If You Deceive

Chapter Thirty-six

Oh, Lord, what am I doing? Maddy thought in the middle of her wedding ceremony. Was she really going to go through with this? If not, she had approximately two minutes to flee before she and Ethan were to repeat their vows.

As much as you've pushed for this, Maddy?Yes, but that had been before the last two days! Now she wasn't as sure about him….

The ceremony was being presided over by the village's registrar—Mr. Barnaby, a kindly older Scot, with a brogue not quite as thick as Ethan's—and everything so far felt dreamlike to her. She dimly heard the man say, "I have been appointed by the Registrar General to solemnize civil marriages in accordance with the law of Scotland. We are now assembled here in order that I may bind in marriage Ethan Ross MacCarrick and Madeleine Isobel Van Rowen…."

Thoughts warred in her mind, but she strove to make her expression placid. Ethan stood tensed beside her, watching her like a hawk, probably sensing she was tempted to run.

When she'd awakened this morning, the sorrow that had taken hold of her for the previous two days had been swept away, and the only thing left was pure, unadulterated…panic.

But why? Ethan was genuinely sorry for his actions, disaster had been averted, and he'd been so wonderful last night, stroking her hair until she'd fallen asleep. At last, she was going to be like one of those young wives in the boulangerie.

Am I doing something to leave myself vulnerable…?

She wanted to fan herself, to step outside of the close room and catch her breath. Her palms were wet around the small bouquet she clutched, and her corset chafed her. She irritably piped her lips to blow her short, cream-colored veil away from her face. Not only was she panicked, she must be paranoid as well, because she could have sworn that Ethan winced earlier when Barnaby had said her name.

Just before Ethan was to repeat his vows, she sneaked a glance up at him. His shoulders were back, and he appeared both proud to be with her and relieved. Then she saw him swallow hard. He was nervous, too, but here he was standing by her side, ready to pledge his life to her.

Naturally, people became anxious during their wedding ceremony. Everything was as it should be.

As he began to speak his vows, he gazed down at her, and the yearning in his eyes staggered her. His voice was deep and rough, but compelling when he said, "I, Ethan MacCarrick, vow tae love, honor, and respect you, Madeleine Van Rowen. I pledge tae be a faithful, honest, and devoted husband in good times and bad. This is my promise tae you today and for the rest of my life."

Oh, Ethan.And that was when she caught her breath for the first time that morning. A calm suffused her, and she stilled. Maddy had the sudden sense that everything in her life had been leading her to this moment, to this man—a proud, powerful Highlander who gazed at her with fierce, dark eyes and who gentled his touch, just for her.

Look at her….Ethan thought as she repeated her vows. How could he not do whatever was in his power to call her his own?

Intelligence shone in her bright blue eyes; she raised her chin proudly. Her nervousness this morning had been palpable, but she was still going through with this wedding.Brave lass, to take a chance on me .

What man wouldn't lie, steal, or kill to have her?

After their vows had been exchanged, Ethan made a silent promise to himself. He would begin tying up loose ends and covering his tracks immediately—

"Following the binding declaration which you have made before me," the registrar began, "I hereby pronounce that you, Ethan Ross MacCarrick, and you, Madeleine Isobel MacCarrick, are now husband and wife."

Relief.Ethan's hand found hers.

"Scot, we are both unclothed and in bed," Maddy said shortly after they'd arrived back at Carillon. "Is there any particular reason why you're stalling at this juncture?" He'd been kissing her senseless as they'd undressed each other, but then he'd stopped.

He gazed down at her. "I'm not stalling—I'm savoring. It's no' every day a man gets married, and this has been a long time coming."

"Do you think I'll be worth the wait?"

"Youwere the wait. If I dinna have you, I would no' marry. Besides, maybe you should be stalling. After this, there's no getting away from me."

She pressed her palm to his chest. His heart was thundering. "Are you nervous again?"

"Aye," he said with a solemn nod. "Apparently the last time I tried this, I dinna acquit myself so well."

She grinned. "But I'm confident you will now."

He smiled wickedly, leaning down to nip her breast. "Then, Maddy MacCarrick, let's get to consummatin' this marriage."

When she held her arms up to him, coaxing him to her body, he glanced the backs of his fingers down her belly. "So lovely," he said. "Are you nervous as well?"

"Truth?"

"Truth."

"I'm a bit terrified, Ethan."

"I'll go slow. You will no' hurt again."

She rolled her hips. "I hurt now."

"God knows I do, too." He gently cupped her between her legs, groaning when he slipped a finger inside her. "Aingeal, you have tae relax."

"I can't," she whispered miserably. "Maybe weshould wait longer? I think I've changed my mind."

He rested his forehead against hers. "Maddy, you will no' be more ready than you are now. The longer we wait, the worse your misgivings will be. I see that now."

"But you were so awful after the first time. I have this nightmare that once I give in, you'll get that cruel smirk and say hateful things. And then…"

"And then?"

"Then you'll leave me."

"Maddy lass, you're stuck with me. You will no' ever get away," he said, then no doubt trying to lighten her mood, he added, "But you best make it good, so there's no doubt."

She gasped, and he pulled her to her side to give her a light rap on her bottom, making her peal with laughter.

"You're shameless!" she said breathlessly, her eyes excited.

"Aye. But that's what you love about me."Ach, she dinna deny it. "Trust me, and I will no' let you down."

After what seemed like an eternity, she nodded and he comprehended that they were truly about to do this—he was about to take hiswife , for the first time in their married life. By God, he was going to make this so good for her.

She nibbled her lip. "Tell me what you want me to do."

Though he knew the agony he was inviting, he said, "I want you tae be on top." When she frowned, he added, "You can go as slow as you like. Take what you can of me inside you—at your own pace."

He rolled over so she lay atop him, making her nervously murmur, "Ethan?"

Running his hand down her back, he entered one, then two fingers into her sex from behind, groaning when she arched her back down. As he delved again and again, she spread her legs wider over his hips. "That's it."

As he tried to fit a third inside her, she moaned, leaning down to lick his lips.

"I'm going to take my fingers out," he grated. "And you're going tae be needin' something inside you." She whimpered as he removed them. "Just take my shaft"—he grasped her hand and wrapped it around him—"and put it inside you when you're ready."

With his hand on hers, he aimed the head at her entrance, hissing at the wetness he met, gritting his teeth against the pleasure. He ran it up and down her folds, then released her.

Panting, with her eyes heavy-lidded, she continued bringing the swollen tip up and back along her sex. Each time she lowered his cockhead directly to her entrance and they briefly had that tight connection—when he would just barely enter her—he had to fight not to flex his hips up.

When she rubbed him against her clitoris in languid circles, he nearly ejaculated against her there. With a will exceeding anything he'd ever called on before, he didn't thrust. He'd begun sweating from the battle, and her breasts rubbed against his slick chest as she writhed on him.

Torture. Pure and utter. She couldn't know what she was doing to him. "Put it inside, Maddy," he rasped. "I'll make you come hard with it." How much longer could he last till he tossed her to her back and slammed into her, bucking till he came?

Then he realized he could last as long as it took for her to do this, as long as she needed—

She eased the head in.

"That's it, lass," he growled low in his throat, knees falling open as she worked her lithe body on him. So he wouldn't be tempted to press her down, he gripped the headboard behind him. "That's my good wife." He shuddered with pleasure. "Ah, God…as deep as you can…"