Hawkwing’s Journey

Chapter 34

The SkyClan medicine cat splashed through the stream, followed by Bellaleaf and Harrybrook, and padded up to her Clanmates.

She, too, was thinner than when Hawkwing had last seen her, but her eyes were bright, and she looked strong. The healthy cats all crowded around her enthusiastically, purring and brushing their pelts against hers.

“Greetings, Echosong!”

“Welcome back!”

“Thank StarClan you found us!”

Hawkwing stared at Echosong, wondering if he was having some kind of weird waking dream. After all the terrible things that have happened, I can’t believe Echosong would return to us just when we need her most! Then he reflected that if this wasn’t real, all his Clanmates must be having the same dream. It must be true!

Echosong is really here!

“But how did you find us?” Leafstar asked, struggling through the crowd to Echosong’s side. “We’ve been looking for you for at least a moon.”

Echosong’s green eyes were brilliant as she replied. “It was easy! StarClan showed me where to go.”

Warmth spread through Hawkwing’s pelt, as if sunlight had broken through the storm-laden clouds overhead. Then StarClan hasn’t abandoned us!

“I had a dream,” Echosong continued. “A brown tabby tom spoke to me… I think he must be a medicine cat from the first

SkyClan. He told me that my Clan had need of me, and that he would guide my paw steps.”

“We certainly do need you,” Leafstar responded. “We have sick cats, and we don’t know what to do for them without a medicine cat.”

“But you have Fidgetpaw…” Echosong glanced around, her eyes puzzled. “Wait… no! Where is he?”

Several cats chimed in, telling Echosong how Fidgetpaw and more of their Clanmates had been trapped beside the lake, by the Twolegs with the weird cobweb-things on sticks. Hawkwing shuddered at the memory, imagining for a moment that he could still hear the harsh voices of the Twolegs and the terrified wails of his lost Clanmates.

“That’s terrible!” Echosong exclaimed. “And our Clan deputy, too.”

“Yes, Hawkwing is deputy now,” Leafstar told her.

Echosong shot Hawkwing a pleased look. “Well, well. I can see I’ve a lot to catch up on,” she mewed. “But first, show me the sick cats.”

Hawkwing led Echosong to the nest where the sick cats lay.

Harrybrook and Bellaleaf still followed her, and Bellaleaf let out a piercing wail as she saw her brother Rileypool curled up motionless among the moss and leaves. “No! He’s dead!”

Echosong held her paw close to Rileypool’s nose, and Hawkwing saw the faint ruffle of her fur that showed Rileypool still breathed.

“He lives,” Echosong said in a grave voice, “but barely.”

“Oh, thank StarClan! Please help him!” Bellaleaf begged.

“I’m going to do just that,” Echosong reassured her.

“Hawkwing, what have you done so far?”

“We gave them borage,” Hawkwing replied, pointing with his tail to a heap of the herb beside the nest. “That’s right, for fever, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it would be right, if that was borage.” Echosong turned over a few of the stems with one paw. “But it’s not, it’s comfrey.”

Hawkwing felt as if all the blood was draining from his heart, and he saw black sparkles in the sky. “StarClan, no!” he gasped.

“Have I been poisoning them?” It’s like everything has to go wrong for SkyClan, even when we try our best, he thought, his pelt growing hot with guilt.

Echosong shook her head. “No, we use a poultice of comfrey root for wounds,” she explained. “The leaves aren’t good for much, that I know of, but they wouldn’t do any harm. But now I need to find some real borage.”

Hawkwing sent Sparrowpelt and Tinycloud with Echosong into the trees in case of trouble. The patrol returned quickly, Echosong carrying a bunch of herbs in her jaws.

“We’re lucky that so far there hasn’t been a frost,” she mewed as she dropped the stems beside the sick cats’ nest. “That kills off herbs quicker than anything.”

Hawkwing bent his head to examine the herbs Echosong had brought. He saw that the leaves of borage looked very much like comfrey, but the scent was quite different. A medicine cat would have known that.

Echosong chewed up the leaves and managed to force the pulp between the sick cats’ jaws. Hawkwing watched intently, hoping for some sign of improvement, even though he knew it was far too soon to expect any change.

“They will get better, won’t they?” Bellaleaf asked; she had stayed crouched beside her brother ever since she returned.

“That’s in the paws of StarClan,” Echosong replied, but then added, “I’ve seen cats recover from worse illness than this.”

“I wish there was something I could do,” Bellaleaf meowed.

“There is,” Hawkwing told her briskly. “Lead a hunting patrol, and bring back some prey for them when they wake up.”

Bellaleaf glanced at Rileypool, clearly reluctant to leave him, then rose to her paws. “Right away, Hawkwing. I’ll find some other cats.”

“You’re right to keep her busy,” Echosong mewed to Hawkwing when Bellaleaf had gone. “I wouldn’t say this in front of her, but I’m not hopeful for Rileypool. Firefern, too. They’re both very far gone.”

A heavy knot of dread gathered in Hawkwing’s belly as he braced himself to ask the next question. “And Finkit?”

Echosong sighed, looking at the kit’s frail chest as it rose and fell. “It’s hard to say. He has youth on his side. But he’s so tiny…

.”

Hawkwing felt like his heart was being squeezed so tightly it might burst. He had to look away.

Please, StarClan, if anything I’ve ever done has pleased you… please, spare that kit.

The last warriors of StarClan were fading from the sky as the dawn light strengthened. In the middle of the rocky hollow the cats of SkyClan crouched around the bodies of their Clanmates, stiff and cold in death, with frost sparkling in their fur.

Hawkwing tried to find some consolation in looking at the cats who had survived the sickness. M acgyver and Blossomheart were out of danger, though still weak and shaky. And Finkit looked desperately small and skinny beside his robust littermates, but he was gaining strength every day. A small spark of joy kindled inside

Hawkwing as he remembered the moment when Finkit had opened his eyes, wailing plaintively for his mother and complaining about how hungry he was.

But his joy was quenched when he looked at the bodies of Rileypool and Firefern, who were lost to the illness. They’ll never hunt again, never have an apprentice to mentor, never take a mate or have kits…

As the sky grew flushed with rose and amber where the sun would rise, Echosong rose to her paws and took a few paces forward to stand beside her dead Clanmates. “M ay StarClan light your path, Firefern and Rileypool,” she mewed, using the words which medicine cats had spoken beside the dead for seasons upon seasons. “M ay you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep.”

Her words signaled the end of the vigil. Cats began to rise and stretch the stiffness out of their muscles. With no elders remaining in the Clan, Hawkwing was wondering who to choose to take care of the burial, when Leafstar also rose and came to stand beside

Echosong.

“We have lost two valuable Clanmates,” she began, then stopped as her voice quivered on the last few words.

Hawkwing understood how difficult this was for his Clan leader. It was her duty to inspire her Clan, and yet she was also grieving as a mother. Only Harrybrook remained of the kits she and Billystorm had together, and Billystorm himself was gone, buried in a remote place where Leafstar would never set paw.

The Clan leader took several deep breaths and gave her pelt a shake. “Yet it’s important that we go on believing in our Clan,” she went on, in command of herself again. “Rileypool and Firefern believed, and I believe, that StarClan will guide us to a brighter future.”

“I’d like to believe that too.” Plumwillow spoke up from where she sat beside her kits. “But if StarClan wants to guide us, why hasn’t Echosong had another vision?”

It was Echosong who replied. “I had the dream that led me back to you,” she pointed out. “And that means that StarClan has broken their silence.”

“Then why hasn’t StarClan just told you where to find the lake and the other Clans?” Sagenose challenged her.

“Visions don’t work like that,” Echosong told him, a hint of regret in her voice. “StarClan shows me what it wants to show, when it wants to show me. We must all have faith.”

“We’ve had faith ever since we were driven out of the gorge,” Plumwillow meowed bitterly. “If StarClan cares for us, surely they would have given us some better guidance by now? We’ve been tramping through barren territory for so long!” She let out a contemptuous snort. “Does StarClan enjoy seeing us suffer like this? How can we still be loyal to them?”

Gasps of dismay came from some of her Clanmates, but others were nodding and murmuring agreement.

“You mustn’t talk like that,” Hawkwing protested.

“Yes, StarClan must have a reason for what they tell us—or don’t tell us,” Echosong agreed.

“M aybe their ‘reason’ is that they’ve forgotten us!”

Plumwillow snapped. “Wouldn’t we all live better lives if we gave up the idea of finding the lake? We’ve had no home for so long—

are we truly a Clan anymore, or just a tattered, undernourished group of rogues?”

Yowls of protest arose from some of the cats around her, though Hawkwing could see that others still agreed with Plumwillow. And I’m trying desperately hard not to be one of them.

“We are and always will be a Clan.” Leafstar’s voice cut through the noise. “I will never lose faith that eventually we will find the other Clans and the home where we are meant to live.”

“Leafstar is right,” Echosong added. “StarClan has sent me one dream, and I know others will follow.”

“We might wait for that until our tails drop off!” Sagenose huffed.

Hawkwing rose to stand beside Leafstar and Echosong. “Rogue cats only look out for themselves,” he pointed out. “Clan cats help each other, and that’s what we’ve been doing all along. Of course we’re a Clan, and we must go on believing there are better times ahead.”

Plumwillow gave him a furious glare. “You’ve got bees in your brain, Hawkwing!”

I can understand why she’s angry with me, Hawkwing thought.

And in a way she’s right. I wish I didn’t see so much truth in her words.

Even though Hawkwing knew he had to support his Clan leader and his medicine cat, he was inwardly torn. He could easily imagine the kind of life he could have with Plumwillow and her kits if they abandoned the rest of the Clan and found a cozy cave, or perhaps a barn like the one where Barley lived. If they had only themselves to feed, they would all get more prey.

Plumwillow has never been my mate, but it’s been so long now since Sandynose and Pebbleshine disappeared… Maybe she and I could be together, someday.

Hawkwing pushed away the enticing vision. No, my first duty is to my Clan.

While Hawkwing was thinking, the argument had raged on around him. He began to realize that it didn’t matter what he or any cat said: M ost of his Clanmates were too beaten down by the onset of leaf-bare, the endless wandering, the losses of their Clanmates, and the silence from StarClan to have any hope for the future.

“SkyClan is dead,” Plumwillow stated flatly. “It has been, really, ever since we were driven out of the gorge. Are we trying to revive something we should have given up on long ago?” She lashed her tail; her kits were staring up at her with huge, bewildered eyes.

“Nothing lasts forever,” she continued. “The original SkyClan died out, too.”

Hawkwing could see Leafstar’s anguish in her eyes and the drooping of her shoulders. For a few moments she was silent, and the conflicting voices died away as every cat turned to her.

“I can’t hold cats hostage if they want to leave.” Leafstar’s words were forced out. “But let us not decide while tempers are high and the bodies of our Clanmates lie beside us. Tomorrow I will call a Clan meeting and we will discuss this again.”

To Hawkwing’s relief, murmurs of agreement met his leader’s suggestion. Even Plumwillow had nothing more to say.

Hawkwing glanced around the group of cats and beckoned with his tail to Sparrowpelt, Sagenose, Bellaleaf, and Rabbitleap.

“Please carry Firefern and Rileypool out of camp and bury them,” he directed.

He watched the cats he had chosen carefully lift the bodies of their Clanmates and bear them away, padding downstream to where a hawthorn bush hung over the water. The rest of the cats began to disperse. Clan life continued on, but Hawkwing’s heart was still heavy.

Is this the end of SkyClan?

“Great StarClan, you’re alive!”

The joyful yowl roused Hawkwing from sleep. The pale sun of leaf-bare was shining through the branches of the thornbush where he had made his den, and there was a stir of movement outside in the camp. He sprang to his paws, scattering moss from his nest.

It’s so late… I should have sent out the patrols! And what is going on out there?

Hawkwing bounded out into the camp and halted as if he had slammed into a tree. It can’t be! But…

Across the rocky hollow, Sandynose was standing just outside the nursery, with Plumwillow beside him, purring ecstatically. The two cats had twined their tails together, and Sandynose was covering Plumwillow’s head with loving licks.

A rush of emotion shook Hawkwing like a leaf in a gale. He felt wonder and relief that Sandynose was still alive, and had found his Clan again after so long, but warring with that was grief at the way

Plumwillow was greeting him so happily.

Hawkwing stood still for a few heartbeats, grappling with the hurt he felt at being forgotten. Since the kits had been born, Plumwillow had often turned to him for advice or support, but she had never looked at him with that blaze of happiness in her eyes.

Of course she didn’t, Hawkwing thought to himself, feeling foolish, Sandynose is her real mate. Her Pebbleshine.

At the thought of his own mate, his breath caught. Then he asked himself how he would react if Pebbleshine suddenly came back to him, alive.

Plumwillow rubbed her cheek against Sandynose’s, purring loudly enough for Hawkwing to hear it across the hollow.

Yes, it would be just like that.

“But what happened to you?” Plumwillow asked, when their first joyous reunion was over.

“Fallowfern and I were trapped in a Twoleg den,” Sandynose explained. He waved his tail, and for the first time Hawkwing noticed that Fallowfern was standing a couple of fox-lengths away.

“The stupid creatures wouldn’t let us out, and it took us a half moon or so to outwit them and get away. We went back to the gorge, but it was full of rogues, so we went into the Twolegplace to find Ebonyclaw. She told us you were heading for Barley’s barn, and we decided to follow.”

“Did you get there?” Blossomheart asked urgently as more cats crowded up to greet the newcomers. “Did you see Cherrytail and Cloudmist?”

Hawkwing waited tensely for the answer.

“Yes, and they’re both fine,” Sandynose replied. “Getting nice and fat on Barley’s mice! So then,” he continued his story, “Barley showed us the right direction, and we’ve been wandering, trying to find you, ever since.”

“But how did you?” Tinycloud asked. “We’ve traveled so far!”

“Finally we came to a lake,” Sandynose replied. “The hunting was good, so we settled there for a while. We met a kittypet—he said his name was M ax—and he told us cats had been living there for a while, so that gave us hope we would catch up to you sooner or later. And now we can’t believe our luck!” he finished, with a loving look at his mate. “Plumwillow is alive—and our kits. Oh, StarClan, can I meet them?”

Her eyes shining proudly, Plumwillow turned back to the nursery and called to her kits. They emerged drowsily into the open, and Hawkwing could recognize the uncertainty and confusion in their eyes as they gazed up at Sandynose.

“Kits, this is your father,” Plumwillow explained.

Reedkit blinked in bewilderment, glancing from Sandynose to Hawkwing and back again. “But… I thought Hawkwing was our father,” she mewed.

Plumwillow gave her chest fur a couple of embarrassed licks.

“No,” she responded. “Hawkwing has helped me look after you since you were born, and he loves you very much, but he isn’t your father. Sandynose is your father.”

Sandynose turned his head to look at Hawkwing, surprised and not entirely pleased. His eyes narrowed and the tip of his tail switched. Hawkwing’s pelt grew hot as he shared Plumwillow’s embarrassment, and his heart began to pound as he wondered what Sandynose would say.

“It’s okay,” Plumwillow meowed rapidly, before her mate could speak. “Hawkwing helped me when I had a hard time at my kitting, and he’s been a huge help with the kits ever since. He lost his mate, too, so we had lots to talk about—just as friends.”

Hawkwing nodded, feeling how weird this was, and how he wanted to make it absolutely clear to Sandynose that he hadn’t stolen his mate. And now, I’m never going to. “That’s right, just as friends,” he confirmed.

Sandynose relaxed. “Thank you, Hawkwing,” he murmured. “I can never repay you for keeping my family safe.”

“Uh… don’t mention it,” Hawkwing responded. He was trying hard to hide the hurt he felt, as he remembered all the good times he had spent with the kits, playing and telling stories and beginning to teach them all they would need to know.

There’ll be times like that again. Hawkwing tried to believe that, but he knew he was deceiving himself.

Watching the kits chatting eagerly with their real father, Hawkwing felt the truth settle over him like a weight on his chest.

It will never be the same.

By now all the cats were awake, vying to tell Sandynose about their experiences since they left the gorge. Hawkwing watched sadly as Fallowfern struggled with the news that her mate

Waspwhisker had been taken by Twolegs at the lake.

“So what’s next for the Clan?” Sandynose asked eventually.

“Do you have any idea where you’re going?”

Hawkwing remembered that Sandynose had already been lost when Echosong had her vision of the Clan living beside a lake.

Sandynose’s eyes grew wide with wonder as she told him about it.

“At first, we thought the lake where you met M ax was the place in my vision,” the medicine cat explained. “But we were wrong. Too many Twolegs came there in greenleaf, and there was nowhere left for cats to live in peace.”

“So we moved on.” Leafstar took up the story. “But we haven’t found the lake of Echosong’s vision, and now we’ve come to a… a place where a decision must be made. Some cats are losing hope, and there are still moons of leaf-bare to come. Do we keep going, or do we split up and admit that SkyClan is… dead?”

“I’m sorry, Leafstar.” Plumwillow turned to her Clan leader, hope sparkling in her eyes. “For everything I said yesterday.

Seeing Sandynose and Fallowfern again has given me a change of heart. How could we ever have found each other again if we weren’t all destined to be together?”

“That’s right,” Sagenose—who had been almost as certain as Plumwillow that SkyClan had no future—agreed. “If Sandynose and Fallowfern could find us, then there’s hope that the others who stayed by the gorge, or even the cats who were lost by the lake, might come back to us someday.” He raised his head and let out a triumphant yowl. “Long live SkyClan!”

“Long live SkyClan! Long live SkyClan!” his Clanmates chorused around him. Their eyes shone with enthusiasm and commitment, and Hawkwing felt that he was part of the strong

SkyClan that he remembered, not a ragtag band of cats who were scarcely better than rogues or loners.

Hawkwing saw the relief that flooded into Leafstar’s amber eyes. He shared it, and yet he found himself struggling with conflicting emotions.

I’m glad that SkyClan lives on. But what is my place in it now?

Hawkwing led out a hunting patrol, and returned to find

Plumwillow and Sandynose playing with the kits outside the nursery. Sandynose was tossing a ball of moss to each kit in turn, catching it when they batted it back to him.

“Hey, Hawkwing, come and join us!” he called as Hawkwing padded past.

Hawkwing deposited his prey on the fresh-kill pile, then bounded over to the nursery. All three kits leaped up as he approached, jumping on him with mock growls and battering at him with their soft paws.

“Stinky badger!” Finkit snarled. “Get out of our camp!”

“Yes,” Dewkit added. “Get out or we’ll rip your fur off!”

Hawkwing rolled over and pretended to be terrified. He caught a glimpse of Sandynose, who was looking a little hurt as he watched the game.

How would I feel, he asked himself, if I was reunited with my kits at this age? I’d be very jealous of any cat who raised them in my place.

“Sorry, kits,” he mewed, rising to his paws and shaking them off gently. “I have to go and speak to Leafstar.”

Padding away, he felt as much pain as if they had really ripped his fur off, but he knew that he was doing the right thing.

Tiny paws were prodding Hawkwing all over, and he blinked himself awake. Shaking off sleep, he realized it was still the middle of the night; in the faint light of the moon he made out Dewkit, Reedkit, and Finkit standing over him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “You should be in the nursery with Plumwillow.”

“He’s there,” Reedkit mewed with a disdainful flick of her tail.

“We want you to tell us what’s going on,” Finkit explained.

“You’re our father, not this stranger.”

“Yeah, can’t you send him away?” Dewkit asked. “You’re Clan deputy; every cat has to do what you tell them.”

Hawkwing stared at them; for a moment he didn’t know where to start. “Plumwillow would be very sad if I sent Sandynose away,” he began at last.

Reedkit shrugged. “She didn’t seem like she was all that sad before he came back.”

Hawkwing beckoned the kits to come and snuggle down with him in the moss and bracken of his nest, away from the frosty night breeze.

“Now listen,” he meowed. “Plumwillow chose Sandynose to be your father, not me, and—”

“Then she’s a stupid furball!” Finkit interrupted.

Hawkwing gave him a gentle tap on the nose, his claws carefully sheathed. “That’s no way to talk about your mother,” he scolded, then went on, “I had a mate, too, and she was expecting my kits. Her name was Pebbleshine, and I loved her very much.

But a Twoleg monster carried her away, and I lost her.”

All three kits’ eyes were round with dismay; Hawkwing realized this was the first time they had heard the details of what had happened. “That’s terrible!” Reedkit breathed out.

“If I found my kits now,” Hawkwing continued, struggling to keep his voice even, “I would want the chance to be a father to them, even though nothing could make up for the time we lost. Can you understand that?”

“Sort of… ,” Reedkit replied.

“And Sandynose loves all of you very much, just as I would love my kits if I could meet them. But he’s only just getting to know you. You have to give him time.”

“But does that mean you can’t be our father anymore?” Dewkit asked. “Can’t we have two?”

Hawkwing suppressed a mrrow of laughter. “I’m not sure,” he meowed, his amusement giving way to sadness. “Sandynose is a great cat. I want to give you space to get to know him.”

Reedkit hunched her shoulders with a mutinous look. “I don’t want to know him!”

“That’s unkind.” Hawkwing stretched out his tail and gave the little she-kit a gentle flick around her ears. “You don’t want to hurt

Sandynose, do you?”

“No, but…” Reedkit gave her pelt a shake. “It’s not fair!”

“Everything was fine before Sandynose came,” Dewkit agreed.

“Why does it all have to change?”

Hawkwing took a deep breath, trying to find some way of persuading the kits to trust Sandynose. “Your father and mother make each other very happy,” he began at last. “And they want you to be part of that happiness. You can’t do that if you won’t give Sandynose a chance. He’ll be a really good father, I know he will.”

“I guess he’s okay,” Finkit muttered doubtfully. “But he’s not you, Hawkwing.”

Hawkwing felt that love and pain were going to tear him apart.

“I’m not your father. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you,” he reassured the kits. “I’ll always be here to help you if you ever need me.”

The three kits exchanged disappointed glances. “I guess we can be nicer to Sandynose,” Reedkit mewed. “But he doesn’t know about being a badger and all the other games you play with us.”

“Give him time,” Hawkwing responded, touching noses with each of the kits in turn. “Now, off you go, back to the nursery before Plumwillow misses you.”

Wriggling out of his nest, the kits scampered off. Hawkwing watched them across the camp, his heart feeling hollow and empty.

Will I ever be able to raise kits of my own?