Invincible

12.

“Pat! Pat!” I jumped up from the floor. Annie was pacing around the cabin.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Her hands trembled, her teeth clattered. “I need a fucking fix. Can you get me some smack? Maybe we can sail back and find a dealer. Just a little? I can’t do this. I can detox at home! My dad will send me to one of those Hollywood country club kind of rehabs.”

“No fucking way am I going to score you dope. And if you haven’t fucking noticed, we’re in the middle of the goddamn ocean.”

Vic opened the door to our room and tried to hand her more meds, but she pushed them out of his hand and they scattered on the floor.

Vic bent over to grab them but I stopped him. “Pick them up,” I said calmly but firmly.

“You can’t fucking tell me what to do,” she hissed. Her pupils were dilated and she had sweat beads on her forehead.

Kyle came in from the living area. He was about to speak, but I signaled to him that I would handle it.

I still didn’t raise my voice. “I said pick them up, Annie. Don’t make me ask you again.”

She cackled. “I don’t have to listen to you. You don't fucking own me. You’re no hero—so fucking pathetic you have to pay for a blowjob from a whore. You’re no better than my pimp. At least he kept me high. At least he could stomach fucking me. I know you want me. What the fuck is your problem? Can’t get it up?”

My muscles quivered. I wasn’t going to engage with her. She was detoxing. I had to remind myself this was normal.

“Pick them up now! That’s a fucking order.”

She spat in my face then crawled on the floor and got the pills. This wasn’t Annie, this was Star. Like a fucking Jekyll and Hyde.

Vic handed her water and she downed the pills. Then she went into the bathroom, slammed the door, and started the shower.

“She’ll be fine. You guys can go back to bed.”

Kyle spoke in a quiet voice. “This is normal, man. My cousin went through this. He fucking jumped off a balcony trying to score.”

I gave a heavy nod. I couldn’t imagine having her family see her like this. So I accepted this project with no reservations.

Seventy-two hours had passed. The paranoia had set in; her withdrawal was brutal to watch. She flipped from being a sweet yet reserved girl to a paranoid drug fiend. Through it all, I just was there for her, gave her anything she needed except heroin, talked her down from the highs, up from the lows.

“The ability to control my emotions and my actions, regardless of circumstance, sets me apart from other men.”

Her behavior didn’t upset or concern me. I knew she would get through this. She'd gotten through worse.

Kyle, Vic, and I were crammed in the living area, watching television. It didn’t even bother my brothers that they had given up their entire vacation leave to help this girl. I was thankful for them, for my training, for my ability to have the tactical skills to save Annie.

Annie awoke and walked into the living area. Vic handed her water and her meds, and she just pushed back her crazy hair and gave me that crooked smile I had first noticed in the lineup that day.

“How you feeling?” I didn’t know which Annie she would be today.

She nodded her head. “Good. Better. I’m sorry about the other night.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Vic and Kyle headed down to the deck. I wanted to go and hang out with them.

Her eyes narrowed at me. “Why are you doing this, Pat?”

“Doing what?”

“Helping me detox. You could’ve just dumped me at the embassy like this.”

I hated being questioned about my motives. “Your parents have been through enough; I didn’t want them to see you like this. It’s the right thing to do.”

“So that’s it? You’re going to take me to the embassy and I’ll never see you again?” Her voice trailed off.

“Yup. That’s the plan.” Truth was, I was stationed in Coronado, so when I came off deployment, I could technically see her again. Her family lived nearby in Encinitas. But that wouldn’t be a good idea. I trained sometimes eighteen hours a day and spent my time off at SEAL watering holes, like Danny’s Palm Bar & Grill. She wouldn’t find me hanging out at the country club with her friends, that was for damn sure.

“What’s your deal? Why don’t you have a girlfriend or a wife? You’re a SEAL. All my sorority sisters would always go SEAL hunting in Coronado and drop their panties in seconds if there were any sightings. You’re gorgeous, sexy, selfless…. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

Tell that to my ex. “I’m just not interested. Not until I retire. I can’t be responsible for anyone else when I’m thousands of miles away. And I could die. I wouldn’t want to leave a kid without a dad, like mine did to me.”

“He was a SEAL, too?”

“No. He was a piece of shit who couldn’t take any responsibility for his actions.”

She put her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. But I pushed it off. “I need to get some fresh air. I’ll be on the deck if you need anything.”

She shrugged her shoulders and just lay back in the bed and pulled the covers over her head.

I needed a break from her, from this intensity. I just wanted everything to be normal, my normal, before I’d ever set foot in that brothel.

Safe on the deck, Vic handed me a beer. “You good?”

“Yup.” I took a sip and sat down. I didn’t even know how to process all the emotions I was going through. It had been so long since I’d had to think about a woman’s fucking feelings.

Kyle grabbed his own beer and sat next to me. “So have you hit that yet?”

Vic just shook his head. “What this fucker means is that you aren't getting too close, are you?”

“Fuck that, Vic. I just want to know if he’s gotten laid. We’re trapped out in the middle of the ocean, with only one girl and three of us. If I’m not getting any, at least he should be. I mean, you’re sleeping in the same room with her every night. Those walls are thin but damned if I don’t hear any headboards banging.”

“You’re both fucking idiots. I’m not in love and I'm not going to fuck her. Not now, not ever. She’s got someone waiting anyway. Probably. He says he is.”

Kyle laughed. “That chump girly-man surfer? Please. He can’t compete with you. You’re a motherfucking SEAL, asshole.”

Vic motioned his hand toward me as if he was my fucking therapist. “So you are trying to tell me you have no feelings for her? At all?”

“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know her, really. I mean, half the time she’s out of her mind crazy, detoxing. The other half she’s all moody and withdrawn. She’s hot, for sure, but I don’t have a clue who she is. I don't even think she knows who she is.”

“So you haven’t slept with her?” Kyle asked.

“Are you deaf? What the fuck did I just say? I mean, I fucking met her at a brothel and paid her to blow me. I seriously doubt she’s interested in any man after what she’s been through.”

Vic put his arm around me. “You’re a good man, Walsh. When you get back to San Diego, you guys can meet up again and see if you have any common ground.”

“Not going to happen. I don't want to remind her of this. I was one of her clients. She needs someone stable. And that's sure as hell not me."

“But you deserve to be happy. Not all girls are going to cheat on you like Marissa did.”

“Whatever, man. Your wife cheated on you too. I don’t know anyone in the Teams with a good marriage. And it’s not just about that. Annie is so messed up. She’s going to need a man who can be with her, take care of her, protect her. I can never be that man.”

Kyle pounded his beer and looked toward the guest quarters. “That’s the thing. You rescued her. You’ve been taking care of her. You’re already that man, whether you like it or not.”

Shit. I came up here to relax. Now I just wanted to jump overboard. Fucking idiots.

The three of us had spent so many hours together in silence, watching targets, waiting for action. They knew me better than I knew myself. I couldn’t deny the connection I had with Annie, the sense that we were meant to find each other. I wasn’t talking about some crappy romantic movie insta-love, just this intense feeling we were destined to be in each other’s lives. I saved her. That was enough for me.

The gentle waves rocked beneath me. I lay down under the stars and drifted to sleep.