Gallery Whispers

2

He watched her as she slept. She lay on her right side, and although he could not see her face, he knew that her hand would be on the pillow, the thumb gently brushing her lips in an unconscious gesture which he had always guessed was a relic of a childhood habit. Her dark hair, thick and wavy, tousled at the ends from their energetic lovemaking, clung to her neck and shoulders.

Her back was to him as he looked at her, admiring the curve of her hip in profile against the street light which shone outside their curtained window. He had lain like this often before, sometimes unable to keep from touching her, from running a finger-tip softly down her spine, knowing what it did to her and that within a few minutes she would be awake and they would be locked together again.

Yet on this night her turned back seemed to him to be a rejection, for all her commitment in their coupling only a few hours before. It had been satisfying for each of them, yet there had been none of the sense of spiritual union which they had known at the beginning of their partnership. That was one of the things which had set her apart from the other women who had lain in his bed, before he had found her and she had tamed him. Yet now it was, at best misplaced, or worse, he feared, lost.

'What's the matter?'

She did not stir as she spoke her question, but her voice was clear, and wide-awake.

'Nothing,' he answered, softly. 'I'm just thinking, that's all.'

'About what?'

'Och, just the job. You know.'

'But the job's been quiet for the last wee while.' She paused. 'Are you still having flashbacks to that man with the gun?'

He shook his head at once. 'No. Absolutely not. That's only happened to me that one time, a couple of days after it happened.'

'Something else then?' She rolled on to her back and looked up at him, frowning. 'Not Ariel, surely.'

He smiled at her concern: a small, sad smile. 'No, no; not her. That was a long time ago, and she's dead. She never really existed, in fact.'

'Ah but she did. And so did her brother. Once or twice… no, more than that… I've wakened in the night thinking of him, and had to hang on to you, to drive the fright away.'

'Nonetheless, they're in the past.'

'So?' she demanded. 'What's bugging you?'

'Nothing,' he insisted. 'I just can't sleep.'

No one could snort like Alex. 'Andy Martin,' she exclaimed, as she propped herself up on both elbows. 'You are one of the world's great sleepers. If you are lying awake in the dark, there is some reason for it. Come on, out with it.'

He reached out his left hand to cup her breast, but she shied away from him. 'That won't work. Tell me, what's the problem?'

He looked into her eyes. 'I think we might be.'

She frowned, quickly. 'Rubbish,' she said at once, but there was a defensiveness in her voice which proved she didn't believe her own denial.

He reached out his hand again, touching her forehead as if to rub away the frown lines. 'Alexis Skinner,' he whispered. 'You can tell me all night that there's nothing wrong, but you still won't make either of us believe it. I'm afraid… and I mean that literally, because it does scare me… that you and I are losing our way.

'When we got together, we had a shared vision of what we wanted: each other, above all else. I still feel that way. If I had to I'd give up everything I have, and walk away from everything I've achieved, just to be with you.

'But you've changed.'

'I haven't,' she protested. 'I love you just as much as I always did.

I want you just as much.'

'Then why do you keep changing your mind about marrying me?'

'I haven't. Anyway, that's not the issue.'

He grunted. 'No, it's not, is it. It's the issue that's the issue.'

'Ah, now we're getting to it.' She fired back at him, suddenly.

'You're still on about the baby thing. I thought we'd agreed that we'd start thinking about a family in five years.'

'Aye,' he said, 'but there's a basic principle wrapped up in there, isn't there, about levels of commitment to each other.'

Her frown was back. 'Ah,' she countered. 'Andy says that he'd walk away from everything for Alex, so she must say the same thing. Is that it?' It was his turn to look defensive. 'That's sentimental, emotional, hypothetical crap, and not worthy of you. You've had achievements; you've got a successful career that you say you'd give up for love; well, good for you, boy. But surely I'm entitled to some professional fulfilment of my own? Or are you really and truly saying that you expect me to put aside all my ambitions to satisfy your need to extend your line?'

'Hey, hey,' he soothed her. 'I'm not saying that at all. Apart from your dad, there's no one who thinks more of your ability and your potential than I do. I'm sorry about going back to the baby thing. That was a cheap shot. Listen, if you want to become the managing partner of Curie Anthony and Jarvis, I'll back you all the way. If you want to become a QC, I'm all for that too.

'I don't begrudge you your ambitions, my darling. But I'm coming to believe that as you pursue them, you'll leave me behind; you'll outgrow me. I'm afraid that's starting to happen already. When we got together you were a student. Now you've been marked out for stardom within your firm. And I can see the effect it's having on you.

'For the last few days, there have been times when I've had the feeling that you've been trying to distance yourself from me in some way. Deny it if you will, but that's how I see it. and I can only blame it on one thing; Curie Anthony and bloody Jarvis.'

He shifted his weight on his elbow. 'Listen, I do my job damn well, I think, and I'm completely committed to it, but I'm not in love with it. You are with yours. One day you may feel that you have to choose between it and me, and maybe that day's coming close. That's what keeps me awake at night.'

She leaned over and kissed him. 'Would it help if we got married next month?' she asked.

He looked sadder than ever. 'No, love, it wouldn't. If my fears are real, it wouldn't change a damn thing. You have to be all you can be, with, or if it has to be, without me. You're your father's daughter, and I can't change that.'

'So what are you saying?'

He gave a sigh so deep that her hair moved on its breeze. 'I suppose I'm asking myself whether it will hurt even more later than it would if we split now… if I backed off to let you concentrate full time on your career.

'I know how I would feel about it. But maybe for both our sakes, you should ask yourself the same question.' He looked at her solemn face, at her averted eyes. 'Yes, maybe you'

As if it had been waiting for the perfect moment to intervene, the bedside phone burst into life. 'Fucking thing has a mind of its own,' Martin snarled, but still he turned to pick it up. 'Yes!' he snapped.

'Sorry Andy,' said Brian Mackie, on the other end of the line, 'but I've just had a call out to a suspicious death, in a steading development out near Whitekirk. From what I've been told it's a murder for sure.

I'm just leaving for the scene. Do you want to turn out?'

The Head of CID looked at his fiancee, hating what he saw in her eyes. 'Aye,' he answered. 'I think that would be a good idea.'