Early Warning

1966

AFTERWARD, when Tim thought back to those weeks before he went into the army, all he remembered was sleeping. He could have also remembered drinking, but it seemed in retrospect as though he were drunk with sleep, not asleep with drink. His roommates studied (he sometimes opened his eyes and saw them huddled over their desks, trapped in a circle of light). They took their exams (he sometimes rolled over as they came back into the room). Brian even made his bed for him and picked stuff up off the floor. But then he had flunked out, and there he was, finally awake, sitting in the living room at home, and his dad was staring at him. His dad was also talking, but he barely heard that. What he really paid attention to was the disbelieving stare. Yes, he had signed up, since he was going to be drafted anyway, and, no, he could not think of a single other way to occupy his time. Boot camp, a training school, deployment — no, he could not imagine Vietnam. He didn’t read the papers, he didn’t know what he was “getting himself into,” but who was his dad to say a word against it? Didn’t he, Arthur Brinks Manning, promote the war all the time? Hadn’t he hit the roof when he found out that Mom went to that big antiwar protest in Washington? Hadn’t his own father been a career military officer?

Then Dad said, “I want some sense of purpose, Tim. Some idea that you know what you are doing instead of just putting one foot in front of the other!”

Tim gave what he considered a perfectly logical reply: “Enlisting rather than waiting to be drafted has a sense of purpose.”

“What do you want to do over there?”

“Don’t they always tell you what to do?”

Dad blew out some air, trying, in his usual way, not to lose his temper completely; Dean walked past out in the hall and shouted, “You’re an idiot!”

“Fuck you!” yelled Tim. Then he jumped up, felt in his pocket for his keys, and headed out the door. After that, the days were a blur of snow and rain, until he got to Fort Bliss, where the weather was hot all day and cold all night and the landscape was as flat as a frying pan except where it was mountainous, dry, and crumbly. No rain. One kid on the bus, from Dallas, said that it only rained in El Paso if the temperature was over a hundred, and Tim couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not.

The screaming began immediately. Uniformed drill sergeants in hats leaned into them, and screamed in their ears to run, run, move it. Tim ran, while trying to carry his duffel bag. He who had never been scared before was, he had to admit, a little scared, especially when the duffel bag fell off his shoulder and hit Sergeant Wheeler, who then chased him nearly across the parking lot, screaming at the top of his lungs.

They were chased into the barracks and told to claim their beds. Tim claimed one of the upper bunks. The kid below him was named Harry Pine, from Waterloo, Iowa. Tim did not mention the farm in Denby. The barracks was shaped like a giant H. A squad of ten or twelve recruits lived in each leg of the H. The latrine and the showers were in the crossbar — no curtains, no walls. The platoon, which was what the four squads were called, had kids of all kinds — black, Mexican, white, even Chinese, one guy named Jim Song.

Tim had his head shaved. He was yelled at by drill sergeants. They ran, they marched, they shot weapons (never guns) at targets, they ran some more, they carried packs, they ate, they yelled (but only “Yes! Sir!” and “No! Sir!”). They were yelled at, they spoke when spoken to, and looked where they were told to look. One night, when Tim was sound asleep, he heard just the fragment of a shout, and then found himself pummeled from below and launched out of his bunk by the long legs of Harry Pine, who was having a nightmare. He landed on his ass, and it hurt to run, run, move it the next day, but he ran anyway.

Sergeant Wheeler leaned over the recruits. Every time a recruit opened his mouth or shifted his weight, Sergeant Wheeler asked him who the hell he thought he was, and if he thought he was someone, well, he, Sergeant Wheeler, was there to fucking teach him a lesson. Where was that soldier from? From Texas? Well, all they had here in Texas was steers and queers, and Sergeant Wheeler didn’t see any horns on that soldier! Was he from California? Well, all they had in California was homos and strip shows, and he didn’t see a G-string on that soldier! And then that soldier (sometimes but not often Tim) would be sent to do two or four laps at top speed around the training field, and he had better not pass out. Sergeant George stood in front of a recruit, practically on the guy’s toes, staring into his face, and screaming until it seemed like he was going to knock the kid over, but he never did — they weren’t allowed to actually touch you, Tim realized. Twenty-five push-ups, shouting what kind of pansy are you? the whole time. Sergeant George asked him where the fuck had he learned to make a bed like that, and ripped off the covers and told him to do it over. Sergeant Wheeler told him to present his weapon, and peered down the barrel and asked him who the fuck he thought he was, that he didn’t clean every last trace of powder out of that fucking barrel? Twenty-five push-ups right now!

Soldiers fell down. Soldiers passed out. Soldiers cried. Soldiers got concussions, broke arms and legs and noses. A kid from Omaha broke his jaw. Soldiers disappeared. Tim, who had climbed to the top of the bookcase when he was two years old and then gotten himself down again; who had ridden his bicycle for miles when he was six; Tim, who had thought nothing of running the whole five blocks to second grade as fast as he could go — didn’t mind the regimen. He enjoyed how the other recruits, in spite of wearing the same clothes and having the same haircuts and being told to do the same things over and over again, persisted in remaining intransigently themselves: Harry Pine was slow; no matter how they yelled at him, he could not make his limbs or his reflexes move faster. Eddie Briggs was hotheaded — Sergeant George could make him do fifty push-ups, and he still couldn’t learn not to tell Sergeant George to fuck off. Everything made Jack Saylor, a black guy from Chicago, laugh, even Sergeant George leaping into his face and shouting, “What the fuck you laughing at, soldier?” As for Tim, when he did push-ups or ran around the field, he thought music — Tell him that you’re always gonna love him, / Tell him, tell him, tell him right now.

He took tests. He had to answer problems about if you had four gallons of gas in the tank and the truck got seven miles to the gallon, could you get to Kansas City if it was thirty-five miles away, and if you had seventeen apples and twelve pears, how many men could you feed if half of the men wanted two apples and half wanted a pear and an apple? What he would do if three men in a jeep went over a ten-foot cliff, and what he would do if he saw someone in water of unknown depth screaming for help? He listened to recordings of tapping and thought of the tapping as a kind of rhythm that reminded him of playing in the Colts with Steve and Stanley Sloan. He turned out to have some commo talent, along with three other white guys and six black guys.

Sometime in week six — still no rain, but the weather was heating up — Private Wagner from Camden, South Carolina, went around asking everyone for money. Private Wagner was a tall, pasty guy, an inch taller than Tim, who was six two, with round blue eyes, glasses, and a self-confident manner that Tim at first respected — although he never actually said anything to a drill sergeant, he had been known to roll his eyes without being caught. He was going to sneak out, get a ride over to Juárez and pick up some weed. How a kid from South Carolina knew a dealer in Juárez, Tim could not imagine, but Private Wagner intimated that he knew just about everything there was to know. And, sure enough, on the designated night, after lights out, Private Wagner disappeared with fifty bucks. There was some whispering, but then Tim fell asleep. When he woke up at reveille, he glanced down the row of bunks, and there was Private Wagner, sliding out of bed as if he’d been there all night. The buzz went around that he had the stuff, and that night they smoked it. Tim, who had smoked a fair amount of dope with the Sloan boys and with Fiona, didn’t feel a thing, and thought the weed had an odd smell. Sure enough, the whisper went round two days later that the junk was weed — tumbleweed. After that, Private Wagner didn’t act quite as cocky, and Tim saw him for what he was, an eighteen-year-old kid who didn’t know his head from his ass. Tim didn’t mind basic training. The only time he was routed to KP, he didn’t have to peel potatoes — he had to get up early and smooth the frosting on the coffee cakes that had been baked the night before; every cake on the rack was covered with cockroach tracks.

—

THE BUS RIDE, sailing through the hot landscape with the windows open, seemed to Tim to go on for days instead of hours. Most of the soldiers were heading for commo, like Tim, but some (the fat ones) were looking at cooking detail. They were calmer and sat up front. Someone was in charge, and that might have been Tim himself, who had been made platoon leader for an unknown reason that probably had to do with the fact that he was over eighteen, did have some college (apparently, passing English and history was not critical to leadership abilities), and had tolerated the drilling well. They all wore their uniforms, including their helmets. They stopped here and there to drop off a few soldiers. Late in the afternoon, the bus pulled through the gates of Fort Huachuca, a much smaller complex than Fort Bliss, set in a blanker and more barren landscape. It was the beginning of April; there were wildflowers here and there — long branches of orange and red blooms struck his eye, and fields of something simple and also orange. These were, of course, interspersed with cactuses. He had seen Road Runner cartoons, he knew what a cactus was, but no pictures prepared you for what a cactus really looked like. Or Arizona, for that matter.

There was a stiff dry breeze when they got off the bus. It didn’t feel hot — it felt hot shading into cool. It was fragrant. Tim was told to report to an office across the road. He ordered his platoon to wait for him.

Whether he was tired or just disoriented, he couldn’t have said, but when he went into the designated office, he made a mistake — almost his first mistake in the army. He knew perfectly well that you didn’t have to salute indoors, and he was holding his helmet in his right hand, so when the lieutenant saluted him, he saluted him back — but it was his left hand that moved toward his forehead. You would have thought that he had raised a pistol and shot the lieutenant, who lunged across his desk, what is the matter with you, soldier, you been through basic or not? Don’t you know the first thing about the military? Tim stood there, his face straight and his eyes a little hooded, until the lieutenant’s top finished being blown. Then he said, “Private Manning reporting, sir.” He had switched his helmet to his left hand, and now he saluted with his right. Lieutenant Canette saluted him back and sat down again, as if nothing at all had taken place. That was the last time he was yelled at.

The barracks was a long building with the latrine at the end. Tim had a top bunk about a third of the way into his platoon. Below him was Private Rowan. Reveille was at six, which these days was after sunrise. Tim’s first job of the day was to assemble his men after they had been told to drop their cocks and grab their socks by the sergeant, then dressed and made their bunks (though no one came around anymore to throw their bedclothes on the floor and berate them for wrinkles). He marched his formation from the barracks to the mess hall — a quarter-mile, he thought. “Right, left, right, left! Ain’t no use in feelin’ down!” (A chorus of “Ain’t no use in feelin’ down!”) “Jody’s got your girl in town!” (“Jody’s got your girl in town!”) “Ain’t no use in feelin’ blue!” (“Ain’t no use in feelin’ blue!”) “Jody’s got your sister, too!” (“Jody’s got your sister, too!”) Or there might be “Dress it right and cover down!” (“Dress it right and cover down!”) “Thirty inches all around!” (“Thirty inches all around!”) Tim always scowled as he yelled, in order to make his voice even more resonant in the wind. He hadn’t realized, when he was singing with the Sloan boys, how loud his voice was, or how musical.

A few of his soldiers sat at the skinny table, where they had to eat double helpings and clean their plates, no matter whether the eggs were green or not. Two or three sat at the fat table, and Tim, who ate shit on a shingle every single day without once asking himself what was really in it, ate at the regular table. There was plenty of food — none of it good, but Tim ate up. Food was fuel.

After breakfast, he marched a somewhat smaller formation to the commo training building. It was hotter now, but he kept them going, bellowing out, “Left, right, left, right! Jody saw your girl today!” (“Jody saw your girl today!”) “How’s he gonna stay away!” (“How’s he gonna stay away!”) “She turned your picture to the wall!” (“Turned your picture to the wall!”) “Left his boots out in the hall!” (“Left his boots out in the hall!”)

The next four or five hours were spent learning alpha, bravo, charlie, delta, echo, foxtrot. There were several radios, including the prick 10, which was about ten inches by twelve inches, looked like a school notebook, and weighed ten or fifteen pounds. They would be carrying those. The angry 19 was more of a console radio, maybe the size of a suitcase. It must have weighed sixty pounds and had a longer range. It had glowing black dials, and the operator used either a headset or a desk mike. Tim imagined himself yelling into it just before an enemy soldier burst into the room and shot him in the chest.

Thirty recruits sat in the classroom with pencils and pieces of paper. Their instructor, who had been drafted from a minor-league baseball team, lolled at the front desk like a domesticated tiger. It wasn’t only his biceps and triceps and shoulders, which rippled with muscle, or his pecs, which narrowed to a thirty-inch waist; it was his supple grace. He was waiting for one thing — to be put on the Fort Huachuca baseball team. His job was to turn on the tape. The tape ran a series of beeps, and the kids wrote as fast as they could, trying to understand and write down the letters in groups of five. What came out never meant anything, or, rather, each set meant one thing, and one thing only: Dit dit dit — S. Dit dit — O. Dit — E. Dah — T. Dah dit dit dah dah — Tim. They had to write down letters, and do so faster each week. Tim was a little bit faster than the others — it took him about a week to make sense of the letters. Private Rowan never made sense of the letters, so he was sent over to learn to cook. When the tape ran out, the kids shouted at the baseball player, “Hey, Bobby, wake up!” The tiger stretched himself and woke up, reached over, and flipped the switch.

After another meal, Tim marched everyone to more classes — army rules, army chain of command, commo etiquette—“You heard ‘over and out.’ Well, this ain’t Hollywood, this is the real thing. ‘Over’ means ‘now you talk,’ and ‘out’ means ‘goodbye,’ and ‘over and out’ means dogshit!” Another thing that he learned early on was “Diddy dum dum diddy”: “Repeat what you just said.”

—

AFTER FORT GORDON (teletype), Tim got two weeks’ leave before deployment. He spent a week at home, but he couldn’t settle down to eat or to talk or to look at his father. He was so restless that he couldn’t wait at the airport for a plane to San Francisco, where he planned to stay with Aunt Eloise for a few days. He took the plane to Los Angeles, squirming in his seat the whole way. When he got off the plane, he decided that he couldn’t take a bus, or even another plane, up the coast. He had to hitchhike, and the most direct route looked to be the 101.

Texas and Arizona had not prepared him for California. The sunshine was brilliant but refreshing, and even when the ocean was invisible, Tim could sense that it was out there — not the flat, warm, green-blue ocean he knew from Maryland and New Jersey, but something colder, more beautiful, and more endless, lit by the sun to a burnished hyacinth color hour after hour for the whole long day. And hitchhiking was easy, especially in uniform. The first car took him to Venice; that guy offered him a hamburger. The second couple, about his parents’ age, took him to Morro Bay, where they invited him to stay the night. The next one to stop was a girl, maybe seventeen, who seemed unafraid, and took him up and down a steep grade — maybe the steepest he’d ever seen — to Atascadero. A Mexican fellow got him to Salinas, and another guy dropped him near the San Jose airport. The weather was perfect, and the hills to either side of the road were pale velvety green. At San Jose, he made his way to a different highway, one that headed to Oakland, and he waited. It was almost dusk when a pickup truck — a beat-up Ford — stopped maybe a hundred feet past him, and an arm waved to him out of the passenger’s window. He shouldered his duffel bag and ran.

A guy in a sharkskin suit opened the door and got out, throwing a large package into the bed of the truck, and gesturing to Tim to throw his duffel in there. A woman was driving, maybe Tim’s age. She had on a revealing beige cotton dress and high-heeled sandals. Both the man and the woman wore sunglasses, even though the sun was about down. He got between them, and at once began to regret it. “You in the army?” said the guy, as if that wasn’t obvious, but before Tim could speak, he said, “I was a marine myself. Out of Camp Pendleton. You know where that is? Down south. We’re coming from around there now.” He looked Tim up and down, then said, “We should feed this guy to the horses.” The girl laughed. “I was in the marines for eight years. You believe that?” Tim opened his mouth, and the girl laughed and said, “No!”

“Eight fucking years,” said the guy. “Thought I was a big shot. Who did Wayne get?”

The girl said, “A sailor.”

“Yeah.”

“He said.”

“Anyway, I’m out now. Never got to ’Nam. I don’t look that old, but I’m forty.”

“You look forty,” said the girl.

“Shut the fuck up,” said the guy.

“Well, you dress like someone’s dad.”

“I dress like your dad. That’s why you fuck me.”

Tim shifted his weight. They passed a sign that said “Fremont.” Tim looked at the speedometer — eighty-seven. The girl said, “Keep telling yourself that, asshole.”

There was a pause, and then the guy turned suddenly to Tim. “Where you headed, soldier?”

Without thinking, Tim gave Eloise’s address. The two exchanged a glance across him, and the glance clearly said, Nice neighborhood. As if to underline this thought, the guy said, “We can take you right there. No trouble.”

Tim’s skin was practically prickling, he was so sure that this man was dangerous. Here it was, 1966, and he was dressed like an old-time gangster from New Jersey: the sharkskin suit, right down to the flashy tie, and his hair had marks from being combed that you only got with plenty of Vitalis. He offered Tim a cigarette, which Tim took, and then the three of them smoked in the darkness with a thoughtful air as they sped toward Oakland.

The girl knew right where to go, as if she was from Oakland, and the girl and the man exchanged two more significant glances as they turned corners. Eloise’s neighborhood hadn’t started out nice — the houses were modest wooden ones, similar to one another and probably built from kits. But the yards were large, the trees and gardens had grown up nicely, and now it was a little on the prestigious side, or so Eloise had told his mother. You could see under the streetlights that nice cars were parked in front of them, too: T-birds, a couple of Chryslers, an Oldsmobile, a Cadillac. When the man peered up through the windshield, let his gaze drift along the block with a whistle, Tim became convinced that he planned to kill Tim, and maybe Eloise and whoever was there at the moment — his cousin Rosa, her baby. He maybe outweighed Tim by fifteen pounds, but a lot of that was belly. If he had to, Tim could take him.

The man read out the addresses in the dark, and the girl pulled up in front of Eloise’s place, now dimly visible, the porch light bright. The girl turned off the engine. The three of them sat there. Then the man shifted deliberately and stared at him. He said, “I like this place. I like this whole neighborhood. Why don’t you introduce me to your friends?”

After a moment, in the toughest voice he could come up with, Tim said, “Well, get out, then.” His plan was to grab his duffel bag and hit this guy behind the knees as he was heading up the walk. If the guy had a gun, and made Tim go in front, then Tim would stop suddenly and throw the duffel at the guy’s head. His heart started to pound. The guy opened his door and stepped onto the curb — not right under the streetlight, but well lit all the same. Tim eased out behind him. The guy’s hand slipped into his pocket, and Tim stepped backward, his hand on the rim of the truck bed, until he was out of the light. He reached for his duffel and pulled it toward him, then moved around the corner of the truck bed. He bent his knees and straightened them, bent them again, poised to spring. The man banged suddenly on the hood of the truck with both hands, and Tim jumped. The man laughed derisively. He jerked himself back into the cab of the truck and shouted, “Just putting you on, kid!” The girl sped away, leaving Tim standing in the street with his duffel in his arms. He trembled for two solid minutes, maybe from fear and maybe from readiness. Afterward, he remembered it as the first time he had ever been afraid for his life.

—

FOR SOME REASON, Tim thought there would be fighting as soon as the plane landed in Vietnam. It would be like that movie he’d seen years ago, Pork Chop Hill—lines of armed men in helmets, crawling from one ditch to another, only straightening up for half a second to fire their weapons at the unseen enemy. But the first thing he saw was air-force guys with their shirts off, walking around in the sunshine. The first thing he smelled, since it was morning, was shit disposal, a powerful combination of what was in the latrines and the diesel fuel they lit to burn it. The air was hot and humid, like Virginia on the worst day of the summer, but the light was bright and oceanic. There was sand everywhere. He realized he had landed at a tropical beach. The second thing he smelled was something sharp, yet floral: incense. That was the smell that told him he was far from home.

He handed in his paperwork, and twenty-four hours later, still foggy from the long trip, he was sent to the 101st, at Phu Bai, a flat, humid spot near the ocean, though no breeze seemed to blow — it was more like Maryland than California.

Their hootch was sixteen feet wide and thirty-two long, with a plywood floor. The walls were one sheet of plywood high, and above that, screen. The corrugated tin roof was weighted down with sandbags, and sandbags were also piled around the walls. Every time a rocket hit outside the hootch, shrapnel flew into the sandbags or over where Tim was lying in his cot, which was eighteen inches off the floor. The other principal feature of his hootch was clouds of mosquitoes.

Two weeks after Tim arrived, a rocket managed to make its way through the open door of another hootch. The roof was blown off, and five soldiers were killed. About ten days after that, a rocket hit a fully loaded helicopter on the airfield in just the right spot to blow up all the armaments it was carrying, in a spectacular explosion that jolted the helicopter into a nearby JP-4 that was holding five thousand gallons of rocket fuel. When that went up, the ground shook. Ten soldiers were medevaced out that evening, but then it was quiet. As the units pushed, day by day, farther into the hills, unbearably hot and much more humid even than Virginia, rocket attacks got less frequent.

He got used to his job, which had two parts. One was to drive his captain in the jeep out of the base to check on the signalmen. Some of these men were no more than ten minutes away but, depending on circumstances, could seem to be on the other side of the world. His other job was to get in a helicopter and fly out to the firebases. Tim was to make sure his guys had supplies, but the mortician’s job was to take the body bags and pick up the bodies. At first, Tim could not help watching. There weren’t too many casualties — a body every few days at the most. The creepiest part was not death, even gruesome rocket-attack death — it was the way the mortician took the dead soldier’s dog tags from around his neck, slipped them between the corpse’s two front teeth, then whacked them with the butt of his weapon to jam them into the gums.

When he drove Captain Bloom, they made their way sometimes in relative solitude and sometimes through droves of people — women, children, old men, all with the sun beating down on their heads. These people would be transporting whatever they could carry or push in what looked more or less like wheelbarrows. Captain Bloom babbled as they drove: Watch this, watch that, careful, do you see the child running there, stop for a minute. You could say boo to Captain Bloom and he would jump out of the seat of the jeep. Captain Bloom was a square-shaped West Pointer originally from Washington State, at the base since January. The object of their drives was to get to the spot where they could make as much contact as possible with each of their guys at the firebases in the jungle. At this spot, Tim would turn on the radio behind him in the jeep and call up each base to get a report. If they could not reach the base, they had to drive even closer to the edge of the impenetrable green vegetation, and figure out what had happened.

The scariest thing that happened to Tim himself was also his best story — he told it for days afterward. He was out at a firebase to the north, on a flat hill just above a rice paddy. The helicopter lowered itself and picked up the body bag and the mortician; then Tim jumped in. The copter started to lift off, and right then there was shooting from the perimeter. The helicopter jerked upward, and he fell right out. He must have been sixty feet in the air. Without even thinking, he rolled himself as if for a cannonball off the diving board. He dropped into the rice paddy, plopped right down into it like a tulip bulb. He was tall enough to get his nose out to breathe and his arm out to wave. He shook his head back and forth to toss the water out of his eyes, and saw the helicopter lower toward him. When the ladder dropped, he somehow grabbed it, and it yanked him right up and out, covered with mud and soaking wet. When he told the story, he said that there had been a loud sucking sound as he was pulled from the paddy.

They had been mostly inside their hootches for about two days, waiting out what was expected to be a typhoon. The rain stopped in the night — Tim woke to the silence. The air was still hot and wet. In the morning, right after breakfast, Captain Bloom was on him first thing — these storms meant havoc at the bases. They needed to communicate with them right away, find out what was going on. By the time they had the jeep ready and the radio stashed behind Tim’s seat, the sky was clear and the air merely damp. Tim drove slowly, creeping along the road out of the base. The parade of families had diminished but not halted; everyone was dripping wet.

The road hooked left, and Tim had to slow down. He turned the wheel. Captain Bloom had his weapon across his lap, and he was leaning forward, looking down the road. As Tim pressed the brake pedal, he just happened to glance to the right, and he saw a boy with thin arms and thick black hair staring at him, and then a grenade flew into the back of the jeep. It landed just behind the radio and rattled around. Tim yelled something, and the last thing he saw was Captain Bloom’s face turning toward him, and then fragmenting into the wet air.

—

LILLIAN RECEIVED Tim’s last letter the day after the telegram. It was wedged benignly between the electric bill and a letter from her mother. His handwriting, always nearly illegible, now looked terrifyingly meaningful. It took Lillian several seconds to make herself touch the letter, and then she could not help putting it to her nose and sniffing it. It smelled, like all of his letters from Vietnam, faintly of sandalwood. She stared at it for a long time before walking back to the house and placing it on the dining-room table, next to yesterday’s New York Times, which Arthur had been reading when the telegram arrived. He had left it open to an article about Nixon addressing the American Legion at the Hilton. Arthur had been supposed to attend, but had not done so. Now Lillian looked away from the letter and stared at the article. Nixon had declared, “Those who predict the Vietnam War will end in a year or two are smoking opium or taking LSD.” Lillian looked at the letter again.

Arthur had pulled a string, and would be driving out to Andrews AFB to watch them bring the casket. He was taking Dean. Debbie, who had already left for Mount Holyoke, would be home for the funeral. Tina had been in her room for twenty-four hours, working on a memorial painting. As Lillian stared at the letter, she had to put both her hands on the table to prevent herself from passing out and falling out of her chair. The letter was addressed to her — that’s what he had done since heading off to boot camp, address letters to her, not Arthur, knowing that she would read them aloud. She and Arthur had discussed this quirk, and they agreed that addressing the letters to her let Tim more easily reassure everyone that he was fine, that he had simply embarked upon a classic masculine adventure. Letters to his father might have consisted of only the fewest words—“Okay here. The colonel is an asshole. Shot two Cong yesterday.”

It was dated a week previously.

Dear Mom,

It’s been raining again, pretty hard. It’s such a swamp here, I don’t know how they stand it. Thanks for the books. I started the one Cat’s Cradle. It is pretty good. I loaned the one Dune to another guy in my hootch who was reading Atlas Shrugged so many times that his book fell apart, but when he started reading Dune, he finally shut up about it. I bought this Vietnamese guitar. It is pretty bad, and because of the rain, even worse, but I can get some sound out of it. I play it with one of the other guys who is from North Carolina and really good. His guitar is better than mine. Another guy, who is from Austin, Texas, plays the drum, which is really a mermite can, but he gets great sounds out of it. If I had a band again, I would definitely include a mermite can or two. Also thanks for the cookies. I think I had one. As soon as the guys saw them, they passed them around and they were gone. Captain Bloom says, “More more more.” I suppose you could say that that’s an order, Mom. Otherwise, things are pretty quiet, I guess the infantry is doing their job, which is called Operation Byrd, though I call it Operation The Byrds just for a joke. I guess we talk a lot about music here, because Billy Copps was in a band, too, before he came here. Austin, Texas, sounds like a pretty neat town.

Okay, well, I am going to wind this up, because I have to do some stuff for Captain Bloom. Don’t worry. Nobody gets killed anymore around here. The civilians always smile at us. Love to Dad and the kids. A message for Dean: Bite me.

Love, Tim

Lillian left the letter open on the table. She didn’t think she was going to be able to read it aloud. After a moment, she got up from the chair and walked out the French door to the pool, where she picked up the skimmer and walked around, removing leaves and unrecognizable bits from the surface of the water. She looked out, down the hillside, toward the tree line. She had the strongest feeling that she had foreseen this, that a voice had spoken to her in the night, three nights ago, and said, It’s time. But she knew that this feeling was wrong, that nothing of the sort had happened. If it had happened like that, then all of this would be part of a pattern. But it wasn’t. Tim had vanished; that was all. He had escaped her long ago — as soon as they moved to this house. It was not that she had seen him more and more intermittently (at first a few times a day, then every few days, then every few weeks, then every few months, then hardly at all); it was that he had gotten less and less corporeal, at first visible from time to time, then almost always invisible, only manifesting very rarely in unexpected spots — at the bottom of the pool, in her shower, in the attic looking for something. It was quite likely, she thought, that he would manifest again. But this conviction was not something she planned to confide to Arthur.