Gone

16

Ten miles to the south in a street on the outskirts of the small town of Mere, Janice Costello, a thirty-six-year-old mother of one, parked her Audi and cut the engine. She turned to the back, where her four-year-old daughter was strapped into her car seat, ready for bed in pyjamas, Hello Kitty slippers and a hot-water bottle. She had a duvet tucked around her.

‘Emily, sweetheart? You OK, poppet?’

Emily yawned and looked blearily out of the window. ‘Where are we, Mummy?’

‘Where are we? We’re . . .’ Janice bit her lip and ducked her head down to look out of the window. ‘We’re near the shops, darling. And Mummy’s going to be just two minutes. Just two minutes, OK?’

‘I’ve got Jasper.’ She waggled her toy rabbit. ‘We’re having a cuddle.’

‘Good girl.’ Janice leaned over and tickled Emily under the chin, making her jam it down and wriggle gleefully.

‘Stop it! Stop it!’

Janice smiled. ‘That’s a good girl. You keep Jasper warm, and I’ll be straight back.’

She unbuckled and got out of the car, central-locking it. She gave Emily a last glance, straightened and stood under the streetlamp, looking anxiously up and down the road. She was lying to Emily. There weren’t any shops round here. What was here, just around the corner, was an NHS clinic. It was playing host to a group counselling session. Three men and three women: they met every Monday and they’d be coming out – she checked her watch – any minute now. She went to the corner and stood with her back against the wall, craning her neck so she could see the building. The lights were on in the porch and in two of the front windows – maybe where the session was taking place – the blinds were drawn tight.

Janice Costello was about as certain as she could be that her husband was having an affair. Cory had been coming to this group-therapy session for three years, and she was pretty sure he’d developed a ‘friendship’ with one of the women. At first it had been just a nagging suspicion, just a sense that something wasn’t right – a distance about him, not coming to bed when she did and long, unexplained absences when he took his car and claimed to have ‘just been driving around thinking’. There were unexpected arguments over unimportant things – the way she answered the phone or put vegetables on the plate at dinner, even the mustard she chose. Mustard. How stupid was that? A stand-up screaming match over the fact he wanted grains because English mustard was ‘so parochial. For Christ’s sake, Janice, can’t you see that?’

It was the casual mentions of ‘Clare’ that really tipped her off, though. Clare says this, Clare says the other. When Janice quizzed him he gave her a look as if he didn’t know what she was talking about.

‘Clare,’ she repeated. ‘You’ve just said her name about twenty times. Clare?’

‘Oh, Clare. From Group, you mean. What about her?’

Janice didn’t push it any further, but when she subtly slipped his phone out of his pocket later that night, when he’d fallen asleep in front of the TV, she found two calls from ‘Clare P’. And now it had got to the point where she wanted to know. It should be easy. All she’d have to do was see him with the woman. She’d know instantly from his mannerisms.

The lights in the window went off and another came on in the hallway. The end of the session. Her heart began to pound. Someone was going to come to the door any second. Her phone rang in her pocket. Shit, she’d forgotten to turn it off. She pulled it out, ready to kill it, but when she saw who was calling her finger came off the red button and she stared at it, not knowing what to do.

Cory. Cory was calling her. He was only ten yards away in the building and the moment the door opened he’d hear her phone ringing through the cold air. Her finger went back to the kill button, hesitated, then moved and hit the green.

‘Hi.’ Her voice was bright. She twisted back round the corner and stood facing the wall, one finger in her ear. ‘How’d it go?’

‘Yeah, you know.’ Cory sounded tired, moody. ‘Same old, same old. Where are you?’

‘Where am I? I’m . . . I’m at home, of course. Why?’

‘Home? I’ve just been calling you on the landline. Didn’t you hear?’

‘No – I mean, I was in the kitchen. Busy with dinner.’

There was a pause. ‘Shall I call you on it now, save the bill?’

‘No! No – that’s . . . Don’t, Cory. You’ll wake Emily.’

‘She’s asleep? It’s not even six o’clock yet.’

‘Yeah, but you know – school tomorrow—’ She broke off. Emily was in Reception: she was quite old enough to tell Cory they hadn’t been at home tonight. She was getting into deep lies now. Deep trouble. She swallowed. ‘Are you coming home?’

There was a long pause. Then he said, ‘Janice? Are you sure you’re at home? You sound like you’re outside somewhere.’

‘Of course I’m at home. Of course.’ Her pulse was racing: she could feel the adrenalin making her fingers tingle. ‘I’ve got to go, Cory. She’s crying. I’ve got to go.’

She jammed her finger on the red button and dropped back against the wall, breathing hard. She was shaking. There was too much to think about. Too much. She’d have to make up a story about how she and Emily remembered they didn’t have something – milk or coffee or something – and how they’d had to go out to the shops. Then she’d have to buy something to prove it. Or she’d have to say Emily wouldn’t stop crying so she’d bundled her into the car and driven her around for a while hoping it would soothe her, the way it had when she was a colicky baby. She should go straight home and smooth it all out – make it fit the lie she was going to tell. But she’d come all this way and she couldn’t just back off now. She had to see Clare.

Steeling herself she poked her head round the wall again. Jerked it straight back. The front door had opened. The bloody door had opened and there were people there, light spilling out on to the pavement, voices. She pulled the hood of her quilted jacket up, dragged it down low over her eyes and gingerly peered out again. A woman came out – an older woman with severely cut white hair and a long tartan coat – followed by another in a brown coat, belted. Janice didn’t think either of them was Clare. They were too old. Too masculine-looking.

But then the door opened wider and Cory stepped out, zipping his jacket. He was walking half sideways, turning back to the building to say something to a tall thin woman with very pale straight hair. She was dressed in a long leather coat and high-heeled boots. She had a sharp, slightly bent nose, and was laughing at what he was saying. She stopped on the steps to the clinic and wrapped a scarf around her neck. Cory paused on the pavement and looked up at her. One or two people came out behind, filtered around them. The woman spoke and Cory shrugged. Rubbed his nose. Then he glanced thoughtfully up and down the street.

‘What is it?’ The woman’s voice came through the air as clear as a bell. ‘What’s the matter?’

Cory shook his head. ‘Nothing.’ He looked up and down the street again, as if he was turning something over in his head. He went back up two steps, put his hand on the woman’s elbow, dropped his face and murmured something to her.

She frowned, raised her eyes to him. He spoke again and she held up her hand, four fingers splayed. Then she turned them into a bright little wave. ‘Whatever,’ she said, with a smile. ‘Whatever, Cory. See you next week.’

Cory stepped away, still checking cautiously over his shoulder. He thrust his hand into his pocket, pulled out his car keys and began to walk purposefully away from the clinic. A bolt of panic went through Janice. Fumbling for her keys she trotted as fast as she could back to the Audi.

As she got nearer she could see something was wrong with the car. Her heart thudded, low and hard. The Audi sat about twenty yards away, under a streetlight. And Emily wasn’t in it. ‘Emily?’ she murmured. ‘Emily?’

She broke into a run, not caring who saw her now. Her scarf unwound itself and flew off. She nearly dropped her keys. She got to the car, slammed her hands on the window, put her face to the glass.

Emily was crouched in the footwell under the back seat, surprised by her mother’s horrified face. She’d unbuckled herself, crawled down there and was playing with Jasper. He was at arm’s length, turned to face her as if they’d been having a conversation.

Janice dropped against the car, her hand over her heart.

‘Mummy!’ Emily shouted at the window-pane. She bounced up and down on the back seat. ‘Mummy, guess what?’

Taking a deep breath Janice went round to the front, got in and turned to her little girl. ‘What? What am I guessing, sweetheart?’

‘Jasper’s done a poo. In his pants. Did you get some nappies from the shop for him?’

‘Shop’s shut, sweetheart.’ She forced a smile. ‘Didn’t get nappies. No shop, no nappies – I’m sorry. Get yourself strapped in, darling. We’re going home.’