Entwined

Chapter 20

Rebecca remained hunched under the trailer. Her head started to pound and she prayed for it not to happen, not here. Someone was squeezing her brain. Then through the throbbing pain she heard his voice. He was saying over and over that she was a bad girl, she had not tried hard enough, now she would see what she had done. They tied her in the chair. She was paralyzed with fear, screaming for them not to draw back the curtain. But they did, slowly, inch by inch. And there was Ruda.

Ruda's body was covered in open sores. They had cut off her hair. Rebecca could see lacerations on her scalp, see the wires attached to her head. She could see them propping Ruda up, too weak to walk, too weak even to stand.

Ruda, unable even to hold up her head, smiled through the glass. She gave a tiny, pitiful wave as if to say: "I am still here. I'm still here, Rebecca."

The pain was excruciating. Rebecca sobbed, buried her face in the mud. All she could see was Ruda's tiny wretched face. Was this the memory she had blotted out of her mind? She wanted the pain to stop, wanted the memories to go away — but they kept on coming.

"Please help me, somebody help me."

Papa kissed her, unwrapping a sweet. "Good girl. Now if Ruda can repeat that exact formation of cards, when I open the curtains the next time, she will be beautiful again..."

"Please help me, somebody help me."

But no one could hear her, everyone was at the big top. She couldn't stop them from coming. Rebecca could see herself in the frilly white dress, feel the urine trickle down her legs. She was afraid they would open the curtain, she was afraid to see what she had done to Ruda, and she tried desperately to remember what Papa wanted. What was it he wanted... what was it?

Red-red-green-blue-red-red... roses are red, violets are blue, pass the colors from me to you...

Sixteen tigers, three lions, and the black panther. The ring seemed to seethe with cats. Ruda attempted twice to give the command for Roja to move to the red pedestal, but couldn't. Instead in rapid succession she repeated four colors. It was as if her mind were locked. Command after command became confused and the cats started to veer away from the pedestals and meander around the ring.

Vernon moved close to the bars and whispered urgently into his walkie-talkie. "Hold back Mamon. Is he in the tunnel yet? Shit! Don't open the trapdoor yet, keep him in the tunnel. Repeat. Don't release Mamon, don't let him through. Get Grimaldi."

Mamon moved stealthily down the tunnel and reached the midway gate just as it clanged shut in his face. He backed up and ran at it angrily. Vernon prodded him backward with one of the long sticks. Mamon growled and swiped at the stick, but moved back down the tunnel to the safety of his cage.

Ruda remained motionless. The pain across her eyes blinded her. The spotlights began to blur. Her voice was hardly audible as she repeated in a monotone: "Red-red-green-blue-red-red-green."

Gradually the cats became seriously disoriented. In their confusion, led by Roja, the tigers reverted to the first part of the act. They formed a circle around Ruda's motionless body. The audience was mesmerized. No one knew anything was wrong. The orchestra played on; the conductor, who took cues from the act as it progressed, saw the cats forming a circle and cut the music to a low drumbeat.

Grimaldi opened the side trapdoor leading into the arena. He carried a long whip and the cats immediately turned toward him.

"Roja UP... RED UP... SONIA, green, SOPHIA, blue... UP!"

Ruda stared ahead, still mumbling colors, unaware of Grimaldi.

He came quietly, authoritatively, to her side and took her left hand, smiling — but his eyes were focused on the cats.

"Jason... Green. Good boy... UP UP!"

The cats seemed relieved that order had been restored. They returned to the pyramid formation, Grimaldi all the while drawing Ruda gently back from the center of the ring. He felt her hand tighten in his, but he kept his attention on the cats.

"You okay?"

Ruda gasped. She had completely blanked out and the realization of what was happening made her panic momentarily. Then she was back in control. Grimaldi and Ruda worked together, and the audience applauded as the cats sat poised on their pedestals. Slowly Grimaldi handed more and more of the commands back to Ruda, standing a few feet behind her just in case he was needed.

Wanton began to leap from one high pedestal to the next, and the audience cheered. Grimaldi saw Ruda turn toward the trapdoor, expecting Mamon.

From behind her he said softly: "No Mamon, Ruda. Finish the act on Wanton!"

Ruda was confused again. The she looked to Luis and gave a brief nod. As Wanton made his final leap to the top rung, Vernon passed the hoop of fire between the bars. Ruda took the flame torch and showed the audience the hoop. The orchestra picked up again. Ruda fixed the hoop to its stand, then stood back as she touched the cloth to set it alight. It blazed, while spotlights pinpointed the cats. The trapdoor to the tunnel was slid back.

Back at the cages the helpers cajoled and pushed Mamon back into his small cage. They had to move fast to push the cage out of the way of the cats coming back down the tunnel from the ring. The men were sweating from exertion. Mamon was frantic, lunging at them, trying to swipe at them through the bars.

"Don't even try to put him back in his main cage. Let him calm down. Get him out of the way. Come on, move it!"

The tractor was hooked up to Mamon's cage and wheeled out of the clearing. In the ring, Roja jumped through the hoop and ran straight to the tunnel. One by one the cats followed, leaping gracefully through the flames as the lights flickered and spun, herding them back down the tunnel to their cages.

Wanton was the last to leap. From forty feet in the air the cat sprang and for a moment the spotlight caught him in midair. He sprang from the lowest pedestal and upward through the hoop in one fluid movement, his sleek black body bursting through the blazing hoop.

The ring went black and the lights came up with Wanton draped over Ruda's shoulders. He rested across her, impervious to the wild cheers. Ruda slowly bent on one knee, dropped her head, and Wanton sprang off and returned down the tunnel.

Ruda took Grimaldi's hand and they bowed together. As she leaned forward she felt the ground give way beneath her feet. Grimaldi swept her into his arms and, smiling, he carried Ruda from the ring, acknowledging the rapturous applause.

The safety barriers were dismantled quickly and as the helpers took out the gates, they saw Ruda assisted to a chair by Grimaldi. They brought her water and she drank thirstily, leaning against her husband. She covered her face with her hands. "Oh God. Oh God..."

She rocked backward and forward on the chair. Grimaldi angrily waved Vernon away as he approached. "No. Leave us alone. Leave us alone, she's okay."

He didn't want anyone to see her in this condition. He knew how gossip spread and he didn't want it said that Ruda Kellerman was sick. They had six more weeks, and a chance to go back to the States. Grimaldi lifted her to her feet. "We'll go and change for the final parade, okay, Ruda? All right guys, everything's under control. All the cats back in their cages?"

The tractor was pulling all the cages into their covered tent to be put back into their regular, heavier cages. Mamon growled and hissed, swiping and butting the bars. Grimaldi helped Ruda from the arena, then gestured for Mike.

"Be careful with the bastard, he looks mean," he whispered. "Don't move him if you're worried, we'll deal with him when he's calmed down."

Mike nodded and murmured that he'd get the feeds ready, then looked back as Mamon roared his fury. Mamon's cage rocked dangerously as it moved out of sight. Grimaldi didn't have to repeat his order: No one would go near him.

The cold air made Ruda gasp. Grimaldi put a protective arm around her shoulders. Her chest was heaving. "You were right, Luis. I should have listened to you. Seeing Rebecca again made my mind go, but I'll be okay... maybe I need to lie down for a while."

As Grimaldi walked her to the trailer he stepped on Vernon's yellow rain cape, left by the side of the steps. He chucked it aside and helped Ruda inside. She sat down on the bunk, her head between her knees. Grimaldi poured a brandy and held it out for her. Ruda took the glass, cupping it in both hands. "You did okay out there, you old bastard."

He grinned and got himself a drink. "Well you know me, I always did like a challenge."

He caught his reflection in the mirror and chuckled. "I felt good. It's been too long. Maybe if we did the first half we could work something up together. But I won't work with Mamon, he's your baby. Look back at tonight's show — you don't need him. Maybe we could try and get another panther. Wanton's a great crowd-pleaser, they loved him. Did you hear that applause?"

Ruda pulled off her leather gloves. Grimaldi was staring at himself in the mirror.

"I'll start working out, get this fat off me." Grimaldi slapped his belly.

Ruda sipped her brandy, turned her face away. "Where's Rebecca?"

He sat opposite her, the way they used to in the old days, his long legs propped up beside her.

"Vernon's taking care of her, you just relax."

Grimaldi cocked his head. "You want to tell me what happened? I mean, you blanked out, Ruda. In the middle of a big act! It made the old ticker jump."

He smiled, but Ruda was worried about Rebecca. "You sure she's with Vernon?"

"Yes, just relax. Eh! Did you see how fast I shot through that trapdoor? They were going into the first part of the act again, Ruda. Ruda?"

"You sure she's with Vernon? I feel her. God, it's hot, I'm so hot."

Rebecca was cold. Her head ached and she didn't know how long she had been there. Had she fainted? This had happened before so many times — hours blanked out, even days. She was about to crawl out from beneath the trailer when she heard Ruda's voice and the darker, heavier tones of Grimaldi directly above her.

Ruda pushed open the trailer window. "She has no memory of what happened. Strange, she remembers nothing. But she is to blame for what happened tonight, I know it."

"Oh, come on. I don't think you realized the emotional impact on you at seeing her. I warned you."

"You don't understand."

"Why don't you help me understand, Ruda? I want to."

She laughed, some of her old anger returned. "Oh aren't you suddenly Mister Wonderful! You think I don't know why? Got your balls back tonight, did you? I may have fouled up, but you'll never replace me. It's my act, Luis, it's mine."

"How the hell do you think you'd have got out of there tonight without me? Maybe I did get my balls back, but it's good I still had them! I admit I've been scared, Ruda, but tonight I faced it, didn't even think about it. The fear went, I had no fear, Ruda!"

"What the fuck do you want me to say? You did great, you did good. Now leave me alone. I need to think about something. Just leave me alone."

"One of these days, Ruda, I might do just that."

He patted his pockets for a cigar. He struck a match, puffed the cigar alight, then turned back to her, prepared for a fight. He was surprised by the soft tone of her voice.

"I kept on seeing colors. I couldn't give the right commands."

Luis drew the ashtray closer and was about to interrupt when she continued.

"We were so young, they could only do the tests with color cards..."

"You told me!"

"No, you don't understand. We could transmit coded colors. Don't you realize how our minds are linked? That's what was wrong tonight, it was me, Rebecca..."

She suddenly stood up. "Oh my God, where is she?"

"Look, just forget her for a second, okay? Sit down." He poured another brandy, but Ruda couldn't sit still. She knew Rebecca needed her.

Grimaldi handed her the brandy and stood over her. She stared into the glass. "What was any of it for, Luis? We were just another one of his insane experiments. He tried with other twins, too. He was able to identify which of the twins could receive — it was always the stronger of the two, the weaker one was the transmitter."

She gave him her glass. "I don't want it." She breathed in heavily. Her body trembled as she rubbed the scars at her temples. "They clamped these wires to my head, which would burn. I didn't understand what they wanted. When I finally did, it was easy. I always knew what she was thinking. If she bruised a knee I felt it. I always knew, Luis, as if she were inside my head, you know?"

He said nothing, simply watched her.

"After — years after, I sometimes felt she was close. It was strange. You ever had the feeling? Like you know you are about to meet someone, see someone, and you do. Well, I would often have the feeling she was close by. It would just be a feeling, and I would concentrate on her, as I had at the camp, I'd picture her face. But then the feeling would go away and we'd travel on. But so many times I was sure she was there. I remember once I was in New York, I was so sure she was close, and then here — remember me saying I had this feeling? Well, she's staying at the Grand Hotel."

He saw her hand tighten into a fist. "I knew, always knew she was alive."

"Why didn't you tell me about her? If you knew she was alive, we could have searched for her together, put ads in the papers, there's even organizations that—"

She interrupted him. "I searched, I never gave up hope, that's why I started all my astrology letters, remember them? I was always thinking about her. You know, hoping maybe one letter would be from her. Everywhere I went I'd put ads in the papers, things that only she would understand, and I thought about her, concentrated on her."

He sipped his brandy and waited.

"I would think about what she owed me, what I had done for her. Then I would become angry, because I knew she had to feel me too, had to know I was alive, and I would curse her, hate her for not coming to me. I wanted her to come to me, I wanted to put my hands around her throat and choke her to death."

"What?"

"She left me... she left me, Luis, she left me." Her voice was hardly audible. He poured himself another brandy, uncertain if what he was hearing made any sense. Ruda was silent, staring from the window. When she continued her voice was stronger.

"I kept her alive. But when the Russians liberated the camp, I saw her from the hospital window walking hand in hand with a soldier. The soldier lifted her up onto his shoulders. I saw him give her chocolate. And she never turned back, never came back for me."

She bit her fingernails. "She never tried to find me. Luis, I could have forgiven everything, if she'd just tried to find me. With her rich husband, her children, she had money, she could have found me. I know that now."

"It was a long time ago, she was a child. Maybe you..."

"Maybe I nothing, Luis. Everything with you is always maybe this or maybe that. I know she knew what they were doing to me, she knew because she could see. They starved me and fed her like a pig. They put these things on my brain, and they gave her dolls. She knew what they were doing to me. I hate her."

He tried to put his arm around her, but she shrugged him away.

"Ruda, what difference does it make now? She's here, you're reunited. You can't really hate her, she's part of you. Now you can make up for all the—"

She screamed at him: "You don't understand!"

Luis put his hands up. "Jesus Christ — I am trying, Ruda! I wasn't there, Ruda. All I know is what I hear, what you tell me. You're angry because you blame what went on in the ring tonight on her."

Ruda kicked at the table. "Shut up! You don't know! You weren't there!"

"I know that, sweetheart, of course I don't know."

"No you don't know. How could you? Nobody can even imagine what happened there. Nobody did, it's forgotten. They kept on telling me to forget. It was over, I should forget. I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell them. The longing, Luis, I longed for her so much, it was like a well inside me, that filled up and drowned me. I drowned with longing for her to come to me, to... make what had happened real."

"Who told you? I can't follow what you're saying. Who are they?"

She sighed. "The doctors, the nurses, the stupid fat-faced nurses in the asylum. They put me in with crazy people because there was no place else. Just forget, just forget, they said. Take this, swallow this, this'll make you sleep. Nothing happened, it's all over. Forget? How could I forget when every white coat made me remember, every needle terrified me, until I learned to keep silent, until I learned never to speak to anyone. There was no point."

Her lips trembled. "Forget? Tell me how! There were all these babies, newborn babies. But not one was alive, they were blue from cold. Some were bloody, some still had their cords dangling out of their bellies. And they were stacked on a concrete block. Rebecca thought they were dolls. She asked if she could have one. But I knew they were dead babies. I knew, because from my window, where they kept me, I would see them being born, outside on the slabs in the snow. Don't touch them, Bekki, they're not to play with. Don't touch them. But she had one, Luis, she had one in her arms."

Her face twisted into a silent scream. She covered her mouth as the wounds that had been locked up inside her for so many years began to open. "You remember. You can't forget. Every time you see a baby you remember. Papa told me it was all right, he used to stand with me and watch the babies coming. He held my hand, and I didn't think anything was wrong because he whistled. He was always whistling. The next time I saw Rebecca she had a doll, he had given her a real doll so she could play at being a mama."

Luis felt sick. The image of the dead infants haunted him. Ruda's hands plucked at her jacket. "He liked me to call him Papa."

Her voice became no more than a whisper. She tried to say the name of the man whose face was buried inside her mind, the man who had tortured her and caused her indescribable anguish. For deep beneath her scarred body lay a consuming, confused, and heartbreaking guilt. Slowly it began to surface: She was once again the little girl sitting on his knee, hands clasped around the sweet he had given her. The little girl who said, "It's mine!" He had kissed her cheek and pinched her chin, teasing her. She could hear his voice.

"Open it, you can open it!"

"No."

"Don't you want it?"

"My sister, I want it for my sister."

He had laughed then and jerked his knee hard so that she fell to the floor. "What is your sister's name?"

"Rebecca."

"Ah yes. Is she well?"

Ruda nodded, and he crouched low, resting on the heels of his polished boots. He traced her cheek with his white-gloved hand. "Tell me, do you feel pain when your sister is hurt?"

"Yes."

He seemed delighted. He brought out a box of sugar almonds with a pink ribbon, and gave a small bow, clicking his heels. "These are for you and your sister."

She reached out, but he withdrew the box. "I want a kiss." She stood on tiptoes, slipped her arms around his neck, and kissed first his right, then his left cheek. He smelled of limes. With the box of almonds tucked under one arm, her hand in his, they walked into the hospital wing.

"Bring her sister, I want her sister! These are going to be my special twins..."

Grimaldi said nothing, simply sat watching her. When Ruda lifted her face up to him, her eyes had a faraway expression. She stared unseeing as the face of the monster emerged. The face of the man who had embraced the child with love, and yet tortured her tiny body. The being who had twisted her mind for experiments that had benefited no one. Why had he never stood trial? Why had he never been punished? The Dark Angel's wing had overshadowed her life. She could never pretend that it had not happened. It had... and slowly her rage against him began to unfold.

Rebecca pressed her body against the side of the trailer. She could feel the rage growing inside her. For the first time she could separate herself from the rage and watch it manifest itself. She could see her hands clench and unclench. Before when it started happening, she had always lost control and would have no memory of what had occurred. But now she knew the rage was not hers, but Ruda's. Now their minds entwined, like an electric circuit fusing, ready to ignite...

Rebecca fought against its taking over. She tried to reach the trailer door, to call out that she was there, that she had not tried to find Ruda because she had been forced to forget. But now the memories came back in a blinding, red-hot blaze.

Luis saw it happen and couldn't stop it. The rage exploded inside Ruda: Her body tensed, the veins in her neck throbbed, her hands beat the air, and her mouth opened in a terrible silent scream. But above all, it was the madness in her eyes that made him freeze.

The fury she had held in check for so long blinded her, and she attacked Luis — she believed him to be Papa, and she had to destroy him...

Mamon lay with his head resting on his paws. Mike, easing open the trapdoor, pushed the feed tray inside. Vernon was carrying bales of clean straw. He called to Mike. "Eh! I wouldn't try that, Mike.

Leave it for her. They'll be going to join the parade any minute."

Mike half turned, his hand still on the bolt of the trapdoor. At that moment Mamon lunged forward, his full weight hitting the side of the cage: The trapdoor flew open, knocking Mike off his feet. Mamon was out.

Vernon dropped the bale of straw and threw himself out of the way, but Mamon wasn't interested in either of them; he was loping toward the open tent flap, churning up the sawdust. His roar was terrifying in its volume and intensity.

"Oh shit! Oh my God... Get the nets! Fucking get the nets!"

Word spread fast; within minutes the area was cordoned off and gatekeepers and parking attendants warned that no one was to be allowed beyond the barriers. The helpers ran toward the trailer park, their flashlights flickering as they questioned anyone who might have seen where Mamon had run.

As panic spread the security men were alerted.

The grand parade was just drawing to a close, the audience cheering, flowers and balloons tumbling from the top of the tent.

Thousands of chattering, laughing people streamed from the exits. They gathered alongside buses, or made their way on foot back down the road. Some walked to their parked cars. Children were carried in parents' arms, fast asleep, while others ran whooping and screaming, carrying circus maps, toys, and balloons.

The sky opened again with a heavy roll of thunder. Rain came lashing down.

Mike ran hysterically to the Grimaldi trailer, while Torsen and his group headed back to their car, via the trailer park.

Helen and the baron were pushed and buffeted along by the crowd as they headed for the trailer park barriers.

Inside the trailer Grimaldi tried desperately to control Ruda. It was difficult to move out of her reach. Twice he had caught her arms, but she had struggled free. She scratched, kicked, and tore at him. She had overturned the table, ripped the sofa cushions. She couldn't hear him, the rage consumed her. Her jaws snapped like an animal's.

Grimaldi gripped her by the hair. Ruda twisted and punched her elbow into his stomach. As he released his hold and buckled over, she pulled his head up, forcing him back. Her hands clenched his throat.

Rebecca banged and pushed at the door, hit it with the flat of her hand and then ran to a window, screaming to be let in. Ruda turned. For an instant she froze, then she picked up a chair and hurled it at Rebecca's face. It shattered the window. Grimaldi got on his feet, but Ruda went for him again. Rebecca tried to crawl through the broken window. A jagged sliver of glass cut her cheek. Her hand flew up to her face.

Ruda backed away, her hand pressed to her cheek as if she were the one who had cut herself. Then she reached out and hauled Rebecca inside, crushing her in her arms. It was a killing embrace, a furious protection. They were locked together as one.

Grimaldi grabbed hold of Ruda from behind, wrenched her away and Rebecca screamed. She felt as if she were being plucked out of her own body.

Grimaldi slapped Ruda's face hard, jerking her head from side to side.

"You're killing her!.. Ruda! Ruda!"

She seemed to calm down. He gripped her face in his hands. "Ruda, it's me, it's me!" Rebecca clawed Grimaldi, desperate for Ruda's embrace.

Running toward the trailer, Mike screamed out: "Ruda! Ruda!"

Mike was at the shattered window. "He's loose, Mamon's loose. Nobody can find him, we've got the nets standing by."

Ruda's push sent Grimaldi crashing into the wall, banging against Rebecca. They fell in a tangled heap as Ruda threw herself out of the window. Grimaldi staggered to his feet, but he was too late. He could see Ruda running after Mike.

Rebecca started to scream and he crouched down beside her. "Listen to me, stay here. Do you understand? Don't leave the trailer, stay inside."

"Ruda, I want Ruda. Ruda, Ruda!"

Grimaldi lifted her off her feet, sat her down. "Just do as I say. Don't leave the trailer. We'll sort everything out."

Rebecca shook with terror as Grimaldi threw the bench cushions aside, searching for his gun. In her confusion she believed he was going to shoot Ruda. She lurched toward him, clinging to his arm. "No! Please... please don't hurt her!"

Grimaldi pushed her roughly away. "The hurting's been done. Just stay inside, stay inside!"

"She needs me. I have to go to her."

He turned on her in a fury. "You are too late. Stay in the goddamned trailer!"

Grimaldi slammed the door shut and ran toward the torchlights and shouting voices. Every available man had formed a human wall cordoning off the trailer area from the crowds. A voice shouted that Mamon had been spotted. He was behind the animal tents. Hand-in-hand the men walked forward, step by step, drawing the chain of arms tighter as the helpers with the nets ran to the clearing by the tents.

Ruda was running ahead of Mike, repeating: "Don't hurt him... don't let them hurt him."

Helen and the baron were confronted by two parking attendants. "Stay outside the barrier. No one is allowed inside."

The baron demanded to be let through.

"I'm sorry. No one can come into this area until we have clearance. Please wait!"

Helen explained that they were to meet Grimaldi at his trailer. She was informed that no one was allowed beyond the barrier.

"This is ridiculous, Louis, we've been told we can meet him."

"Look over there, can you see?" Louis pointed to the lights. Helen looked, she could see the chain of men, some still in costume, moving closer and closer.

"What's going on?"

Suddenly they saw Torsen and his group.

"It's the inspector. Maybe he can help us."

They hurried to Torsen, but he was unable to do anything. He too had been asked to leave. They all stared across to the lights.

Two men ran into view carrying a large net. They were shouting. "They got him cornered on the open ground over by the garbage cans. We're getting the nets around the back, too. Just in case!"

Torsen stepped forward. "I am a police officer. What's happened?"

The gatekeeper waved his hand to indicate they should all stay behind the barriers. "Everything's under control now, sir. Just keep moving, please leave this area."

Torsen looked to Rieckert, then to the baron. "What do you think's wrong?"

Again the baron approached the gatekeeper. "My wife is with the Grimaldis. Has something happened?"

"Please. Just stay out until I've got clearance. It'll soon be all over..."

"What will, for God's sake?" Louis was furious. He looked back to the lights, and caught sight of Rebecca. He shouted to her but she disappeared. "That was my wife. Please, please let me through!"

"No, sir... I'm sorry, this is for your own safety."

"Would the public please leave the premises as quickly as possible. No one is allowed near the artists' trailer enclosure. For your own safety, please remain outside the barriers..."

The baron and Helen did not budge, but Torsen and his group began to make their way back to the patrol car. The loudspeakers repeated the warnings. The barrier was now heavily guarded. A group of boys in jeans and T-shirts soaked from the rain tried to climb over. The gatekeepers ran to chase them out. Overexcited and unaware of the danger, the boys dodged the gatekeepers, as if it were all a game.

Helen and the baron pushed back the barrier and made a run for it, just as Torsen returned to help the gatekeepers catch the boys. They made their way toward where they had spotted Rebecca. They could now see clearly the human chain edging closer.

Torsen and Rieckert found themselves in an ugly scuffle with the boys. One of them knocked Torsen to the ground. He shot back on his feet and gave the boy a good belting. "I am a police officer.

Now, do as you're told or I'll arrest you for disturbing the peace. Go on — out, get out!"

The boys trudged away. The gatekeeper thanked Torsen. "A big cat is loose, sir. That's what the panic is about. Obviously I can't tell the kids, they'll think they're tough and try and get back in. But it's under control now, the animal is over on the open ground by the trash cans, that's what the nets were for."

Torsen wiped his bloody nose. "You sure they don't need a couple of extra hands?"

"Thank you, sir, but for your own safety just stay back there. It's all under control now."

One of the clowns ran past shouting that more men were needed over on the far side. Torsen called Rieckert. "Come on, let's go."

Rieckert and his girlfriend clung to the barrier. "Maybe I should stay with the girls. No need for both of us to go!"

"Fine. You do that. Get them into the car, I'll see if I can help."

Mamon was weaving in and out underneath the big trailers, his body low to the ground. The burning torches stuck at regular intervals provided some light. As long as they could see him, there was no reason to panic. They preferred to wait until all the crowds had gone before closing in on him. Meanwhile the nets were being linked up, cornering Mamon.

Ruda put on a pair of heavy gloves and picked up a long pole. Mike followed with a bucket of meat as she pushed her way through.

"Thank you. Please stay back, please back! And keep quiet. Thank you."

"He's under the big trailer with the red shutters, been there a good five minutes!" a trapeze artist informed. Ruda moved on. She entered the circle, two men parted hands to let her in.

Ruda looked around at the fearful faces. "Okay, everybody. I want to entice him back out into the open. Those with loose nets move in closer, everybody else stay back until I give word. He's probably panicky, but I can control him. Stay back... and keep silent."

They did not need to be told twice: No one wanted to get close. The boys began lining up the barriers used in the act, to make an open-air caged arena. A tractor towed Mamon's main cage in close. When everything was quiet, Ruda moved further into the clearing.

The back wall of the tent cut off one route and now the barriers hemmed Mamon in on all sides. He slid between the trailer wheels, his fur flattened, his paws muddy. Then he darted under another trailer, but the lights were on him, and the trailer was low. He struggled, began to toss his head, and eased himself out backward.

"Ruda, he's between the two trailers," Mike called out, then turned as Grimaldi came up behind him. Mike saw the gun, looked at Ruda, but said nothing. "They've got him trapped."

The cage was drawn closer, the trapdoor was open. Mamon could see it directly ahead of him. He was fifty to sixty feet away from the clearing, standing in an alley, trailers on either side. Behind him were the nets. The only clear route was ahead. He began moving slowly toward the arena. He paused, sniffing the air. He picked up Ruda's scent.

"Good boy! Come on, come on, Ma'angel... good boy. Come to Mama, come on..."

Mamon's eyes glittered like amber lights, his teeth gleamed as he approached her. Panic made his chest heave, saliva dribbled from his open jaw. Ruda bent down slightly, whispering encouragement. He kept on coming.

"Come on, good boy... come to Mama! He's coming, please keep silent. Don't unnerve him."

Rebecca slipped under the linked arms of two men. For a brief moment they were confused, thinking she was Ruda. By the time they realized their mistake, it was too late to stop her — she was already running between the trailers.

Rebecca saw the flares and the nets, but they meant nothing to her. She wanted to get to Ruda.

By now, Helen and Louis had been told what was going on and remained waiting outside the ring of men. They couldn't see Mamon, but they could feel the electrifying tension in the crowd.

Torsen joined them. Helen explained that they were still trying to capture the lion. Louis tried to make out Rebecca in the flickering lights, but he couldn't see her, and looked toward Ruda. He was struck by the eerie likeness, her long shadow directly behind her, making her look like a giant.

Mamon continued his slow journey down the aisle between the trailers, while Rebecca ran the last few yards between the ones adjacent to him, and suddenly she burst into the clearing.

"Ruda... Ruda!"

There she was between Ruda and Mamon, unaware that the big cat was no more than twenty feet behind her. Mamon froze. Head up, he sniffed the air, then lowered his head and growled, darting back. Crazed, he ran toward the nets, then made an about-face, snarled with anger, and charged back into the clearing.

The men were ready with the nets. If Mamon came within range they would release the poles to drop the mesh over him. But he was wily, and kept his distance, moving further into the clearing. Now there was nothing between him and Rebecca.

Rebecca turned, saw Mamon, and looked back to Ruda in terror. Ruda's voice was soft, persuasive, cajoling, and calm. "Don't move. Stay perfectly still. Don't move, keep your hands at your sides."

Ruda inched forward, moving a fraction to her right, keeping Mamon directly in her line of vision. Mamon tilted his head to the right, to the left. He stepped forward, stopped. Crouched. He was ready to spring.

"Move toward me, one step at a time."

Grimaldi knew the cat was enraged enough to attack. He cursed the stupid bitch, his heart pounding, but he knew that if he were to make a move now it could be fatal for both women — like everyone else he remained motionless, his hand clenching the rifle.

Rebecca took one step forward, her back still to Mamon. He was watching her. She moved forward again, and he followed, low on his haunches.

Grimaldi raised the rifle, trying to release the safety catch silently, but the click made Mamon lift his head.

Ruda heard the slight sound, but did not take her eyes off Mamon. Her voice remained calm.

"Don't touch me, just move very slowly behind me. You can do it, nobody will hurt you, Bekka. Come on, I'm here. Ruda's here."

Rebecca edged behind Ruda, into her shadow. "Good, Bekka, good. Now, when I step forward, you step back. But slowly, very slowly. Wait!"

Mamon hurtled from the aisle, his outline clear to everyone. He seemed to begin a lunge and then stop, his chest heaving as he glared around. The sisters remained together.

"Back! Mamon, back... MA'ANGELLLL!"

The baron tried to break through the chain of men, but he was pushed back, forced to watch with everyone else as Ruda moved closer to Mamon, placing herself in danger as, step for step, Rebecca moved away to safety.

Louis pushed forward and grabbed hold of Rebecca. If she knew it was he, she gave no indication. She was rigid, her eyes riveted on Ruda.

"Is she safe?" Ruda kept her voice calm, never taking her eyes off Mamon. "Is she safe?" she repeated.

Grimaldi took a step into the arena. "I've got her. Now back up to me, I'm about four feet behind you, just start backing toward me, sweetheart, I'm here... Ruda?"

Slowly Ruda lifted her right arm, and let the whip drop. Then she lifted her left arm. Both her arms were now open wide, and there was a moment of total silence. No one moved, no one spoke. Luis, expecting Ruda to step back, shifted a fraction to his right, aiming the rifle. It happened in a split second.

Ruda did not move back, she stepped forward. Mamon and Ruda seemed to move simultaneously toward each other; then he reared up onto his hind legs, and sat back on his haunches. His massive paws enveloped her head and shoulders in a terrifying embrace.

Perhaps he was simply obeying a command, a command he was used to being given in the ring: KISS. Nobody heard the command, but she had said something. Those nearest her clearly heard her say "Ma'angel." Then the shots rang out.

The first bullet hit him in his right shoulder. His jaws sprang open as the second bullet hit him just above his right ear. The third bullet entered his right side. It struck his heart, but he was already dead. The big animal fell forward still holding her, his weight crushed her and snapped her neck. Ruda made no sound, no cry.

Four men had to roll him off her body. Her hands were clenched tightly to his fur, his blood covered her shirt. At first they thought one of the bullets had hit Ruda. Only when Grimaldi took her in his arms did they realize her neck had been broken. The big man held his wife, rocking her gently, sobbing. The helpers moved in closer, as if protecting him, shielding him. They formed a circle around him, and bowed their heads.

Mamon's carcass was dragged away in the nets. In death he seemed pitiful. All power gone. His limp body was sodden from the rain, his claws and feet caked in mud. The three bullet wounds were hidden beneath his thick fur, but the dark blood matted his coat.

Helen and Louis took Rebecca to the first aid room. She was dazed, robotlike. By the time the doctor came to see her, she was catatonic. She did not know where she was, she did not recognize Louis or Helen. When Dr. Franks arrived an hour later, they arranged for her to be taken to his clinic.

Torsen sat in the patrol car, his face so pale it seemed almost blue. "She's dead. The lion attacked her, she's dead..."

Rieckert swore. "Shit! What a thing to miss. Wish I'd been there."

Torsen shook his head. "No. No, I don't think so. It was one of the saddest, most horrifying things I have ever seen. I don't think I can drive home. Will you drive us back?"

Torsen moved to the backseat, and Freda held his hand. She knew he was crying, but that made her feel even closer to him.

"She seemed to give herself to the animal. She had no fear. From where I was standing I could see her face... and she smiled, I am sure of it... She smiled, as if she knew she was going to die."

Freda stroked his arm. "I see it every day, those who are afraid to let go, and those who welcome the end. It's strange, when it's over all the pain in their faces is gone."

He was quiet for a moment. "I know she killed once, maybe twice. No one will ever know exactly what happened and I doubt if I would ever have been able to prove it!"

Luis Grimaldi, wearing a big overcoat, stood by the stonecutter, whose face and overalls were covered with a fine film of dust. The man's large, gnarled hands held the sheet of paper tightly, because of the wind. The rain that had not stopped for days made the ink drawing run.

"Can you do it?"

"Yes. It'll take a while, and I'll need a very large block. Black marble is the most expensive. I have to have it shipped in from Italy."

"I'll pay whatever it costs. I've brought you photographs. If there's anything else you need, you know where to contact me!"

The stonecutter watched the big broad-shouldered man walk out of his yard. He carefully folded the damp sheet of paper. He had received some strange requests for headstones in the past, but never one like this.

When the marble arrived he set to work. In truth, he relished the challenge. As the massive head began to take shape, it seemed to take on a life of its own. He buffed and polished, then stood back to gaze in admiration. He felt an enormous sense of achievement. This work surpassed any of the other angels he'd carved to guard over the dead.

At first he had considered taking over the act, but every animal reminded him of Ruda, and he sold all the cats to the Russian trainer. He then sold the trailer to the circus management. Now there was nothing left to keep him in Berlin. He made no attempt to find Rebecca, but wrote her a brief note care of the Grand Hotel giving details of Ruda's burial. He also sent her the small black tin box, feeling that perhaps the contents would mean something to Rebecca. But he did not want to see her. He blamed her for Ruda's death.

Luis had no thought of what he would do next, he was at a loss. Without Ruda he didn't seem able to function in the world to which he had introduced her.

He knew just one thing. He had to wait until the headstone was ready.

The sky was clear and cloudless the day he went to say his last good-bye. Grimaldi could see it immediately, towering above the other tombstones, and his breath caught in his throat. He had done something right. Immediately after Ruda's death, when he had been inconsolable, blaming himself, the tears he had shed had broken from him in gasping sobs. Now he wept gently, tears welling up and spilling down his cheeks.

He towered above her, his wonderful head resting on his paws, his black mane, his wide black eyes. His jaw was open in warning not to touch or trespass upon the grave. Carved in gold was his name. MAMON.