Funny Money

37 Bally’s

You know what a pack rat Doyle was,” Liddy said.

Valentine stood in the foyer of Liddy’s house, staring at a pile of Doyle’s stuff in the middle of the living room floor that she was about to throw away. It was stuff he could relate to. Old record albums, bundled copies of Life magazine, and an old wooden tennis racket in a frame.

“I want you to go out of town for a few days.”

Liddy frowned. “I’m not ready for that, Tony.”

“I think you’d better. I found out who’s ripping off The Bombay.”

She sat down on the couch, a pained look on her face.

“Is it bad?”

“Yes,” he said.

Liddy had a cousin in Vermont. She wrote the phone number on a piece of paper and gave it to him. Valentine promised to call as soon as he could. She walked him to the door. Then said, “Wait,” and returned a few moments later holding a fax. “The dry cleaner found this in Doyle’s jacket.”

He slipped his bifocals on. It was a purchase order for fifty Series E Micro-Processor — Controlled Slot Machines from Bally’s Gaming in Nevada, the largest manufacturer of slots in the world.

“Can I keep this?”

“Of course.”

He stuffed the fax into his pocket and gave her a hug.

He drove to the Philadelphia airport and dropped his rental off. He found Kat sitting on a bench next to the Delta ticket counter, her daughter in a nearby arcade playing video games.

“I need a cigarette,” he said.

Next to the arcade was a special glassed-in room for smokers. He’d always looked down his nose at the people who sat in such places, puffing away furiously, and now he found himself sharing a bench with a couple of diehards. Kat sat beside him, holding his hand.

Zoe sauntered in. “Are you my mother’s new boyfriend?”

Valentine hemmed and hawed. The French probably had some cute word for his relationship with Kat, but the English language was void of such niceties.

“That’s me,” he said.

“Aren’t you a little old?”

“Zoe!”

She stared at her mother. “You know what they call these rooms?”

“No, honey, I don’t.”

“Nicotine aquariums.”

She kept up the monologue all the way to the Delta ticket counter. Valentine inquired about the next flight to Tampa. The ticket agent said, “How about right now?”

Valentine looked at the big board above the agent’s head. The noon flight to Tampa hadn’t left. The agent explained the situation.

“The plane needed some repairs. Nothing serious. I can still get all three of you on.”

“I also need to go to Palm Beach,” Valentine said.

“That’s the Tampa flight’s final destination,” the agent said.

Valentine laid his credit card on the counter.

“How much luggage?” the agent asked.

“None,” he said.

“Why are we going to Florida without any luggage?” Zoe wanted to know when they were seated in the very last row. The plane had been sitting at the gate for hours and was filled with the living dead.

Kat patted her daughter’s arm. “Well, honey, Tony asked me so suddenly, I just didn’t have time to pack.”

The pilot came over the PA and announced that it would be another ten minutes before they left. A collective groan filled the cabin. Kat and Zoe started to spar, the little girl masterful at pushing her mother’s buttons. Borrowing Kat’s cell phone, Valentine ducked into the lavatory. He dialed Mabel’s number.

“Oh Tony, you’re not going to believe what happened,” his neighbor said.

“What?”

“I took your advice and called my neighbor. He came over and rescued me from Cujo. Actually, he just opened the back door, and the dog ran out.

“Well, everything was fine until an hour ago. I was in the kitchen fixing a cup of tea. I was standing at the stove when I heard this sound. Like a rat gnawing at wood. It was coming from the back door, so I ducked down. Then I heard a voice. It was a man and he was swearing under his breath, saying motherf***ing this and motherf***ing that, like it was the first word he’d ever learned. And then it hit me. It was a burglar. Well, you’ll never guess what happened next.”

“A cop showed up.”

“Be serious!”

“Your neighbor came to your rescue.”

“Strike two.”

“For Christ’s sake, what happened?”

“Cujo rescued me. He was in the backyard and came flying through the bushes. He attached himself to the burglar’s butt, and they went dancing down the street.”

There was a knock on the bathroom door. He opened it. Zoe stood outside, her legs crossed.

“You gonna stay in there all day?”

“Sure am.”

Valentine shut the door. Then said, “Mabel, I wanted to tell you something.”

“What’s that?” his neighbor said.

“I met a woman, and she’s coming home with me. I wanted you to know.”

For a moment he thought Mabel had hung up on him.

“Does that mean I can’t work for you anymore?” she asked.

Valentine felt a lump in his throat.

“No, of course not.”

“I need to do something with my life,” Mabel said. “I admire you for doing something with yours. I just hope this situation won’t turn into one where I can’t work for you anymore.”

“It won’t,” he said.

“Is that a promise?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you,” she said. “Should I meet you at the airport?”

Valentine smiled into the phone.

“That would be great.”

The pilot came over the PA and told everyone to get into their seats. Zoe was still outside when he unlatched the lavatory door.

“Asshole,” she muttered, hurtling past him.

He took his seat and buckled up. Kat was looking out the little window at a man on the tarmac waving orange flags at the pilot. She glanced his way. “You were gone awhile.”

“Sorry. You and Zoe patch things up?”

“I missed you,” she said.

She leaned across the empty seat and kissed him like the world was about to end and this one had better mean something. When she pulled away, he was seeing stars.

“I missed you, too,” he said.