Her Silent Cry

Sixty

She was gone again in the dark. I woke up cold. I knew that if she wasn’t there in the room with me then she must be getting ready to go home again. I ran to the door and looked through the crack. I waited for her shadow to appear, but it didn’t. My legs felt stiff, my mouth dry. I listened hard for her footsteps but didn’t hear them. She was always good at moving without making any noise. When the daylight started to creep across the living room, a spike of fear pierced my heart.

Where was she?

It seemed like hours and hours, but I don’t know how long it was before he came out of one of the other rooms. I watched him in complete silence. He wore his usual flannel shirt, blue jeans and heavy boots. His thin brown hair was combed from one side of his scalp to the other, and as always, the scent of cigarette smoke trailed behind him. He smelled of cigarettes even when he wasn’t smoking. He saw me sitting on the floor in the doorway. “You looking for her?”

I didn’t move.

“You talk? Say something, kid.”

“I—I—”

He shook his head. “Never mind. She’s gone.”

“Gone?” I repeated.

“She left. Took her shit and left.”

I ran toward the outside door, but his hand shot out and grabbed the collar of my shirt.

“I’m going with her,” I cried.

He tossed me as if I weighed nothing. My body flew through the air, crashed into the wall, and slid down to the floor. I felt the hurt everywhere at once. Something flared inside me—burning anger—and without thinking, I jumped back up and flew at him. I grabbed his thick, hairy forearm and clamped my teeth down on it.

He tried to flick me away, like I was a bug. “Dammit, kid. Knock it off.”

I wouldn’t let go. A growling sound started deep in my throat. Blood flowed into my mouth. With his other meaty paw, he backhanded me. Stars appeared before my eyes and my jaw went slack. I fell to the ground. “Look what you did, you stupid kid,” he muttered. Blood flowed down his arm, to his wrist, snaking between his fingers. I had made him bleed just as he had made her bleed so many times.

I tried to stand up but dizziness overcame me. “Where do you think you’re going?” he said.

“I’m going to find her,” I said.

“You’re not going with her,” he said. “You stay here with me.”

“She’ll come back,” I choked out.

Then his face was inches from mine, his breath foul and hot. “She’s never coming back,” he snarled. “You understand that, kid? She’s never coming back.”

Tears spilled from my eyes. “I want to go home.”

“You’re never going home.”