Dog Tags

CHAPTER 12

“YOU’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS DOG?” Eli Morrison is obviously surprised by my announcement, and probably more than a little annoyed. As the county attorney handling the Billy Zimmerman murder case, he cleared his schedule to make time for me when I told him Billy had hired me, and that an immediate meeting was necessary.

Eli is considered an old-timer in the prosecutor’s office: His tenure there began when my father was in charge of the department. He’s one of the few who never attempted to use it as a stepping-stone to a more lucrative career on the defense side, or for political gain.

We’ve had a pretty good relationship over the years, and I can’t say that about too many prosecutors.

In this case, chances are Eli figured I was going to broach the possibility of a plea bargain for Billy, though I don’t know if he would have been amenable to it or not.

“Yes,” I say. “His name is Milo, and he’s being unfairly detained.”

“He’s a dog, Andy,” he explains, though I assume he knows that I’m already aware of that.

“He’s a dog with rights.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Why are you holding him?” I ask.

“Well, for one thing, he’s a thief. Witnesses saw him run off with an envelope that we believe belonged to the victim. We’ve also tied him to two other thefts that he and Zimmerman pulled off over the last few months.”

“So why don’t you charge him?”

“Charge who? The dog?”

“Yes. And his name is Milo; it’s demeaning to keep calling him ‘the dog.’”

Eli laughs, demonstrating an ability to move from incredulity to amusement. “You want me to charge the dog… Milo… with theft?”

“No, I want you to let him go.”

“Where is he going to go?” he asks.

“That’s not your problem.”

“Andy, this thing you have with dogs may not be completely healthy. Maybe you should see a shrink.” He laughs again. “Or a trainer.”

“Look, Eli, I’m handling this as a favor for a friend. If you can’t release the dog because he stole something, that’s your call. But just so I can close the lid on this thing, can you write me a letter to that effect? I’d really appreciate it.”

“Sure. No problem.”

“Thanks. Let me know when it’s ready and I’ll have it picked up.”

“Anytime tomorrow morning,” he says. “Now, you’re not representing Zimmerman for the murder?”

“Nope. Just Milo.”

“This has been a pretty weird meeting.”

“Really?” I ask, standing up. “For me it’s just business as usual.”

I leave Eli’s office having accomplished everything I wanted. Once I get the letter from him accusing Milo of being a four-legged crook, I need to get another letter from Billy. After that I’ll be able to make my legal move, which will be at best a long shot.

Unfortunately, there’s actual work, detail-oriented work, that goes into the legal process. It’s unfortunate because the actual work, especially the detail-oriented work, is the part I hate.

With Kevin unavailable, I definitely need someone to help me. My choices are to ask around and start interviewing prospective candidates, or hire Eddie Lynch, the incurable pessimist that Kevin recommended. The first approach would involve a substantial commitment of time and energy from me, while the second approach would consist of making one phone call.

Mmmm… many hours of work, or one phone call. What to do? What to do?

“Eddie?” I say when he picks up the phone. “Andy Carpenter. We met at Kevin’s wedding.”

“I remember,” he says. “I hope you didn’t eat the crab cakes. I had diarrhea every twenty minutes for two days.”

“Well, I—”

“It left me with hemorrhoids the size of basketballs. I can’t sit down without tipping over.”

“Thanks for sharing that,” I say. “I was calling to see if you were interested in doing some legal work with me on a case. Kevin recommended you.”

I can almost see him shrug through the phone. “Might as well.”

“Great, Eddie. That’s the kind of enthusiasm we’re going to need.”

“Call me Hike,” he reminds me. “What’s the case?”

I tell him all about Milo, and my plan to get him out. “That’s not bad,” he says, grudgingly. “I like it. We’ll probably get our clock cleaned, but I like it.”

We talk about the legal brief he will write supporting our position, and I’m impressed by how quickly he grasps it. I shouldn’t be surprised; Kevin told me what a brilliant lawyer Hike is, and I would pretty much take Kevin’s word on something like that over anybody’s.

We come to terms on an hourly rate that I will pay him; the fact that he agrees immediately means I could have gotten him for less. We plan to meet at my office the next morning. I ask him if he’ll stop off at the jail and get the letter from Billy, and he’s fine with that. He’ll also stop at Eli’s office and pick up the promised document about Milo.

My sense is that as long as Hike’s getting paid by the hour, he’ll shovel shit if that’s what I want. That’s okay with me; I think I’m going to like having a work slave again.