Drowned Lives

Pipehill, Lichfield, Staffordshire. Saturday 25th Jan. 1800.

To Reuben Wheeldon Esq., Warner Street, Ellesmere, Cheshire.

My dear friend,

It is a just and feeling remark of Doctor Johnson’s that we never do anything consciously for the last time without sadness of heart. The secret sense of a Farewell Act I carry along with me into every word or deed of this Day.

My friend, I’ll fight no more; I’ve had enough. I hope I have done no more harm than any other man, but the world will do quite as well without me. I do not want to rip up old grievances and live my life twice over. As the tree falls, so let it lie. We shut up the book and close the Account once and for all.

I look not for others to profit by my example, nor do I seek to give moral guidance to others. Yet my behaviour must give no reason to be ashamed, for the World is all too prone to censure and ridicule. I confess I have no hope for the outcome, since Prejudice against me runs so high. I am torn by the utmost anxiety at what I must do, and my mind is in turmoil of a thousand imaginings.

I will not detain you for a minute more. To speak plainly, I have business with Mr P. that cannot be delayed. I have engaged to meet with him this very night, that we might resolve our differences for once and for all. I know that I go into Danger. If the worst befalls me, Sarah will return to her Father’s house, where I trust little Edward will be well cared for. To you, my dear friend, I entrust the documents of which we have spoken. You will understand that they are not safe in my Possession. If I do not return, you must do with them as you see fit.

They say that Mr P. has engaged a pair of bravos, for what purpose they do not know. Let him then send his bravos.

Your obedient servant and friend

Wm Buckley