First to Die

Chapter 89

A COOL BREEZE was blowing in my face. Oh, God, what a night. What a day. What a roller coaster. I sat wrapped in a quilt out on my terrace, overlooking the south end of the bay. Nothing moving, only the lights of San Leandro in the distance. It was quarter of two. In the bedroom, Chris lay asleep. He'd earned some rest. I couldn't sleep. My body was too alive, tingling, like a distant shore with a thousand flickering lights. I couldn't help but smile at the thought: It had been a great day. "June twenty-seventh," I said aloud, "I'm gonna remember you." First we find the book. Then we arrest Jenks. I never imagined it could go any further. But it had. It went way further. Chris and I had made love that night twice more, the last three hours a sweet dance of touching, panting, loving. I didn't want to feel Chris's hands ever leave me. I didn't ever want to miss the heat of his body. It was a new, electrifying sensation. For once, I had held nothing back, and that was very, very good. But here, in the dark of the night, an accusing voice needled me. I was lying. I hadn't given it all. There was the one inescapable truth that I was hiding. I hadn't told him about Negli's. I didn't know how to. Just as we had felt such life, how could I tell him I might be dying. That my body, which a moment ago was so alive with passion, was infected. In a single day, it seemed that everything in my life was transformed. I wanted to soar. I deserved it. I deserved to be happy. But he deserved to know. I heard a rustling behind me. It was Chris. "What are you doing out here?" he asked. He came up behind me, placed his hands on my neck and shoulders. I was hugging my knees, the quilt barely covering my breasts. "It's gonna be hard," I said, leaning my head on him, "to go back to the way things were." "Who said anything about going back?" "I mean, like partners. Watching you across the room. Tomorrow we have to interrogate Jenks. Big day for both of us." His fingers teased my breasts, then the back of my neck. He was driving me crazy. "You don't have to worry," he said. "Once the case is made, I'm going back. I'll stick around for the interrogation." "Chris," I said, as a chill shot through me. I had gotten used to him. "I told you we weren't going to be partners forever." He bent down, inhaling the smell of my hair. "At least not that kind of partners." "What kind does that leave?" I murmured. My neck was on fire where his hands caressed me. Oh, let this go somewhere, I begged inside. Let this go all the way to the moon. Could I just tell him? It was no longer that I couldn't find a way. It was just, now that we were here, I didn't want it to end. I let him take me into the bedroom. "This keeps getting better and better," I whispered. "Doesn't it? I can't wait to see what happens next."