sleep either. He looked like a zombie and I heard Paula crying well into the night. She went out with Stevie, remember, when we were all younger and I was married to Mario? Life’s just so fucking random, isn’t it?’ She paused. ‘Listen to me, Bob, swearing like a trooper. I must cut it out before Stevie’s parents get here. His mum’s very churchy and his dad can be a bit straight-backed too.’

‘When are they due?’

‘Mr Steele said they’d be here for lunch. He was going to bring it, but I told him not to: I’ve been cooking for hours, to pass the time. They’re going to stay tonight.’

‘Good,’ said Skinner. ‘When they arrive, you’ll be able to tell them that I’ve spoken to Les Cairns. Stevie’s body will be released tomorrow morning. You can countermand this if you like, but there’s an undertaker we use on occasions like this; I’ve instructed them to go and collect him, early as they can, and to take him to their premises in Fountainbridge. When you’re ready, their funeral director will come to you, and you can begin arrangements.’

‘I’ll go to them,’ she declared. ‘I want to see him.’

‘In that case, I’ll have a car collect you whenever you’re ready: it’ll wait for you and bring you home.’

She smiled. ‘Bob, I’ve left the force.’

‘You’re a police officer’s widow, and you’ll have all the help we can give you. But, Maggie,’ he said earnestly, ‘I urge you to put that on hold. Everything is changed now. You may very well think differently in a while.’

‘I’ve still got cancer, Bob. I can’t put that on hold.’

He winced at her use of the word, for the first time, as he reached out and took her hand. ‘Love, you’re going to get through this, you and your daughter. I can work out why you’re refusing treatment, but you must strike a balance.

Ensure her safe delivery, but listen to medical advice on that.’

‘She’s too small, Bob.’

‘But she’s growing. When they’re sure she’ll be safe, let them induce labour, and then start to look after yourself. Promise me you’ll do what’s best for both of you. That kid’s going to need you more than ever.’

‘I’ve been reading up on it,’ she told him. ‘The odds are not good.’

‘Fuck the odds. The Maggie factor’s at work here, and more. Do you know what I did this morning? I went to church with Aileen. She’s Catholic; we went to mass at the cathedral at Picardy Place. I prayed for you, and so did she. Lass, you have no idea how many people are praying for you today, each in their own way.’

‘I didn’t realise that you were religious, Bob.’

‘I don’t shout about them, but I have my firm beliefs. They’ve been there since the time I was widowed. You talk to Neil McIlhenney, and he’ll tell you much the same. You belong to the same club as us now. Nobody ever wants to join it, but eventually, one half of lifelong couples do; there is no happy ever after. For you and Stevie, and Olive and Neil, and Myra and me, that time came far too soon, but I tell you this, you’ll find your own truths through it.’

She stood before him, laid the palms of her hands on his chest, feeling the hard muscle under his white T-shirt, and smiled up at him. ‘Thanks, Bob,’ she said, ‘for caring so much. Far be it from me to reject your prayers. I will do everything I can to beat this thing, I promise you. When I’ve done that, I’ll consider the future.

‘By the way,’ she added, ‘you’re not alone in knowing about this any more. I told Mario and Paula this morning; there was no reason not to, not any more. They both said the same as you. At this rate I’ll have every priest in Edinburgh saying Hail Marys for me.’

She looked up at the clock once more. ‘When’s your press briefing? I wasn’t really listening last night.’

‘Midday.’ He glanced down at the T-shirt and jeans, fresh from his overnight bag. ‘Don’t think I’ll be dressed like this, though. I’ll be in full dress uniform, and so will the chief.’

Maggie chuckled. ‘Hardly anyone will know you.’

‘They’d better. It’s an occasion for formality, a time to show every respect for the service for which men and women give their lives.’ He realised that, once again, he was on the verge of losing control of his emotions, and forced a smile on to his face. ‘I’d better head off, though. It’ll take me half an hour at least to shake all the mothballs out of the thing.’

‘Afterwards,’ she asked, as she walked him to the door once again, ‘what have you planned for the rest of the day?’

‘Afterwards, my dear, I’m going to do what I always do at times like these. I’m going to join Aileen out at Gullane and yield to a desperate need to be with my kids.’