Hades

16 One Heart

IT was getting harder to hold on. My spirit form seemed to be blurring around the edges, anxious to return to my body. But Ivy’s words had me reeling. Could my capture really be a sign that something terrible was brewing?

Unlike Xavier, I didn’t blame Gabriel for saying what he did. He was merely calling it as he saw it. It was true, I had accepted Jake’s offer. I had done so unwittingly, but that didn’t seem to matter. I knew Gabriel hoped for the best, but it was his job to consider all possibilities. I just wished he would soften things a little for Xavier’s sake. But my brother could never shy away from the truth. His very creation was intended to embody and protect the truth. Xavier didn’t understand that and I could see he was frustrated. He was used to Ivy and Gabriel always having an answer for everything. But this time things were different and their indecision scared him.

Xavier was growing restless. He sat down and then immediately stood up again. His entire body was as taut as a bow and his pent-up energy was almost tangible.

“I saw her,” he said after a long pause. He spoke with a quiet intensity. “You weren’t there, you didn’t see the expression on her face when she realized who she was with. She was terrified once she realized what was happening. I wanted to help her, but I was too late. I tried to save her …,” he trailed off, staring uselessly at his hands.

“Of course, you did,” Ivy said. She was always more attuned to Xavier than Gabriel was. “We know Bethany; we trust in her. We know that Jake employed the dirtiest tactic of all to win her trust. But it doesn’t matter now. Jake won — she’s on his turf now. The situation is delicate and the truth is there is no easy way to get her back now.”

Gabriel was less inclined to sugarcoat the facts. “If there is a way for us to access the dimension known as Hell, I’ve never heard of it. No angel has returned to that place since we sealed Lucifer beneath the ground.”

“I thought you said we needed to find a portal.” Xavier’s mouth was a tight line and he was fighting hard to control his emotions. Seeing him like this made my own eyes sting. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him, stroke his face and comfort him, whisper that I was alive and even below the earth I’d never stopped thinking about him.

“I did say that,” Gabriel conceded. “But that task is easier said than done.” He wore his faraway look now and I knew he was no longer present. He was locked in his own private world of contemplation. Despite the doubts I’d just heard him express, I trusted Gabriel. If there was any way to rescue me, I knew he was the one who would find it.

“I don’t understand. If Jake broke the rules, why can’t we?” Xavier persisted.

“If Jake tricked Bethany into trusting him, then no rules were broken,” Ivy said. “Demons have been manipulating souls and damning them to Hell for centuries.”

“So we need to play dirty,” Xavier said.

“Exactly.” Ivy put a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you stop worrying for a while? Let us figure it out. Maybe this trip to Tennessee will shed some light. What happened to Bethany, an angel of the Lord being taken into Hell, is totally unprecedented. There is no rulebook to consult. Do you see what I’m saying?”

“I think it might be a sign.” Gabriel had drifted back to the present.

“What kind of sign?” Xavier asked.

“That Lucifer’s powers are growing. This could be an indication of his rising strength, even if it manifested through Jake. We have to think carefully. Rushing in could make things worse. That’s why Michael is sending us to this source.”

“Look, sitting around drinking herbal tea isn’t going to help Beth. You two can think about the big picture all you want, but for me this is about her and I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring her home. If you’re not with me, then I’ll handle it alone.”

Xavier rose to leave and I panicked momentarily thinking he might do something reckless. But Gabriel moved like a flash of lightning to block his path.

“You won’t handle anything.” Gabriel’s tone was chilling. “Is that clear? Control your raging testosterone for a minute and listen. I know you want Beth back — we all do — but acting like some comic-book hero isn’t going to help.”

“And sitting on your butt acting like there’s nothing we can do isn’t going to help either. Beth once told me your name means ‘Warrior of God.’ Some warrior you turned out to be.”

“Watch what you say,” Gabriel warned, his eyes flashing.

“Or what?” Xavier was seething now. At any minute he might lash out and do something he’d regret. I wished I could just reach out to tell him that Gabe was right. Much as I loved him for his loyalty and determination, I knew this wasn’t something that could be solved through valor alone. Deep down, I knew Gabriel was hatching a plan, at least I hoped he was. Xavier just needed to give him time to think. Gabriel was still blocking Xavier’s path, their eyes locked in mounting tension. To his credit, it was Xavier who backed down first.

“I need to get out of here and clear my head,” he said, pushing past Gabriel.

“Okay,” Ivy called out after his retreating back. “We’ll wait for you.”

I trailed behind him as Xavier tripped lightly down the sandy steps leading to the beach. I tried to send out rays of calming energy and hoped he could at least sense them. Xavier seemed to relax a little once he hit the beach. He took deep breaths and exhaled in relief. He walked right down to the dark sand of the shoreline where he stood with his hands deep in his pockets looking out to sea. I watched him shift uneasily from foot to foot, struggling to overcome his restlessness. If only he could stop focusing on his own sense of failure for one minute I might have a chance of making him aware of my presence. He needed to stop mourning my disappearance and just free his thoughts.

As if he could read my mind, Xavier calmly peeled off his sweater and tossed it aside. He pulled off his shoes and left them lying in the sand so he was standing in just his shorts and white T-shirt. He looked down the deserted beach and took a deep breath before breaking into a run. In my spectral form I ran beside him, exhilarated by his accelerated breathing and pumping heart. It was the closest I’d felt to him since our separation. Xavier’s movements were graceful, those of a trained athlete. Sports had always been his release and I could feel his tension ebbing. Suddenly his brain had something to focus on other than losing me. The exercise was helping. The expression on his face was less drawn and his body moved with its own rhythm now. I was aware of the muscle definition in his calves and broad shoulders. I could almost feel his agile movements and his weight hitting the sand. I lost track of how long he ran, but when Byron was just a speck in the distance, Xavier finally came to a halt. He bent over, bracing his hands on his thighs. The sun was already setting and tingeing the ocean red. Xavier’s chest heaved as he waited for his breathing to slow. I could tell he wasn’t thinking about anything right now — for what was probably the first time in weeks his mind was completely clear. I realized there was no time to lose. I had to seize this opportunity. The Crags were behind us, not far from the spot where I’d first revealed my identity to him by releasing my wings and throwing myself from the cliff. I had to wonder now whether I’d done the right thing. From that moment I had complicated his life irrevocably. I had tied his existence to mine and burdened him with problems he should never have had to deal with.

I studied Xavier’s face, only inches away from where my own would have been. I could already see his expression clouding as his body resumed normal temperature. The physical exertion had offered him a temporary reprieve; soon he would be agonizing again about what he could have done differently. I was running out of time. I backed up so that I was drifting several meters away from him. I shut my eyes tight and focused on channeling my energy into the spot where my heart would be had my physical form been present. I imagined concentrating this energy into one swirling, powerful ball. The ball held all of my love, all of my thoughts, all of my being. And then I ran. I ran straight toward Xavier, who was staring out at the ocean, his feet half buried in the sand. When I reached him I hit him like a trajectory, the ball of energy breaking over him like a cosmic tidal wave. It was as if his body became liquid and I was able to pass right through him. For a split second, I could feel his very being inside of me, my essence and his fused together. For that one brief moment we shared one heart, one body. Then the moment was gone. Xavier looked stunned as he tried to make sense of what had just happened and instinctively brought his hand up to his heart. I could almost track his thought processes on his face. I hoped I’d gotten it right and hadn’t alarmed him into thinking he’d had a heart attack. It took a few minutes for him to process what had happened, but then his expression shifted from confusion to one of pure bliss. When I saw him looking around for me, I knew I’d got it right. I was proud of myself to have broken through on the first attempt! I’d only taken baby steps, but I’d done it — I’d made contact.

Xavier looked straight ahead where I hovered, physically invisible, but spiritually more present than ever. His clear, turquoise eyes seemed to meet mine and the beginning of a smile played around the corners of his mouth.

“Beth,” he murmured. “What took you so long?”