The phone rang in the dark. Burke turned on the light. This time it was 4:00 A.M. Burke was pretty sure who it was.
“Hello,” he said.
“Congratulations,” Lauren said.
“For?”
“Thwarting Louis.”
She had trouble saying thwarting. Burke knew she was drunk again.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Couldn’t have without me,” she said.
“I know.”
“You grateful?”
“Sure,” Burke said.
She was silent. He was silent. The emptiness hissed quietly on the phone line.
“How grateful,” Lauren whispered. Her voice sounded hoarse.
“Lauren,” Burke said. “Why are you calling me up?”
“Remember the Cardinals game?” Lauren said. “Couple of weeks ago? Me and Louis?”
“You and Louis,” Burke said. “Almost fucking in public.”
“Did you like that?”
“No.”
There was silence for a time.
“So whyn’t you do something,” Lauren said.
“None of my business,” Burke said.
“So cold,” she said.
“You don’t like him,” Burke said. “Walk away.”
“And be with who?” she said.
“Up to you,” he said.
“But not you?”
Burke took in a big lungful of smoke.
“There is not enough of me,” Burke said, the smoke drifting out as he talked, “for you. I can’t give you what you need.”
“How the fuck you know what I need,” she said.
“I guess I don’t,” Burke said. “But I know what I need.”
“What is that, Burke? Just what the fuck do you need?”
“I need to be safe,” he said.
“Safe?”
“Un huh.”
Burke sniped out his cigarette and lit another one.
“Safe from what?” Lauren said.
He thought she was probably drinking as she talked. Four in the morning. Burke was silent for a time.
“Safe from what?” she said again.
“I don’t know,” Burke said. “I need to stay inside.”
At the other end of the phone, he could hear her swallow.
“And what about me?” she said. “I can’t live like this.”
“Like what?”
“Burke,” she said, “I’m getting worse. I let him handle me like that in public. He does it all the time. I let you see him do it. I’m drinking more. I’m drinking now. It’s four something in the morning, and I’m drinking gin on the rocks.”
“So stop,” Burke said.
“And drugs,” she said. “He gives me drugs, and when we have sex he likes to... he degrades me.”
“Get away from him,” Burke said.
“I can’t, not without you, I can only stop if I’m with you.”
“Then I become him. Then I’m what you can’t live without,” Burke said. “I don’t have that in me.”
“If you’ll come and get me,” she said, “if you’ll take me and keep me with you, I’ll... I’ll go to a psychiatrist. I’ll go to a hospital someplace, I can be all right, I know I can.”
Burke was silent.
“Jesus, God,” Lauren said. “Other people went to the war. They came back. What happened to you? Did the war take all of you?”
“Ex-wife took some,” Burke said carefully, his voice entirely flat.
“Don’t you understand? We’re connected in an awful way. I need someone to care about me.”
“I know,” Burke said.
“And you need to care about something,” she said.
He didn’t speak.
“Burke,” she said in a clotted voice, “I love you.”
Still he didn’t speak. The silence hummed between them over the phone line. Then she hung up. Burke sat hunched naked on the bed with his cigarette in his mouth and his arms across his chest. He was shaking. His face was clammy. He felt sick. In the dead silent room he heard his own voice.
“I love you too,” it said.