Frostbitten

BALANCE

WE WENT THROUGH a burger drive-through. That served as appetizers, gone before we reached the hotel where we ordered last-minute room service-a couple of decent Alaskan crab sandwiches and a big bowl of surprisingly good seafood chowder.

As Clay finished, he stretched out beside me on the bed. "So, are we going to finish our conversation about you becoming Alpha?"

"I thought we did."

"No, we stopped short of getting to the part where you tell me what's really bothering you. I've been putting together the pieces. First, you were eager for me to get home and discuss it, so whatever's bugging you must have something to do with me. But even after our talk, you're still worried."

I scraped the bottom of my bowl.

He shifted closer. "You're afraid that when you become Alpha, things between us will change."

Bull's-eye on the first shot. So why did my throat clench when I tried to agree? Why did my brain fill with dozens of other things to say, ways to deflect, to tease, to make light?

I swallowed and forced the words out. "I'm happy."

"Hard to say, isn't it?" He shifted onto his side, his voice lowering.

"No, I… Obviously I'm happy. You know that."

"Feeling happy, acting happy, letting me know in little ways that you are happy? That's easy. But saying the words? It's like saying you miss me. An admission of complacency. After what I did, you don't feel you should be truly happy with me. At least you shouldn't admit it, not to me."

I tried to look at him, but my neck muscles still wouldn't obey, so I stared into my bowl. "I know you didn't mean to bite me. Not like that-without my permission." He'd thought Jeremy was going to separate us and he'd panicked.

"I put you through hell and then I only made it worse, all the mistakes I made trying to get you back."

"I've forgiven you."

"Forgive, yes. Understand, yes. Forget, no."

My stomach clenched. "I want to forget. I want to get past it. Completely past it."

"You can't. You won't. Maybe you shouldn't. But we're making little steps. Saying you love me. Saying you want to be with me. Saying you trust me. And now saying you miss me. The next big hurdle is saying you like your life the way it is."

"I love my life." I met his gaze.

"And you're afraid that'll change if you become Alpha. More specifically, you're afraid we'll change." He shifted closer. "I spent ten years dreaming of getting us here-together, happy, kids-certain I'd fucked up too badly to even hope. If I honestly thought you becoming Alpha would ruin it, don't you think I'd kick up a fuss? Hell, I'd become Alpha myself if I had to."

I nodded.

"But you're still worried."

I sat up. "I'll get over it. Jeremy said he won't start the handover until the kids are in first grade, and even then we'll take it gradually. It's not like he's going anywhere. He's just… tired, I guess. Ready to train his successor."

"Are you ready to be that successor?"

I took a minute to think about it. "I'm… not sure. Right now, I'm most uncomfortable with being your Alpha. No matter how bad things got between us, that's one thing that always meant a lot to me-that you saw us as partners, as equals, that I never had to fight for that."

"Who takes the lead in the field now? You do. Have for years."

"That's not the same thing. Jeremy puts me in charge, but you feel free to give your advice or jump in if I screw up. Like with Reese. You knew he'd only accept help if he felt it came with strings attached-I missed that completely."

"Is there any reason I can't keep doing that if you're Alpha?"

I looked at him. "Will you?"

He laughed. "You think you can stop me from giving my opinion?" He twisted to face me. "Tell you what. It'll be a few years before you're officially Alpha, but why don't we start the handover now, between us. When we're on assignment like this, you're Alpha. You call the shots. You give the orders. I obey."

I smiled.

"I said in the field" Clay growled. "On assignment."

I eased back, pulling my feet up. "Oh, I don't know. Half measures could just get confusing. The only way this is going to work is total role immersion. As second-in-command, your job is to take care of me. Make me happy. Fulfill my every whim."

"You're ascending to Alpha-hood, not god-hood."

"Close enough."

He grabbed my ankles as I tried to back up further. "The only way this is going to work, darling, is through total role balance. In public, you call the shots. In private, I'm in charge."

"Pfft."

He leaned over. "You do want to make this work, don't you?"

"Not that badly."

I rocked back fast, wrenching my feet free and swinging out of bed. When he leapt up, I held out my hands, warding him off.

"And how long do you think that would work for you?" I asked.

"Total control? A submissive wife means you don't get to win control anymore. No more chases. No more fights. Not much fun in dominance games if you're the winner by default."

"True… "

"You'd miss that, wouldn't you?"

He stepped toward me, eyes glittering.

"Uh-uh," I said, backing up. "It's a very small hotel room."

"But now that you've mentioned it, maybe I am feeling a little threatened by this whole Alpha business."

I stepped back, smacking into the dresser. "No… "

"I'm feeling the need to… I don't know. Reassert myself."

"Don't you-"

I dove out of his way, but didn't quite make it. He grabbed the front of my shirt. I yanked free, toppling a floor lamp. Clay grabbed it before it fell.

"Now, now, darling, you know how much Jeremy hates damage bills."

"Then you're going to have to stop chasing me."

"Then you're going to have to stop running, and start following orders."

I laughed my answer to that. He leapt at me. I jumped onto the bed, scampering across it. I stopped before hopping off. He'd stayed on the other side of the bed, still on the floor, slowly making his way to the end of the bed, ready to dart around and cut me off. I backed up. He backed up. I started forward. He started forward.

"This isn't going to work," I said. "The room's too small."

"Then stop running."

"Pfft."

"I'm getting older, you know. Keep running and I might decide I'm just not all that interested."

I glanced down at his crotch. "You sure look interested."

"But you're not?"

I bounced on the bed. "I can take it or leave it."

Now it was his turn to laugh. Then he started peeling off his shirt.

I stopped bouncing. "Hey, that's cheating."

"If you aren't interested, it shouldn't bother you."

He tugged the shirt off over his head, taking a little extra effort with the motion, making sure all those perfectly defined muscles got into the action. He tossed the shirt onto the bed and grinned.

"Your indicators might not be as obvious as mine, darling, but that sure as hell looks like interested to me."

"It's been a long two weeks."

He stepped back, eyeing the bed, considering a leap. "I'm sure you found ways to relieve the pressure."

"Actually, no. I waited."

"You…?"

"Waited. Isn't that what you always say? Get spoiled, and you only want the real thing? Better to build up an appetite? Well… " I met his gaze. "I guess I'm spoiled now, too."

He leapt onto the bed, coming at me so fast that I tripped trying to get off the other side. As I fell, he grabbed for my leg. I managed to jump up, standing on the bed again, sidestepping his grasp, then leaping over to the tiny desk. It groaned under my weight.

"If you break that, Jeremy won't be happy."

"I won't need to, if you stop chasing me."

He slid slowly off the bed, measuring the distance between us. "Always my fault, isn't it?"

"Always."

He lunged. I saw it coming and vaulted over his head for the bed again. As I jumped, my foot sent the desk lamp crashing into the wall.

"My fault, I suppose," Clay said.

"Naturally."

He started circling the bottom of the bed, then twisted, lunging and knocking my legs out, tackling me to the bed. This time, I couldn't get away. I tried… well, kind of. Within seconds, though, he had me pinned beneath him, face looming over mine.

"So what's this about waiting for me?" he said.

"Just like I said. I'm spoiled. I only want the good stuff."

That made him grin.

"It was a long two weeks," I said. "Why did you think I missed you so much?"

He growled, pulling my hands over my head and holding them in one of his. I struggled… well, kind of.

"I could make you miss it a lot more… even being in the same room as me."

"Think so?"

"Know so."

Maneuvering carefully, he managed to get my shirt and bra pushed up, then switched hands to get them off without releasing my wrists. He grabbed the pillow with his free hand, took the case between his teeth and ripped a strip off the end.

"Hey, damage bills," I said. "How are you going to explain that one to Jeremy?"

"Weak fabric."

He tied it around my wrists, binding them to the headboard. I gave a few experimental tugs.

He mock-frowned. "Hmm, maybe not so weak after all. My mistake."

He pulled off my pants, followed by my underwear. I arched, feeling the whisper of warm air from the heating vents tickle across my skin. Clay unbuttoned his jeans. I watched. He slid them over his hips. I watched. He kicked them across the room, then peeled off his boxers. I watched. I enjoyed. Then he slid his hand down his stomach, ending at the inevitable barrier. He wrapped his fingers around it and stroked. I watched. I enjoyed. I continued to enjoy until about a minute passed when I began to feel a little left out.

I cleared my throat. He stopped.

"Yes," he said.

"Ahem."

He arched his brows.

"Me… " I said.

"What about you?"

I kicked him for that, bucking under him, knee flying up and smacking against his back with an oomph. He grinned. I glared.

"You want something, darling?"

"Yes. Do you need instructions? Or directions?"

He stroked himself again, fingers tight, eyes narrowing in pleasure. "Nope, I think I'm doing just fine."

I kneed his back again. "I believe your mandate was to make me want you, and as hot as that is… it's not going to do the job all by itself."

"No, I believe the mandate was to make you miss sex, not want it. Missing it would imply-" He leaned down. "-that you aren't going to get it."

I struggled against the tie. It was only a strip of fabric, laughably thin, but I couldn't get the leverage to yank hard enough. I tried, though, twisting and bucking under him.

"All right," Clay said with a sigh. "I suppose I could give you a little of this… "

His mouth moved to my nipple, biting and licking until I stopped fighting and arched up, eyes closed, hips straining for his. He moved on to the other, flicked his tongue across it, making me gasp and writhe.

"Or maybe a little of this… "

His tongue traced a path down my chest and over my stomach. I lifted my hips. He chuckled, and slowed down, tickling and teasing as I wiggled, trying to redirect him. Finally he made it, teeth grazing exactly the right place, nibbling and sucking, making me decide I could forgive him for toying with me, if only he'd keep toying with me this way just a little longer, driving me to that point where all it would take was-

He stopped. I growled. He chuckled.

"Sorry, darling, just thought maybe you were ready for a little of this… "

He slid into me. I moaned my appreciation. Foreplay is wonderful, but this was what it was all about, him inside me, slowly pushing deeper, building up to that moment when we couldn't hold back, that frantic, hard, desperate thrusting-

He pulled out.

"And I think that's enough of that, don't you?"

I snarled. I growled. I called him really, really nasty names.

"Now, now, darling," he said. "You just relax while I finish up here." He started stroking himself again. "If you want to watch, feel free. It won't take long."

I called him more names. I yanked and pulled and struggled so hard the headboard groaned.

"Hey, damage bills," he said. "You really don't want to explain that one to Jeremy."

"Then finish what you started and we won't have to."

His brows arched. "Is that an order? You know, I think this Alpha business is going to your head. Yet another reason why, if we're going to make this relationship work, we need balance. Outside the bedroom, you're in charge. But in it?" He leaned over me, teeth flashing as he grinned. "It's all about me."

I snapped the baluster from the headboard and leapt up, knocking him over backward and pouncing on him.

"Or maybe not… " he said.

I slid myself onto him. Just an inch. Then another inch. He grinned, eyes rolling up, a sigh hissing through his teeth. Another inch. I clenched him tight, and his hands slid up under my armpits, thumbs flicking my nipples. Another half-inch. He groaned, eyes closing now, all but a slit, never completely closing, always watching me. Another half-inch…

I jumped up, dancing backward on the bed.

He snarled and tried grabbing my legs. I backpedaled… right over the edge of the bed, grabbing the floor lamps as I went down. It toppled onto me. Clay sprang, pushing my knees apart, plunging into me. He knocked the lamp aside. I dimly heard it crash into something else. I didn't really care. I just arched up to meet his thrusts, bruisingly, wonderfully hard thrusts, his arms around me, mouth coming to mine, kissing me just as hard, growling deep in his throat, the growls getting ragged as my own breathing did, taking us closer and closer until… Bliss.

We lay there a moment, entwined around each other, panting. Then I lifted my head to look at the room. Two broken lamps. One ripped pillowcase. One damaged headboard. Not bad… Oh, shit. Was that a picture frame? Two picture frames. How the hell did we…?

I sighed.

"We'll snag the bill before Jeremy sees it," Clay said.

I sighed louder.

"Bigger room, darling. Like I said, we need a bigger room."