Definitely Maybe: A Manuscript Discovered Under Strange Circumstances

CHAPTER 2

Excerpt 3…. and she changed from her minijumper into a miniskirt and a miniblouse. It must be said that she was a very attractive girl—and Malianov came to the conclusion she had no use for bras at all. She didn’t need a bra; she was in perfect shape without one. He forgot all about the Malianov cavities.

But everything was very proper, the way it is in the best of homes. They sat and chatted and had tea, and sweated. He was Dimochka by then, and she was Lidochka for him. After the third glass Dimochka told her the joke about the two roosters—it just seemed appropriate—and Lidochka laughed merrily and waved her naked arm at Dimochka. He remembered (the roosters reminded him) that he was supposed to call Weingarten, but he didn’t, instead he said to Lidochka:

“What a marvelous tan you have!”

“And you’re as white as a slug,” said Lidochka.

“Work, work, work.”

“In the Pioneer camp where I work…”

And Lidochka told him in minute detail, but with great charm, how it was in their Pioneer camp with regard to getting a tan. In return, Malianov told her how the fellows tan themselves on the Great Antenna. What was the Great Antenna? Hers was just to ask, and he told her about the Great Antenna. She stretched out her long brown legs, crossed them at the ankle, and put them on Bobchik’s chair. Her legs were mirror-smooth. Malianov had the impression that they even reflected something. To get his mind off them, he got up and took the boiling teakettle off the stove. He managed to burn his fingers with the steam and was reminded of some monk who stuck an extremity into either fire or steam to escape the evil brewing as a result of his direct contact with a beautiful woman. A decisive fellow.

“How about another glass?” he asked.

Lidochka did not reply, and he turned around. She was looking at him with her wide-open, light eyes. There was a strange expression on her shiny tan face—not quite confusion and not quite fear—and her mouth was agape.

“Shall I pour some?” Malianov asked uncertainly, giving the kettle a wave.

Lidochka sat up, blinked rapidly, and brushed her forehead with her fingers.

“What?”

“I said: Would you like some more tea?”

“No, no, thanks.” She laughed as if nothing had happened. “I have to watch my figure.”

“Oh yes,” Malianov said with extreme gallantry. “A figure like that has to be watched. Insured even.”

She smiled briefly and, turning her head, looked out into the courtyard over her shoulder. She had a long, smooth neck, maybe just a bit too thin. Malianov had another impression. Namely, that the neck was created to be kissed. Just like her shoulders. Not to mention the rest. Circe, he thought. And immediately added: But I love my Irina and I will never be untrue to her in my whole life.

“That’s strange,” Circe said. “I have the feeling that I’ve seen all this before: this kitchen, this yard—only there was a big tree in the yard. Has that ever happened to you?”

“Of course.” Malianov spoke readily. “I think it happens to everyone. I read somewhere that it’s called déjà vu.”

“Probably,” she said doubtfully.

Malianov, trying not to make too much noise, sipped his tea carefully. There seemed to be a break in the banter. Something was worrying her.

“Perhaps you and I have already met somewhere?” she asked suddenly.

“Where? I would have remembered.”

“Maybe accidentally. In the street or at a dance.”

“A dance?” Malianov countered. “I’ve forgotten how to do it.”

And they both stopped talking. So profound was the silence that Malianov’s toes curled up in discomfort. It was that horrible situation when you don’t know where to look and your brain is full of sentences that roll around like rocks in a barrel and are of absolutely no use in changing the subject or starting a new conversation. Like: “Our Kaliam goes right in the toilet bowl.” Or “There just aren’t any tomatoes in the stores this year.” Or “How about another cup of tea?” Or, say, “Well, and how do you like our fair city?”

Malianov inquired in an unbearably false voice:

“Well, and what plans do you have for our fair city, Lidochka?”

She did not reply. She regarded him in silence, her eyes round in extreme surprise. Then she looked away, wrinkled her brow. Bit her lip. Malianov always considered himself a poor psychologist and usually had no inkling of anyone else’s feelings. But it was perfectly clear to him that the question was beyond the beautiful Lida’s ken.

“Plans?” she finally muttered. “Well, of course. Naturally!” She seemed to remember. “Well, the Hermitage, of course… the Impressionists… Nevsky Prospect… and, you know, I’ve never seen the White Nights.”

“A modest tourist itinerary,” Malianov said quickly, helping her out. He couldn’t watch a person trying to lie. “Let me pour you some tea.”

And she laughed again, as cool as anything.

“Dimochka,” she said, pouting her lips prettily. “Why are you pestering me with your tea? If you must know, I never drink the stuff. And especially in this heat!”

“Coffee?” Malianov offered readily.

She was categorically opposed to coffee. In the heat, and especially at bedtime, you shouldn’t drink coffee. Malianov told her how the only thing that helped him in Cuba was drinking coffee—and the heat there was tropical. He explained about coffee’s effect on the autonomic nervous system. And then he also told her, while he was at it, that in Cuba panties have to show under miniskirts, and if panties aren’t visible, then it’s not a miniskirt, and a woman whose panties are not visible, she is considered a nun and an old maid. For all that, the morality is, strangely, very strict. Uh-nuh! Revolution.

“What cocktails do they drink there?” she asked.

“Highballs,” Malianov replied proudly. “Rum, sweet soda, and ice.”

“Ice,” she said dreamily…

Excerpt 4…. then he poured her another glass of wine. The decision to toast the use of the informal Russian personal pronoun for “you” came up. Without the kissing. Why should there be kissing between two intelligent people? The important thing was spiritual rapport. They drank to using the informal “you” and spoke of spiritual closeness, new methods of birth deliveries, and about the differences among courage, bravery, and valor. The Riesling was finished, and Malianov put the empty bottle out on the balcony and went over to the bar for some cabernet. They decided to drink the cabernet out of Irina’s favorite smoked crystal glasses, which they chilled first. The conversation on femininity, which came up after the one on manliness and bravery, went very well with the icy red wine. They wondered what asses had decreed that red wine should never be chilled. They discussed the question. Isn’t it true that iced red wine is particularly good? Yes, absolutely. By the way, women who drink icy red wine become particularly beautiful. They resemble witches somewhere. Where precisely? Somewhere. A marvelous word—somewhere. “You are a pig somewhere.” I love that expression. By the way, speaking of witches—what do you think marriage is? A real marriage. An intelligent marriage. Marriage is a contract. Malianov refilled the glasses and developed the thought. In the aspect that a man and wife are first of all friends, for whom friendship is the most important thing. Honesty and friendship. Marriage is a friendship. A contract on friendship, understand? He had his hand on Lidochka’s bare knee and was shaking it for emphasis. Take Irina and me. You know Irina—

The doorbell rang.

“Who could that be?” Malianov asked, looking at his watch. “Seems to me we’re all home.”

It was a little before ten. Repeating, “Seems to me we’re all here,” he went to open the door and naturally stepped on Kaliam in the foyer. Kaliam meowed.

“Ah, damn you, you devil!” Malianov said to him, and opened the door.

It turned out to be his neighbor, the highly mysterious Arnold Pavlovich Snegovoi.

“Is it too late?” he roared from under the ceiling. A huge man, built like a mountain. A gray-haired demon.

“Arnold!” Malianov said with glee. “What’s the meaning of ‘late’ between friends? C’mon in!”

Snegovoi hesitated, sensing the cause of the glee, but Malianov grabbed his sleeve and dragged him into the foyer.

“You’re just in time,” he said, pulling Snegovoi on a tow-line. “You’ll meet a marvelous woman!” he promised as he maneuvered Snegovoi around the corner into the kitchen. “Lidochka, this is Arnold!” he announced. “I’ll just get another glass, and another bottle.”

Things were beginning to swim before his eyes. And not just a little, if the truth be told. He shouldn’t have anything else to drink. He knew himself. But he really wanted things to go well, for everyone to like everyone else. I hope they hit it off, he thought generously, swaying in front of the opened bar and peering into the yellow dusk. It’s all right for him, he’s a bachelor. I have Irina. He shook his finger into space and dived into the bar.

Thank God, he didn’t break anything. When he came back with a bottle of Bull’s Blood and a clean glass, the situation in the kitchen did not please him. They were both smoking in silence without looking at each other. And for some reason Malianov thought their faces were vicious: Lidochka’s face was viciously beautiful and Snegovoi’s face, scarred by old burns, was viciously stern.

“Who hushed the voice of joy?” Malianov asked. “Everything is nonsense! There is only one luxury in the world. The luxury of human contact! I don’t remember who said that.” He unscrewed the cork. “Let’s enjoy the contact—the luxury…”

The wine flowed abundantly and all over the table. Snegovoi jumped up to protect his white pants. He was abnormally large, he really was. People shouldn’t be that big in our compact times. Developing his thought, Malianov wiped the table. Snegovoi sat back down on the stool. The stool crunched.

Up to that moment the luxury of human contact was being expressed in garbled exclamations. Damn that shyness of the intelligentsia! Two absolutely beautiful people cannot simply immediately open up to each other, take each other into their hearts and minds, become friends from the very first second. Malianov stood up and, holding his glass at ear level, expounded the theme out loud. It didn’t help. They drank. That didn’t help either. Lidochka looked out the window in boredom. Snegovoi rolled his glass back and forth on the table between his huge brown hands. Malianov noticed for the first time that Arnold’s arms were burned—all the way to the elbow, and even higher. This inspired him to ask:

“Well, Arnold, when will you disappear next?”

Snegovoi shuddered noticeably and looked up at him, then pulled his neck in and hunched his shoulders. Malianov got the impression that he was getting ready to get up, and he suddenly realized that his question, to put it mildly, may have appeared to have another meaning.

“Arnold!” he yelled, flinging his arms up toward the ceiling. “God, that’s not at all what I meant! Lidochka, you must realize that this man is totally mysterious. He disappears from time to time. He drops by with the key to his place and melts into thin air. He’ll be gone a month or two. And then the doorbell rings, and he’s back.” He felt that he was babbling, that it was enough, that it was time to change the subject. “Arnold, you know perfectly well that I really like you, and I’m always happy to see you. So there can’t be any talk of your leaving before two in the morning.”

“Of course, Dmitri,” Snegovoi replied, and slapped Malianov on the back. “Of course, my dear friend, of course.”

“And this is Lidochka,” Malianov announced, pointing in her direction. “My wife’s best friend from school. From Odessa.”

Snegovoi forced himself to turn toward Lidochka and asked: “Will you be in Leningrad long?”

She answered rather politely, and he asked another question, something about the White Nights.

In short, they began their luxurious contact, and Malianov could rest easy. No, no, I can’t drink. What shame! I’m completely knocked out. Without hearing or understanding a single word, he watched Snegovoi’s horrible face, eaten away by the fires of hell, and suffered pangs of conscience. When the suffering became unbearable, he got up quietly; clutching the walls, he made his way to the bathroom and locked himself in. He sat on the edge of the tub in gloomy despair for a while, then turned on the cold water full force and stuck his head under it.

When he got back, refreshed and with a wet collar, Snegovoi was in the middle of a tense rendition of the joke about the two roosters. Lidochka was laughing loudly, throwing her head back and exposing her made-for-kissing neck. Malianov took this as a good sign, even though he was not well disposed toward people who raised politeness to an art. However, the luxury of contact, like any other luxury, demanded certain expenditures. He waited while Lidochka laughed, picked up the falling banner and launched into a series of astronomical jokes that neither of the others could possibly have heard. When he ran out of jokes, Lidochka brightened the occasion with beach jokes. To tell the truth, the jokes were rather middling, and she didn’t know how to tell them, either, but she did know how to laugh, and her teeth were sparkling sugar-white. Then the conversation somehow moved on to foretelling the future. Lidochka informed them that a gypsy woman told her that she would have three husbands and no children. What would we do without gypsies? muttered Malianov, and he bragged that a gypsy had told him that he would make a major discovery in the interrelation of stars with diffusion matter in the galaxy. They had some more iced Bull’s Blood and then Snegovoi suddenly unburdened himself of a strange story.

It seems that he had been told that he would die at the age of eighty-three in Greenland. (“In the Socialist Republic of Greenland,” Malianov joked, but Snegovoi replied calmly, “No, just in Greenland.”) He believed in it fatally, and his conviction irritated everyone around him. Once, during the war, though not at the front, one of his friends, soused, or as they used to say in those days, blotto, was so maddened by it all that he pulled out his gun, stuck the barrel into Snegovoi’s temple, and said, “Now we’ll see,” and cocked the gun.

“And?” Lidochka asked.

“Killed him dead,” Malianov joked.

“It misfired,” Snegovoi explained.

“You have some strange friends,” Lidochka said doubtfully.

She hit it right on the barrelhead. Arnold Snegovoi rarely talked about himself, but when he did, it was memorable. And if one could judge by his stories, he had very strange friends indeed.

Then Malianov and Lidochka argued hotly for some time over how Arnold might end up in Greenland. Malianov leaned toward the airplane crash theory. Lidochka subscribed to the simple tourist vacation. As for Arnold himself, he sat, his purple lips pulled into a smile, smoking cigarette after cigarette.

Then Malianov thought about it and tried to pour some more wine into their glasses, but discovered that the bottle was already empty. He was about to rush over for another one, but Arnold stopped him. It was time for him to go, he had just stopped by for a minute. Lidochka, on the other hand, was ready to go on. She wasn’t even tipsy, the only sign of the wine was her flushed cheeks.

“No, no, friends,” said Snegovoi. “I have to go.” He stood up heavily and filled the kitchen with his bulk. “I’m off. Why don’t you see me out, Dmitri. Good night, Lidochka, it was nice meeting you.”

They walked through the foyer. Malianov was still trying to talk him into staying for another bottle, but Snegovoi kept shaking his gray head resolutely and muttering negatively. In the doorway he said loudly:

“Oh yes! Dmitri! I had promised you that book. Come on over, I’ll give it to you.”

“What book?” Malianov was about to ask, but Snegovoi put his fat finger to his lips and pulled Malianov across the landing. The fat finger on the lips stunned Malianov, and he followed Snegovoi like a moth after a flame. Silently, still holding Malianov by the arm, Snegovoi found his key in his pocket and unlocked the door. The lights were on in the apartment—in the foyer, in both rooms, in the kitchen, and even in the bathroom. It smelled of stale tobacco and strong cologne, and Malianov suddenly realized that in the five years they had known each other, he had never been in here. The room that Snegovoi led him into was clean and neat; all the lamps were on—the three-bulb chandelier, the floor lamp in the corner by the couch, and the small table lamp. On the back of a chair hung a tunic with silver buttons and epaulets, with a whole slew of medals, bars, and decorations. It turned out that Arnold Snegovoi was a colonel. How about that?

“What book?” Malianov finally asked.

“Any book,” Snegovoi said impatiently. “Here, take this one, and hold on to it or you’ll forget it. Let’s sit down for a minute.”

Completely confused, Malianov took a thick tome from the table. Holding it tight under his arm, he sank onto the couch under the lamp. Arnold sat down next to him and lit a cigarette. He did not look at Malianov.

“So, it’s like this… well…” he began. “First of all, who is that woman?”

“Lidochka? I told you. My wife’s friend. Why?”

“Do you know her well?”

“No. I just met her today. She arrived with a letter.” Malianov stopped short and asked in fright, “Why, do you think she’s—”

“I’ll ask the questions. We don’t have the time. What are you working on now, Dmitri?”

Malianov remembered Val Weingarten and broke out in a cold sweat. He said with a wry grin:

“Everybody seems to be interested in my work today.”

“Who else?” Snegovoi demanded, his little blue eyes boring into him. “Her?”

Malianov shook his head.

“No. Weingarten. A friend of mine.”

“Weingarten. Weingarten.” Snegovoi repeated.

“No, no!” Malianov said. “I know him well, we were in grammar school together, and we’re still friends.”

“Does the name Gubar mean anything to you?”

“Gubar? No. What’s wrong, Arnold?”

Snegovoi put out his cigarette and lit another one.

“Who else made inquiries about your work?”

“No one else.”

“So what are you working on?”

Malianov got angry. He always got angry when he was frightened.

“Listen, Arnold. I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I! And I want to know, very much. Tell me! Wait a minute. Is your work classified?”

“What do you mean classified?” Malianov said in irritation. “It’s plain ordinary astrophysics and stellar dynamics. The interrelation of stars and interstellar matter. Nothing secret here, it’s just that I don’t like talking about my work until I’ve finished!”

“Stars and interstellar matter.” Snegovoi repeated it slowly and shrugged. “There’s the estate, and there’s the water. And it’s not classified? Any part of it?”

“Not a letter of it.”

“And you’re sure you don’t know Gubar?”

“I don’t know any Gubar.”

Snegovoi smoked in silence next to him, huge, hunched over, frightening. Then he spoke.

“Well, well, looks like there’s nothing there. I’m through with you, Dmitri. Please excuse me.”

“But I’m not through with you! I’d still like to know—”

“I don’t have the right!” Snegovoi said in clipped words and ended the conversation.

Of course, Malianov would not have let the matter rest with that, but then he noticed something that made him bite his tongue. There was a bulge in the left pocket of Snegovoi’s pants and there was a very definite gun handle peering out of the pocket. A big gun. Like a gigantic Colt .45 from the movies. And that gun killed Malianov’s desire to ask any more questions. Somehow it was very clear that something was fishy and he was not the one to ask questions. And Snegovoi got up and said:

“And now, Dmitri, I’ll be leaving again tomorrow.”